What's The Most Simp S*** You Ever Did (Simp Confessions)

[Indiglow Meta (R$G)]

why?

Find out!
They're just dope.

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

High school.
Took the city bus way past my school and walked the rest of the way to kick it to this big titty redbone bytch every morning.
Did that shyt for 4 months straight over the winter and went to detention for an hour afterschool every gat-dayum day.
Spring comes around, this bytch has the nerve to ask me to pass a note to some ghetto ass brolic nikka in my school.

I opened that shyt and read it and this bytch had the nerve to be gushing about this guy askin him to get with her and all this shyt.
I went from

to

in a minute and burned that shyt.
That bytch was dead to me from that point forward.

Fast forward 15 years later.
Find out that same big-titty bytch got knocked up by him and another dude 4 times and the other dude died.
Single mother of 4 kids with no prospects for the future...


Then I check my FB friend requests from the past few months since I was offline for a while (job related travel)...
The very same big-titty bytch friend requested me online!!!

So I check out her profile...see the shyt levels her life is in...couldn't do anything but laugh my ass off.

Karma is a bytch.

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

High school again, second year.
Decided to come out my shell and ask a girl out for valentines day.
Decided to push up on one of the girls I used to know around the PJs.
(Now everyone knows you dont shyt where you eat and most pj chicks turn to local thots as soon as they hit 12...stupid me ignored that info)
So I go up to her and ask her if she wants to go to the movies with me for valentines day...She says "YES" with a happy smile...then stops and asks "Can my sister come too?"
Me being stupid and inexperienced in dealing with thots, I said "Sure, she can come...but she buys her own food".
So, valentines day comes and I pick up the 2 sisters and we take the 22 down to Bay Plaza and go see the movie.
These two dumb chickenhead bytches talked to each other cackling the whole trip there on the bus, the whole walk to the theater, standing in line for the tickets, through the whole movie, the walk back to the bus stop, at the bus stop, on the bus back to the pjs and the walk back to their building.
When I dropped them off I just turned and walked to my building...pissed.

I wasted 3 tickets money on fukkin valentines day when I coulda spent that on me and went to manhattan.
Lesson learned...#1: bytches ain't shyt, don't give em shyt.

Saw the same two chickenheads at a hood party a few months later. Grinding it up on every guy in there that had fast money tryna get a come-up.
Pathetic hoes. They wore out their looks within two years tho...them hoes looked grimy not too long afterwards. Pimples, scar marks, nasty hair, weight gain...typical project hoe fashion...just damn nasty.

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

I'm simping right now

 

[Verbal Kint]

@BlackPearl story time.

Chick had me and the other dude she was fukking over at her place.

Introduced the dude as her brother, which should've thrown up red flags because I remembered that she told me she only had two sisters. Anyway, we chillin..this broad starts whining about how her brother done gave this car so she can go to work and shyt (I was 19, she was 18) and how it needs some repairs to get it running and she broke..so I'm like..

Me: How much you need?

Dude: She needs $600.

Me:


Her: That's right...$600.


So I'm like where the car at? We go outside and it's a gotdamn Pontiac firebird, six speed sitting on some nice ass rims.

Me: When the hell you learn how to drive a stick?

Her: You know I know how to work a stick

Me: No...No, I don't know that.

Dude: She does though bro...very well


Me:


Anyway, I give this broad basically my check for two weeks to get "her" car fixed. She basically fell off the face of the earth for like three weeks..No replies to calls or pages. I'm out with my fellas at the theatre and I see the Pontiac with this nikka I saw at her house driving it. This nikka even got another broad with him in the whip..

This nikka sees me when him and his girl walk up to the booth and instantly starts

Me:

My boys looking at me and then him like .

Dude: I appreciate your help man...baby, say thank you to this man right here.

Girl: Thank you?

Me:


This wasn't the last time something like this happened to me

I wanna neg you for the stupidity and rep you for your self esteem purposes at the same time

 

[Gold]

I could fill a library with my simp stories
One of my worst was an addict I dating in 8th grade...


Expense your girls X addiction just to have her fukk her dealer brehs.... in middle school
Work all summer cutting grass just to get your girl high on that grass brehs
Use all your money to buy drugs when you dont even do drugs brehs

And yes, this shyt really happened

 

[NaijaProdigy Redux]

@BlackPearl story time.

Chick had me and the other dude she was fukking over at her place.

Introduced the dude as her brother, which should've thrown up red flags because I remembered that she told me she only had two sisters. Anyway, we chillin..this broad starts whining about how her brother done gave this car so she can go to work and shyt (I was 19, she was 18) and how it needs some repairs to get it running and she broke..so I'm like..

