Eboni K. Williams back on The Breakfast Club, this time defending comments on women seeking marriage and degrees

[V Skyye]

I dont think anyone actually disagrees with her, but her attitude negates EVERYTHING relevant to this convo.

I cant speak to her ability to attract men or engage with them, but her speaking to another black woman like that was DISGUSTING. Again, that other woman is 31 probably almost 32. She's not some naive 21 year old. She was talking CRAZY to her like she was fukking retarded.

Eboni comes off strongly, which turns people off. But guest host was in her feelings from the beginning. She was given the floor to fully express everything she felt about the clip. But then started to cut Eboni off when she heard things she didn’t like. She didn’t calm down until Eboni told her she was speaking from her own personal experience and a place of vulnerability.

The difference is a bit generational and a little expectations based. Guest host is 30. Still in a great place to meet a good man and get married and have kids. So these types of conversations get her insecurity going because she’s right at that stage where she isn’t young anymore. Eboni is 40 and clearly understands her stage in life. She knows where she falls on the dating market and what she’s willing and unwilling to sacrifice. A typical career woman. Want to be married but doesnt want to be married enough to sacrifice the things she wants. The key is that she understands this and lives accordingly. Guest host is still trying to figure out where she falls.

 

[Sauce Dab]

Eboni comes off strongly, which turns people off. But guest host was in her feelings from the beginning. She was given the floor to fully express everything she felt about the clip. But then started to cut Eboni off when she heard things she didn’t like. She didn’t calm down until Eboni told her she was speaking from her own personal experience and a place of vulnerability.

The difference is a bit generational and a little expectations based. Guest host is 30. Still in a great place to meet a good man and get married and have kids. So these types of conversations get her insecurity going because she’s right at that stage where she isn’t young anymore. Eboni is 40 and clearly understands her stage in life. She knows where she falls on the dating market and what she’s willing and unwilling to sacrifice. A typical career woman. Want to be married but doesnt want to be married enough to sacrifice the things she wants. The key is that she understands this and lives accordingly. Guest host is still trying to figure out where she falls.

You like the only one in here actually talking about their comments and not her tone or her needing to get dikked down good. Everybody in this thread sounds just like the guest host. Nobody’s focusing on the message just the way it’s being delivered

 

[Gloxina]

Why do you think black mothers and fathers raise their daughters like this?

I think I know what women are being told but can you crytalize it?

Obviously not Glo but I think since they grew up in a "get over" on each other culture no one really trust in long term relationships because its not really something expected in these new age environments (lets say starting with late Gen X) and all they ever heard is nikkas aint shyt while women are used as buffer class to keep our community upside down, thats not even including the atomic bomb known as crack era that was dropped to make sure the job was done, the ripple affects of all of that make for a very complicated situation

Because Black people have it hard. Even in intact families. And economic issues turn into relationship issues. They are being real in that respect, because they know more than most that love don’t keep the lights on.

And I just want to also note and agree that mothers and fathers teach this. So men also agree and acknowledge that being 100% dependent on a man is a risky venture.

@V Skyye hit it out the park. Both parents teach girls to focus heavily on education and career because majority of Black women will never have the option to be a housewife wife because of the economic realities of our community. Coupled with the fact that a lot of young men aren’t taught to prepare to be husbands at the same younger age as guys of other races, the number of guys we lost (this number is decreasing in our generation) to the streets/drugs, etc. I think our parents saw women who couldn’t afford to be dependent in a culture that didn’t encourage it. No one wants to raise a daughter who isn’t prepared for the realities of Black life, but they forgot to mention dating with intention while young.

The mere fact everyone is making a big deal about how few young (meaning ~same age) black men want families and are in college preparing, means the odds aren’t in most young Black women's favor! So either

1- tell your daughters to get their career/money up to be ready in case they won’t find a capable breh
2- the community gets more young black men prepared like other races do
3- tell your Black daughters it’s ok to consider dating out, especially since there’s a segment of Black men who have no issue dating out.

The convo is starting to revolve around the fact that there aren’t many younger Black men prepared/looking for marriage as compared to other races. Instead of addressing that, the focus is just on younger Black women starting the search sooner. Where’s the convo around younger Black men? Is there nothing they need to do?

It would seem like we need to do both: Black girls have to keep their eyes and options open and black men need to be prepared for partnership EARLIER.

For all the talk about older Black men having more options, are they actually marrying younger women? Or just having fun because they have options? Shouldn’t marriage rates between younger women/older men be increasing??
What’s going on in our community where neither younger or older established black men are seeking marriage?

