Appreciate you keeping it real. I kinda had this keep it real moment with my sister when she was in her mid 20s. She was with a great guy who made it clear he wanted to get married down the line and she wasn’t sure if she ever did and I point blank told her if that’s the case than fine, stand on that and leave him alone. But that she better decide soon what she wants cause if she changes her mind in 10 years it’s going to be significantly harder to find a “good guy” with all the qualifications she and most women desire, (good looking, smart, ambitious/successful, no kids etc). It becomes a math problem at that point. She listened and they’ve been married for 4 years now.That’s the thing- young Eboni probably would’ve listened because you would not only be giving advice but showing real examples in the world with other relationships.
The problem is, again, I don’t think brehs fully understand that young black women hear the exact OPPOSITE of what girls of other races are told. The stuff Eboni said she was taught is literally the blueprint of what most millennial Black women were told. Noooooow everyone’s looking around like “Oh damn, mama was wrong”.
I’ve said it before- I have older cousins in their 40s, highly accomplished, but the type of man you really want to marry isn’t a man who literally NEEDS or REQUIRES that you match or exceed his salary/achievements.
I have divorced guys in my fam who only want to date women who are equally as accomplished as them. But that’s because they still have kids in HS & college and if they were to try to be with women 10+ years younger they’d have to PAY.
It’s like my situation…he’s divorced and the kids are in junior/high school however he threw all his accomplishments on the damn table when we first met so that I knew that he would kinda make it worth it.
If my fam had really kept it real and said being pretty with a good attitude was enough, the degree is to complete your pedigree and serve as security in case you end up divorced or widowed, I would’ve just married one of the successful dudes who was in my face when I was younger lol
Right. But the mistake was in how far we swung the pendulum in reaction to this fact. The balance should have been in the middle, we ended up doing just as much damage the other way and created a generation of lonely women with unreachable standards. It’s like the adult who grew up with super strict parents, had a miserable childhood and was determined to not be that way as a parent so they set no boundaries for their own child which led them down a terrible path.
Have you been to the Spelman campus? That's shyt is a fortress. You have to be escorted in. They have a security team that will snatch your ass up. They keep those ladies safe.Traditionally, the Morehouse men are supposed to be walking across the street seeking Spelman women, no? Lol
What you would say is the benefit of getting married for black American men ?I feel you. No one wants a raw deal
From a woman’s perspective, working FT and doing majority of the housework and rearing takes a toll. A lot of elders didn’t complain to their husbands and sons, but complained to US. I have a relative who was a VP, weekly meetings, in the office @7am everyday, sweeping and mopping the kitchen after dinner every night while hubby sat back watching tv. She didn’t get upset and start keeping it real until decades into the marriage, and basically advised me to use my looks while I have them to marry someone who will take care of me.
Working FT, most of the housework, and possibly getting cheated on.
Girls are hearing men scream about submission, telling them to find a guy who wants to provide while they’re young, telling them they aren’t an 8+ so why do they think they deserve to stay home, yet also saying the money they bring in is worthless to men…
Are the young men who want to marry and build plentiful? Are they actually proposing to their girls? Or do they feel like they need to wait or get through the player stage? Men on this very forum have stated how when they get their $ up around 30 or so that’s the player stage and they’re going to have fun. How common is that with everyone else?
Both sexes have things that need to be addressed
To the bolded, ladies please please learn the difference between a man liking you a man wanting to fukk you lol
Can’t disagree with anything.It's important to recognize that achieving a certain level of comfort for a man requires a significant investment of time, discipline, dedication, sacrifice, opportunity cost, and intention. So, yes, it's perfectly reasonable for them to enjoy themselves and have fun.
It's worth acknowledging that women also enjoy their younger years. Moreover, it's not unfounded for some men to claim that women often change their preferences as they grow older. The individuals they date at 20 may not be the same as those they choose at 30. In fact, many women I know have stories of dating men ten years their senior when they were between the ages of 19 and 22.
Additionally, it's noteworthy that an increasing number of people are opting to postpone marriage and starting families, as highlighted in this article: [Link to Article](https://www.mprnews.org/episode/2023/08/14/more-people-are-saying-knot-yet-and-waiting-to-marry-later-in-life).
