Good luck family
I am now single man, its been a minute, how's the dating scene
- Thread starter Mirin4rmfar
- Start date
I know that. What I’m saying is there are women who are happy to exercise that patience IN MARRIAGE. You get married and build together. Dudes will have a girlfriend waiting around forever because he isn’t ready, but there’s no guarantee of marriage if she waits and waits.
Again, when you look around this country, other groups aren’t marrying all of their 25YO daughters off to men who are 33/35. Most married couples have no more than a 4year age gap.
Young men who are raised to pursue education/a trade out of HS have enough time to be “ready” by 30.
Also- when you’re young and in love, sure, a smart young woman wants you to be on track with your goals, but ultimately she just wants YOU. Not money. As long as you’re working on your goals she’s happy to be by your side.
OP.
Go ahead and take the plunge Breh.
It's NEVER the perfect time or the perfect person. You just splash around in the pool of life and roll with the outcomes.
If you actually want kids, do it ASAP. Marry her. Buy the house.
It's not gonna be pleasant. There will be amazing moments and bonds so deep you never imagined.. but the road is maximum bumpy.
Here's your alternative.
You end up like me.
Sticking to my guns. Thinking I had time to bounce back. Doing 'me' at all costs.
And now I'm single and childless. I'm at the age where zero women my age can start a family with me. They have grandchildren. And the women who can have kids already have a couple plus they are not tripping over themselves to get with a dude their parent's age.
Gotta pull the trigger now. It's gonna be Hell, but it's gonna be the best thing in this life, also.
Go ahead and take the plunge Breh.
It's NEVER the perfect time or the perfect person. You just splash around in the pool of life and roll with the outcomes.
If you actually want kids, do it ASAP. Marry her. Buy the house.
It's not gonna be pleasant. There will be amazing moments and bonds so deep you never imagined.. but the road is maximum bumpy.
Here's your alternative.
You end up like me.
Sticking to my guns. Thinking I had time to bounce back. Doing 'me' at all costs.
And now I'm single and childless. I'm at the age where zero women my age can start a family with me. They have grandchildren. And the women who can have kids already have a couple plus they are not tripping over themselves to get with a dude their parent's age.
Gotta pull the trigger now. It's gonna be Hell, but it's gonna be the best thing in this life, also.
This is YOU, and this is how it USED to be, also used to be as I stated.
But NOW, too many of your peers DIVORCE the man if he's not ready by their standards, as women initiate divorce 77% of the time.
We are dealing with different characters/character flaws today.
Also things happen, so not everyone is ready by 30, especially today. Alot of you can't be trusted to stick out a marriage where you're building together, so many of your peers leave to pursue "happiness" and still end up struggling. Guys want to feel secure that they wont have to go through that.
Again, this may be how you feel, but the actions of MOST of your peers today have proven otherwise due to divorce stats and the cause being.....MONEY
Jus tall around, it's not like the past where you could trust someone to build with you. You want to have enough work experience, accomplishments, savings/investments, earnings, home, etc. It's harder to accomplish certain things in life when you're taking care of family at that age.
T'Challa Trillmonger
All Star
Most men don’t get it unless they have a sister, daughter, cousins, etc.
Sounds like a nice girl .Hope she didn’t waste too many years
i think your take is very true and got lots of points in it, but i got a question
say a woman/man's relationship is good on paper on all fronts, except the issue of the timeline of what is expected to happen ... maybe the man is unsure because he wants to figure out his own issues outside of the relationship (so not an indictment on the woman), or maybe he is just non-committal like you highlighted
would you advise the woman to leave in pursue of someone "more on her timeline", assuming the man checks all the boxes of a life partner outside of the issue of time?
cuz in theory, if she decides to start anew with another guy, unless the new guy is ready to marry within the first year or two, the timeline issue would come up again eventually no? and by the time new guy is ready, the old "everything good on paper" guy may be ready too, so its almost like a catch 22
curious about your take, and i do feel for women in that position because it seems to be a recurring issue even in relationship where the man is "good"
however, not sure if this applies to OP, but from a man's perspective - sometimes its hard to want to plan an ideal future with someone you love/care about, if there are present issues today that feels like it needs to be addressed first ... it can be interpreted as a man being "unsure", but it may really be the need for reassurance that those issues won't be carried over into the marriage and future
if thats your issue OP, might be good to raise it and talk it throughA lot of ppl say that with men, it’s about timing. Meaning, whoever is around when he feels like he is “ready”- those are the women he’s picking from.i think your take is very true and got lots of points in it, but i got a question
say a woman/man's relationship is good on paper on all fronts, except the issue of the timeline of what is expected to happen ... maybe the man is unsure because he wants to figure out his own issues outside of the relationship (so not an indictment on the woman), or maybe he is just non-committal like you highlighted
would you advise the woman to leave in pursue of someone "more on her timeline", assuming the man checks all the boxes of a life partner outside of the issue of time?
