I Wanna Deprive My Father of A Relationship With His Grandson

[F*ckthemkids]

You know, this is one of those instances where I can tell deep down you're actually a shytty, borderline sadist/sociopathic, serpent of a person.

But you and I both know deep down, you're another bytch hiding behind a keyboard ass nikka that doesn't like to make eye contact out your own insecurities.



I appreciate this breh. I really do. Same for nets and the Utatchet breh as well. I really value ya'll input.

No problem breh, and no more jokes from me... @Remote is right...We haven't walked a day in your shoes, so we shouldn't be telling you how to navigate seas we've never experienced. God speed...I hope you can really put some thought into this and make the right decision.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

You know, this is one of those instances where I can tell deep down you're actually a shytty, borderline sadist/sociopathic, serpent of a person.

But you and I both know deep down, you're another bytch hiding behind a keyboard ass nikka that doesn't like to make eye contact out your own insecurities.

I don’t flood the board like a teenage emo, crying about being emotionally neglected. Anyone can see who’s the more well emotionally adjusted out of us two. Hint, it’s not the one constantly hurling elementary school insults.

 

[Billie Jean]

Maybe your dad was treated the way you were treated

Just live a peaceful life breh

 

[Rekkapryde]

OP you need to find out why your father doesnt like you?

I shouldn't laugh this hard at this line but

 

[Mashal88]

Your son should take after your consistency and love. It's unfortunate a lot of our fathers were not there for us either physically or emotionally but we can't change that now. Like others have said, it's not about your father, it's really about the impact on your son. Maybe they'll form a good relationship.

When he gets older you can choose to tell him about what your relationship was like with his grandfather. Maybe he'll come to you with observations he's made over the years and you can fill in the pieces.

 

[RickyDiBiase]

Your experience is through your own lense, and I can't deny you that. So if you say he was emotionally abusive and neglectful, then you have a good reason to not allow your child to be around him alone at all if you fear he will do the same to your son. That is your child, and it is your responsibility to raise him up right and perhaps in a better manner than your father raised you.

Still my answer to your question would be if all I experienced was what you stated, then he would get to see the child only in my presence. His dysfunctional relationship with you may not be evident with your son, especially if you are there to do your duty as your son's protector. If he does slip up, then you will have all the evidence you need that he is incorrigible even when it comes to your son, and leave him completely out the loop.

Again, it is you and the mother's decision, not anyone else's. Once you make it, just be ready to defend it when it comes to family and explain it to your son when he is mature enough to understand (If you decide to purposefully estrange your father from his life).

At the bolded is very reasonable thank you.

I don’t flood the board like a teenage emo, crying about being emotionally neglected. Anyone can see who’s the more well emotionally adjusted out of us two. Hint, it’s not the one constantly hurling elementary school insults.

I do not care how I’m perceived. This isn’t high school, but you clearly need it to be because of the fact you think perception carries the weight that you think it should

Like I said, stick to gossip columns like the rest of the girls since you so focused and sure how you can keep a man, you fukking c00n

 

[analog]

Let me ask ya'll in all sincerity

Would you consider consist emotional neglect and purposeful emasculation as a sign of abuse?

Not little jokes, but consistent and constant putting of someone down when they make a mistake and downplaying when they succeeded?



It's not like I put his full name out there.

My mom was incredibly emotionally neglectful. True narcissist who was only concerned with what you could do for her. Reciprocation isn't even in her vocabulary.

However wrong she did me, her mom did her 10 times worse. We're all victims in one way or another, so it's important to have some compassion for the folks that raised you no matter how short they might have fallen of our expectation.

And on a positive note, she now absolutely spoils my kids whenever I take them around, and they love seeing her. I might've not had the upbringing I would've liked, but I can ensure I provide it to my kids.

 

[DerrtySouthpaw]

If he finds out why he didnt get to know his gpa he more than likely will resent it in someway at some point in his life. Father son relationships can be difficult I get it tho

 

[Still Benefited]

OP doesn't have boundaries. If he did he wouldn't be flooding this board full of strangers with threads about how much he hates his father, and what he can do to hurt him.

boundaries require decorum, The fact you can't tell the difference isn't shocking at all...

