Is Fatherlessness A Black Women's Problem, or A Black Males' Problem?

[bcrusaderw]

It only becomes a problem if you put that first; and many African-American women put that first when dealing with Black men....

This is what I posted on another thread,

I was listening to a Voddie Baucham sermon on marriage and he said that his wife turned him down, she was his friend at the time, when he asked her out and I have a feeling that had to do with the way he looked (he's a big guy)..... but eventually she put aside aesthetics and accepted him.... then they got married a few months later...... and they are still married to this day, 26 years later...... with 11 children......

^^^Had his wife, who is African-American by the way, disqualified him from her dating pool because he wasn't her "ideal", imagine how her life would have turned out... He said it himself on his marriage sermons that it isn't smart to date people because of their appealing physical characteristics... Why? It doesn't last!




I want African American women to stop being shallow!

Is his wife a larger woman? I wonder why he didn't ask one of them out?

 

[Michael9100]

Is his wife a larger woman?

Here is a picture of them:

 

[bcrusaderw]

Here is a picture of them:

And she looks like that after 11 children.? And he looks like that after none? Just as I suspected. Of course he would preach to ignore aesthetics while not ignoring aesthetics.

 

[Michael9100]

And she looks like that after 11 children.?

9 of their children are adopted....

And he looks like that after none?

-Looks : he's got be sexy

-Penis Size : penis has to be large

-Stroke : good sex "game"

^^^You've already exhibited your fondness for large penises... now you're criticizing Dr. Voddie Baucham's physical appearance (looks)......

 

[bcrusaderw]

9 of their children are adopted....







^^^You've already exhibited your fondness for large penises... now you're criticizing Dr. Voddie Baucham's physical appearance (looks)......

I was referring to his morbid obesity not his face (which actually isn't bad looking). There's no excuse for that especially considering that she probably cooks all of his meals, yet she still remains fit. It's just funny to hear that he preaches about ignoring aesthetics, but that he didn't choose someone on his aesthetic level, and he probably never would. As for me liking large penises.

 

[FSP]

It's a dual problem - from before the very conception, people have a poor understanding of relationship dynamics and go into things blind. They have a child together before they really analyze whether their pairing is going to work out long term. This doesn't always lead to "fatherlessness" - my father has been separated from my mother since I was 1, yet he is still a prominent figure in my life and my mother never prevented me from seeing him. However, in many cases, the relationships are so poorly managed that loved ones suddenly become bitter enemies and the children inevitably become collateral damage.

To me, it's not as simple as women just choosing "deadbeats" - not that it doesn't happen, but it's an overblown argument IMO and used to paint the entire thing. It's simply poorly managed relationships that are usually lust-driven. I understand that sexual attraction is more important now, and at least is not neglected, but in a lot of cases, it becomes the be-all and end-all. It cannot carry a relationship, and it most certainly isn't a factor when it comes to raising children.

I think existing parents should emphasize this to their children by not just telling them about safe sex and shyt, but in educating them about relationship dynamics and how important it is for the couple to be in sync and able to manage their inevitable differences, mechanics of power within the relationship, and the cycles between friction and comfort. This is very rarely done, which is why children are often left at the mercy of failed relations between their parents.

Underrated post. I have a kid and the dynamic was/is exactly this.

She thought she fell in love with me because of my sex/stroke game(her words not mine)

Then she broke up with me after she got pregnant :/

 

[Michael9100]

his morbid obesity

He participates in Jiu Jitsu:

Spoiler: ...

There's no excuse for that especially considering that she probably cooks all of his meals, yet she still remains fit.

Actually that just drives home the point that being shallow is pointless for African American women.... If she married him because she thought he was, in your words "fahn", the marriage would have been over... BUT... since their marriage has a foundation that isn't based on physicality, she was able to work with him to get him healthier! Most importantly, since they work together, they were able to bring 9 young African-American children into their household and out of foster care... If she would have ignored him due to him being a big guy initially, they would have never been a blessing to those kids!

It's just funny to hear that he preaches about ignoring aesthetics,

No... the foundation of your relationship can't be based on aesthetics.... That is what he said and that is the truth!

 

[Tropical Fantasy]

OOW birth ≠ fatherless

 

[bcrusaderw]

OOW birth ≠ fatherless

You going to cite that bunk study again?

 

[bcrusaderw]

He participates in Jiu Jitsu:

Spoiler: ...

Actually that just drives home the point that being shallow is pointless for African American women.... If she married him because she thought he was, in your words "fahn", the marriage would have been over... BUT... since their marriage has a foundation that isn't based on physicality, she was able to work with him to get him healthier! Most importantly, since they work together, they were able to bring 9 young African-American children into their household and out of foster care... If she would have ignored him due to him being a big guy initially, they would have never been a blessing to those kids!





No... the foundation of your relationship can't be based on aesthetics.... That is what he said and that is the truth!

I wonder if he would have gotten with a larger woman, and "worked with her to lose weight"? The answer is clear. No one is saying that aesthetics should be the basis of a relationship. They do matter though.

 

[Michael9100]

I wonder if he would have gotten with a larger woman

He described his wife as kind and respectable... she is an Ivy League graduate and came from an intact, christian family... <--- none of that speaks to weight.... You can't flip this around.....

When I look at African-American women who are having out-of-wedlock children, they aren't having them by men like Dr. Baucham.....

 

[DarkHorse23]

It's a black woman's problem. Women choose the men. A men can't do ANYTHING without a woman's consent(and that includes get her pregnant). Black women need to chose the men UPFRONT who will be good father & husbands, and stop playing "make believe" and "innocent victim" when the pretty boy with the multiple kids with multiple women won't be faithful to you. He wasn't faithful the 6 women before you, quit acting like you will be the one that he is.

 

[(Lean Ambrose)]

OP gets sonned in every thread Jesus Christ @mamba @agnosticlady for holding it down

 

[Elle Driver]

OP gets sonned in every thread Jesus Christ @mamba @agnosticlady for holding it down

 

[(Lean Ambrose)]

What is the problem ma'am?...