Is Fatherlessness A Black Women's Problem, or A Black Males' Problem?

[MikelArteta]

And people want to suggest that a significant portion of Black American women don't have underdeveloped minds!

@Emperor_ReinScarf , check this out, breh.

This is another example of a woman being frustrated by a nikka who can't get right and then questioning the capabilities of all Black men.

Have two babies by a bum, brehettes.

yup and now black men aint sh*T even though she chose a no good nikka

 

[DarkHorse23]

@mamba , @Emperor_ReinScarf, @MikeElam23 this one is the crazy one

My best friend and I have been arguing about her lying. She has 4 kids all girls by 2 different fathers. The father's are not really the girls fathers but they take GOOD care of the girls. She's only doing it because the real fathers are deadbeats. (EXCUSES) I keep telling her the truth is going to come out and the girls are going to be the one's who are going to be hurt. My friend keeps saying she's doing nothing wrong. She says I'm just jealous because my children's father is a deadbeat. I'm to the point I am willing to let 20 years of friendship go down the drain.

Here are the comments

"What she said was totally wrong! But she is in her feelings because she knows what she is doing is wrong. Some people have a hard time admitting when they are wrong. But add a friend you can only love her and the girls. If it blows up on her just be there for her. I'm not telling you to condone in the foolishness but just be there for her. As friend we aren't always going to agree as as human beings we aren't always going to do what is right."

"stop speaking on it. You gave her your opinion, leave it at that. She's your best friend, but her own woman. So you have to respect that, & agree to disagree."

"I told my oldest and nothing has changed that's still daddy and son. He's 10. Maybe they afraid that if they tell truth relationship will change kids disrespect who was on their life."

"Let it go. Your moral compass is good, but it is her choice to make and it can be a bad one. Instead, pray that when the situation is revealed that the men will love the girls enough to continue to be fathers to them."

"I'm sorry, but its not your call. Like you said those men are taking good care of those girls. Girls NEED fathers like that, especially in the times that we are living in. Let their family be. I wish I had a current, or ex, like that in my daughter's life...or even in my son's life while he WS growing up. The more love a child has the better. It doesn't matter whose blood is running through their veins."

"Ok my situation is the same as your friend i had twins they daddy is a deadbeat i met my youngest daughter daddy when my twins was 6 months my twins thought that was there dad since they real daddy never came around never call to check on them im like hell y tell them 10year went by me n him had our youngest twins still didnt know so 2 year ago when he got sick i decide to tell my twins the trust took to met him n they wanted nothing to do with him...My youngest daughter dad pass... My point is it not who Father the child anybody can make a baby it take a real man to raise another man child like his own....If u ask my twins there dad name no matter what the birth certificate say they will say my younger grandma,Auntie of my youngest when they pick my kids up they get all they all call her grandma n Auntie...."

Unbelievable. I said i wasn't going argue about this anymore last night and i won't. I'll just say this, Black Women can fukk and have a baby with whoever they want. I can't make a woman be with me even if i think i might be a good man and deserving of any opportunity, but i will say this...I'd rather die ALONE than play stepfather to another MAN's kids. I'd rather buy p*ssy or go to another country and meet women before i deal with a bitter single mother. This type of shyt is what makes me so bitter with American black women. They tell a man he isn't good enough in her 20's but he's good enough after she's had 3-4 kids and no longer attractive. Sorry but i rather be alone. All these step fathers need to drop these cum buckets and get them real women who are single and childless. I could never and will never on my grandmothers tombstone take care of Another man's kids. NEVER!

 

[mamba]

@mamba look at this one

I normally don't put my business on Facebook book I don't have the money for a counselor so I'm going to use you guys right now..... To make a long story short I've been with my husband for 12 years but married for 5 out the 12. Ever since we been together it's been hard for him to not only obtain a job but also keep the job. When he has a job his check is are up by child support due to him having kids before we got together. The state takes 60 percent of the gross pay, then you know taxes take 8 percent then the rest is his which isn't much because again he can only go for a simple job due to him not having a GED not having a good job history.... When he feels like he don't want to work anymore or start to dislike his job I noticed he would get fired coincidentally..... He never got me a ring, he can't and don't take me anywhere (if we go I'm always paying because I always keep a job) or give me anything. I married him due to the fact I got pregnant and decided to try to make it work for my son then ended up pregnant again (LIES.com) real quick so I felt like damaged goods and felt like no one would want me with 3 kids and decided to give my kids what I never had (a two parent home).... Since then I have regretted it due to our situation and wish I would have thought about it a little harder..... It bothers me to see my friends husbands taking them places and doing for them and mines cant even take me to mcdonalds.... I'm not trying to sound bitter but am I wrong for wanting more?? Am I wrong for honking of a divorce?? I'm just tired of doing stuff alone or being the third wheel cause my husband either can't go or I don't feel like paying for us both...... I can say we did separate due to me being fed up and all he did was antagonize me and make me feel guilty for leaving and kept telling me I was breaking up my family for a guy.... He just couldn't understand he was the reason..... What would you guys do in this situation

. Maybe she should have thought about all the potential outcomes prior to allowing him to skeet up in her raw.

 

[agnosticlady]

We're simply saying the decision to even have the baby and make a no-good nikka a father shouldn't have been made in the first place.

So, the blame isn't 50/50.

There are two scenarios

(1) The deadbeat nikka made a bunch of promises, talking about marriage, having a family, etc. He treats her right and and the relationship is great. The woman gets knocked up and then he bounces.

(2) The deadbeat nikka shows minimal interest in the woman. She's essentially a glorified jumpoff. He never talks about marriage, having a family, a future together, etc. In so many words, he tells her he doesn't want a baby with her. She gets knocked up and carries on with the pregnancy, despite all this information. He bounces.

In scenario (1), the deadbeat nikka shares more than equal blame. That's some snake ass shyt to make all those promises and then bounce.

In scenario (2), the woman shares more than equal blame. She's living some fantasy in her head of trying to convince this nikka to commit via a pregnancy.

Scenario (2) is the more common sequence of events for OoW births in the Black community. Most of these deadbeat nikkas aren't simply flipping the script after the woman gets pregnant. These women know who these nikkas are and their track records.

Nope. Most of these nikkas were pretty clear with their actions, words, track records, etc. that they weren't going to be around for the long haul. Yet, a lot of Black women still proceed with the pregnancy.

That's why they share more than the 50/50 split of blame.

Even in scenario one I rarely if ever feel sorry for the woman. Stop having kids by men you are not married to. A boyfriend is just a boyfriend. A husband is totally different. Then what kills me is that these women go on to have more kids. I can understand falling in love the first time and making that mistake, but having more kids just baffles me.

 

[Elle Driver]

Guys will do what women allow

So if a guy can be a useless bum
And still get p*ssy and have kids he will do that

If he isnt able to do that to get p*ssy and have kids then he will try to better himself


I dont understand what the misunderstanding is ?

Its simple


We jus gotta deal with reality

I agree, but men also have to accept their culpability. They could just as easily wife their baby muva, they don't. They could just as easily use protection or even plan B, they don't. It takes two. Women gotta demand more, men need to step the fukk up.

 

[mamba]

@mamba , @Emperor_ReinScarf, @MikeElam23 this one is the crazy one

My best friend and I have been arguing about her lying. She has 4 kids all girls by 2 different fathers. The father's are not really the girls fathers but they take GOOD care of the girls. She's only doing it because the real fathers are deadbeats. (EXCUSES) I keep telling her the truth is going to come out and the girls are going to be the one's who are going to be hurt. My friend keeps saying she's doing nothing wrong. She says I'm just jealous because my children's father is a deadbeat. I'm to the point I am willing to let 20 years of friendship go down the drain.

Here are the comments

"What she said was totally wrong! But she is in her feelings because she knows what she is doing is wrong. Some people have a hard time admitting when they are wrong. But add a friend you can only love her and the girls. If it blows up on her just be there for her. I'm not telling you to condone in the foolishness but just be there for her. As friend we aren't always going to agree as as human beings we aren't always going to do what is right."

"stop speaking on it. You gave her your opinion, leave it at that. She's your best friend, but her own woman. So you have to respect that, & agree to disagree."

"I told my oldest and nothing has changed that's still daddy and son. He's 10. Maybe they afraid that if they tell truth relationship will change kids disrespect who was on their life."

"Let it go. Your moral compass is good, but it is her choice to make and it can be a bad one. Instead, pray that when the situation is revealed that the men will love the girls enough to continue to be fathers to them."

"I'm sorry, but its not your call. Like you said those men are taking good care of those girls. Girls NEED fathers like that, especially in the times that we are living in. Let their family be. I wish I had a current, or ex, like that in my daughter's life...or even in my son's life while he WS growing up. The more love a child has the better. It doesn't matter whose blood is running through their veins."

