storyteller
Superstar
So I bit the bullet and finally gave The Strangers: Chapter One a watch, and it's rare that a movie lives down to the rabid hate it received...but this belongs with Halloween Kills, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) and The Exorcist: Believer in the pantheon of "we disrespected the legacy of a great horror brand." But I think this might be worse...
Kills and TCM tried to go in different directions from their predecessors. Believer took the old story and tried to fit new perspectives into it. But Chapter One ripped off the same story and plotbeats from the original, and managed to make every one of them worse. Imagine someone taking a paint by numbers picture and still getting it all wrong...like they colored the sky blue and the grass green, but they used Navy blue and Neon Green...so the picture's a fukkin' mess anyway.
Let's talk about some of the beat-for-beat rehashed moments that they managed to make worse.
- The rejected wedding proposal has been replaced by the BF dating his girl for 7 years and never popping the question. But the GF doesn't care much, and their relationship is peachy...but they still have less chemistry then Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman did.
- The "is Tamara there" moment is basically redone word for word, but with no hope of living up to the original.
- When Maya (the GF) is left in the house alone, there's no awkward fight to act somber about. So she just starts smoking a J and playing the piano...it's way less moody in setting up the sudden knocks.
- In terms of the characters hiding in the background; the original always felt understandable. The characters were in some serious shadows. This one is way less subtle.
- The shotgun scene went from "he killed his brother, omg" to "he killed some a$$hole that was threatening him ten minutes earlier."
- At about 50 minutes into the movie, the MC's finally get physically harmed...it's SELF-INFLICTED. Dumbass Maya is crawling and slaps a nail right through her palm. Then Ryan sprains his ankle running up a hill. I'm pretty sure if the killers waited long enough, these two would die on their own.
- Which gets to a major issue with this whole thing...the MC's are dumbasses. The original pair did some goofy stuff, but it all felt reasonable for their panic. These new MC's realize that someone's been inside their house and run to lock the door. Ryan holds one character at gunpoint and talks trash for five minutes, which is enough for the other killer to sneak up on him...so the kids in Prey at Night were clearly better equipped to fight off the killers.
- The gf has a cell phone, but doesn't call the cops until she needs to be quiet because she's hiding...so she gets caught.
- They spend half the movie with a shotgun, and only shoot it at the only character within 5 miles that isn't a masked killer.
- The kill scene is dragged out longer, but without the acting to carry it. Sometimes, less is more...and to make matters worse, they switched "Because you were home" to "because you were here" which is just a perfect example of getting the paint by numbers wrong. It's the same, but not as clever or effective.
- Oddly enough, by making the kill scene happen at night, instead of in the morning daylight...it loses some impact. And having the cops pull up instead of some kids find the bodies also weakens the impact.
- The biggest switch-up is the "to be continued" aspect, but again...having someone survive the home invasion just to try and tack on a second part removes how much the OG ending hit.
- So yeah, this movie sucks. The writers don't deserve a credit for this trash script...it's the first time I've thought to myself "AI coulda stolen these guys jobs" for screenwriters.
It's one thing for creators to try something new and drop the ball. It's another for them to take old stories, and butcher them so miserably just to try and make a box office buck. I need to know how this schlock got pitched. "Let's do It Follows, right after an orgy so no one can figure out whose next" ...actually, that's way more creative than what these lazy fools did.
Kills and TCM tried to go in different directions from their predecessors. Believer took the old story and tried to fit new perspectives into it. But Chapter One ripped off the same story and plotbeats from the original, and managed to make every one of them worse. Imagine someone taking a paint by numbers picture and still getting it all wrong...like they colored the sky blue and the grass green, but they used Navy blue and Neon Green...so the picture's a fukkin' mess anyway.
Let's talk about some of the beat-for-beat rehashed moments that they managed to make worse.
- The rejected wedding proposal has been replaced by the BF dating his girl for 7 years and never popping the question. But the GF doesn't care much, and their relationship is peachy...but they still have less chemistry then Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman did.
- The "is Tamara there" moment is basically redone word for word, but with no hope of living up to the original.
- When Maya (the GF) is left in the house alone, there's no awkward fight to act somber about. So she just starts smoking a J and playing the piano...it's way less moody in setting up the sudden knocks.
- In terms of the characters hiding in the background; the original always felt understandable. The characters were in some serious shadows. This one is way less subtle.
- The shotgun scene went from "he killed his brother, omg" to "he killed some a$$hole that was threatening him ten minutes earlier."
- At about 50 minutes into the movie, the MC's finally get physically harmed...it's SELF-INFLICTED. Dumbass Maya is crawling and slaps a nail right through her palm. Then Ryan sprains his ankle running up a hill. I'm pretty sure if the killers waited long enough, these two would die on their own.
- Which gets to a major issue with this whole thing...the MC's are dumbasses. The original pair did some goofy stuff, but it all felt reasonable for their panic. These new MC's realize that someone's been inside their house and run to lock the door. Ryan holds one character at gunpoint and talks trash for five minutes, which is enough for the other killer to sneak up on him...so the kids in Prey at Night were clearly better equipped to fight off the killers.
- The gf has a cell phone, but doesn't call the cops until she needs to be quiet because she's hiding...so she gets caught.
- They spend half the movie with a shotgun, and only shoot it at the only character within 5 miles that isn't a masked killer.
- The kill scene is dragged out longer, but without the acting to carry it. Sometimes, less is more...and to make matters worse, they switched "Because you were home" to "because you were here" which is just a perfect example of getting the paint by numbers wrong. It's the same, but not as clever or effective.
- Oddly enough, by making the kill scene happen at night, instead of in the morning daylight...it loses some impact. And having the cops pull up instead of some kids find the bodies also weakens the impact.
- The biggest switch-up is the "to be continued" aspect, but again...having someone survive the home invasion just to try and tack on a second part removes how much the OG ending hit.
- So yeah, this movie sucks. The writers don't deserve a credit for this trash script...it's the first time I've thought to myself "AI coulda stolen these guys jobs" for screenwriters.
It's one thing for creators to try something new and drop the ball. It's another for them to take old stories, and butcher them so miserably just to try and make a box office buck. I need to know how this schlock got pitched. "Let's do It Follows, right after an orgy so no one can figure out whose next" ...actually, that's way more creative than what these lazy fools did.
on seeing demonic shyt with her. Which one is the tamest? Longlegs is a crime drama too, right?