What's the most c00nish thing you've seen or heard ?

[Premeditated]

I'm white not black but this made me lol'd.

I was reading this article on okcupid about black women being the least desirable to white men and some black chick typed and entire essay about how white men do like black women she even said "they used to rape us back in the days so how is it impossible for them to not like us??" i was like .

There's levels to this c00n shyt.

 

[Box Cutta]

Pound for pound I still find bw/wm to be one of the worst things I see....

 

[Black]

 

[Anothergirl]

I guess it wasn't really c00ning because of the white womans reaction in the end...but the shyt still had me like

Years ago I was interviewing at some mortgage place for an Windows Admin gig...was all dressed up in my little suit...go in...go to like the third floor...talk to the secretary...she tells me the interview is up on like the 18th floor...I get back in the elevator...and racial hell breaks loose...

The door opens and their are two ratchet hoodrat chicks in the front...and when I say ratchet hoodrats...I mean they are wearing tall tee's with sweatpants and they have their hair like this...

Behind them are a couple of old white men in suits like

So I get on...and these chicks are talking loud as hell...and this elevator is slow as fukk...literally stops on damn near every floor...and one of the chicks, the one shaped like a goomba from mario bros....says "girl I told you she was a bytch" and "girl i told you that nikka wasn't shyt" while making this face ...she must have said nikka about 5 times...

By then it is full of white people looking at them like this

And I am just in the back lefthand corner like

So this loud ass white lady gets on...old as fukk...like golden girls old...and she is talking a bout a meeting and shyt...and then this crypt keeper looking bytch says..."Somebody smells like fried chicken!" while making this face

Man this shyt...burned me to my soul...the white people closes to me had to catch me like

...some of the white people...who i guess considered themselves liberal...were ashamed on some

Then the goomba black chick...no fukking lie...pulls out a greasy ass bag of chicken from her hand bag and says..."Girl that's me"

At this point my mind went to some place that only the most beaten down slaves probably went to...I didn't know whether to slap the black chick...slap the old white woman...randomly punch one of the white dudes...or what...I think in the end I tried to

Now this is where it takes a M.Night type of twist...

This old white lady...who was on the opposite end of the elevator...rushed through the crowd of people...I mean elbowing, leg sweeps, spotted arms pulls...all the way over to that black chick like ...and said "where did you get that chicken it smells so good!"

Ratchet chick says "girl I got it from the cafeteria down stairs"

Old white lady says "It's open?"

Ratchet chick doesn't even answer, she opens the bag of chicken and they both inhale deeply and start

White chick yells out in the elevator "Thomas till them I am going to be late for the meeting I'm going back down stairs to get some of this fried chicken"...and starts mashing the ground floor button on the elevator...

My floor finally comes up and I slide out the elevator...the damn bag is so greasy when I bump against it, it leaves a stain on they cuff of my dress coat...

I look back and the ratchet chick is like ...and some of the white people are looking at that bag of chicken like

Literal TEARS...

 

[Premeditated]

I guess it wasn't really c00ning because of the white womans reaction in the end...but the shyt still had me like

Years ago I was interviewing at some mortgage place for an Windows Admin gig...was all dressed up in my little suit...go in...go to like the third floor...talk to the secretary...she tells me the interview is up on like the 18th floor...I get back in the elevator...and racial hell breaks loose...

The door opens and their are two ratchet hoodrat chicks in the front...and when I say ratchet hoodrats...I mean they are wearing tall tee's with sweatpants and they have their hair like this...

Behind them are a couple of old white men in suits like

So I get on...and these chicks are talking loud as hell...and this elevator is slow as fukk...literally stops on damn near every floor...and one of the chicks, the one shaped like a goomba from mario bros....says "girl I told you she was a bytch" and "girl i told you that nikka wasn't shyt" while making this face ...she must have said nikka about 5 times...

By then it is full of white people looking at them like this

And I am just in the back lefthand corner like

So this loud ass white lady gets on...old as fukk...like golden girls old...and she is talking a bout a meeting and shyt...and then this crypt keeper looking bytch says..."Somebody smells like fried chicken!" while making this face

Man this shyt...burned me to my soul...the white people closes to me had to catch me like

...some of the white people...who i guess considered themselves liberal...were ashamed on some

Then the goomba black chick...no fukking lie...pulls out a greasy ass bag of chicken from her hand bag and says..."Girl that's me"

At this point my mind went to some place that only the most beaten down slaves probably went to...I didn't know whether to slap the black chick...slap the old white woman...randomly punch one of the white dudes...or what...I think in the end I tried to

Now this is where it takes a M.Night type of twist...

This old white lady...who was on the opposite end of the elevator...rushed through the crowd of people...I mean elbowing, leg sweeps, spotted arms pulls...all the way over to that black chick like ...and said "where did you get that chicken it smells so good!"

Ratchet chick says "girl I got it from the cafeteria down stairs"

Old white lady says "It's open?"

Ratchet chick doesn't even answer, she opens the bag of chicken and they both inhale deeply and start

White chick yells out in the elevator "Thomas till them I am going to be late for the meeting I'm going back down stairs to get some of this fried chicken"...and starts mashing the ground floor button on the elevator...

My floor finally comes up and I slide out the elevator...the damn bag is so greasy when I bump against it, it leaves a stain on they cuff of my dress coat...

I look back and the ratchet chick is like ...and some of the white people are looking at that bag of chicken like

holy shyt

 

[kingstl]

At my old job we had caters bring food. It was this dude getting alimony and child support taken out of his check. We had lunch shifts, he had 3rd lunch.