Me: How much you need?

Dude: She needs $600.

Me:


Her: That's right...$600.


So I'm like where the car at? We go outside and it's a gotdamn Pontiac firebird, six speed sitting on some nice ass rims.

Me: When the hell you learn how to drive a stick?

Her: You know I know how to work a stick

Me: No...No, I don't know that.

Dude: She does though bro...very well


Me:


Anyway, I give this broad basically my check for two weeks to get "her" car fixed. She basically fell off the face of the earth for like three weeks..No replies to calls or pages. I'm out with my fellas at the theatre and I see the Pontiac with this nikka I saw at her house driving it. This nikka even got another broad with him in the whip..

This nikka sees me when him and his girl walk up to the booth and instantly starts

Me:

My boys looking at me and then him like .

Dude: I appreciate your help man...baby, say thank you to this man right here.

Girl: Thank you?

Me:


This wasn't the last time something like this happened to me

The disrespect
People end up in bodybags for lesser transgressions

 

[Prynce]

@BlackPearl story time.

Chick had me and the other dude she was fukking over at her place.

Introduced the dude as her brother, which should've thrown up red flags because I remembered that she told me she only had two sisters. Anyway, we chillin..this broad starts whining about how her brother done gave this car so she can go to work and shyt (I was 19, she was 18) and how it needs some repairs to get it running and she broke..so I'm like..

Me: How much you need?

Dude: She needs $600.

Me:


Her: That's right...$600.


So I'm like where the car at? We go outside and it's a gotdamn Pontiac firebird, six speed sitting on some nice ass rims.

Me: When the hell you learn how to drive a stick?

Her: You know I know how to work a stick

Me: No...No, I don't know that.

Dude: She does though bro...very well


Me:


Anyway, I give this broad basically my check for two weeks to get "her" car fixed. She basically fell off the face of the earth for like three weeks..No replies to calls or pages. I'm out with my fellas at the theatre and I see the Pontiac with this nikka I saw at her house driving it. This nikka even got another broad with him in the whip..

This nikka sees me when him and his girl walk up to the booth and instantly starts

Me:

My boys looking at me and then him like .

Dude: I appreciate your help man...baby, say thank you to this man right here.

Girl: Thank you?

Me:


This wasn't the last time something like this happened to me

How could you not take off on that nikka

 

[Behind-the-wheel]

@BlackPearl story time.

Chick had me and the other dude she was fukking over at her place.

Introduced the dude as her brother, which should've thrown up red flags because I remembered that she told me she only had two sisters. Anyway, we chillin..this broad starts whining about how her brother done gave this car so she can go to work and shyt (I was 19, she was 18) and how it needs some repairs to get it running and she broke..so I'm like..

Me: How much you need?

Dude: She needs $600.

Me:


Her: That's right...$600.


So I'm like where the car at? We go outside and it's a gotdamn Pontiac firebird, six speed sitting on some nice ass rims.

Me: When the hell you learn how to drive a stick?

Her: You know I know how to work a stick

Me: No...No, I don't know that.

Dude: She does though bro...very well


Me:


Anyway, I give this broad basically my check for two weeks to get "her" car fixed. She basically fell off the face of the earth for like three weeks..No replies to calls or pages. I'm out with my fellas at the theatre and I see the Pontiac with this nikka I saw at her house driving it. This nikka even got another broad with him in the whip..

This nikka sees me when him and his girl walk up to the booth and instantly starts

Me:

My boys looking at me and then him like .

Dude: I appreciate your help man...baby, say thank you to this man right here.

Girl: Thank you?

Me:


This wasn't the last time something like this happened to me

No fukkin way.
You have got to be fukkin kidding me...

I would have gone to jail that night fa sho...cause homeboy woulda gotten stabbed up and ole girl that tricked you would have too.

 

[International S.]

Did meeka know you used to hate her? I'm assuming you got her pregnant that night she stayed over

now that I think about it she never knew I hated her
she knew she was poleblocking but how redbone looks today I'm in no hurry to tell nikkas about her
she kinda did me a favor no bullshyt
in middle school she (meeka) had a stank attitude and was from up north /half rican
nobody really liked her in our school but redbone shorty
...on one occasion i'm smoking in redbones room with sum bone thugs n harmony knocking
I look out her window and see young meeka walking to the door...

