40+ Successful professional black women are getting in vitro to be "single mothers by choice"

[RareHunter]

And I know plenty of black men who messed over great black women in their youth or who led women on for years, which is something else that doesn’t get talked about.
I also know plenty of younger black women ready for marriage that get overlooked for chicks twerking on the Gram or get cheated on with side chicks. Some are ready straight outta college, but many men don’t have it together at similar ages. Black women take motherhood very seriously, but even beyond the irresponsible people in our race, you can’t get around there being 88 men for every 100 women. And those disparities are worse in colleges around the country where many races of other women find their husbands.

Not a blame game btw. Just saying there are factors that impact black male and black female relationships dynamics beyond “oh they just like thugs”. Because some chicks are literally choosing turkey basters and marrying dildos to avoid some of what they see out here, so it’s not just the women who are broken.

Where does one find these black women who are looking for marriage tho? I need to send brehs that way. I have never actually seen a young black women looking for purely marriage (I’m being honest). If I did they were probably carribean and even then I’m somewhat drawing a blank. I’m not arguing this time either, I been trying to find stable black community for a min. Tired of being around “brown” alliance.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

You right in some ways. But at say like a Father daughter dance or at the playground.

I remember one day i seen the look in little kids eyes when me and my boy pulled up to the playground with his 3 y/o daughter. A few of the kids who were already there playing with their moms, ran up to him cause they wanted him to push them on the swing the same way he was pushing his daughter.

Some of the moms were giggling to the side calling their kids to come back while feeling low key embarrassed. Breh prolly coulda got all them mommas panties too

All I'm saying is in that moment. Them kids might not have lacked for anything materially but in that moment they couldn't deny the desire for that fatherly masculine energy

This is very true. My son’s father took my son swimming at the gray wolf lodge and they were racing each other, and of course a lot of the other little black boys wanted to join in. It happens all the time when they go anywhere together and play around tbh—and it is often from the boys who don’t have fathers around. The good thing ive noticed about black fathers is that they tend to not mind including the other kids in the play, so that the kids don’t feel bad. As kids get older they start to ask questions. My son has asked me why I’m not with his dad or low key tried to make me hug his dad etc smh. Lol.

Boys especially yearn for their fathers. And when your in communities that are family oriented kids that don’t have that other parent do feel bad about it. It’s tough.

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

this type of materialistic thinking is at the heart of the whole problem. black women have a hard time fathoming that a man brings more than just money to the equation. and they believe that being able to physically keep a kid alive (pay for food shelter school activities etc.) is enough to raise a child to be a functioning citizen in society that can have healthy relationships and build
i know a lot of brothers and sisters raised by solid middle class women who might not be gangbangin but their views on family are in the gutter. i get the feeling alot of them resent their moms not for being single per se but for the way they treated them growing up even though in her eyes she tried her best
not saying a two parent household will automatically cure ills but voluntarily signing up to be a single parent is nuts and incredibly selfish. nobody ever died from not having kids

as the "dr" you call yourself i am surprised that your response lacks scientifically accepted facts. humans have universal needs before they can even begin to learn, develop self-esteem, reach levels of self-actualization, etc. those basic universal needs are food, shelter, money, etc. a person with means can put their kid in a good starting position to reach those higher levels of living and perhaps a better mental/emotional base to process "why i don't have a dad". they could possibly better understand that someone wanted them so badly that they were willing to have them without a partner, instead of "my dad actually exists and didn't love me enough to be around so i have a complex toward my mother about it" which is NOT the scenario in the OP. your example is not really applicable to the OP in my opinion. it's two different situations.
it's a reason why we complain about the racial income gap. it's a reason why we argue for reparations, etc. now yall act like money means nothing to the community. yall not keeping it

 

[AtomicUse]

I can't fukk with women in their late 30's or early 40's who have little ass kids. I'm talking about kids too young to stay home alone for a couple hours.

also, I cannot remember the last time I met a single mother where the father was involved. my kids live in a whole other state, and I talk to them all the time and have them visit for most of the vacations and I go down there. I don't know what kinda nikkas these women are letting impregnate them

What’s your 1st hand account of how the dating scene is for a single 35+ man who has older kids in the city beans?

I been married for a few years now and Im out of the game, but it looks like a lot less is actually going on out there. Just a bunch of people spinning their wheels.

@Sterling Archer @Barnett114 @CHICAGO @Wildhundreds

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

You right in some ways. But at say like a Father daughter dance or at the playground.

I remember one day i seen the look in little kids eyes when me and my boy pulled up to the playground with his 3 y/o daughter. A few of the kids who were already there playing with their moms, ran up to him cause they wanted him to push them on the swing the same way he was pushing his daughter.