You obviously dont understand what boundaries are,and how they can be compartmentalized. In fact most people on this site who vent the most,are likely people who have MORE boundaries in real life ,as it pertains to expressing themselves and their boundaries. Which is why getting on thecoli/social media is so freeing.



Which is why I have a strong inkling that OP may not speak as freely as he needs to in real life. If he did,I have to assume he would have more details and answers as to why his father is like this. That or leaving out what hes done in the past to the father. Which would make him and his father similar,which could explain the friction

 

[Dr. Acula]

I'm not one to say you must ride with blood everytime regardless of anything. If he had not been involved with you in anyway or was abusive physically or emotionally, I'd say keep him away because you don't want your son exposed to that dysfunction.

However, you said he was emotionally absent. Not good but not what I would rank up there with physical abuse and not on the level of mental abuse I would think would warrant cutting him out of parts of your life. Maybe your dad, wrongly maybe, has an old school view of how males should interact. He may think it's not right to act emotional with a male child while it's OK to do with a female child. There are some dudes out here who think hugging their son would make them soft or gay or something. Again, misguided but not necessarily malicious.

Have you ever asked your dad why he acted that way towards you? If so what was his explanation? I guess that would determine what I would say if you're being too harsh or not.

Edit: I see in your other response that it seems like your father has purposely made your life difficult and you did confront him about your feelings. You would know better than anyone what is over the line as far as this is concerned. If you feel you've given everything to make the relationship work and he slaps your hand at every turn then, it seems like he made an effort to distance himself from you. Given that, if you decide to keep him out of parts of your life I don't blame you. I wouldn't say you are wrong.

 

[Afro]

He kept the lights on and your belly full

Only reason you should block that man from his grandchildren is if he abused you

Abuse comes in many forms not just physical. Trauma is trauma, that pain doesn't just go away when you tell someone to "Man up".

That is the ultimate question I would ask. Did your father abuse you? You may not liked the way you were raised, but you do not have to worry about that with your child, because it is your job to raise the child. It is the job of the grandparents to give advise and spoil the grandchild. So if your father is not abusive, then I think you may be letting a bit of your anger to hinder you from seeing the possible benefits your child may receive from doting grandparents.

Still, in the end the decision is ultimately yours (collectively you and the mother that is).

But I do agree that all he would be doing is projecting his pain on to his child, which is something you should not do as a parent.
I guarantee his pops has his own issues he never dealt with. That is why it's called generational trauma.
But I would want my kids and my only surviving parent to have a relationship, gives everyone a fresh start.
Until he line steps with them, then it's curtains for him period.
Well, everyone except you really. The pain is yours and will always be yours. Unfortunately.

But that is one of many reasons why I'm in therapy

 

[Afro]

Let me ask ya'll in all sincerity

Would you consider consist emotional neglect and purposeful emasculation as a sign of abuse?

Not little jokes, but consistent and constant putting of someone down when they make a mistake and downplaying when they succeeded?

Yes.

End of. Ask any therapist who does trauma work.

Your parents are your first step to the world.

They are your foundation of your confidence, undermining that is setting you up for constant misery.

You'll never believe in yourself.

My dad never told me he was proud of me until my 30s when he needed my help.

Otherwise, it was me never doing anything right.

 

[Apollo Creed]

No wonder your dad thinks you enjoy men

 

[Ghost Utmost]

People like OP will never understand.

I just wish I could have had one adult conversation with my father.

He was mostly absent and he was just passing thru when I did lay eyes on him. He died when I was 15 but I prolly hadn't spoken a word to him since I was like 9.

What you're describing sounds like paradise in comparison.

The relationship between your son and father is important for them both and how you feel is not that important in the scheme of it all.

 

[Tair]

The only obligation you have is to your wife and kid. You owe nothing to anyone else.

A dad makes the best decision for his offspring. So, trust your experience and instincts.

Make of that what you will.