Me : did you call this nikka over here ?
Her : I told her you would match her
Me : I'm gone yall can burn hers
Her :I thought you was gonna get some drinks
and go with us to the park...shes gonna ask you
Me : +

yea these hoes was sending your boy on superbad missions for wine coolers and st ides special brews n shyt
I would have to throw the fiend a wibble for the ride and purchasing the drinks for some teenagers

Yea the night she stayed over
she had gotten right over the years
I was waiting on the homie to meet me
I rode with him earlier in the day and left the strap in his car
nikka was taking forever so ...you know me i'm burning in the whip watching these two girls argue
out front of the club
both got on freak um dresses n shyt,
I get out the car when the bouncers is laughing to see what the joke is
as soon as I get close to the commotion ...my nikka pulls up and rolls the window down

Him: these ratchets bout to fight bruh!
Me : that's what it look like... the lil one got a stupid lil ass...I had to get up close before that one titty pop out
Him : nikka I'm bout to park ...we gonna post up out this bytch

as soon as he parks next to me the big ratchet sorority sister said "I'm leaving" and goes back in the club
meeka is outside and I'm nearby and say why yall beefin tho
she explains that ole girl gets crazy when she drink, and nikkas was tryna take her to the bathroom
shes like bytch nah (Still Cockblocking) ...her friend is like "he just wanna talk in the bathroom ..why you overreacting"
thats when I ask her what middle/high school did she go to...and she goes "you used to fukk my girl back in the day!"
I quickly interjected "we aint never fukk"
her :never
Me : Never!
I looked her up and down and asked did she have a ride
she said her and Big Ratchet were in the same hotel room but shes gonna get her shyt and get another room
and leave in the morning from RDU

I told her you aint gotta get no room you from around the way ...you can stay at my crib
Meher

Me :Did I ever try to fukk you back in the day?

my nikka was nearby astounded..meeka went and got in the car
I slapped him on his chest and said "That's how you bag a bytch right there nikka"
I collected my strap and took ole girl to the room to get her items and
went home...

I hit it from the back watching house party 2 on mute...w/ the best of jodeci playing
protection didnt protect us...and after it happened once

 

[Trapperman Dave]

Before 10th grade finished I wrote my crush, who was a close friend of mine, a love letter thru Myspace lolol. I poured my HEART out in that shyt, shyt was like 3 pages long and it took me an entire day to write that shyt. I really liked her and wanted her to be my girl

She quickly rejected me with the "youre like a brother to me" line smh

Shorty was a legit dime in those days tho, light brown skinned chick with HUGE titties, HUGE ass with a small waist, really long curly hair, and smart as fukk, a virgin

Bacc then I would have killed 50 nikkas to be with her


Years later I got to smash but she was like 60 pounds heavier, full blown BBW (the best kind of BBW tho )

At least you got a reply not me thoFML

 

[Trapperman Dave]

Im fighting my urges to neg some of the nikkas in here

I got second hand embarassment

Don't add salt to the wounds

 

[Raizan]

@BlackPearl story time.

Chick had me and the other dude she was fukking over at her place.

Introduced the dude as her brother, which should've thrown up red flags because I remembered that she told me she only had two sisters. Anyway, we chillin..this broad starts whining about how her brother done gave this car so she can go to work and shyt (I was 19, she was 18) and how it needs some repairs to get it running and she broke..so I'm like..

Me: How much you need?

Dude: She needs $600.

Me:


Her: That's right...$600.


So I'm like where the car at? We go outside and it's a gotdamn Pontiac firebird, six speed sitting on some nice ass rims.

Me: When the hell you learn how to drive a stick?

Her: You know I know how to work a stick

Me: No...No, I don't know that.

Dude: She does though bro...very well


Me:


Anyway, I give this broad basically my check for two weeks to get "her" car fixed. She basically fell off the face of the earth for like three weeks..No replies to calls or pages. I'm out with my fellas at the theatre and I see the Pontiac with this nikka I saw at her house driving it. This nikka even got another broad with him in the whip..

This nikka sees me when him and his girl walk up to the booth and instantly starts

Me:

My boys looking at me and then him like .

Dude: I appreciate your help man...baby, say thank you to this man right here.

Girl: Thank you?

Me:


This wasn't the last time something like this happened to me

Dude would have caught these hands immediately.

 

[Solano707]

now that I think about it she never knew I hated her
she knew she was poleblocking but how redbone looks today I'm in no hurry to tell nikkas about her
she kinda did me a favor no bullshyt
in middle school she (meeka) had a stank attitude and was from up north /half rican
nobody really liked her in our school but redbone shorty
...on one occasion i'm smoking in redbones room with sum bone thugs n harmony knocking
I look out her window and see young meeka walking to the door...