C00n:"boss can i go stash me a plate cuz its gone be all gone by the time i go on lunch"

Manager: it's plenty, it will be more than enough left when u go on lunch

Co0n: u'd be surprised how fast food go, i just wanna make a plate and take it out to the car, it wont take but a minute

Manager: go ahead...just hurry back

 

[hypo666]

I was being served once in macdonalds (Iam white ), and this black girl was serving me and she was ever so polite and happy , I remember thinking what great customer service, she'll be a manager within a year the way she is going. behind me was a young black male in a suit (I was wearing jeans and a hoody) , and while I was sorting out my change I heard her interacting with him, and the difference was marked. he wasn;t rude in the slightest but she literally threw his burger and fries at him and basically grunted when she took the order .

 

[Un-AmericanDreamer]

At my old job we had caters bring food. It was this dude getting alimony and child support taken out of his check. We had lunch shifts, he had 3rd lunch.

C00n:"boss can i go stash me a plate cuz its gone be all gone by the time i go on lunch"

Manager: it's plenty, it will be more than enough left when u go on lunch

Co0n: u'd be surprised how fast food go, i just wanna make a plate and take it out to the car, it wont take but a minute

Manager: go ahead...just hurry back

Where's the punch line?

 

[The Nigerian]

http://www.thecoli.com/

 

[MAKAVELI25]

Pound for pound I still find bw/wm to be one of the worst things I see....

Honestly, only dudes who have insecurity issues care about who other people are dating. Even if a chick is on her , there's thousands of other viable chicks (in your city alone) that you can fukk instead. Besides, did YOU ever have a chance at Zoe Saldana?

 

[MAKAVELI25]

LMAO, that commercial had me DYING. I can't believe they had a Jeezy song playing on a "Best Buy" commercial, and they said Hip Hop was Dead

 

[Fillerguy]

I have a bunch... only two stand out.

Recently I saw 12 years a slave. I purposely made sure my family went to a money theater in a money town. Still had a mixed crown A bunch of black folks were loud as fukk during the trailers, laughing at the Tyler Perry nonsense and giving commentary for no reason. I was sitting next to the only lump of white folks in the theater. (everyone kind of self segregated). Overall these particular black folks laughed/talked through the film. My left ear was filled with young cac girls gasping "omg whats wrong with these ppl" meanwhile to my right " that bytch leaking".

Every time a black character "c00n" or dumbed down for survival, that black group laughed. When the slaves were naked and being sold, this one dude went in on the chick with the floppy titties. The mother who wouldnt stop crying over her kids was laughed at every time she was on screen :ohnoe:. They even giggled their way through the most graphic scene in the movie until shyt got real.

I recall the Black folks laughing through Django but everyone laughed through that film, it was a comedy (i didnt think it was funny.) It was startling, more so than the actual film. I remember thinking, "these grown ass nikka really over there laughing there a slave movie

my next one is shorter but it parallels the Dolphins locker room c00ning phenomena and how often it happens in high sports.

 

[kingstl]

Where's the punch line?

I guess u had to be there....

a grown black man, begging a white man for free food,just did something to me. I didnt talk to dude the rest of the day

 

[pickles]

Nope that is exactly how it happened...it was years ago and i can vividly recall every little detail because it was one of the most mind blowing experiences of my life...

I totally blew the interview cause my head was just like ...and then i spent the rest of the day like ...because their are so many questions that were left unanswered...

1. Did the ratchet chicks work there? I was on the 3rd floor when I got back on and they were already on it, so that means they probably got on the ground floor. They were wearing tall tee's and sweatpants, everyone else was in a suit. What place could possibly allow you to wear that? Even crappy call centers make you were jeans and a decent shirt...

2. When I got off on like the 18th floor they were still on it, so what is going on above the 18th floor? Some sort of ratchet convention?

3. She had the bag of chicken and one of those huge oversized purses...who does that? Who just takes a bag of chicken, puts it in their purse, and keeps it moving? Did she not care about the other items in her purse? Was there any other items in the purse?

4. To me...this is the most of all...where was she going? If she really was going up...was it to a job and she was going to share the chicken with co-workers...i doubt it...cause she never once mentioned the chicken to her ratchet friend when they were saying nikka over and over...the chicken only came up when the white women smelled it...was it understood her ratchet friend was going to get some chicken...had they done this before and she knew she wasn't so why even bring it up?...or what if there is just some sort of convention or public speaking thing they are going to...those things last at least an hour...she was just going to pull fried chicken out and eat it? She was just going to let fried chicken sit in her purse until it was over?

5. How did the white women smell that damn chicken? I was on the elevator before her, standing right behind the chicks, and I didn't smell any chicken at all? Does that mean I'm not black enough to smell chicken unless I see it? Was the white women one of those rare country/accidental racist/ratchet white women...I know a white chick from Fort Worth like that...chick is in her late 20's...never been out of the dallas area...I saw her flip out at a taco bell cause she asked for the "rd sc" and they were like "you mean hot sauce?"...she pulled the "you know what I fukking mean"...but who the fukk says "red sauce"...you should hear her talk.. you see how I left the vowels out of her asking for red sauce....it's because she never uses vowels when she talks...everything she says is full of hard c's...stressed m's...and hard g's...

I got another story about some corporate c00ning stuff that was lame at the time but looking back at it...it was kinda funny...if it's still on my mind later I will post it

Why you got -80 for rep though??

I repping you fo this story breh.

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

i can write an epic trilogy on this