check out these tests:
https://www.luckygunner.com/labs/pocket-pistol-caliber-gel-test-results/#22LR
https://www.luckygunner.com/labs/self-defense-ammo-ballistic-tests/#9mm
the best 22 ammo out of a carry gun averages 13.1" of penetration (you want 12-18"), .22" bullet diameter and hits with 70 foot-pounds of energy at close range, meanwhile the best 9mm ammo gets 18.3" of penetration, the bullet expands to .66" and hits with 376 ft-lbs of energy. if you click on the ammo's brand names you can see pics of the wounds they make, the results speak for themselves. brehs eat 9mm rounds like scooby snacks all the time, i wouldn't feel comfy with one that's more than 5x weaker.
^ this, you really gotta go to a store, try out some guns and see what's comfy. the breh wildin said he didn't like his cz cause his hands aren't big enough for them - well his hands are way bigger than mine and i love the cz-75 design so it's gonna be different for everybody. also most pistols these days come with two or three interchangeable backstraps, or like some sigs you can swap out the entire bottom half's plastic shell for one that fits better.
i'd go for a striker fired gun (like the glock you tried) instead of a hammer fired one since it's simpler for a beginner, you just pull the trigger and it goes bang, and there's no decocker/hammer and generally no safety to fukk around with. if you really have problems with the recoil of a 380, try out a 32. the problem is that 32 ammo's a lil harder to find and there's only a few guns still being made - the beretta tomcat (nice gun but it's outdated and heavy), seecamp, naa guardian and keltec p32. the link in my sig has some other recommendations, i think those are all 380/9mm.