The General Mills Chronicles.

[General Mills]

As I said before. Once we landed in Chicago our orders were to go to the USO in the airport and check in. I was to wait for my bus to take me to Great Lakes for boot camp. They were to wait then they would be escorted to another airport in Chicago so they could fly to their boot camp in South Carolina.

Well. .


We walk in the USO and sign in. I am relieved. I no longer have to deal with these fakkits. They start their shyt again. Start hollering about the Corp. Acting all billy badass. They continued their troll world tour. They had some kids in their legit scared. They saw this one young cac in the corner with his headphones on. They crowded his ass and started hollering on him Full Metal Jacket style.

The poor kid had no idea if they were legit drill instructors or not. They looked the part and sounded the part. So he was in the corner Then they coralled like three other young dudes and had them all hemmed up in the corner reading them the riot act.

One kid even saluted the cacs. I was like These dudes were out of control.. . .This was all fine and dandy until real life hit. .

This nikka KICKS THE DOOR IN. Had to be like 6'5 and musclebound as fukk. His shirt was young as hell like Malik Yobas shirts in Alpha.

He came in SCREAMING!! WHERE ARE MY YOUNG PUPPIES WHO GOT OFF THE PLANE FROM PITTSBURGH??

 

[dennis roadman]

i got so much to catch up on - i've been holding off on this thread like a good nut during an hourlong fap

 

[malbaker86]

 

[General Mills]

My nikkas. . He was like a real life scary version of Major Payne but bigger, blacker and no gold tooth. I peeked at the cacs and they were

I was also legit worried. . .When he kicked in the door my stomach did a gurgle.

He says it again. " WHERE THE fukk ARE MY PUPPIES FROM PITTSBURGH??" We line up quick as a hiccup. . . . He looks us up in down and those three cacs were standing straight and tall. For them this is it! They have made it. I think they fully expected the Marine to be impressed with their dedication to the Corp. After all they had on fatigues, boots, and had buzz cuts and dog tags..

He ethered the fukk out of all three! He just started hollering at the top of his lungs RIGHT IN THEIR FACES!

The whole time he is yelling I am concentrating on my gut. It is percolating something serious. He is SCREAMING AT US!

GO OUTSIDE AND GET ON THE BUS!

Now. . I could have swore that I was to stay there and wait for the Navy guy. . But I did not want to argue with this guy. .

The Cacs looked like the kids on Scared Straight when they hit that taste of reality. . They were pale as fukk. . .The Marine was PISSED at them and how they were dressed. He told all of us get your raggedy asses on the bus outside NOW! YOU WILL NOT TURN AROUND. YOUR ASS NOW BELONGS TO THE CORP. DO NOT DEVIATE. FACE FORWARD AND MARCH YOUR ASSES ON THAT BUS DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR????!!!!!

My stomach dropped an internal bomb and made a loud ass gurgle noise again! He heard it and swiveled his head and looked at me Then something amazing happened. One of the Cacs dropped his wallet . . . He turned around and picked it up. . .When he turned back around the Marine was waiting on him. . .

 

[General Mills]

He slapped the Cac's head clean off.

I froze. . The two other cacs froze. The marine froze. . I could see him processing everything in his mind. . He He knew it. . His tone automatically became softer and he tried to reverse the damage. . The cacs were scared as fukk! Well shyt. . So was I. I was pretty sure he could not do that but he did it. . I could be next so I was doing nothing to antagonize this man.

We start walking to the bus. . . I could hear the cac behind me sobbing from the super slap. Every step my stomach was doing gymnastics. I started relieving some pressure. . .Started spray cropping strategically behind me. .

I caught a whiff and it was We get on the bus and now all three cacs were sobbing. I am sitting uncomfortably as hell. . .Somehow someway I must have caught a stomach bug or something. .

I go to relieve some more pressure. . . when i

I felt something wet and slimy. .

 

[General Mills]

The funk enveloped the place pronto. Soon others on the bus started shifting and looking around. I tried to stop the damage. I stopped moving all together. . . I wanted to limit the fumes as much as possible.

Meanwhile my stomach was still on full gurgle mode. WTF WAS GOING ON?? I can now hear people whispering. "who shyt?" " somebody stinks
" aw hell nah! "

For right now they do not know it is me. . But I am scared as fukk to move an inch or more shyt will come out. All of a sudden somebody in the back starts singing loud as hell.



FEEEEEL THE FUNKKKKKKKKK!

The whole bus was At this time the Marine comes stomping on the bus with a clipboard in his hand and started counting heads.

WHY DO I HAVE AN EXTRA PERSON ON MY BUS!!?? WHY???

I was scared to stand up brehs. One cause of that marine. Two because my shytty secret will be revealed. He started naming names and checking people off. I could also see his nose wrinkling as he got nearer to me.

Finally he looked at me and said in a whisper.

Who are you and why is your stinky ass on my bus?

I meekly said. . My name is General and I am going into the Navy sir. . . . .. . GET YOUR shytTY ASS OFF OF MY BUS NOWWWWW

 

[General Mills]

I stand up and my stomach gurgles loud as fukk! I was now in pain! It legit hurt and I was bent over. . I then crab walked off the boat. . . Leaving a trail of straight funk behind me.

I get off and I look at the bus. The three gung-ho cacs were looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes. They no longer want that Marine life. The one cac has legit tears in his eyes.

