Ladies, How Can a Man Improve His Communication?

[HabitualChiller]

What thread was this?

I'm not bad at talking, per se, I just have a bad habit of not talking a lot or often. When I'm engaged in a conversation I'm engaged but I can also keep it short and simple. When I was away from home I talked to my parents every single day but the conversation never lasted more than five minutes. We had that kind of understanding.

With my friends I hate it when they drag the conversation along for the sake of just talking.

The thread was waaaay back. It was late night at a store iirc.

So you're an introvert? You can communicate, but you prefer to keep to yourself. Same here

 

[Gold]

What thread was this?

I'm not bad at talking, per se, I just have a bad habit of not talking a lot or often. When I'm engaged in a conversation I'm engaged but I can also keep it short and simple. When I was away from home I talked to my parents every single day but the conversation never lasted more than five minutes. We had that kind of understanding.

With my friends I hate it when they drag the conversation along for the sake of just talking.

I'm more or less the exact same way, and this works for every type of relationship I have except for dating.

 

[EARFQUAKE]

I'm more or less the exact same way, and this works for every type of relationship I have except for dating.

Do you really think it's something you can fix or that it needs to be fixed? I can understand putting in more effort if your s/o voiced out their concern so you're trying to make it work but the most important thing is sincerity. Will you feign like you care more or can you legitimately care?

I think I'm just doomed to be a bit selfish in this capacity tbh.

 

[The Mad Titan]

Low key most men that have problems communicating with women low key feel like they are superior to them and there isn't anything they'll really learn or benefit from having casual conversations with them.

Hence why so many "smart" or cocky men always talking about how they need an educated woman that's going to challenge them.

It also depends on how your brain works too, if your always looking for technicalities, faults and "the point" in reg old conversation that gets old in a relationship after so long. Some time there really isn't a over all "point" and its just convo about feelings.


I'm terrible at communication in the reverse where I try to overtly explain things and my thoughts and opinions on things aren't shallow enough to do that, I think very abstract and I also suck at explaining things so I tend to leave people confused while getting a general point across.



You just seem like a very Problem-(I like you) plan ( pursue you) -answer (yes or no) -solution (happy ever after) type guy. All the in between isn't your strong suit, so you really just need to come across someone like that and that can deal with it. I @Kant really think of anyone right now tho.


I'm not surprised your an IT guru, it makes perfect sense the way it seems your mind works.

 

[Ol’Otis]

if you got the clap just tell her
she'll still love you

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

Reminds me a friend of mine who says "I don't need to listen because I know what you're going to say" and she just focuses on arguing her point

 

[Gold]

Low key most men that have problems communicating with women low key feel like they are superior to them and there isn't anything they'll really learn or benefit from having casual conversations with them.

Hence why so many "smart" or cocky men always talking about how they need an educated woman that's going to challenge them.

It also depends on how your brain works too, if your always looking for technicalities, faults and "the point" in reg old conversation that gets old in a relationship after so long. Some time there really isn't a over all "point" and its just convo about feelings.


I'm terrible at communication in the reverse where I try to overtly explain things and my thoughts and opinions on things aren't shallow enough to do that, I think very abstract and I also suck at explaining things so I tend to leave people confused while getting a general point across.



You just seem like a very Problem-(I like you) plan ( pursue you) -answer (yes or no) -solution (happy ever after) type guy. All the in between isn't your strong suit, so you really just need to come across someone like that and that can deal with it. I @Kant really think of anyone right now tho.


I'm not surprised your an IT guru, it makes perfect sense the way it seems your mind works.

Preciate the advice!

The bolded is very true for me. If we get in a serious discussion I can tunnel in on the words and specifics of the situation because I feel that "There must be clues in here for me to help" A conversation strictly about feelings is all well and good, but please don't be upset if I dont respond in a manner that you want me to


I also tend to over explain things as well, because in my mind if we are having a deep conversation, you need to know the facts as I see them to understand my viewpoint.

I think the last paragraph perfectly describes my procedural mindset.

 

[iBrowse]

I'm like you when it comes to being very detail oriented during conversation, but luckily I haven't dealt with many women who just forget things I tell them. I think that would annoy me if it happened.

As far as deep women, its been hit or miss with me... I dunno I tend not to share really stuff with anybody period until it reaches a point of fukkery and I can laugh about it. The serious stuff usually stays between me and my family. But with overall deep conversations, I've talked to brehettes who are deeper and more intellectual than doctors and lawyers I know irl.


But I don't want to personally shift the onus to the woman because the common denominator is me in all of these instances. I just want to know that I can share some serious shyt with you one day, and hit you up about basketball the next.

When you shoot the shyt with women you're dating, do they ever try to make it more than it is breh, or do they just let that conversation stand on its own?

