40+ Successful professional black women are getting in vitro to be "single mothers by choice"

[Gloxina]

Seee this is where I have to pump brakes and get called a pickme.
Because I could say “sure these Black women gotta date out”.

But….

BUT… what if the men are garbage regardless of race and even worse than those in our own community?

And what if those black women are just as broken as the black men they claim to be better than, so the odds are that they are going to attract the SAME dysfunctional mofo in another race as the types they got with in their own race?

And what if they end up footing the bill for a non-blk man or being left a single mother b/c some other men in other cultures already intrinsically don’t value black people, thus wouldn’t value a black partner?

A lot of PAWGers and Zaddymongers will find common ground in hating me when I say IR dating won’t fix this. It’s just blacks shipping their trauma to other cultures and getting play like guitar heroes by non-blks who are aware of the insecurities we deal with.
If the world would just stop fukkin with our community, it could thrive. We actually have healthier foundations for relationships than a lotta other cultures do. They just have better PR and more numbers.

Naw, don’t get me wrong.

I’m talking about normal, healthy people looking for connections. I attended prep school and a PWI. There were brothas who hit campus READY to date EEEEEVERYONE and not limit themselves to Black girls only. If a young lady finds herself in an environment like that, she’s doing herself a disservice to not pay attention to the guys of other races who are genuinely interested in them.

I literally have men I know, educated, successful, popular amongst their peers and frat, who date interracially and make it a POINT to verify whether I or other sistas date out, as if to make it clear THEY can dabble and come home, but we better not.

Damaged people must focus on therapy and fixing themselves, because they will attract dysfunction in partners of any/every race.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Naw, don’t get me wrong.

I’m talking about normal, healthy people looking for connections. I attended prep school and a PWI. There were brothas who hit campus READY to date EEEEEVERYONE and not limit themselves to Black girls only. If a young lady finds herself in an environment like that, she’s doing herself a disservice to not pay attention to the guys of other races who are genuinely interested in them.

I literally have men I know, educated, successful, popular amongst their peers and frat, who date interracially and make it a POINT to verify whether I or other sistas date out, as if to make it clear THEY can dabble and come home, but we better not.

Damaged people must focus on therapy and fixing themselves, because they will attract dysfunction in partners of any/every race.

This is true too.
Brehs marry out at twice the rate of bw—if more bw married out at a similar rate it would reduce some of the issues with the dating pool. But not all.
like @Booksnrain I also personally don’t always think it’s always the right solution… it comes with its own set of issues.

Dating outside your race has challenges. I think for some bw who are open to it, it’s a solution. But if a bw doesn’t want to but still wants children and also can’t find a black man that meets whatever it is she’s looking for, but she wants kids… I dunno. It’s a tough scenario.

But being a single parent is hard… and I say that as someone who coparents and has a ton of support and can afford it.

Edited:
I almost think if your going to go that route intentionally why not adopt? I think that would be ideal because those are kids who are already here and need homes and love ( I don’t think black people adopt as much as other groups), but it’s not our lives so if women want to do this…

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Naw, don’t get me wrong.

I’m talking about normal, healthy people looking for connections. I attended prep school and a PWI. There were brothas who hit campus READY to date EEEEEVERYONE and not limit themselves to Black girls only. If a young lady finds herself in an environment like that, she’s doing herself a disservice to not pay attention to the guys of other races who are genuinely interested in them.

I literally have men I know, educated, successful, popular amongst their peers and frat, who date interracially and make it a POINT to verify whether I or other sistas date out, as if to make it clear THEY can dabble and come home, but we better not.

Damaged people must focus on therapy and fixing themselves, because they will attract dysfunction in partners of any/every race.

Oh I getcha! Yeah those dynamics are just so unfortunate. How you gone PAWG/PAAG/SPICY PAWG all day long and turn around and wear the hurt “how dare you” face if a chick even looks at another guy in another race as cute.

