Don't have them if you're not ready...financially and mentally. I have one now and want one more to make the cypher complete.
Whats your opinion on having kids?
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Althalucian
All Star
I think millennial aspirations are generally out of synch with probable outcomes leading to an expectations gap. And the expectations gap plays a role in parenting because so many couples aspire to upper-middle-class lifestyles and outcomes for their kids.
But many of them don't have enough wealth or make enough income to realistically comfortably obtain and maintain that lifestyle with a decent margin of safety.
Thus, debt and easy access to credit will allow many to obtain the façade of the lifestyle. However, the realization that they can't comfortably afford it may come 7-10 years into the journey.
Hey, you're telling the story of me and my friends. I'm uh...let's say statistically lucky, so I have enough enough wealth to meet expectations, but if it's tough for me, I can't imagine what it's like for so many others. Our generation is in trouble.
@MushroomX said it well. Kids are an incredible drain of time, money, and energy. So you really have to be sure it's what you truly want, and not something you're fulfilling based on upbringing, societal expectations, etc. It's a bed you're going to have to sleep in, and depending on the kind of child you end up with, may be significantly harder to bear.
Also, I'd push back against not having kids being selfish. If one is fulfilling their desire to have a child, that in itself selfish. The work required thereafter doesn't negate the fact that this is all a result of your own personal wants.
I think I'd like to have a kid (no more than one or two tho) but I haven't met the right person. I'm at the age (30s) where I should probably pull the trigger sooner rather than later so I should probably get on that.
Pandemic isn't exactly making it easier to meet anyone though
at the moment I barely go anywhere besides work and the grocery store.
Pandemic isn't exactly making it easier to meet anyone though
at the moment I barely go anywhere besides work and the grocery store.
Id be totally cool if my girl changed her mind. Kids were something I envisioned having by the time I was like 27. So I think my age plays a part in it. Although were obv more financially secure
MaxBundles
Veteran
Why would I want to find out my sperm count is low?
I feel you but its better to know to fix the situation. If both of yall are on the same page and really want kids and have been trying for 7 years, might as well see what's up. I wish yall the best of luck
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
Hmm, if yall want kids, it's beyond time to get checked out. Black women have a higher incidence of fibroids which can cause fertility issues, given most her other sisters don't have kids, definitely seems like a hereditary issue.
shyt aint cheap to assess, treat, or work around (IVF), but if it matters (kids) and yall are just sweeping it under the rug (something black people tend to do with health issues) it's worth spending the money to see what the issue is and if it's addressable
edit: shouldn't assume yall are black...
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Smoking With Cigarettes
Superstar
One of my sisters a fukk up and I helped my mom in raising my nephew for a few years. It allowed me to see firsthand the thought process behind why generations of my family have been fukking up their kids
its no kids for me unless a day comes where I feel as if I can raise a kid without continuing the cycle
invincible1914
G.O.M.A.B.
She do have fibroids. You might have saved me on a co-pay.
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Its a pandora's box of what ifs. Aside from what has been said, a lot of this is based on the parents "ideal situations". What if they have a defect? What if they have autism? What if they have childhood cancer?
Plus, I would consider it to be a 'complete lifestyle change'.
I'll provide a case, there is a coworker who is currently going through a divorce. The reason this divorce is happening is that her spouse found themselves as a person, and will be/currently transitioning into a woman. She wasn't interested in being pansexual, she is straight, she has needs for men.
Her spouse, is upset because they thought they loved them for who they are, but they never asked her about what she needs. This is a complete lifestyle change, one that is going have MAJOR implications that you have to make along with others in your life; nearest and furthest away from you.
Raising a child is like that. Once you commit to it, you can never go back to your previous lifestyle ever. You have to dedicate your life to that child. You can still go out with friends, but there is no longer a lifestyle of being free to do more. Which is why a ton of 20-somethings are not ready, because they are still so focused on their personal wants where when your 30, you actually are ready to settle down because your friends start to change and go their own paths.
I think you should do what’s best for y’all. As a woman, I’m happy to have one child, although out of wedlock and wouldn’t trade being a parent over being a wife.
With that said, one kid is enough and I’m glad to be pushing menopause. Wouldn’t want to risk getting pregnant and raising another child alone.
With that said, one kid is enough and I’m glad to be pushing menopause. Wouldn’t want to risk getting pregnant and raising another child alone.
ogc163
Superstar
This was a great series overall, and this was the episode where they discussed fibroids being an issue for Black women.
Nicole Ellis is sooo fine.
Man it's a whole lot of risks that folks don't even consider in advance. That's why I'm not surprised at the lower birth rates in developed, more educated nations. The better informed, and financially stable one is, the less likely they'll be to have kids.
On a personal tip, I can relate a lot to your co-worker's situation. I tied the knot at a young age when I was fully committed to religion. Fast forward a dozen years and I'm a full blown atheist with a lot of resentment towards my previous faith as I felt a lot of the beliefs were detrimental to my growth. Normally I would've stayed closeted (as is the case with the rest of my family - parents don't know I'm an atheist), but in the case of my wife I had to come clean because I strongly disagree with raising our kids in the faith. I want to focus on their academic, and social development absent of any fears of punishment from the supernatural. I want to expose them to as much as of this world, it's history, and inner workings so their views are grounded in reality, and aren't compromising their happiness, or success in this life based on an unconfirmed afterlife.
You can imagine the kind of shock this presents to a wife when she finds out she's married to a heathen
. And in all fairness, I completely understand her feelings, and how unfair all of this is to her. As she puts it, "she didn't sign up for this [marriage to an atheist]". But at the same time, my goal is a better life for ours sons, and filling their minds up at a young age with what I believe to be detrimental lies isn't something I'm willing to compromise on. Our shyt is up in the air at the moment - she's constantly praying I return to the faith whereas I'm trying to get her to adopt a more rational view (Yes, I know I'm barking up the wrong tree with an emotional woman 
) but I know the eventual out come will be divorce... and to be completely honest, I'm fine with that.
Armchair Militant
Stay woke
I don’t want any.
I believe I have certain character traits and tendencies that wouldn’t mesh well with parenting.
I believe I have certain character traits and tendencies that wouldn’t mesh well with parenting.