the exchange.
her
I apologize if I am coming across as rude. However, I do feel that the situation is going from bad to worse. We do have to spend time together in the next few months and I am feeling upset about being forced to be so direct about what you need to do. My intent was always to ensure that you were able to get a leg up in finding a place, not providing a place. I have been quite busy with trying to transition myself and my children and my career and have not had a chance to pay too much attention to other details. I'm not sure where I was not clear about the temporary nature as I would not think that you would likewise be thoughtful about how difficult of a position it puts both of us and this is why I do not like to mix my personal and professional matters. We are not going to discuss anything as there is not anything to discuss. I appreciate your attention to the matter.
me.
first, let me thank you for helping me in the capacity that you have. i really appreciate what you have done and i am very thankful.
second, let me say that i am not trying to negotiate, and to use a black colloquialism, "it is what it is." im used to that.
when i first came here, i defined permanent as my tenure up here. or even a year would be permanent. i thought i would be good for a semester, make connections, and move into my own abode. i did not know that to move in a place, triple the cost is regulatory. i did not know a lot of things.
so fast forward to today, fresh off of a weekend from hell, and i find out that i have to be out by saturday. definitely not planned for, nor anticipated. even worse, ive told you the struggles ive dealt with up here, acclimating, trying to find housing and all that. i would have settled for the bedroom/closet at rob's if it were available. i would have settled for your basement. all i need was a place where i could lay my head in peace, and store my belongings safely.
i planned to move my fam up in january, and we strike out on our own, with the money im saving this semester and the money ill get next semester. i thought i was good here, and adjusted my budget accordingly.
was it something ive done? is there some glaring personality disorder about me that im unable to see myself but others see? i tried to be respectful, watchful, and leave as little imprint as possible.
it is hard making it, even harder making it without a support system. imagine, if you were in my boat, a grad student moving down to mobile, and mobile was 90% white, away from every person you know, everything youve ever known. and i tell you that you can stay but then not even a month into it, i tell you that you have to be out in four days. not only that, but i am your moral support and the only person that you feel a true comraderieship with. wouldnt you be hurt?
i write this letter with tears in my eyes. ive had a lot of them lately. i come to this program, social justice education, seeking to learn about social justice. i leave my family, my community, and my support system 1500 miles away to pursue what may be my only opportunity at a higher education. i find that with each passing day, my burden is growing heavier and heavier, and im determined not to give up. people ridiculed me and laughed at me for even taking this opportunity. there is an expectation for me to fail so that it can justify their failure, and even more, their reason for not trying anymore. they never believed in me, and this includes some of my family, and much of my community. so in trying to succeed for a better future for my daughter, im also trying to succeed in the face of horizontal adversity. and one by one each support system falls through. im striving against all odds. ive been striving against all odds for a while now. do i ever feel like quitting? yes. but to quit would reaffirm all those who never believed in me, and satisfy them. and when i say quit, i mean life. im tired of struggling to get on an equal playing field and facing uphill struggles everywhere i go. i think about quitting everyday, because damn, why cant i just have a little easier road to walk? what have i done to deserve all of this opposition? when i was limping, and i blamed it on my sickle cell trait (which i have), it was something more serious. i had a pus filled growth on my upper thigh, and was in excruciating pain 24-7. i went to the doctor and got prescribed antibodies for it, but i worry that it may be a foresign of prostate cancer, since that is a symptom. i cannot hold my urine, when i have to go, i have to go right then. im scared, and to be honest, i dont want to know because if i found out that i have a death sentence looming, i dont know how my psyche would react.
i realize your decision has been made, and im not asking for reconsideration. i just want you to know that this type of adversity is typical for a black man who is struggling against assumptions and stereotypes. we dont get an opportunity to negotiate. i cant negotiate with a judge, a landlord, a bill collector, or any other person in a position of authority. we dont get a fair shot at equality, because we are not blessed with the same starting point as everyone else. we dont even get the decency to hear bad news face to face, because its easier to do through non-personal means. doors get shut in our face everyday, and its nothing but business as usual for those that shut them.
you dont have to respond, and i ask unless you respond face to face, please do not respond. im not trying to get you to change your mind, or none of that. i just wanted to let you know the boat I'm in, and what im dealing with. again, thanks for all that you have done, and although i dont know where i will go, how i will go, or none of that, ill be out by saturday morning.
again, im sorry if ive done anything wrong, and if i have, i hope that it does not define your image of me, that we can still work alongside and be productive in my capacity as research assistant, and that you accept my apology.