I just be cautious when it comes to black people and IR dating. Sure I’ve met some cute dudes in other cultures. Gone out, had a good time. But b/c I don’t have any major complexes to unpack against the black community, you’ll never find me paying T’Cholo’s (that Tariq shyt still got giggling) rent or getting single mommed by a Chad while only but only having smoke for “aint shyt nikkas”. I mean yeah Jason Mamoa fine but Polynesians got hella high domestic violence rates.

Because that’s what I’m seeing. When I look at a lotta these IR relationships, they just as unstable as our own if not worse. I just want the focus for us to be on healing and choosing good partners period, whether they are black, other, or Marvin Martians. Because blks seem to reproduce even larger Ls when they date out…only in those cases it’s even worse b/c of racial and language dynamics.

I give black women the same advice I’ve gotten cursed out and doxxed on this site for giving to black men: date and like who you want, but please don’t put non-blks on a pedestal because even tho they got numbers, they have JUST as much fukkery as men in our own race do….WITH the added benefit of having racial privilege to fukk you up with zero recourse.

And I truly fear that is happening in a lot of these IR relationships. A lotta blks taking more shyt from PAWGs and Zaddys than they would encounter in their own race b/c they still working through internalized self-hate and white ice is colder mentality.

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

I’ve seen some women say lately, they rather just have a kid than be with a man…

I told them the sperm bank is open

This BEEN going on

And they been saying it as

"Yeah it was a shytty relationship but I'm glad I got my kid"

 

[richaveli83]

I was a sperm donor from 2017-2019. I might be one of the baby daddies.

 

[LordOfTheTalentedAndLazy]

Comparing our race to Asian and whites with the privileges, generational wealth, social currency and other factors
I’m sorry, it’s just not an apple to apple comparison. Also Asian women date out and marry out at high rates. While it’s the opposite in our race. If we were to compare black male statistics to white male statistics by any metric, it would be just as disingenuous as a comparison when we take into context historical precedents and major factors impacting blks in our country.
Just the idea that any of this is comparable is

This is an old study, but research does show what books is talking about is true to an extent it is a numbers game—

https://www.brookings.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/marriagble-men-release.pdf

The Economics of Marriage Often Don't Work for Black Women

Options for unions based on education differ across race, and that can feed into growing inequality.

www.theatlantic.com

The inheritance of black poverty: It's all about the men | Brookings

Scott Winship, Richard Reeves, and Katherine Guyot find that closing the race gaps in upward mobility will require wholesale shifts in economic outcomes, perhaps above all for men’s earnings.

www.brookings.edu

Why are employment rates so low among Black men? | Brookings

Holzer provides the latest evidence on employment rates of Black men and reviews what we know about its causes. He then considers a range of policy efforts that could improve them.

www.brookings.edu

^Every one of those articles is comparing black males statistics to white male statistics though . @CarmelBarbie, those are all disingenuous because they don't take into context the historical precedents and major factors impacting blacks in our country .



But in seriousness, I don't think it's unfair to say that having fewer "financially attractive" black men as compared to white men would have an impact on black marriage rates as well as black men being the most divorced men, regardless of the historic precedents. Just like I don't think it's unfair to say asian women being the least overweight and most married vs black women being the most overweight and least married is correlated, regardless of precedents.

Money for men and health/beauty for women both play huge roles in dating. We can all dance around it, but it is what it is.

 

[Gloxina]

Oh I getcha! Yeah those dynamics are just so unfortunate. How you gone PAWG/PAAG/SPICY PAWG all day long and turn around and wear the hurt “how dare you” face if a chick even looks at another guy in another race as cute.

I just be cautious when it comes to black people and IR dating. Sure I’ve met some cute dudes in other cultures. Gone out, had a good time. But b/c I don’t have any major complexes to unpack against the black community, you’ll never find me paying T’Cholo’s (that Tariq shyt still got giggling) rent or getting single mommed by a Chad while only but only having smoke for “aint shyt nikkas”. I mean yeah Jason Mamoa fine but Polynesians got hella high domestic violence rates.