I turn away and hurry into the bathroom to try and limit the damage. Had everyone in the USO looking at me like

30 minutes later my ride comes. SHE is a legit 6-maybe 7ish

I am legit smelling like shyt. She looked at me. . Then smelled me. .

Welcome to the Navy General.


Oh yeah. Found out later the reason for my stomach acting up. It seems my body decided at the airport that It could no longer accept lactose. RIGHT THEN. I became lactose intolerant and my body rejected those three bowls of delicious cookie crisp.

 

[Super Ramon]

The funk enveloped the place pronto. Soon others on the bus started shifting and looking around. I tried to stop the damage. I stopped moving all together. . . I wanted to limit the fumes as much as possible.

Meanwhile my stomach was still on full gurgle mode. WTF WAS GOING ON?? I can now hear people whispering. "who shyt?" " somebody stinks
" aw hell nah! "

For right now they do not know it is me. . But I am scared as fukk to move an inch or more shyt will come out. All of a sudden somebody in the back starts singing loud as hell.

IMMATURE-FEEL THE FUNK - YouTube

FEEEEEL THE FUNKKKKKKKKK!

The whole bus was At this time the Marine comes stomping on the bus with a clipboard in his hand and started counting heads.

WHY DO I HAVE AN EXTRA PERSON ON MY BUS!!?? WHY???

I was scared to stand up brehs. One cause of that marine. Two because my shytty secret will be revealed. He started naming names and checking people off. I could also see his nose wrinkling as he got nearer to me.

Finally he looked at me and said in a whisper.

Who are you and why is your stinky ass on my bus?

I meekly said. . My name is General and I am going into the Navy sir. . . . .. . GET YOUR shytTY ASS OFF OF MY BUS NOWWWWW

 

[#StarkSet]

The funk enveloped the place pronto. Soon others on the bus started shifting and looking around. I tried to stop the damage. I stopped moving all together. . . I wanted to limit the fumes as much as possible.

Meanwhile my stomach was still on full gurgle mode. WTF WAS GOING ON?? I can now hear people whispering. "who shyt?" " somebody stinks
" aw hell nah! "

For right now they do not know it is me. . But I am scared as fukk to move an inch or more shyt will come out. All of a sudden somebody in the back starts singing loud as hell.

IMMATURE-FEEL THE FUNK - YouTube

FEEEEEL THE FUNKKKKKKKKK!

The whole bus was At this time the Marine comes stomping on the bus with a clipboard in his hand and started counting heads.

WHY DO I HAVE AN EXTRA PERSON ON MY BUS!!?? WHY???

I was scared to stand up brehs. One cause of that marine. Two because my shytty secret will be revealed. He started naming names and checking people off. I could also see his nose wrinkling as he got nearer to me.

Finally he looked at me and said in a whisper.

Who are you and why is your stinky ass on my bus?

I meekly said. . My name is General and I am going into the Navy sir. . . . .. . GET YOUR shytTY ASS OFF OF MY BUS NOWWWWW

I almost shyt my pants laughing so hard

 

[Constantine]

I thought this was about cereal.

 

[beenz]

@ all this. I can't handle milk by itself either anymore. That's y I don't eat cereal unless its a day where I know I won't be leaving the cribs for the most part.

 

[Swagaveli]

Massive salutations to the gawd of this internet game, Mills! Came in and crushed the buildings, solidifying this thread as the best of 2013 already. Don't leave your nikkas starvin aight

Oh btw don't yall have lactose free milk in the US? Beaniemac left me puzzled.

 

[Mr. Jack Napier]

Wow, what a shytty way to start your Naval career

 

[threattonature]

Lets back up a bit brehs. Lets talk about how it went down when I joined the Navy. I call this one. . Morons + MEPS = A shytty day.

Its D Day. That morning the recruiter showed up bright n fukking early to get me and take me downtown to MEPS to be processed in to the Navy.



Basically you have to get examined by the doc to make sure you are fit to go in. Once they clear you you then have to swear in and then they fly you to where you have to go for bootcamp. It was a fukking fiasco from the giddy up.

I am trying hard to remember the sequence of events but I am a lil fuzzy. I DO REMEMBER the funny/ether parts. I will never forget them.

We are all lined up for our exams. There are about 25 of us in a room. They tell us to strip down to our draws. This one Luke Perry looking cat from West Virginia was standing there with his cowboy hat on and a cocky smirk on his face.

And the tightest pair of Wranglers on. No homo but I was wondering how the hell he even got them on? He had his cowboy boots off and he had on no socks. His feet smelled like cowhide and hot piss on a radiator. The funk quickly spread through the whole room. Luke was chilling there cool as ice tho.

Even though we have not swore in yet. . I guess we just got our first order. A officer told us to strip down to our draws. We all stripped our clothes off pronto. Luke gave no fukks. He looked like he was going out for a stroll.

The doc finally came in. . Lil short German guy. He looks at Luke. . Youz must takez off your britches young man. Luke shrugs his shoulders. Then states with a slow ass drawl " I would rather not but if you insist. "

This cac had on no draws. . He is also standing there with what appears to be a full blown case of diaper rash around his private area.

I had gym class with a guy like this. Soon as he peeled off the tight ass cowboy pants and the boots and woudl clear out the whole damn locker room.

I'm at the whole story though. About time you came back.

 

[Madvillain]

YOOOOO NEW GENERAL MILLS! WOOOO