The General Mills Chronicles.

[General Mills]

Lets back up a bit brehs. Lets talk about how it went down when I joined the Navy. I call this one. . Morons + MEPS = A shytty day.

Its D Day. That morning the recruiter showed up bright n fukking early to get me and take me downtown to MEPS to be processed in to the Navy.

MEPS is a Department of Defense joint-service organization staffed with military and civilians. Their job is to determine an applicant's physical qualifications, aptitude and moral standards as set by each branch of military service, the Department of Defense, and federal law.

Basically you have to get examined by the doc to make sure you are fit to go in. Once they clear you you then have to swear in and then they fly you to where you have to go for bootcamp. It was a fukking fiasco from the giddy up.

I am trying hard to remember the sequence of events but I am a lil fuzzy. I DO REMEMBER the funny/ether parts. I will never forget them.

We are all lined up for our exams. There are about 25 of us in a room. They tell us to strip down to our draws. This one Luke Perry looking cat from West Virginia was standing there with his cowboy hat on and a cocky smirk on his face.

And the tightest pair of Wranglers on. No homo but I was wondering how the hell he even got them on? He had his cowboy boots off and he had on no socks. His feet smelled like cowhide and hot piss on a radiator. The funk quickly spread through the whole room. Luke was chilling there cool as ice tho.

Even though we have not swore in yet. . I guess we just got our first order. A officer told us to strip down to our draws. We all stripped our clothes off pronto. Luke gave no fukks. He looked like he was going out for a stroll.

The doc finally came in. . Lil short German guy. He looks at Luke. . Youz must takez off your britches young man. Luke shrugs his shoulders. Then states with a slow ass drawl " I would rather not but if you insist. "

This cac had on no draws. . He is also standing there with what appears to be a full blown case of diaper rash around his private area.

 

[3Rivers]

My nikka General is back

 

[Mr. Jack Napier]

Welcome back General

 

[Ice Cold]

The GOAT story teller has returned :bowdown:

 

[ThaBoyBam]

 

[3rdLetter]

 

[Black]

Thank You!!!!!!!!!

 

[King Theo]

 

[Sly Cookin]

he's back

 

[DallasTxRep]

bout time

 

[General Mills]

The Doc is in shock . . . These three other cacs were standing near me and they were The officer was

Aiyo brehs. . This cac's whole ass and lap area was bright red and pimply. Luke still looked like this was not embarrasing. He slowly bent down picked up his cowboy hat. Perched it atop his dome and grinned like a cocky Han Solo.

"I told yall this was not a good idea". I am now at this blatant display of swag in the face of getting sonned for not having draws and having a chapped ass. . . What confidence by this young cac.. . .

The doc had to usher him into a private room to finish the examination and find him some undergarments I presume. The whole time there were three cacs next to me who were whispering about how they cannot wait to get to the marine corp. Talkinbout how they are going to shoot guns, fukk bytches, win wars. . . I am ignoring these over eager beavers but somehow someway I have to deal with them as the story progresses.

Fast forward a bit. Exam is over. We have swore in. . Now they are giving some of us our plane tix giving us instructions on the next step. The MEPS guy tells me that he wants me to be with the three cacs. We are to fly to Chicago together. Once there we are all to report to the USO at the airport. I will be going to bootcamp in Chicago. Those three idiots will get there other tickets at the USO and continue on to South Carolina.

I did not want to be associated with these clowns. We get to the airport and they are in full blown GI-Joe mode.

1. They all have on combat boots already.
2. They all have on full fatigues they bought at a Army Navy store.
3. They have on pre-made dog tags.

We are walking through the airport and we have about a 2 hours to kill. They see a barber shop. . They go in and get buzz cuts. All three start hounding me to get my hair cut too.

Now I know eventually I will have to get my fro cut off. But I damn sure aint doing it before I have too. I tell the cacs " Yall are dumb as fukk! "

Cac - You arent pumped to be going into the Core?
Me - I am going into the Navy
Cacs - NAVY?

 

[jdubnyce]

= my reaction to seeing the thread on the first page

= seeing the gawd aesop with a post dated in Jan 2013

 

[jdubnyce]

The Doc is in shock . . . These three other cacs were standing near me and they were The officer was

Aiyo brehs. . This cac's whole ass and lap area was bright red and pimply. Luke still looked like this was not embarrasing. He slowly bent down picked up his cowboy hat. Perched it atop his dome and grinned like a cocky Han Solo.