Because that’s what I’m seeing. When I look at a lotta these IR relationships, they just as unstable as our own if not worse. I just want the focus for us to be on healing and choosing good partners period, whether they are black, other, or Marvin Martians. Because blks seem to reproduce even larger Ls when they date out…only in those cases it’s even worse b/c of racial and language dynamics.

I give black women the same advice I’ve gotten cursed out and doxxed on this site for giving to black men: date and like who you want, but please don’t put non-blks on a pedestal because even tho they got numbers, they have JUST as much fukkery as men in our own race do….WITH the added benefit of having racial privilege to fukk you up with zero recourse.

And I truly fear that is happening in a lot of these IR relationships. A lotta blks taking more shyt from PAWGs and Zaddys than they would encounter in their own race b/c they still working through internalized self-hate and white ice is colder mentality.

That’s why I personally don’t do it, but if you find someone genuine of another race, go for it.
I’d never go for any mistreatment at the hands of another race, but a big part of that is because of my family and the various forms of protection they provide. And even still, this is a racist country so you could be jeopardizing those you love if they have to step into some mess.

But I say all this to say, numbers-wise, some of our women WILL have to date out if EVERYONE is to be married.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

^Every one of those articles is comparing black males statistics to white male statistics though . @CarmelBarbie, those are all disingenuous because they don't take into context the historical precedents and major factors impacting blacks in our country .



But in seriousness, I don't think it's unfair to say that having fewer "financially attractive" black men as compared to white men would have an impact on black marriage rates as well as black men being the most divorced men, regardless of the historic precedents. Just like I don't think it's unfair to say asian women being the least overweight and most married vs black women being the most overweight and least married is correlated, regardless of precedents.

Money for men and health/beauty for women both play huge roles in dating. We can all dance around it, but it is what it is.

You know I’ve been really trying to understand the obesity rate in bw. And why it’s not only drastically higher than other women but also compared to y’all lol. Brehs are obviously in much better compared to brehettes. more of y’all work out… I keep reading articles that say that bw don’t want to work out because of their hair.

but outside of exercise, when I think about diet wise I dunno know how drastically different Brehs eat compared to bw. I’m curious why bw are so fat.

I did find research about the differences in how each race of women in terms of fat, muscle mass and BMI:

Racial differences in body fat distribution among reproductive-aged women

We examined the influence of race/ethnicity on body fat distribution for a given body mass index (BMI) among reproductive-aged women. Body weight, height, and body fat distribution were measured with a digital scale, wall-mounted stadiometer, and dual-energy ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Is BMI Accurate for Black Women?

The body mass index might not be accurate for all populations due to structural racism in dietetics. Here's if BMI is accurate for Black women and alternatives.

www.healthline.com

I wish there was a fit/be healthy movement instead of the big booty/get thick craze in our community. Bw have some of the best bodies ever when we get in shape.

if bw in mass got in shape… man look.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

^Every one of those articles is comparing black males statistics to white male statistics though . @CarmelBarbie, those are all disingenuous because they don't take into context the historical precedents and major factors impacting blacks in our country .



But in seriousness, I don't think it's unfair to say that having fewer "financially attractive" black men as compared to white men would have an impact on black marriage rates as well as black men being the most divorced men, regardless of the historic precedents. Just like I don't think it's unfair to say asian women being the least overweight and most married vs black women being the most overweight and least married is correlated, regardless of precedents.

Money for men and health/beauty for women both play huge roles in dating. We can all dance around it, but it is what it is.

I do think many of those stats are super disingenuous b/c comparing one group who benefit from racial privilege by every metric, to others who have been systematically tortured by lack of racial privilege just isn’t an equivalent match up.
Sure we could sit here and say white men got more money, better credit, and higher marriage rates, less illegitimate children, are healthier, live longer than black male, are incarcerated less, and have the lowest divorce rates! Gee golly! What are those blk men doing wrong?

NOPE. The factors leading to non-blks having better outcomes than blacks across every metric can’t be ignored in the context of the conversation.

It’s not simply a they got more money, let’s get a white man because many black women get with white men and become primary breadwinners themselves.