More people are saying 'knot yet' and waiting to marry later in life
MPR News host Angela Davis and her guests talk about the shift in marriage trends across the country. They will discuss people delaying marriage, the decline in divorce rates and what marriage therapy involves.www.mprnews.org
This approach aligns with my belief that individuals should possess a deeper understanding of themselves, their desires, and their needs before committing to marriage. This self-awareness enables them to remain authentic rather than putting on a facade. Personally, as a man, I aim to avoid entering into a relationship with a woman who pursues marriage solely for validation, prioritizing the wedding over the actual relationship. I believe that many people find themselves trapped in unsatisfying marriages or arrangements they despise.
As for me, I've taken the time to prepare myself for the concept of marriage. I've engaged in introspection to understand the kind of partner I would be in a marriage and what I can contribute to a relationship. Everyday tasks such as cooking and cleaning are not a concern for me, as I naturally handle them on a daily basis after work. Furthermore, I intend to outsource tasks when feasible, like hiring a maid for weekly house cleaning. A question I often pose to the women I date is their stance on hiring a maid, as I prefer to avoid conflicts over household chores, especially after a long workweek.
I've also streamlined my daily routines by opting for online grocery shopping, saving time that would otherwise be wasted in traffic and at checkout lines. What matters most to me is finding a partner who is on an equal intellectual footing, not just in terms of finances, though that does hold a certain level of importance. But I'd be lying if I said I was seriously looking at the moment.
That's because hood bytches play their positions. If and when they're young and they deal with shot callers and bosses then that's why they deal with.
It depends on what they want out of the marriage
For one, married men live longer. I don’t like this narrative at all. Marriage, like anything else, comes with it’s own set of stresses, trials and tribulations, but when done right it’s truly a beautiful thing. Nothing beats having a partner that you can for who cares for your well being equally. Who you both can cover each other while the other is lacking etc. Best decision I’ve ever made was marrying my wife.
Answering a question with a question lolIt depends on what they want out of the marriage
What’s the benefit for black American women?
How about we ask the black American men & women who are married to each other? Talk to relatives, friends, people in the church, people you meet in associations and groups, etc.
It's important to recognize that achieving a certain level of comfort for a man requires a significant investment of time, discipline, dedication, sacrifice, opportunity cost, and intention. So, yes, it's perfectly reasonable for them to enjoy themselves and have fun.
It's worth acknowledging that women also enjoy their younger years. Moreover, it's not unfounded for some men to claim that women often change their preferences as they grow older. The individuals they date at 20 may not be the same as those they choose at 30. In fact, many women I know have stories of dating men ten years their senior when they were between the ages of 19 and 22.
Additionally, it's noteworthy that an increasing number of people are opting to postpone marriage and starting families, as highlighted in this article: [Link to Article](https://www.mprnews.org/episode/2023/08/14/more-people-are-saying-knot-yet-and-waiting-to-marry-later-in-life).
More people are saying 'knot yet' and waiting to marry later in life
MPR News host Angela Davis and her guests talk about the shift in marriage trends across the country. They will discuss people delaying marriage, the decline in divorce rates and what marriage therapy involves.
This approach aligns with my belief that individuals should possess a deeper understanding of themselves, their desires, and their needs before committing to marriage. This self-awareness enables them to remain authentic rather than putting on a facade. Personally, as a man, I aim to avoid entering into a relationship with a woman who pursues marriage solely for validation, prioritizing the wedding over the actual relationship. I believe that many people find themselves trapped in unsatisfying marriages or arrangements they despise.
As for me, I've taken the time to prepare myself for the concept of marriage. I've engaged in introspection to understand the kind of partner I would be in a marriage and what I can contribute to a relationship. Everyday tasks such as cooking and cleaning are not a concern for me, as I naturally handle them on a daily basis after work. Furthermore, I intend to outsource tasks when feasible, like hiring a maid for weekly house cleaning. A question I often pose to the women I date is their stance on hiring a maid, as I prefer to avoid conflicts over household chores, especially after a long workweek.
I've also streamlined my daily routines by opting for online grocery shopping, saving time that would otherwise be wasted in traffic and at checkout lines. What matters most to me is finding a partner who is on an equal intellectual footing, not just in terms of finances, though that does hold a certain level of importance. But I'd be lying if I said I was seriously looking at the moment.