Me : did you call this nikka over here ?
Her : I told her you would match her
Me : I'm gone yall can burn hers
Her :I thought you was gonna get some drinks
and go with us to the park...shes gonna ask you
Me : +

yea these hoes was sending your boy on superbad missions for wine coolers and st ides special brews n shyt
I would have to throw the fiend a wibble for the ride and purchasing the drinks for some teenagers

Yea the night she stayed over
she had gotten right over the years
I was waiting on the homie to meet me
I rode with him earlier in the day and left the strap in his car
nikka was taking forever so ...you know me i'm burning in the whip watching these two girls argue
out front of the club
both got on freak um dresses n shyt,
I get out the car when the bouncers is laughing to see what the joke is
as soon as I get close to the commotion ...my nikka pulls up and rolls the window down

Him: these ratchets bout to fight bruh!
Me : that's what it look like... the lil one got a stupid lil ass...I had to get up close before that one titty pop out
Him : nikka I'm bout to park ...we gonna post up out this bytch

as soon as he parks next to me the big ratchet sorority sister said "I'm leaving" and goes back in the club
meeka is outside and I'm nearby and say why yall beefin tho
she explains that ole girl gets crazy when she drink, and nikkas was tryna take her to the bathroom
shes like bytch nah (Still Cockblocking) ...her friend is like "he just wanna talk in the bathroom ..why you overreacting"
thats when I ask her what middle/high school did she go to...and she goes "you used to fukk my girl back in the day!"
I quickly interjected "we aint never fukk"
her :never
Me : Never!
I looked her up and down and asked did she have a ride
she said her and Big Ratchet were in the same hotel room but shes gonna get her shyt and get another room
and leave in the morning from RDU

I told her you aint gotta get no room you from around the way ...you can stay at my crib
Meher

Me :Did I ever try to fukk you back in the day?

my nikka was nearby astounded..meeka went and got in the car
I slapped him on his chest and said "That's how you bag a bytch right there nikka"
I collected my strap and took ole girl to the room to get her items and
went home...

I hit it from the back watching house party 2 on mute...w/ the best of jodeci playing
protection didnt protect us...and after it happened once

You still cool with her, you bm I mean?

 

[Imlinkin]

Lol at "Me :Did I ever try to fukk you back in the day?



Certified playa rule: if you kicked itt with em once or twice without being thirsty, their guards are down for the kill

now that I think about it she never knew I hated her
she knew she was poleblocking but how redbone looks today I'm in no hurry to tell nikkas about her
she kinda did me a favor no bullshyt
in middle school she (meeka) had a stank attitude and was from up north /half rican
nobody really liked her in our school but redbone shorty
...on one occasion i'm smoking in redbones room with sum bone thugs n harmony knocking
I look out her window and see young meeka walking to the door...

Me : did you call this nikka over here ?
Her : I told her you would match her
Me : I'm gone yall can burn hers
Her :I thought you was gonna get some drinks
and go with us to the park...shes gonna ask you
Me : +

yea these hoes was sending your boy on superbad missions for wine coolers and st ides special brews n shyt
I would have to throw the fiend a wibble for the ride and purchasing the drinks for some teenagers

Yea the night she stayed over
she had gotten right over the years
I was waiting on the homie to meet me
I rode with him earlier in the day and left the strap in his car
nikka was taking forever so ...you know me i'm burning in the whip watching these two girls argue
out front of the club
both got on freak um dresses n shyt,
I get out the car when the bouncers is laughing to see what the joke is
as soon as I get close to the commotion ...my nikka pulls up and rolls the window down

Him: these ratchets bout to fight bruh!
Me : that's what it look like... the lil one got a stupid lil ass...I had to get up close before that one titty pop out
Him : nikka I'm bout to park ...we gonna post up out this bytch

as soon as he parks next to me the big ratchet sorority sister said "I'm leaving" and goes back in the club
meeka is outside and I'm nearby and say why yall beefin tho
she explains that ole girl gets crazy when she drink, and nikkas was tryna take her to the bathroom
shes like bytch nah (Still Cockblocking) ...her friend is like "he just wanna talk in the bathroom ..why you overreacting"
thats when I ask her what middle/high school did she go to...and she goes "you used to fukk my girl back in the day!"
I quickly interjected "we aint never fukk"
her :never
Me : Never!
I looked her up and down and asked did she have a ride
she said her and Big Ratchet were in the same hotel room but shes gonna get her shyt and get another room
and leave in the morning from RDU

I told her you aint gotta get no room you from around the way ...you can stay at my crib
Meher

Me :Did I ever try to fukk you back in the day?

my nikka was nearby astounded..meeka went and got in the car
I slapped him on his chest and said "That's how you bag a bytch right there nikka"
I collected my strap and took ole girl to the room to get her items and
went home...

I hit it from the back watching house party 2 on mute...w/ the best of jodeci playing
protection didnt protect us...and after it happened once