Just saw Noah

Fillerguy

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Sunalmighty said:
I'm a believer in Christ, but I knew Aronofsky was an atheist from jump. That won't stop me from seeing it because I love a great film. He said he wanted to make it more secular. My thing is we are in the last days and as hard as Satan is working, God is still reaching out to mankind through film. Films like these are witnessing tools regardless
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Eventually you guys will be right according to the law of averages. Keep hope alive.:blessed:
 
Nefflum nigga

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iLLaV3 said:
the Fallen Angels were responsible for God having to flood the world because of their seed :beli: they were getting with black women and forming Neanderthal offspring every where.



actually Noah was Albino/black :yeshrug: but his children were black
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wasn't soul brother Enoch some kin to Noah ?
 
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:lolbron: http://the-toast.net/2014/03/28/logical-conclusions-white-noah/

INT. MOVIE STUDIO. DAY. An EAGER YOUNG MAN is pitching his idea to A BUNCH OF SUITS.

YOUNG MAN [Nervously]: So I know biblical epics with fantastical elements are back in a big way right now, and I was thinking of a Moses adaptation–

SUIT #1: Like the Ten Commandments. Love it. Young Heston. Bringing the rifles down from the mountain, yelling at the Statue of Liberty. “I am the Lord your God, you shall keep your hands off me, you damn dirty apes.” I can see it already.

YOUNG MAN: Where he’s a dark-skinned man with an African wife. Which is, um, actually true to the text–

SUIT #2: Can I just stop you and say that I love where you’re going with this, but I’m thinking more of a Chris Pine for this part?

SUIT #3: And what if Chris Pine can fly?

SUIT #2: EXACTLY. And everything he touches turns to gold.

SUIT #1: Can I just interrupt for a second? Is anyone doing Noah right now? What about the dark-skinned Moses movie, but it’s about Noah and we get a Russell Crowe type?

SUIT #3: Love it.

SUIT #2: Love it. And one of the kids from Harry Potter. And someone who looks like a young Christian Slater, but isn’t.

SUIT #1: “White Noah.” I love it. Let’s make it happen.

***

WHITE NOAH

EXT. DAY. The downpour is just beginning. WHITE NOAH stands in front of a BOAT (think Patek Phillipe ads) surrounded by his family.

NOAH’S WIFE [shouting to be heard over the deluge]: BUT WHITE NOAH
HOW ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO SURVIVE THIS FLOOD

WHITE NOAH: IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY
I TOOK SAILING LESSONS AT THE YACHT CLUB

***

EXT. DAY. Shoot of THE ARK floating on top of a drowned world.

WHITE NOAH [O/S]: OH MY GOD
WHERE ARE MY SPERRYS

***

EXT. DAY. The FLOODWATERS have begun to recede, revealing a land absolutely littered with water-logged corpses. The only survivors in the entire world are WHITE NOAH, his wife, his three sons and their wives. The full realization of what has happened finally strikes WHITE NOAH.

WHITE NOAH: oh my god
who are we going to keep out of the Yacht Club now

***

WHITE NOAH: wait a minute
WAIT A MINUTE
if all of us are white
then being white is meaningless
if everybody is white we might as well have nobody be white
[he falls to his knees]
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US WHITE GOD
***

INT. ARK. NIGHT. WHITE NOAH has gathered his family members around him. They look grim, and also Caucasian. The normal kind, you know, the real far North kind of white. Nobody with curly hair or anything. You know what I mean.

WHITE NOAH: Listen. I know we’ve already been through a lot together, and that I’ve already asked you to sacrifice a great deal for this journey. And I also know that right now we need to come together and rebuild humanity, but we absolutely cannot all be white on New Earth.

[He pulls out a fistful of straws] Everybody take one.

The family members look horrified.

HERMIONE: Daddy, I get to stay white, don’t I?

WHITE NOAH: Of course you do, precious.

MRS. NOAH: What about me?

WHITE NOAH [grimly]: We’ll see.

WHITE NOAH: Anyone who draws one of the long straws gets to stay white. The medium ones are –

FADE TO BLACK

***

EXT. DAY. They have left the ark at last, but WHITE NOAH’S family proves resistant to the idea of relinquishing their whiteness.

WHITE NOAH [sobbing]: That tree…that tree over there, it looks Jewish. She can’t join the yacht club or date any of the boys. She will plow our fields for us.

MRS. NOAH: I don’t understand. There’s not even a concept of Semitism yet, much less anti-Semitism.

WHITE NOAH: THAT TREE CAN’T JOIN THE YACHT CLUB
EXT. DAY. WHITE NOAH is alone in the desert.

WHITE NOAH: WELL SOMEBODY’S GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE UP BEING WHITE AT LEAST FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T GOING TO BE ME, THE GUY WHO BUILT A YACHT BY HIMSELF GETS TO STAY WHITE
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MostReal

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Nefflum nikka said:
wasn't soul brother Enoch some kin to Noah ?
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yeah he was his Great grandfather I think cause Lamech consulted him when Noah came out looking white like the offspring of the Neanderthal, it had him shook but Enoch calmed him & told him the son was his & would do great things. The bible even drives home this point by emphasizing that 'he was perfect in his generations'
 
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Drew Wonder said:
:skip:the funny thing is the ending is completely different than I'm sure most people will expect
Once they get on the ark, Noah goes insane. He becomes convinced that God wants all of humanity to be destroyed, including his own family, so when his daughter in law(Hermione from Harry Potter) gives birth to twins he tries to kill the babies. the whole sequence is pretty suspenseful but if you're even remotely religious you're gonna be like :dahell:"I don't remember this in the Bible." Oh, and I forgot to mention the fallen angels who look like rock Transformers who help build the ark and end up fighting an army that tries to break into the ark...yeah this movie was out there

Interested in seeing the response from @valet
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What? After reading the spoiler if your a christian like me its crazy how hollywood wants to rewrite history so much. Tge ones who are not informed are going to take this for face value. But ya know that is the norm
 
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iLLaV3 said:
actually Noah was Albino/black
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Emphatically. This is an actual fact and a sonar fact. Everyone in the Bible and everyone in history was BLACK until 1492 when Yakub's grafted DEVIL escaped from Your-rope, where we had bound him for seven thousand, seven hundred, and seventy SEVEN years. SEVEN. KNOWLEDGE. MELANIN.
 
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