 

[BigMan]

@V Skyye hit it out the park. Both parents teach girls to focus heavily on education and career because majority of Black women will never have the option to be a housewife wife because of the economic realities of our community. Coupled with the fact that a lot of young men aren’t taught to prepare to be husbands at the same younger age as guys of other races, the number of guys we lost (this number is decreasing in our generation) to the streets/drugs, etc. I think our parents saw women who couldn’t afford to be dependent in a culture that didn’t encourage it. No one wants to raise a daughter who isn’t prepared for the realities of Black life, but they forgot to mention dating with intention while young.

The mere fact everyone is making a big deal about how few young (meaning ~same age) black men want families and are in college preparing, means the odds aren’t in most young Black women's favor! So either

1- tell your daughters to get their career/money up to be ready in case they won’t find a capable breh
2- the community gets more young black men prepared like other races do
3- tell your Black daughters it’s ok to consider dating out, especially since there’s a segment of Black men who have no issue dating out.

The convo is starting to revolve around the fact that there aren’t many younger Black men prepared/looking for marriage as compared to other races. Instead of addressing that, the focus is just on younger Black women starting the search sooner. Where’s the convo around younger Black men? Is there nothing they need to do?

It would seem like we need to do both: Black girls have to keep their eyes and options open and black men need to be prepared for partnership EARLIER.

For all the talk about older Black men having more options, are they actually marrying younger women? Or just having fun because they have options? Shouldn’t marriage rates between younger women/older men be increasing??
What’s going on in our community where neither younger or older established black men are seeking marriage?

Appreciate the response. I had my own thoughts but wanted a woman to express hers.

I will not be telling my future daughters to marry at cac tho



On the male side, for a whole host of reasons, American men, particularly the lower and middle classes, just don’t see the value of marriage. And I don’t blame us, even as man who is engaged. i want to marry the woman I’m with but the thought of marrying most of these women out here depresses me

 

[Gloxina]

Appreciate the response. I had my own thoughts but wanted a woman to express hers.

I will not be telling my future daughters to marry at cac tho



On the male side, for a whole host of reasons, American men, particularly the lower and middle classes, just don’t see the value of marriage. And I don’t blame us, even as man who is engaged. i want to marry the woman I’m with but the thought of marrying most of these women out here depresses me

I feel you. No one wants a raw deal


From a woman’s perspective, working FT and doing majority of the housework and rearing takes a toll. A lot of elders didn’t complain to their husbands and sons, but complained to US. I have a relative who was a VP, weekly meetings, in the office @7am everyday, sweeping and mopping the kitchen after dinner every night while hubby sat back watching tv. She didn’t get upset and start keeping it real until decades into the marriage, and basically advised me to use my looks while I have them to marry someone who will take care of me.

Working FT, most of the housework, and possibly getting cheated on.

Girls are hearing men scream about submission, telling them to find a guy who wants to provide while they’re young, telling them they aren’t an 8+ so why do they think they deserve to stay home, yet also saying the money they bring in is worthless to men…


Are the young men who want to marry and build plentiful? Are they actually proposing to their girls? Or do they feel like they need to wait or get through the player stage? Men on this very forum have stated how when they get their $ up around 30 or so that’s the player stage and they’re going to have fun. How common is that with everyone else?

Both sexes have things that need to be addressed

 

[Elle Seven]

Perfect segue...maybe these will help someone. Godspeed.

 

[Eternally Jaded]

I feel you. No one wants a raw deal


From a woman’s perspective, working FT and doing majority of the housework and rearing takes a toll. A lot of elders didn’t complain to their husbands and sons, but complained to US. I have a relative who was a VP, weekly meetings, in the office @7am everyday, sweeping and mopping the kitchen after dinner every night while hubby sat back watching tv. She didn’t get upset and start keeping it real until decades into the marriage, and basically advised me to use my looks while I have them to marry someone who will take care of me.

Working FT, most of the housework, and possibly getting cheated on.

Girls are hearing men scream about submission, telling them to find a guy who wants to provide while they’re young, telling them they aren’t an 8+ so why do they think they deserve to stay home, yet also saying the money they bring in is worthless to men…


Are the young men who want to marry and build plentiful? Are they actually proposing to their girls? Or do they feel like they need to wait or get through the player stage? Men on this very forum have stated how when they get their $ up around 30 or so that’s the player stage and they’re going to have fun. How common is that with everyone else?

Both sexes have things that need to be addressed

Definitely.

Before pointing fingers at any gender, people just need to be honest about what they themselves bring to the table and what matters to them.

