I think what we’re missing here is how the socioeconomic background of the women being discussed affects their thinking and goals.
When you come from a lower income background, to keep it
, your parents probably aren’t telling you to go find a man who can take care of you and start life. They’re telling you to hit the books and focus on your career because the faster you become financially independent, the faster they know you are “good” and they don’t have to worry about helping you.
You peep that line: "For Black women attending college, we're really striving to level the playing field or become economically stable. Our goal is to secure a career, and in turn, secure our families,"
There are some Black families who send their daughters to school to make money and help out the family, the way sons are generally expected to do that if the family needs help.
This shyt ties into the trope of Black families being hard on their girls when it comes to education— a lot of families look to those daughters to “make it”.
Black folks are not having an honest discussion about how Black girls are treated when coming up.
When compared to these White girls, marriage culture is a real thing. Parents expect them to try their best to find a man who is upwardly mobile and will be able to provide for her. Get married and get out the house. You get the degree to say you have it. Shyt I work with older white women who were like that. They graduated, got married, left the workforce. They only came back when their husbands fell ill or passed away and they didn’t have enough money to remain “retired”.
That is not what happens in Black culture at large.
Now, upper middle class Black folks operate the same way- they send their daughters to school and tell them to find an enterprising young man and get him to lock it down.
I remember that episode of A Different World- the clip is always floating around social media— Whitley was marrying the politician and her mother said she was proud. She was like “Why are you proud? I didn’t do anything“. Her mother said “You’re marrying a man who can support you”! LOL THOOOOOOSE are the college girls who get find their husbands in/soon after college. The girls with mothers like that. THAT is what these Black girls don’t realize. All of this stuff is cultural.
If you’re literally trying to get your career started because THAT is the path of security for you/your family, you’re coming from a shaky foundation and can’t focus on YOUR OWN future happiness. A lot of these girls are concerned about making sure their families/parents will be ok. That’s part of the issue that some of these White girls aren’t burdened with.
And the white guys they date come from families that give them some support and prop them up to be ready to propose at 24, 25. Down payment for the new house, job opportunities waiting when they graduate, big check from the grandparents, uncle, etc upon graduation, no or less student loans than the average Black student, etc.
(I mean, I know in my family the real gifts ($) weren’t given until you graduated undergrad— which was part of the motivation to get outta school lol)
But these girls are comparing themselves to White (marriage) Culture. It’s not the university’s job to set that up. That’s white ppl doing what white ppl do: unite familes.
If you wanted something similar your family should’ve been more focused on talking to you about marriage and finding the right guy who would take you to the next level, instead of them expecting YOU to take them to the next level. You see more of this at HBCUs.
It’s tough to say but it’s a difficult cycle to break: the women who have husbands supporting them are the exact women who teach their daughters to go find a man of their own to do the same for them. When your own mother didn’t experience it and can’t show you how to maneuver, you get lost.
These chicks literally go to college to meet men. That’s the silent part no one is willing to say out loud. The degree is just acquired to show that you are “educated”.
For white and Asian girls college is about finding a man. Black girls didn’t get the memo because Black girls actually need the $ that degree leads to.
I legit know Asian doctors who, when we’d sit around and talk they’d say “yea I mean did it to show I could. You don’t want to look lazy or uneducated. But yea once I’m married I’m done”. LOL But those girls families had money. Having a daughter who was a doctor was something to show off, but they didn’t really care about that more than marriage.
Black families aren’t promoting marriage and most young Black folks don’t have the financial security other groups have in their early/mid 20s to make that leap.
Said it a thousand times on here: y’all do not understand the bad messaging that Black girls get, mainly those from struggling backgrounds.
from someone who’s actually done it not just hating old heads telling y’all that you lame for wanting to travel
