The General Mills Chronicles.

[General Mills]

Its been a minute. Lets recap first. .

Well Well Well

Lets get back on it brehs! This one is the "The Chop Shop"

Lets take it back. . This happened the same summer that me and the fellows were Train Swag Surfing. Ya know. The story where the kid hung on to the train like a horsesass. Ended up in Ohio. I got hit with a shottie full of rock salt. And my Mongoose got stolen.

All that happened the first cotdam week of summer vacation. So I was on punishment literally the whole summer. Could not leave the porch.

Also a fun thing my mom liked to do was . . Sign us up for Summer School. Even though we were not failing anything. She said the extra schooling would do us some good. That was some straight bullshyt. She wanted us out the house. So we would car pool with my homie and his mom in the mornings. And my dad or mom would pick us up. Wellll. My homies mom was fine as fukkkk! Dark and pretty. Smelling like some tropical fruit early in the morning. I would get in the whip and I would be looking at her and be star struck. But I was always too shook to say anything. Finally one day she is like.

Dime - General. . When you get in my car I expect you to say Hello and good morning.

Me - Yes Maam.

Next morning. . We get in. I am fukkin tongue tied. . . .

Dime - Now. . Next time you get in my car and dont speak. You will have to find a different way to school.

Me - yes maam.


Third morning. . She is looking in the back seat at me. I am too oblivious. I just honestly forgot. . She said. You are not riding with me no more after this. I am telling your dad.

Me

 

[Two Stacks]

 

[General Mills]

I am shook brehs. My dad already beat the living daylights out of me when he found out I was responsible for that kid ending up stranded on a train for two days. . After school my mom picked us up and I remember her looking at me like .

My dad comes home from work later. Grabs the front of my shirt and yolks me up. Tells me thru clenched teeth.

Dad - You are disrespectful and you dont know when to quit do you?

Me - I am sorrryyy

Dad - You are NOT to ride with them in the morning. You ruined that.

Me - I guess I will just ride with you when you go to work in the morning. I am sorry dad.

Dad - Ride with me? You are walking to school.


Me -


Summer School by bike was probably a 45 minutes away. Give or take. Walking. it would be If you remember from that story. My Goose got stolen. . And my dad vowed to not buy me a bike for two years. So I was without transportation. . . I had to device a plan.

 

[General Mills]

I start thinking. . .Ok. I am in the suburbs. How can I use it to my advantage to help me get to school faster. Walking is not an option. Hold up. . . I AM IN THE SUBURBS! Kids leave bikes outside every day B.




My immediate thought was how to get to school the next day. I did not think of nothing after that. The next morning. I got up extra fukking early. Like I was going to walk. . . I am outside and it is still dark. Perfect! I just started walking thru backyards. . . .Not even 5 minutes of walking and I run up on a bmx bike. I grab that bytch and I am out!



I cruise to school carefree! I get to school mad early. . .Then start thinking. What am I going to do with the bike? I cant ride it home. Im not even supposed to have it. Hell. . I am riding home with my parents and the other carpool kids. So I stash it in the woods next to the school. Its mad early so there is nobody around. I do that and enjoy the rest of my day without a single fukk being given.

The next day I do the same thing. Get up mad early. Find a bike within the first two blocks. Ride to school. Stash the bike in the woods. Brehs. .This went on for two weeks. Soon I had a issue. What to do with all these bikes? They were starting to pile up in the woods. I mean I could have kept them there indefinitely I suppose. . .But why waste all of these perfectly good bikes? I mean. . . I could profit off of this right? Why let them sit out here and rust away? I could ask my one cac homie. . We could both eat.

 

[Golayitdown]

 

[Ari Gold Bawse]

hes back

edit: you told us this story already

 

[General Mills]

Now you know I am on punishment. . When I am home I can not leave my own cotdam front porch. The ultimate ether as a kid. . is being confined to the porch and watching all of the neighborhood kids zipping up n down the street on bikes carefree as the wind. All summer. Every day. I am on the porch like



This nerdy cac who lived three doors down and on the other side of the street. Andy. He was cool. Other kids made fun of him but I was cool with him. One day he was in front of my house playing with my brother. I call him to the porch.

Me - Aye. . . I have a plan to get us some cash. You down for a caper?

Andy - