Kasher Juan
Pro
In his defense. That ain’t cap. In real life GMB gang proud and out loud.
Why do a lot of married men seem so miserable?
- Thread starter ba'al
- Start date
I wish I was capping. But I don't blame nikkas for being skeptical. That's actually a good thing.
Dallas' 4 Eva
Superstar
Because being married fukking sucks.
Signed, a man who filed for divorce on his wife and is happy as shyt.
Signed, a man who filed for divorce on his wife and is happy as shyt.
Elle Seven
Superstar
Married for 5 years been together 11 years.
I struggle with this. My wife and I are both still very good looking and youthful despite 2 kids so it's not the physical attraction. Our intimacy is better than it's ever been so it's not sex. Sometimes, you just realize there was so much more you wanted to accomplish or try to accomplish before settling down and starting a family; atleast in my case. And the realization sets in that you no longer have the time or resources to devote to those former goals you had prior to marriage. And by the time you get that time, after the kids have grown and started their lives, you may be too old or uninterested.
Marriage is a rollercoaster. It has its many ups, downs, loops, twists and turns. But ultimately, it's a beautiful thing when both people are crazy in love. I think, despite my regrets, my family thrives because we got married for the right reasons and were very mature about it.
The nature of life is such that when you make one choice, others become closed to you. The nature of life is also such that everything goes in seasons. Accepting these truths can offer comfort and perspective. I got married at 23 and started a family at 31; I understand the sentiment of accepting that your time and resources are no longer solely yours individually or yours, as in you and your spouse. When I remind myself that, logically, we will always want more, it helps with being content in the present. I'm also learning the *secret* to having it *all* is to realize you can do certain things in certain seasons of life. I don't think we are meant to do everything at once.
What about marriage sucks? Would you recommend younger guys get married? Would you ever get married again? Was your wife always that way or did she slowly become that way for you to have to file for divorce?
Dallas' 4 Eva
Superstar
Everything about marriage sucks, at least traditional marriage. As a man when you get married you realize that even the woman who says she loves you really doesn't give a fukk about your happiness and everything is conditional. Nothing you do is ever gonna be good because women cannot be satisfied. There is far too much of a focus on women in our culture and not enough of a focus on men and as a man you will resent that eventually.
Also it is unnatural to only have sex or even deal with just one woman all the damn time, damn all these lying ass simps who say otherwise. Men flat out aren't wired that way bruh it's simple biology. Also when you deal with one woman, you have to deal with just her type of energy. When I had a stable of 3 girlfriends (3 is the perfect number trust me on this) if one girls energy was driving me crazy I could go kick it with another one to balance myself out and then go back and approach the one who was getting on my nerves refreshed. When you deal with just one you will eventually get tired of her and start to resent her, even if it's subconsciously. @duncanthetall aint lying I'm in construction too and I would always ask the old guys why they haven't retired yet and they would literally say 'I need to have an excuse to get away from my wife for 8 hours a day.' Women are clingy as hell and that shyt is ANNOYING after a while. Co-dependency is a sign of immaturity and is very toxic and most women have a horrible problem with this.
I don't recommend anyone ever consider marriage before the age of 30. I'm open to get married again as long as it's on my terms(we will probably not live together and I need to be able to have side bytches, she can dabble around too I'm fair about mines or we can fukk bytches together and have girlfriends we share). As a man NEVER get married unless it is on your terms. Too many men are focused on making their woman happy when in reality you need to just be a man and let her focus on making you happy. Trying to make a woman happy will make EVERYONE miserable in the situation.
As far as my ex wife I'd have to make a whole thread on that bruh, it would take that much explaining.
IIVI
Superstar
I'll say this too, I think many of these problems would be resolved if people actually didn't marry someone after they've been together for a couple years.
I know some people who got married after they were with each other for 10 years. Of course there are edge cases, but I'd say the mass majority of the time you'd probably know what you're getting into if you've been with somebody that long.
I know some people who got married after they were with each other for 10 years. Of course there are edge cases, but I'd say the mass majority of the time you'd probably know what you're getting into if you've been with somebody that long.