"I told yall this was not a good idea". I am now at this blatant display of swag in the face of getting sonned for not having draws and having a chapped ass. . . What confidence by this young cac.. . .

The doc had to usher him into a private room to finish the examination and find him some undergarments I presume. The whole time there were three cacs next to me who were whispering about how they cannot wait to get to the marine corp. Talkinbout how they are going to shoot guns, fukk bytches, win wars. . . I am ignoring these over eager beavers but somehow someway I have to deal with them as the story progresses.

Fast forward a bit. Exam is over. We have swore in. . Now they are giving some of us our plane tix giving us instructions on the next step. The MEPS guy tells me that he wants me to be with the three cacs. We are to fly to Chicago together. Once there we are all to report to the USO at the airport. I will be going to bootcamp in Chicago. Those three idiots will get there other tickets at the USO and continue on to South Carolina.

I did not want to be associated with these clowns. We get to the airport and they are in full blown GI-Joe mode.

1. They all have on combat boots already.
2. They all have on full fatigues they bought at a Army Navy store.
3. They have on pre-made dog tags.

We are walking through the airport and we have about a 2 hours to kill. They see a barber shop. . They go in and get buzz cuts. All three start hounding me to get my hair cut too.

Now I know eventually I will have to get my fro cut off. But I damn sure aint doing it before I have too. I tell the cacs " Yall are dumb as fukk! "

Cac - You arent pumped to be going into the Core?
Me - I am going into the Navy
Cacs - NAVY?

 

[General Mills]

These three idiots were from some small podunk town in PA. Their whole life they wanted to join the Marine Corps. So they have been playing "War" jumping out of trees and shyt in their backyards forever.

This was their moment. . . Their life defining moment. They could see nothing better. . . Nothing more noble. . Nothing more fulfilling than joining the prestigious Marine Corps and serving their country.

And this negro told them he is joining the pissywad Nayy? They went the fukk in on me. You would have thought I fukked their moms or something. They were legit livid at the THOUGHT of joining the Navy.

What could I do? Can not fight in the airport. . They made it their business to verbally let me have it. Nothing race related. I had nothing for them but . I honestly did not give a fukk about the Navy or the Marines. I just wanted my cotdam GI Bill.

We go to get something to eat. The military gave us these food vouchers to use in the airport. Let me tell you something about me brehs. I am a cereal junkie. I LOVE Cereal. I can eat it all day every day. I got some cereal from some place. Settled down to eat and these three morons come over and see me eating and are " REAL MEN EAT THIS! They had steaks and all other bovine meat. They then tried to son me over that. I ignored them and ate like three bowls of Cookie Crisp. . This would later come to haunt me tho.

We get on the plane. Of course I am sitting right by them. Through out the whole flight these horsesasses started making up their own version of what they think Marine songs sound like.

Marines! Marines!
We are exactly what we seem!
Honorable ( ad lib - YEAH! )
Dependable! ( ad lib - YEAH )
ALWAYS WONDERFULLLLLL!


Marines! Marines!
If you need us call ( ad lib - just calllllll )
We will fight for your rights,
Winter, Summer, Spring, and FALLLLLL

I remember this part word for word. I know it because these idiots were singing it over and over again throughout the whole flight. They trolled the fukk out of the whole plane. There were other lyrics but that was the main part. Sadly for them though their whole fantasy world would come crubmling down.

 

[King Theo]

We get on the plane. Of course I am sitting right by them. Through out the whole flight these horsesasses started making up their own version of what they think Marine songs sound like.

Marines! Marines!
We are exactly what we seem!
Honorable ( ad lib - YEAH! )
Dependable! ( ad lib - YEAH )
ALWAYS WONDERFULLLLLL!


Marines! Marines!
If you need us call ( ad lib - just calllllll )
We will fight for your rights,
Winter, Summer, Spring, and FALLLLLL

I remember this part word for word. I know it because these idiots were singing it over and over again throughout the whole flight. They trolled the fukk out of the whole plane. There were other lyrics but that was the main part. Sadly for them though their whole fantasy world would come crubmling down.