It’s not simply a if black women would lose weight and look better, they’d get a husband b/c many black men wife up overweight AND racist chicks in other cultures and the majority of the U.S. is overweight.

Embedded in the statistics are cultural biases and psychological conditioning that makes us hold non-blks to a different standard than we do our own. Telling black women if they’d just be like non-blk women is disingenuous b/c many in our race have a different set of rules for our own.
“Wear your natural hair bw.”
But many blacks male and female are embarrassed by the texture and find it unattractive while pretend pandering onlineZ
“Be less sexually uptight like whites chicks bw.” But white hoes routinely get their hoe and harlotry expunged b/c white dudes are deviants and non-blk men put white women on a pedestal. White chicks are crazy sexually promiscuous and get a pass for it. But if a blk chick even twerks in a club, she’s a rachet, hood rat, hoe.

“Be pure and conservative bw” But then they get ghosted and left for chicks willing to suck a nut on the first date while those same black chicks trying to be virgins til marriage.

And the double speech happens for black men too.
“I can’t date no broke nikka!”
Meanwhile

Heard that dude ain’t had a job since the 2000s.
And wait until those abuse stats come through from some of these IR relationships. When playing Massa goes wrong.

I’m sorry but for many reasons, we can’t co-opt what others do and apply that to our own race. We have to find our own way. And we can’t go to other races to escape ourselves either. We literally all we got.

 

[RareHunter]

Naw, don’t get me wrong.

I’m talking about normal, healthy people looking for connections. I attended prep school and a PWI. There were brothas who hit campus READY to date EEEEEVERYONE and not limit themselves to Black girls only. If a young lady finds herself in an environment like that, she’s doing herself a disservice to not pay attention to the guys of other races who are genuinely interested in them.

I literally have men I know, educated, successful, popular amongst their peers and frat, who date interracially and make it a POINT to verify whether I or other sistas date out, as if to make it clear THEY can dabble and come home, but we better not.

Damaged people must focus on therapy and fixing themselves, because they will attract dysfunction in partners of any/every race.

Don’t fall for it. Them brehs lost. The white girls that indulge them aint your allies either. Black women need to start checkin white women and tell them to kick rocks and stay out our business. Alot of them are agents of chaos pretending to be down. If a white women was down she would stay with her own kind.

 

[RareHunter]

I do think many of those stats are super disingenuous b/c comparing one group who benefit from racial privilege by every metric, to others who have been systematically tortured by lack of racial privilege just isn’t an equivalent match up.
Sure we could sit here and say white men got more money, better credit, and higher marriage rates, less illegitimate children, are healthier, live longer than black male, are incarcerated less, and have the lowest divorce rates! Gee golly! What are those blk men doing wrong?

NOPE. The factors leading to non-blks having better outcomes than blacks across every metric can’t be ignored in the context of the conversation.

It’s not simply a they got more money, let’s get a white man because many black women get with white men and become primary breadwinners themselves.

It’s not simply a if black women would lose weight and look better, they’d get a husband b/c many black men wife up overweight AND racist chicks in other cultures and the majority of the U.S. is overweight.

Embedded in the statistics are cultural biases and psychological conditioning that makes us hold non-blks to a different standard than we do our own. Telling black women if they’d just be like non-blk women is disingenuous b/c many in our race have a different set of rules for our own.
“Wear your natural hair bw.”
But many blacks male and female are embarrassed by the texture and find it unattractive while pretend pandering onlineZ
“Be less sexually uptight like whites chicks bw.” But white hoes routinely get their hoe and harlotry expunged b/c white dudes are deviants and non-blk men put white women on a pedestal. White chicks are crazy sexually promiscuous and get a pass for it. But if a blk chick even twerks in a club, she’s a rachet, hood rat, hoe.

“Be pure and conservative bw” But then they get ghosted and left for chicks willing to suck a nut on the first date while those same black chicks trying to be virgins til marriage.

And the double speech happens for black men too.
“I can’t date no broke nikka!”
Meanwhile

Heard that dude ain’t had a job since the 2000s.
And wait until those abuse stats come through from some of these IR relationships. When playing Massa goes wrong.

