The worst pause offense you've ever committed in your life

[drederick tatum]

Back in 2005 , me and my homie had pulled two decent looking Mexican girls from the club. The two girls and my homie were drunk AF and I was sober. Anyways we went cruising trying to find a motel that charges by the hour. We kept driving around and the girls were getting impatient so I decided to just get a regular motel for a whole night. I pull up and leave everyone in the car and walk in trying to get a room.

The front desk guy was a black man who kind of looked like the actor who played Clay Davis in The Wire. As I was waiting for the breh to give me the keys, my homeboy came in, still drunk, and yelled out, "What's taking so long?! My dikk is hard and I'm trying to fukk!" I told my homeboy "Hold on, man! We'll be fukking in no time!"

I then looked at the motel attendant and he was looking at me like . My homeboy bust out laughing but I didn't get it until we were walking back to the car and I realized what I said! I wanted to go back in and explain it wasn't like that and that we got two girls in the car but my homeboy was like forget it. The worst part was the sex with those girls wasn't even good.

In comparison to the sex with your homeboy, or...?

 

[Bishop_BP_Jakes]

Lost one of my earrings in gym class back in HS. We were walking back to the locker room, and I tell my homie "I gotta put something in the other hole when I get home"

Him:

Me: You know what I meant....................
Right?

We ain't speak again til the final bell that day, smdh

 

[Zero]

Drunk in Vegas me and the homies on the elevator I look at Larry(rip) and my nikka is fresh af…but I ain’t never seen his shoes before so I ask him what they are and after he told me I asked him what size shoe he wears and my drunk ass literally before I knew I was saying it said

“Ok I see what u working with”

The whole elevator looked at me like nikka what

!!!!!

 

[Bishop_BP_Jakes]

I was rapping along to Prodigys Keep It Thoro and instead of saying I smack nikkas like you I slipped and said I smash nikkas like you I said Ayo fukk is you on to myself in the car mirror


Worst one I got someone with my boys were hooping, I was on the park bench smoking, nikka trash talkin guarding one of my friends said "you aint going hard enough, I used to make you sweat back at my house "


I said A YOOOOO NO HOMO

Whole park erupted in laughter

Maaaaaaan!

 

[Caca-faat]

Pause culture is more gay than anything, always got dikk on your mind.

 

[7th Letter Specialist]

Pause culture is more gay than anything, always got dikk on your mind.

"Culture"?!?

...it's literally just a game

 

[Fill Collins]

I almost slammed ass with an FTM last year

I know what pause is, Breh. But in all honesty, I'd fight the war and say that there was no 'pause' there yesterday when I posted that, but I'd be running away from a far greater truth that I should be addressing, rather than looking to amend with any flowery epistle I'd write in it's defence.

I am not well. Things aren't good or favourable at the moment and I've been casually stoned far too often as of late in an effort to dull the miasma of everything that has been diligently keeping me in this undertow of failure tinged with despondency.


@drederick tatum Appologies, brother.

Spoiler: And with that said

I'm calling it. I'm going to go eat a vegetable, drink some water and go read The Count of Monte Cristo or some other comforting shyt.

nikkas buy a thesaurus and don't shut up about it

 

[drederick tatum]

Pause culture is more gay than anything, always got dikk on your mind.

Who said somethin about dikk?!?

 

[Second Chance Lance]

was drunk smashing this broad, killing it, and whispered in her ear "my puzzy feels so good hunh", she said what, I said "nah, I meant..." we just stopped after that put on my clothes and drove home. Hella pause worthy

 

[DA_LURKA]

Coworker: what you had for lunch?

Me: five guys...

All of my cowokers: Ayyyoooo...

Me:

 

[Save $ not Hoes]

Ngl probably today. I was mad as fukk at the buckeyes for not destroying marshal. the qb passes were looking wobbly with no spiral. So I yell out damn breh balls ain’t even tight! wtf!, at one of them weak ass passes. My chick instantly hit me with the
Tf you say ?

can't lie my pause was way too late, and trying explain spirals with out saying passing tight balls was taking way too much effort so I took my L

 

[Save $ not Hoes]

Fix this site breh damn double post got me looking sus as fukk like I got multiple pause moments

 

[Checkgamematch]

My old boss passed away and I hated her.I sent flowers that said rest in piss.

 

[Hoshi_Toshi]

Work with an old white dude named Richard. Y’all know how they do with the nicknames. I call them MF’ers Rich or Richard. They insist you call them dikk.

20+ people on a Teams call still waiting on a few folks to join so we can get started.

Checked the guest list and see we’re missing Richard.

Spoiler

I’ve been real careful about calling folks the right names and shyt cuz a week before this I got hemmed up in the break room by a white woman yelling at me cuz I misgendered her friend.

I was complimenting her saying SHE was good with data analytics then the friend went off saying “ITS THEY/THEM and they are non binary!

So I said some shyt like “everybody’s here but one person, let’s see if we can get dikk in here. I’m going to hit dikk on the side and see if he’s up”

It was quiet as fukk and I just called out sick the next day.

 

[MMS]

playing call of duty search and destroy with the headset on

me and the homie scoping out the plant area and i meant to say come behind me but it came out "come on my back bro"

longest pause on the headset