cuz in theory, if she decides to start anew with another guy, unless the new guy is ready to marry within the first year or two, the timeline issue would come up again eventually no? and by the time new guy is ready, the old "everything good on paper" guy may be ready too, so its almost like a catch 22
curious about your take, and i do feel for women in that position because it seems to be a recurring issue even in relationship where the man is "good"
however, not sure if this applies to OP, but from a man's perspective - sometimes its hard to want to plan an ideal future with someone you love/care about, if there are present issues today that feels like it needs to be addressed first ... it can be interpreted as a man being "unsure", but it may really be the need for reassurance that those issues won't be carried over into the marriage and future
Like I said earlier, there are plenty of women who hung on for 5, 6, 8 years waiting for it to be “right”, only for it to never happen.
Those 8,9,10 year relationships kinda make sense for HS sweethearts- I have folks in my friend/fam circle who maybe started dating at 16 or 19 and got married at 26 or 30. You are literally growing up in your relationship lol
But the truth is a lot of men hold off because the woman they are with is a fun person to be with in the present, but they don’t see her as their WIFE. And instead of keeping it real and letting her go, they just keep her in perpetual girlfriend status. She’s staying because she loves him and doesn’t want to start over with a new man, while he’s slowing building himself to be the man he wants to be and will still possibly be looking for other options. Cuz let’s be real— he most likely isn’t respecting the “sanctity” of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship
That 10yr boyfriend is keeping his options open while he isn’t an actual husband.
If there are questions or concerns then yea- ADDRESS THEM. Instead of that, dudes just keep the girl holding on. This is really why women shouldn’t be having sex freely because dudes would drop you in a minute if they were spending time with a woman they didn’t see a future with and didn’t have access to her body.
theGoldmangod
All Star
nikkas gotta stop fumbling good women. Some of yall already know the story about my homeboy that fumbled the literal blueprint of a chick nikkas say they want on here, and its only gotten worse for him since.
Marry that girl. None of us know your situation, so if you truly have issues with her as a woman, then yeah let it go. But sounds like you don't have a legitimate reason and it might even be that you're the one that fukked up by being stubborn and not seeing her side of things regarding timeline and communicating. I've never understood nikkas who be on that angry that a woman is requiring marriage in a reasonable timeframe shyt because I'd have actually respected my woman a lot less if she let me do whatever without applying pressure. I wouldn't want my wife raising idiot daughters.
Marry that girl. None of us know your situation, so if you truly have issues with her as a woman, then yeah let it go. But sounds like you don't have a legitimate reason and it might even be that you're the one that fukked up by being stubborn and not seeing her side of things regarding timeline and communicating. I've never understood nikkas who be on that angry that a woman is requiring marriage in a reasonable timeframe shyt because I'd have actually respected my woman a lot less if she let me do whatever without applying pressure. I wouldn't want my wife raising idiot daughters.
This is the difference between ppl raised to be stand-up gentlemen/gentlewomen and those who think shyt is a free for all.Salute to you, sir.
What’s also happening is there are a bunch of women complaining about working FT and still doing majority of the work in the household. I’m actually watching that play out with a white chick in my office. She’s stressed the F out because her hubby doesn’t do shyt in their house. The other white chick’s hubby told her to pull back from FT work so that she can focus on the house
Households where the split between paying the bills and housework is split equitably usually do ok. Women are checking out because they feel overwhelmed. If a man is kicking up his feet like he’s the king of the castle and his wife just worked 46hrs that week plus did majority of the cooking and cleaning- I imagine that would be an issue. Not to mention if there’s some infidelity going on.
I just say that to say if we are bringing up divorce, we need to let both sides air their grievances
Most ppl don’t have that much in terms of assets/wealth so it’s not like most divorcèes are getting a “bag” when they walk away.Older women with kids who know it will be harder to find a new committed partner aren’t just walking away from their marriages at the drop of a dime.
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Back to the subject- yes things happen in life and everyone isn’t ready by 30 (I totally, totally get that), but at that point you know enough to know whether a lady you’re dating is someone you see yourself with longterm. If you aren’t close to that point then you shouldn’t be seriously dating anyone’s daughter because all you’re doing is taking her for a ride.
theGoldmangod
All Star
It was really my pops. Fathers are missing in the home and its causing all types of chaos. Or fathers are there but don't advise their sons with wisdom. At some point you gotta start having those "put away childish things" conversations with your son and nikkas are not getting that.
Salute to you, sir.
I was also very close to fumbling my wife (before we married). Looking back it was over extremely petty issues and my inability to let my guard down and trust her. It was me going to my pops and consulting him that made me stand tf up to do the work I needed to do to realize her value and stop thinking I could just replace her if she didn't do everything my way.
Salute to Pops, as well!
But that’s my point. You come from a good household where you received direction and instruction.
You better smarten the fuçk up