her
I apologize if I am coming across as rude. However, I do feel that the situation is going from bad to worse. We do have to spend time together in the next few months and I am feeling upset about being forced to be so direct about what you need to do. My intent was always to ensure that you were able to get a leg up in finding a place, not providing a place. I have been quite busy with trying to transition myself and my children and my career and have not had a chance to pay too much attention to other details. I'm not sure where I was not clear about the temporary nature as I would not think that you would likewise be thoughtful about how difficult of a position it puts both of us and this is why I do not like to mix my personal and professional matters. We are not going to discuss anything as there is not anything to discuss. I appreciate your attention to the matter.
me.
first, let me thank you for helping me in the capacity that you have. i really appreciate what you have done and i am very thankful.
second, let me say that i am not trying to negotiate, and to use a black colloquialism, "it is what it is." im used to that.
when i first came here, i defined permanent as my tenure up here. or even a year would be permanent. i thought i would be good for a semester, make connections, and move into my own abode. i did not know that to move in a place, triple the cost is regulatory. i did not know a lot of things.
so fast forward to today, fresh off of a weekend from hell, and i find out that i have to be out by saturday. definitely not planned for, nor anticipated. even worse, ive told you the struggles ive dealt with up here, acclimating, trying to find housing and all that. i would have settled for the bedroom/closet at rob's if it were available. i would have settled for your basement. all i need was a place where i could lay my head in peace, and store my belongings safely.
i planned to move my fam up in january, and we strike out on our own, with the money im saving this semester and the money ill get next semester. i thought i was good here, and adjusted my budget accordingly.
was it something ive done? is there some glaring personality disorder about me that im unable to see myself but others see? i tried to be respectful, watchful, and leave as little imprint as possible.
it is hard making it, even harder making it without a support system. imagine, if you were in my boat, a grad student moving down to mobile, and mobile was 90% white, away from every person you know, everything youve ever known. and i tell you that you can stay but then not even a month into it, i tell you that you have to be out in four days. not only that, but i am your moral support and the only person that you feel a true comraderieship with. wouldnt you be hurt?
i write this letter with tears in my eyes. ive had a lot of them lately. i come to this program, social justice education, seeking to learn about social justice. i leave my family, my community, and my support system 1500 miles away to pursue what may be my only opportunity at a higher education. i find that with each passing day, my burden is growing heavier and heavier, and im determined not to give up. people ridiculed me and laughed at me for even taking this opportunity. there is an expectation for me to fail so that it can justify their failure, and even more, their reason for not trying anymore. they never believed in me, and this includes some of my family, and much of my community. so in trying to succeed for a better future for my daughter, im also trying to succeed in the face of horizontal adversity. and one by one each support system falls through. im striving against all odds. ive been striving against all odds for a while now. do i ever feel like quitting? yes. but to quit would reaffirm all those who never believed in me, and satisfy them. and when i say quit, i mean life. im tired of struggling to get on an equal playing field and facing uphill struggles everywhere i go. i think about quitting everyday, because damn, why cant i just have a little easier road to walk? what have i done to deserve all of this opposition? when i was limping, and i blamed it on my sickle cell trait (which i have), it was something more serious. i had a pus filled growth on my upper thigh, and was in excruciating pain 24-7. i went to the doctor and got prescribed antibodies for it, but i worry that it may be a foresign of prostate cancer, since that is a symptom. i cannot hold my urine, when i have to go, i have to go right then. im scared, and to be honest, i dont want to know because if i found out that i have a death sentence looming, i dont know how my psyche would react.
i realize your decision has been made, and im not asking for reconsideration. i just want you to know that this type of adversity is typical for a black man who is struggling against assumptions and stereotypes. we dont get an opportunity to negotiate. i cant negotiate with a judge, a landlord, a bill collector, or any other person in a position of authority. we dont get a fair shot at equality, because we are not blessed with the same starting point as everyone else. we dont even get the decency to hear bad news face to face, because its easier to do through non-personal means. doors get shut in our face everyday, and its nothing but business as usual for those that shut them.
you dont have to respond, and i ask unless you respond face to face, please do not respond. im not trying to get you to change your mind, or none of that. i just wanted to let you know the boat I'm in, and what im dealing with. again, thanks for all that you have done, and although i dont know where i will go, how i will go, or none of that, ill be out by saturday morning.
again, im sorry if ive done anything wrong, and if i have, i hope that it does not define your image of me, that we can still work alongside and be productive in my capacity as research assistant, and that you accept my apology.
the tone of your response is kind fukked up brah
