He was definitely misleading her in some sense, but he could have been misleading himself, too, and if he was, then I don't find it useful to demonize him for it, considering the environment that produces this behavior. Self-hating Black folks might or might not get a pass, depending on the circumstance. My whole point was that these are complicated psychological phenomena- even in the case of the self-hating Black folks, there are instances where it can't simply be said that they knew they were in the wrong, or were consciously misleading themselves about their beliefs.
I don't think he should be "demonized", but I don't think he should be given a pass either. Regardless of the reasoning it was not virtuous or heroic behavior, and it shouldn't be framed as such.