Some of the moms were giggling to the side calling their kids to come back while feeling low key embarrassed. Breh prolly coulda got all them mommas panties too
All I'm saying is in that moment. Them kids might not have lacked for anything materially but in that moment they couldn't deny the desire for that fatherly masculine energy

they could be missing out, that wasn't my point. my point was toward people who think this is some kind of disaster or something. i don't think it is. i think it's different from having a deadbeat dad as opposed to never having a dad from the beginning.
i think most people are thinking of it from a "statistics show this or that..poor single mothers, teenage parents, etc" point of view. but these women don't seem to be the statistic, they are clearly the exception

 

[KidJSoul]

Why are these men rewarded then?

I was having this argument with my cousin earlier today. I told him this

“For every young man that wants to be Neil Degrasse Tyson, there’s 10 that want to be spottemgottem” guess who gets laid more.

I acknowledged this another post, that yeah, some of these women definitely do choose bad women.

I'm just saying that for others, they have a hard time finding a decent man that is reasonable in a relationship. It's half and half

 

[KidJSoul]

fukk up nikka I expect better from you

Ooh I'm scared

 

[RareHunter]

A man could be a good man to you and even to others but if she doesn’t like him/isn’t feeling him on that level, then unless she forced herself to be with a man she doesn’t truly want (which will lead to a poor outcome anyway) then it is what it is. A lot of times I think Brehs think that if a man has xyz then he’s good and women should automatically want him. But attraction/chemistry is often more complicated than that. If she’s not attracted to him, if they aren’t compatible in other areas, if there’s something that doesn’t feel right for her, she’s going to have hard time moving forward.

It could be that she was more attracted to the street Breh, it could be that she felt more chemistry, that he met her needs in a weird way. Water always seeks its own level, so who women choose is usually because that’s the wavelength they’re at.

Again I will reiterate, a person can have the right qualities on paper but not necessarily light her fire. Perhaps she should ignore that need for someone to light her fire and just seek the most practical option (which is what I believe Brehs think bw should be doing) but unfortunately it’s just not how some women work. They want something that makes them feel—they want genuine chemistry, not forced. And since marriage isn’t a big value in our community, they don’t feel pressured to get into relationships with men where it feels forced, even if it might be the most practical option.

What’s interesting is that you and @UncleTomFord15 are in here saying bw don’t want good bm lol, but both of you are in other threads always talking about how y’all interracially date because bw are xyz(insert a whole bunch of negative shyt) and other women aren’t. So why do you all even care what bw do romantically at this point when y’all technically don’t even want bw?

im trying to understand why Brehs who think negatively of brehettes anyway, and choose other women, still manage to care about bw choosing thugs?

Adam didn’t light Eve’s fire which is why she deliberately went behind his back with the serpent (which was not a snake). Women have to denounce that curse as it is still in affect today. Aka women tend to like rebels.

 

[MajesticLion]

"trend lately"

 

[Wildhundreds]

What’s your 1st hand account of how the dating scene is for a single 35+ man who has older kids in the city beans?

I been married for a few years now and Im out of the game, but it looks like a lot less is actually going on out there. Just a bunch of people spinning their wheels.

@Sterling Archer @Barnett114 @CHICAGO @Wildhundreds

Im married myself. But the "older" crowd is very inviting to brothers who can hold a conversation. I wouldn't leave something stable to jump out here though.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Adam didn’t light Eve’s fire which is why she deliberately went behind his back with the serpent (which was not a snake). Women have to denounce that curse as it is still in affect today. Aka women tend to like rebels.

Would you be interested in settling down with a woman you weren’t attracted to at all? Even if she was nurturing, a good mother and faithful? What if she was nurturing, faithful and you’re very attracted to her but she just doesn’t believe in God like you? Or what if she’s good in every area but doesn’t like having sex? Or say there’s a woman you’ve met that your drawn to and really want, meanwhile your dating this average looking woman who your lukewarm about because there’s something about her that rubs you wrong.

That’s comparative to what I mean—when I’m saying that there are usually reasons when a woman chooses one man over the other—it’s typically about a lack of attraction, lack of compatibility, lack of chemistry, or someone else has her heart more than you.

 

[InkosiYe]

Strictly by the numbers, it’s b/c there isn’t a 1:1 ratio of men to women in our community. And that is by design.

If you notice, I mentioned white supremacy and incarceration rates as being the largest factors to blame for this.
When men in your community can get tossed into prison at insane rates for smoking and selling something that is literally being decriminalized across the country, or when homicide is the largest mortality factor for men in your race, it takes millions out and leaves millions of women without viable partners. This isn’t black men OR black women’s fault.