Household I grew up in, my parents were married until my father passed going on six years ago.

He had a great state job that offered overtime, and he cleared 150k annually with that job.
My mother was an executive assistant and cleared maybe a third of what he did.

Still with this imbalance at play, he was the primary cook in the house.
Primary grocery buyer.

He kept outside immaculate, we(my siblings and myself) kept the inside via chores. Washing floors, cleaning bathrooms, dusting furniture(Murphys or Pledge) doing dishes nightly.
My mom handled laundry(until we were old enough to do our own) and just general upkeep.

As far as I know, he never felt he was being overworked or anything of that sort because he loved his family and part of that love was feeding us.

So if anyone gets into a relationship with the expectation of what they're getting vs what they're bringing, call it all off last week, you're wasting each other's time.

 

[KillerB88]

I feel you. No one wants a raw deal


From a woman’s perspective, working FT and doing majority of the housework and rearing takes a toll. A lot of elders didn’t complain to their husbands and sons, but complained to US. I have a relative who was a VP, weekly meetings, in the office @7am everyday, sweeping and mopping the kitchen after dinner every night while hubby sat back watching tv. She didn’t get upset and start keeping it real until decades into the marriage, and basically advised me to use my looks while I have them to marry someone who will take care of me.

Working FT, most of the housework, and possibly getting cheated on.

Girls are hearing men scream about submission, telling them to find a guy who wants to provide while they’re young, telling them they aren’t an 8+ so why do they think they deserve to stay home, yet also saying the money they bring in is worthless to men…


Are the young men who want to marry and build plentiful? Are they actually proposing to their girls? Or do they feel like they need to wait or get through the player stage? Men on this very forum have stated how when they get their $ up around 30 or so that’s the player stage and they’re going to have fun. How common is that with everyone else?

Both sexes have things that need to be addressed

Not ignoring the rest of what you've written. But women would have to work FT and do the majority of "housework" along with child-rearing as single parents as well. But with two incomes maybe you hire a housekeeper to do the bulk of the work?

 

[V Skyye]

I feel you. No one wants a raw deal


From a woman’s perspective, working FT and doing majority of the housework and rearing takes a toll. A lot of elders didn’t complain to their husbands and sons, but complained to US. I have a relative who was a VP, weekly meetings, in the office @7am everyday, sweeping and mopping the kitchen after dinner every night while hubby sat back watching tv. She didn’t get upset and start keeping it real until decades into the marriage, and basically advised me to use my looks while I have them to marry someone who will take care of me.

Working FT, most of the housework, and possibly getting cheated on.

Girls are hearing men scream about submission, telling them to find a guy who wants to provide while they’re young, telling them they aren’t an 8+ so why do they think they deserve to stay home, yet also saying the money they bring in is worthless to men…


Are the young men who want to marry and build plentiful? Are they actually proposing to their girls? Or do they feel like they need to wait or get through the player stage? Men on this very forum have stated how when they get their $ up around 30 or so that’s the player stage and they’re going to have fun. How common is that with everyone else?

Both sexes have things that need to be addressed

Because all of the bolded is mostly self serving and a way for them to get everything they want and then decide whether or not they want to give the woman any type of commitment in return. In the past, this strategy has worked. In fact, in the present women still mold themselves to everything they think men want (long hair, baddie estetic, big butts) and men turn around and say they really want the opposite. A Black woman can be submissive, pleasant, skinny, poor, and will still be single. But now we have more women are making their own money, living how they want, and don't care as much about what men think. The more resources any person has, the less they have to put up with. Which is why I always encourage women to be their best and happiest selves in whichever way that means to them. This will more than likely attract the right person, and you are still fulfilled in the meantime.

 

[Wiseborn]

@V Skyye hit it out the park. Both parents teach girls to focus heavily on education and career because majority of Black women will never have the option to be a housewife wife because of the economic realities of our community. Coupled with the fact that a lot of young men aren’t taught to prepare to be husbands at the same younger age as guys of other races, the number of guys we lost (this number is decreasing in our generation) to the streets/drugs, etc. I think our parents saw women who couldn’t afford to be dependent in a culture that didn’t encourage it. No one wants to raise a daughter who isn’t prepared for the realities of Black life, but they forgot to mention dating with intention while young.

The mere fact everyone is making a big deal about how few young (meaning ~same age) black men want families and are in college preparing, means the odds aren’t in most young Black women's favor! So either

1- tell your daughters to get their career/money up to be ready in case they won’t find a capable breh
2- the community gets more young black men prepared like other races do
3- tell your Black daughters it’s ok to consider dating out, especially since there’s a segment of Black men who have no issue dating out.