"Ok my situation is the same as your friend i had twins they daddy is a deadbeat i met my youngest daughter daddy when my twins was 6 months my twins thought that was there dad since they real daddy never came around never call to check on them im like hell y tell them 10year went by me n him had our youngest twins still didnt know so 2 year ago when he got sick i decide to tell my twins the trust took to met him n they wanted nothing to do with him...My youngest daughter dad pass... My point is it not who Father the child anybody can make a baby it take a real man to raise another man child like his own....If u ask my twins there dad name no matter what the birth certificate say they will say my younger grandma,Auntie of my youngest when they pick my kids up they get all they all call her grandma n Auntie...."

This is ridiculous. Our community is doomed.

 

[agnosticlady]

I agree, but men also have to accept their culpability. They could just as easily wife their baby muva, they don't. They could just as easily use protection or even plan B, they don't. It takes two. Women gotta demand more, men need to step the fukk up.

I get what you are saying. I do believe that a man should be a father to the child he created, BUT the reality is that they won't because that is not the type of men that they are. I can't force a construction worker to be a beautician. He is not meant to do hair, so why bother? It would more sense to go to an actual beautician. It would make more sense to marry a man that is not worthless.

 

[agnosticlady]

This is ridiculous. Our community is doomed.

It's beyond sad. Only three out of more than 40 women said that the woman was wrong for doing that and should tell the men. It is sickening. Then some people wonder why some women get their ass beat to the ground. I don't advocate for violence against women but some women deserved to get two black eyes and their teeth knocked out.

 

[Elle Driver]

I get what you are saying. I do believe that a man should be a father to the child he created, BUT the reality is that they won't because that is not the type of men that they are. I can't force a construction worker to be a beautician. He is not meant to do hair, so why bother? It would more sense to go to an actual beautician. It would make more sense to marry a man that is not worthless.

That's a problem, and its also sad, that black women are okay with not having marriage to go with motherhood. But you also have to self advocate. If he is not worth your time, there are plenty men that are so move on.

 

[Yagirlcheatinonus]

You cant speak for a generation of men or women you can only speak for yourself.

 

[Playa With Tha Passport]

I agree, but men also have to accept their culpability. They could just as easily wife their baby muva, they don't. They could just as easily use protection or even plan B, they don't. It takes two. Women gotta demand more, men need to step the fukk up.

I agree


And Plan b ? Lol

Only women can use that

 

[Elle Driver]

I agree


And Plan b ? Lol

Only women can use that

Buy her plan B.

 

[agnosticlady]

That's a problem, and its also sad, that black women are okay with not having marriage to go with motherhood. But you also have to self advocate. If he is not worth your time, there are plenty men that are so move on.

Honestly, a lot of black women do not even think about the man being father material. I personally don't enter a relationship with a man that I don't see as father or husband material. I also choose not to get pregnant by a woman that I am not married to. I could understand 20% of black children being born out of wedlock, but more than 70% that is way too high. A woman has control over who get's her pregnant. A lot of black women have to do better.
Another problem is that there is not a standard of accountability. When a woman knows that nobody will have pity on her for being a single mother, she won't have a support system, she can't use that "I'm a single mother" line, and etc a lot of women will be really careful about who they choose to have kids. When women sit around and tell other women, "Oh he ain't a good man. You can raise this child on your own", "Oh he needs to stop up to the plate", "Oh he needs to pay his child support and be a real man, and etc that plants the seed for victimhood. That is part of the reason why there are black women with multiple kids out of wedlock. There is absolutely no accountability. These women should be told, "Why do you have multiple kids out wedlock?", "Why are you ALLOWING yourself to get pregnant by different men", "Why aren't you respecting your body and waiting until you are married to have kids", and etc.....

 

[Playa With Tha Passport]

Buy her plan B.

Basically 40 dollars everytime i fukk

 

[Elle Driver]

Honestly, a lot of black women do not even think about the man being father material. I personally don't enter a relationship with a man that I don't see as father or husband material. I also choose not to get pregnant by a woman that I am not married to. I could understand 20% of black children being born out of wedlock, but more than 70% that is way too high. A woman has control over who get's her pregnant. A lot of black women have to do better.
Another problem is that there is not a standard of accountability. When a woman knows that nobody will have pity on her for being a single mother, she won't have a support system, she can't use that "I'm a single mother" line, and etc a lot of women will be really careful about who they choose to have kids. When women sit around and tell other women, "Oh he ain't a good man. You can raise this child on your own", "Oh he needs to stop up to the plate", "Oh he needs to pay his child support and be a real man, and etc that plants the seed for victimhood. That is part of the reason why there are black women with multiple kids out of wedlock. There is absolutely no accountability. These women should be told, "Why do you have multiple kids out wedlock?", "Why are you ALLOWING yourself to get pregnant by different men", "Why aren't you respecting your body and waiting until you are married to have kids", and etc.....

Accountability has to come from both sides.