This sounds a lot like my marriage. Only thing is I had to fukk up several relationships to get to this point and almost fukked up this one too haha. Unlike you though, I never had a good example at home or in the hood. I didn’t even know dual parent families existed until I got to college… Not to mention both of my parents have hella trauma and are very poor communicators and are also lacking in the EQ department.My fathers words to me growing up were to marry someone like your mother. My parents been married 44 years and I’ve always had that as my example.
I’ve known my wife for 23 years. We’ve been together for 21 years. Been married for 17. We’ve grown up together. Been with her over half my life. She’s definitely changed. But so have I. It’s not always been pretty, but this is hard work. But it’s work that we’re always trying to improve on. We get to chase dreams together. On the same page with parenting. Haven’t always been on the same page with sex or finances but again, that’s the work we endure. But we’re building towards something. Our incomes are both high and growing. She’s a great cook. She handles her biz with the kids. Couldn’t ask for a better partner in that regard.
My advice to any young breh (like others have said) is to choose wisely. I had a great example of a mother to find in a wife. Not everyone can say that. I look at some of the homies parents, and now who they’re with and. A wife is a multiplier. Choose poorly and act crazy towards her, she multiplies negatively. Choose wisely and cultivate her, she multiplies positively.
Ultimately I look at marriage as a business. I have the vision and set the tone for the family. She oversees the operation of that vision and makes sure we stay on task. Except with the finances. That’s all me.
That said, after many failed relationships, I learned I had to invest a shyt load of time into inner work before I could even entertain looking for the right one because if you ain’t right on the inside then you won’t recognize the right one, or you’ll fukk it up bad.
Beyond that though, it can be hard work. You’re going to change and they’re going to change, but you have to make sure some basic shyt aligns (religious beliefs, lifestyle/home habits, etc.). And as hard as it is, nobody can keep me entertained the way my wife can. And she’s the best mother a breh could ask for. I’d much prefer to struggle with her rather than be a single breh in his 40s.
Street Messiah
Banned
they may be fronting but the strong majority of married men I know do not seem unhappy. the ones that are boils down to finances. if you getting money you have your wife's respect and appreciation. if not you've outlived your usefulness once the need to reproduce is satisfied.
my only advice is never ever marry a woman just because she looks good. marry one that genuinely is down for you and values are you are married until death. anything in between you just work it out keep pushing.
my only advice is never ever marry a woman just because she looks good. marry one that genuinely is down for you and values are you are married until death. anything in between you just work it out keep pushing.
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Hoodoo Child
The Urban Legend
Hall Pass?
Lmao, yeah them blue-collar jobs people are more genuine, white collar it's a lot phonier. You got older brothas on your job straight up telling you they rather work construction than be home. But maybe the wives annoying and nagging their husbands to death is a way to get them, dudes, to work. I visit an older cat's house and his old lady seemed to be upset he was having a good time with his buddies and me watching tv. Dude had the clicker and a beer watching the game.
I feel like this is a GEM you just dropped.
Hold on my guy, the juxtaposition between a broad switching up and maintenance is weak at best.
Maintenance implies if I do everything I'm supposed to it'll run smooth.
Changing into a different person is like me copping a Maserati, but ten years later I wake up and go outside to whip it and the shyt transmogrified into an Infiniti.
The scenario is regular as life, the second is devil's magic
fukking oxymoron, if the dating scene isn't promising where do you just snatch a good one. The uber fukked up things is the ugly, fat and or plain ones can be more devious/scheming/scandalous then hot/pretty/beautiful ones, because of self esteem issues. It's all fukked
I wouldn't say miserable per se. But being a desirable, yet married man comes with a lot of temptation. Especially a black man.
Swear to God I'm not trying to boast, but being a handsome, 6 figure breh isn't the flex you think it is when you can't act on the attention. Women understandably hate to hear that shyt but being faithful when it's thrown at you constantly goes against everything your brain is telling you to do. It's not as simple as "Love shoulda brought you home."
Swear to God I'm not trying to boast, but being a handsome, 6 figure breh isn't the flex you think it is when you can't act on the attention. Women understandably hate to hear that shyt but being faithful when it's thrown at you constantly goes against everything your brain is telling you to do. It's not as simple as "Love shoulda brought you home."
Sleepy Floyd
Superstar
Because they are miserable. The sex dried up because their wife is routinely getting her back blown out by her coworker