Bruh...its annoying as hell. I can't stand when I tell a chick something and her memory's like a goldfish smh. It tells me a lot about them and it isn't good.

I don't go deep deep unless she's opened up and considerable time has passed since we've met. So its rarely happened. I tend to conflate getting deep with being melodramatic but thats an issue I'm working on, (my family hate complainers and people who have personal/emotional issues, they don't believe in that shyt).

There's a lack of consistency or reciprocation in my opinion; its like I'll hit them up on a serious or jovial tip and the response seems half assed...idk I read into shyt too so who knows, (can't put my finger on it but there's a je ne sais quoi to it that tells me something is off).

I've typically experienced the stand alone vibes with interactions and communication but I'll tell you, the catch 22 is that the ones who read into shyt and wanted to "expedite" their status with me put more effort with me. So the zero sum game is like this:

• The Chill ones don't read into shyt and shoot the shyt but don't reciprocate effort (effort = anything and everything involving dating) whereas;
• The Hasty ones read into shyt and always want to talk about the future, but put the most effort in, (bonus points for remembering that one inconsequential quirk, comment, thing and surprising me with it as a present or treat/whatever months down the road).

Haven't found that middle ground yet

 

[Gold]

if you got the clap just tell her
she'll still love you

This is a lie and you know it

 

[iBrowse]

My mom used to always tell me that "Women don't want to hear about your issues, they want to know how you plan to fix them"

That's pretty much how I look at it too. Idc what anyone says, but the vast majority of women do follow this rule to a T, even if its on a subconscious level; they aren't trying to hear about that shyt.

But you BEST believe that you need to listen to their shyt and console them on it.

 

[Gold]

Do you really think it's something you can fix or that it needs to be fixed? I can understand putting in more effort if your s/o voiced out their concern so you're trying to make it work but the most important thing is sincerity. Will you feign like you care more or can you legitimately care?

I think I'm just doomed to be a bit selfish in this capacity tbh.

If its an issue with everyone i've dated... yeah I think it does need to be fixed.
I think i'm better at listening now compared to 5 or so years ago, but i'm still not goodl

Yes, I always feign interest. I think that's just part of being in a relationship tho

Unless i'm wrong

 

[Ol’Otis]

My mom used to always tell me that "Women don't want to hear about your issues, they want to know how you plan to fix them"

thats why i don't complain

just handle the shyt

 

[iBrowse]

If its an issue with everyone i've dated... yeah I think it does need to be fixed.
I think i'm better at listening now compared to 5 or so years ago, but i'm still not goodl

Yes, I always feign interest. I think that's just part of being in a relationship tho

Unless i'm wrong

Nah, there's times I don't want to hear shyt but I let it ride. Problem is I suck at it because the girl will notice at the fifth "oh word, that's crazy" that I'm tuning her out lmao.

 

[Gold]

Bruh...its annoying as hell. I can't stand when I tell a chick something and her memory's like a goldfish smh. It tells me a lot about them and it isn't good.

I don't go deep deep unless she's opened up and considerable time has passed since we've met. So its rarely happened. I tend to conflate getting deep with being melodramatic but thats an issue I'm working on, (my family hate complainers and people who have personal/emotional issues, they don't believe in that shyt).

There's a lack of consistency or reciprocation in my opinion; its like I'll hit them up on a serious or jovial tip and the response seems half assed...idk I read into shyt too so who knows, (can't put my finger on it but there's a je ne sais quoi to it that tells me something is off).

I've typically experienced the stand alone vibes with interactions and communication but I'll tell you, the catch 22 is that the ones who read into shyt and wanted to "expedite" their status with me put more effort with me. So the zero sum game is like this:

• The Chill ones don't read into shyt and shoot the shyt but don't reciprocate effort (effort = anything and everything involving dating) whereas;
• The Hasty ones read into shyt and always want to talk about the future, but put the most effort in, (bonus points for remembering that one inconsequential quirk, comment, thing and surprising me with it as a present or treat/whatever months down the road).

Haven't found that middle ground yet

Breh, the bolded is 100% on point. I couldn't even put it better if I tried.

I'm usually dating the later ones tho. The one's who put effort into the conversation, but seem to have no time for trivial, jovial, basic talk.

Is it too much to ask for someone who is capable of both? or do we just have learn to compromise better with the one that we end up with?

 

[iBrowse]

Breh, the bolded is 100% on point. I couldn't even put it better if I tried.

I'm usually dating the later ones tho. The one's who put effort into the conversation, but seem to have no time for trivial, jovial, basic talk.

Is it too much to ask for someone who is capable of both? or do we just have learn to compromise better with the one that we end up with?

I'm turning 28 in a few months It's probably gonna be compromise for a nikka.