I’m sorry but for many reasons, we can’t co-opt what others do and apply that to our own race. We have to find our own way. And we can’t go to other races to escape ourselves either. We literally all we got.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

You know I’ve been really trying to understand the obesity rate in bw. And why it’s not only drastically higher than other women but also compared to y’all lol. Brehs are obviously in much better compared to brehettes. more of y’all work out… I keep reading articles that say that bw don’t want to work out because of their hair.

but outside of exercise, when I think about diet wise I dunno know how drastically different Brehs eat compared to bw. I’m curious why bw are so fat.

I did find research about the differences in how each race of women in terms of fat, muscle mass and BMI:

Racial differences in body fat distribution among reproductive-aged women

We examined the influence of race/ethnicity on body fat distribution for a given body mass index (BMI) among reproductive-aged women. Body weight, height, and body fat distribution were measured with a digital scale, wall-mounted stadiometer, and dual-energy ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Is BMI Accurate for Black Women?

The body mass index might not be accurate for all populations due to structural racism in dietetics. Here's if BMI is accurate for Black women and alternatives.

www.healthline.com

I wish there was a fit/be healthy movement instead of the big booty/get thick craze in our community. Bw have some of the best bodies ever when we get in shape.

if bw in mass got in shape… man look.

I think it’s depression and overreliance on food as a stress coping mechanism. Most Americans are fat but when you add up all the factors black women in particular experience, it makes sense. Which is why self-care is so important. Blk women be trying to take care of everybody else but themselves and get ridiculed for the effort. They need to take a break from dating period and focus on personal growth. It won’t fix issues the other 1/2 of our population but they would at least be in a healthier place.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

That’s why I personally don’t do it, but if you find someone genuine of another race, go for it.
I’d never go for any mistreatment at the hands of another race, but a big part of that is because of my family and the various forms of protection they provide. And even still, this is a racist country so you could be jeopardizing those you love if they have to step into some mess.

But I say all this to say, numbers-wise, some of our women WILL have to date out if EVERYONE is to be married.

I just be thinking about all these “no blks papis” and “why is it always about race” “can I touch your hair” types out there.It’s scary in these streets. I don’t see how some of these non-blk chicks do it. They are fearless when it comes to dating outside their race. I remember how Latinas used to laugh at me in my face for having a racial preference. Had Asian chicks laugh at me too.
“Oooooh mami! You no date green. Color no matter if he paying bills!”

Then I look at what some of them white chicks go through with them while men and I be like ya’ll heffers are fearless. But unless some major changes take place we about to be Brazil 2.0, the dlc content.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Black women are the most obese demographic in America

It's not "hate" or shame or any that, it's just truth, it's numbers

And by comparison, black men are just significantly less likely to be obese

So if being fat is apparently the reason that said poster isn't finding eligible black men, just imagine what's it's like for the black men out here trying to find eligible black women

Just some factual information to add in the midst of all these interesting theories

I was the poster who made the comment about not seeing attractive Brehs very often when I go out. I have a man—so obviously it’s not that rare to see men I’m attracted to. And I admitted that I was exaggerating shyt and talking shyt to prove a point.

what’s crazy is that I didn’t bring up hygiene and weight, Brehs did. I was just talking about face card.

 

[RareHunter]

Would you be interested in settling down with a woman you weren’t attracted to at all? Even if she was nurturing, a good mother and faithful? What if she was nurturing, faithful and you’re very attracted to her but she just doesn’t believe in God like you? Or what if she’s good in every area but doesn’t like having sex? Or say there’s a woman you’ve met that your drawn to and really want, meanwhile your dating this average looking woman who your lukewarm about because there’s something about her that rubs you wrong.

That’s comparative to what I mean—when I’m saying that there are usually reasons when a woman chooses one man over the other—it’s typically about a lack of attraction, lack of compatibility, lack of chemistry, or someone else has her heart more than you.

I hear you. However I would hope ppl would prioritize. If it came down to it, I could settle on plain jane and slim and good woman if I had to choose between that and a fun party type.