Damn this is me to a t. Everything good in my life I've managed to fukk it up and lose it. I attract wild crazy situations that I know the average person doesn't go through. Having to work extra hard just to do normal people shyt.
you have to start doing the total opposite of what you have been doing. stop trying to work so hard for a job and start working hard for your self. stop dealing with the type of females your used to and change up. get a better or different diet. all these things play a part in changing the energy the earth is giving you or your actually recycling I should say to the earth. I have the same problems for years real talk. and once I started doing things differently but still being able to be me and keep true to myself and what I want youlll start feeling the energy and you just then have to process that energy into reality.
Imagine a person that loved you as much as humanly possible. How would that person treat you (What would they say to you? What would they do for you? What would they say about you and to you? What would they think about you?)?
right now i'm in somewhat of a down position in life and need to get back on track. my last relationship really threw me off and fukked up my self confidence which has leaked into other parts of my life and has thus created a spiral of negative effects. i need to figure out how to get out of this rut. ive been exercising more, stopped drinking (but still smoke), studying for an IT cert, and trying to join clubs/volunteer to be more active and meet more people. anyone have some tips for me? where i can meet other positive people? how to be more positive in my life personally?
I had gotten 2 requests I submitted approved, got an A on a mid term I was stressed out about.
But once again I'm glad y'all upped this as I was falling into bass habits again, it's easy as hell to head back down that road. You don't even notice it.
"If you set your mind free baby, maybe you'd understand; starships and rockets, in a world that don't give a damn." I'm finally starting to understand .
I'm definitely possessed, cursed, and janky. Always one step from jail, homelessness, and loneliness. It's like I'm destined to NOT have anything that I love. It all gets taken from me eventually. Even if I so think I might enjoy something, some bullshyt happens...
My life is a constant fight. I work 4x as hard just to maintain a somewhat acceptable position in society. Hazards follow me everywhere I go still.
I'm sick of this shyt brehs. I swear to god. I didn't ask to be born this way.
i forgot i made a post in here requesting prayer&good energy/inner-g,so thankh you&don't hesitate to ever ask me for assistance/a prayer/meditation/etc ad nauseam
I'm sort of on the journey. The reason I say sort of is that psychedelics are VERY hard to come by where I'm at. The only advice I ever received was to "know the right white guy", but that hasn't helped.
The last time I took shrooms was amazing. It was like I "level'd" up, as someone stated earlier. I've been frantically looking for them ever since. Not one worry entered my head, and I was contemplating all kinds of deep things. I feel this would help me being that I had an EXTREMELY MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DAMAGING childhood. I will post in detail about that in the following spoiler tag, for those who would care to read into that a little further.
A lot of parents don't respect the fact that a child's developmental phases are extremely critical for their mental health. I was basically one of those "lost children" that didn't have anyone to steer him the correct direction. My parents, I say, were the main cause of my "plight" in my younger days. i was pretty much told everything you don't have any business telling a child (things like your gonna be/area a failure, your nothing, etc.) or getting hit for the smallest infractions. I was never taught how to have self-esteem or confidence. Every time I would try and do something to gain that, I'd be stopped and/or criticized for it. I wasn't getting my ass beat at school, but people would take full advantage of my meekness. I never had anyone teach me to defend myself, further making me feel like I wasn't "worth it" or "inadequate" in some sort of way. The worse thing was i had such a love for martial arts, but I had NO ACCESS. I know for a fact had I been able to, things would of turned out different. It was like I was stuck between a rock and a hard world, with no way out. My other family was always states away, so I couldn't look to them for guidance. It was sort of like they knew what was going on, but they could do nothing but watch from afar and shake their heads. I was one of those kids who wouldn't overstay their welcome, but never really wanted to go home due to what awaited me. My only real salvation was my few REAL friends who still were cool with me and at least tried to tell me something, although when I would tell what's going on at home, no one could really say anything, or seemingly didn't really give a shyt. There were a couple of people who I never should of even started hanging with to begin with, but oh well. Now to this day, I rarely forgive or forget, due to what has happened before when I did....
Even females would try and get over and use me and play little games. shyt, I can't even honestly say I know what it's like to have a REAL gf or anything. I was the guy that would get turned down for whatever reason, just to see my "crush" hugged up with some other guy, or to find out that she likes/liked someone else. I've even damn near got set-up before. I even attempted suicide once (bout 16-17), but for some reason it didn't work. (i took a shytload of PM pills and decided to wake up wherever, until my manager called me and said I was supposed to work that day (which I'm sure I wasn't until this day, funny how things work out)...But I'll tell you what; if I had access to a gun I more than likely would not be typing this right now............I've had "girlfriends", but it was never anything worthwhile. My last "relationshyt" lasted almost a year, and it was NOT WORTHWHILE at all. I've never been with anyone I've liked or been even remotely attracted to. Man, I don't even know what it's like to ENJOY a woman's company. shyt, sometimes I don't think I ever will in any form. This is a huge part of what's made me so aloof towards women. and now, it's gotten to a point where I damn near feel as if it isn't even worth it.......
Pretty much, I was a ball of potential who always got used as a ball of trash to shoot trash can hoops with, or as a paperweight instead. I can say I've made a lot of progress, but I'm not where I need to be yet. However, I've almost accepted the fact that I will be more than likely walking my path by myself, and I'm almost fine with it, how disturbing it may sound.
I try to stay and think positive, but when your shyt's (mental set-up) is as damaged as mine, it get's extremely difficult.
Yeah, your boy's fukkED UP....
Basically right now due to being "very damaged goods". I feel like I'm playing catch-up. Not against anyone else, but my own personal growth. I kind of feel as if I shouldn't be even having these thoughts at this point (I'm 31), and I may have some sort of mental illness. I mean put it like this....I don't think I've ever had an honest "good day"; I'm THAT used to being down that it's almost normal...
Thing is, everytime I took shrooms or anything with psychedelic effects, all of this shyt I typed above became VOID, and I was actually "happy"...............................
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