But Some try to get into value judgements to deflect from the truth and blame each other.
“Oh black women are overweight.” Welp black men are overweight as well and lead in mortality rates for nearly all health disparities.
“Black women only want thugs” And some blacks men are just as delusional and only want to save strippers, hood rats, trifling chicks, or switch it up and only put non-blk chicks on a pedestal.
“Black women in debt.” Black men are also in debt and struggling economically.
“Some Black women are gay.” And some black men are gay as well either openly or on the DL.

Every complaint we make about black women can also be made about black men. So when all the mud-slinging against one another cancels each other out…we are still left with:

88 black men for every 100 black women in the U.S.
So for the women who made it beyond the statistics, who also aren’t interested in “divesting” (b/c they know the truth about non-blk men being just as bad if not 100 times worse), this is what they choose.

I have solutions for both genders in our community, but I doubt either side is going to be honest enough to accept them. This IS TLR of the Coli after all.

I got a little time today so I'll bite. The whole "black women outnumber black men" narrative is completely overblown when it comes to dating and marriage.

If you go to google and type in "black male population in us" you'll get 19.9 million (they're pulling from census data btw). And before you talk about the black men that are in jail, I'll adjust for those numbers. The total prison population for all races combined in late 2020 was about 1.8 million (source). The percentage of the male prison population that's black varies depending on your sources, but let's say it's about 38% (source). 38% of 1.8 mil is 684k black men in jail. So subtract 684k from the previous 19.9 million and you have 19.2 million free available black men.

The black female population in the US is about 21.72 million. So overall black women outnumber free black men by ~ 2.5 million. 2.5 mil/21.72 mil = 11.6%. So 11.6% of black women aren't finding a man if every single black woman is wifed up. We'll round it up and say 12 out of every 100 black women won't have a man, it's not like that's some insane number. 88% of black women still being able to find a marriage is pretty damn high. And more importantly, that would be more than double the current black female marriage rate.

For comparison, there are 9.416 million asian women and 8.514 asian men, about a 900k difference. 900k/9.416 million = 0.0955 = 9.5%. So basically around 10 out of 100 asian women wouldn't have a man if they all got married to one another. so 10 out of 100 vs 12 out of 100 for asian and black women respectively, that's not a very significant difference. But yet, ~60% of asian women 16 and older are married whereas ~30% of black women 16 and older are married (source, check the graph labeled "percentage of women currently married"). So look at what we're seeing here. Asian women and black women are damn near even in terms of outnumbering their men, but yet black women are still married at essentially HALF the rate asian women are married.

That alone is enough evidence to prove that "outnumbering" their men is NOT the reason so many black women are out here unmarried. We gotta stop with this "not enough black men" false narrative.

And lastly, in regards to the whole black men don't want to settle down, bruh, you do realize black women are basically the creators of the whole strong independent woman that doesn't need a man mantra right? Black women have been running with that for years. I won't for a second sit here and act like all these brothers are marriage minded and/or marriage material, and in turn all I ask is you please do not sit here and act like all these sisters are marriage minded and/or marriage material either, it cuts both ways.

So bottomline, "there ain't enough black men" is a weak narrative that doesn't at all explain why black marriage rates are so low, and there are plenty of black women out here who move like settling down clearly isn't a priority for them as well (until they start hitting those 30s that is....).

Figure 1. Women’s Marriage to Divorce Ratio and Marriage and Divorce Rate by Race Ethnicity, 2018

Source

^Black women are the least married and most divorced, with the highest out of wedlock birthrate (2x white women and almost 4x asian women) and the highest rate of obesity out of any demographic in America. I think it's quite clear from looking at the actual data that the rise of these 40+ black single career women that are running to in-vitro goes a little deeper than "there's not enough eligible black men".

 

[O.T.I.S.]

I’ve seen some women say lately, they rather just have a kid than be with a man…

I told them the sperm bank is open

 

[tater]

I understand the situation for black women, but this is still a bit of a selfish move.

Hope they have a solid story ready to go when the kid asks why you would intentionally bring me into this world without a dad?

If black women still want to go that route then why not just adopt?

When junior sees all his classmates dads show up for parent day knowing he ain't got no dad

Guarantee the kid with a dad that just doesn't care about him or his well-being and only shows up once every now and then feels much worse

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Figure 1. Women’s Marriage to Divorce Ratio and Marriage and Divorce Rate by Race Ethnicity, 2018

Source

^Black women are the least married and most divorced, with the highest out of wedlock birthrate (2x white women and almost 4x asian women) and the highest rate of obesity out of any demographic in America. I think it's quite clear from looking at the actual data that the rise of these 40+ black single career women that are running to in-vitro goes a little deeper than "there's not enough eligible black men".

What’s crazy is, there was a thread yesterday where a female poster (Caramel) said that she sees no attractive men for weeks (because she doesn’t pay attention to men period out and about) and there were posters claiming that it was because black men are fat and etc…

This says otherwise