Lol this thread is funny.
I do not have any stories as funny as yalls plus this thread is died down so I doubt most people would read mines, but heres a story of the worst "date" ever.
A few weeks ago(literally) I met a girl off UBC(urbanchat). I knew of the jump she was my type. She was dark skinned, a hoodrat, and had a big booty.
So we start talkin and textin and we feelin each other. The textin slows down but we was still cool. So one day I had to go in for work for a bit, like 3 hours. I decided to text her and told her "you wanna chill today?"
She say yea.
So I get to her crib, and im like "im outside"
I get out my moms mini van and post up by it then I see her come out. Wayyyy bigger and blacker than i thought. Im like
cuz i thought it was her short little fat brother coming out the house at first. Eventually Im like
cuz her ass was still phat. But then I reach to hug her, this bytch had her fuccin dog in her shirt
So im like, put ur fuccin dog in the house
She's all like "lol this my baby, plus its a bad ass kid in there i dont want him to hurt it" Eventually im like whatever, just get in so we can go.
I asked her was she hungry and she said yea. Since ima stunna i told her we can go anywhere she wants, and she said McDonalds. So we posted up there order our food. When Im getting my drink this bytch just cusses out a mexican nikka, im like df?
So we sit down and eat, this bytch eatin like she aint never ate before. I wasnt really feelign the fast food so i aint eat all my food, and I put my fries in the bag.
BROOO, I aint lyin when this bytch said "hold up is there still some fries in here??"
I said, "yea you want them?" She said "hell yea
" and grabbed like 6 of them bytches and just threw them in her mouth, fries hangin out her mouth like spaghetti noodles. Mind you her dog was in her shirt during all of this.
So after that we just driving around her hood(mind you she stay just down the street from my girlfriend so i was paranoid as fucc)
She like "do you have a dollar, so I can get a black" Then she tells me how shes just gonna wait for her friend to get out of school and get some money from her.
While we wait I take her back to her house so she can collect some change and while we back outside I noticed this bytch feet was ashy af, and her toe nails was just
So we hop bacc in the car, then her damn dog pisses on her, while its in her shirt
At this point Im DYING to get home, but this is just the start of the story friends ]
So her friend is finally home from school, and they get in the car(mind you my moms car handle is broke so if u pull it it comes right off, and this is exactly what she did)
So after they laugh about that we get in the car. She then tells me that, earlier when we was driving, the car that was behind us was her friend and her mom the whole time. They then go on about how her friends mom was talking about "can this nikka drive?" and "why is he driving that old ass mini van"
But anyways we get to the store and she gets a blacc. These ghetto ass bytches start smokin it in the car. Of course her ghetto ass homegirl starts playing with my hair.
At this point the sun is going down and I really wanted to go home, so Im like "im finna go to the sto"
They like "well we can come too shyt
"
So before I get a chance to pull off, this old ass white lady methhead who lives with her was like "so Brii, do you think your friend can take me to the DMV and then take me to blocc buster to get some movies for PJ
"
Luccily I aint had to say shyt, she told the bytch no herself, just in a round about way.
So I pull off quicc and we get to walmart. This bytch was really finna bring her dog in the damn store
Im like NO!! you're not bringing a fuccin Dog in walmart with me fam. So she leaves it in the car.
matter fact, the day was fuccin terrible. it felt like I was with them ALL fuccin day, but all of this shyt happened in like 2 hours. shyt succed ass
If i really kept going u nikkas prolly wont believe me
Please tell me you ain't a dude or something!?!?!?!" She laughed it off and told me no. I told her I didn't do secrets and told her I was about to hang up. She told me she would tell me part of the story and ended up telling me she had a twin and she would tell me the rest when I got there. She was sexy in the pics and I was thirsty so I didn't sweat it much.
. She was standing outside with her sis and I was like
they are gorgeous and they dressed really well. Super fashionable....
don't let it be that one. Her normal sis opened the passenger door and the disabled twin got in and me trying to be nice, I look at her and was like,"
What's good shawty." She looked at me and nodded her head and smiled. Oh, turns out that pic with the pushed in tit was because of her arm.
.... The disabled sis started crying and got out the car as best as she could and walked back to the porch.... There was more but that is the gist... I ended up dating the normal sis on the low for a few months until she started feeling bad and cut me off completely out of the blue.
to all my Coli friends. Ill share one more.
, she had to be pushing a good 200 lbs. Im already in the house, in the basement apt, door locked, Im trapped....so Im like "well if I turn out the lights"
it was late night...no public transportation home. I walked the 45 minutes home. The next morning, went to get my car.....windows are broken and my car radio gone.
Funniest shyt I read all week. 
@ the smiley.
....
..no desire what so ever. she moaning n shyt smiling at me like she was doing a good job and im laying there like (-_- ).
New avi huh? So you aren't fat like I thought you were... No simp business but nice lil pic, lil butt.
vthe holy ghost musta did a number on you. 