The convo is starting to revolve around the fact that there aren’t many younger Black men prepared/looking for marriage as compared to other races. Instead of addressing that, the focus is just on younger Black women starting the search sooner. Where’s the convo around younger Black men? Is there nothing they need to do?

It would seem like we need to do both: Black girls have to keep their eyes and options open and black men need to be prepared for partnership EARLIER.

For all the talk about older Black men having more options, are they actually marrying younger women? Or just having fun because they have options? Shouldn’t marriage rates between younger women/older men be increasing??
What’s going on in our community where neither younger or older established black men are seeking marriage?

There defenitely needs to be a three pronged approach as you said. So get Black women in school looking for a Black husband or focusing on crehs.

Absolutely Home Economics and Personal finance needs to be taught to Black Boys as well as shop class and they need to go to college.

It's a either and all thing.

The only thing that Black women are doing wrong is promoting the Black Men ain't shyt narrative being entitled to Black Men instead of competing for them.

 

[Scaaar]

That’s the thing- young Eboni probably would’ve listened because you would not only be giving advice but showing real examples in the world with other relationships.


The problem is, again, I don’t think brehs fully understand that young black women hear the exact OPPOSITE of what girls of other races are told. The stuff Eboni said she was taught is literally the blueprint of what most millennial Black women were told. Noooooow everyone’s looking around like “Oh damn, mama was wrong”.

I’ve said it before- I have older cousins in their 40s, highly accomplished, but the type of man you really want to marry isn’t a man who literally NEEDS or REQUIRES that you match or exceed his salary/achievements.

I have divorced guys in my fam who only want to date women who are equally as accomplished as them. But that’s because they still have kids in HS & college and if they were to try to be with women 10+ years younger they’d have to PAY.

It’s like my situation…he’s divorced and the kids are in junior/high school however he threw all his accomplishments on the damn table when we first met so that I knew that he would kinda make it worth it .

If my fam had really kept it real and said being pretty with a good attitude was enough, the degree is to complete your pedigree and serve as security in case you end up divorced or widowed, I would’ve just married one of the successful dudes who was in my face when I was younger lol

Speaking facts!

 

[Scaaar]

Eboni comes off strongly, which turns people off. But guest host was in her feelings from the beginning. She was given the floor to fully express everything she felt about the clip. But then started to cut Eboni off when she heard things she didn’t like. She didn’t calm down until Eboni told her she was speaking from her own personal experience and a place of vulnerability.

The difference is a bit generational and a little expectations based. Guest host is 30. Still in a great place to meet a good man and get married and have kids. So these types of conversations get her insecurity going because she’s right at that stage where she isn’t young anymore. Eboni is 40 and clearly understands her stage in life. She knows where she falls on the dating market and what she’s willing and unwilling to sacrifice. A typical career woman. Want to be married but doesnt want to be married enough to sacrifice the things she wants. The key is that she understands this and lives accordingly. Guest host is still trying to figure out where she falls.

This sums up most dating woes that I see now. Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too. But time and baggage will eventually weigh everyone down.

 

[Gloxina]

Not ignoring the rest of what you've written. But women would have to work FT and do the majority of "housework" along with child-rearing as single parents as well. But with two incomes maybe you hire a housekeeper to do the bulk of the work?

With 2 salaries most in this country can’t afford to do that LOL Hence the discussion around the topic

 

[Gloxina]

Perfect segue...maybe these will help someone. Godspeed.

Yo I love this man’s channel!

 

[Gloxina]

There defenitely needs to be a three pronged approach as you said. So get Black women in school looking for a Black husband or focusing on crehs.

Absolutely Home Economics and Personal finance needs to be taught to Black Boys as well as shop class and they need to go to college.

It's a either and all thing.

The only thing that Black women are doing wrong is promoting the Black Men ain't shyt narrative being entitled to Black Men instead of competing for them.

I agree. Only thing I’d add is we need to produce more way more of the Black Men women should be “competing” for. The problem is there aren’t enough in comparison to the amount of young women out here. That’s why interracial dating HAS to be on the table for at least a small segment of ladies. If every single black woman of marrying age was ready to be married, there wouldn’t be enough age appropriate brehs (because no other group tries to normalize everyone being with a man 10+ years your senior) to go around.
People expect black girls to be competing for a small group of men which is crazy and unfair to black girls.
Ask the college aged Black girls VS the white and Asian girls. Which group of guys is trying putting to rings on their fingers? These aren’t 22YO graduates with 35YO men lmao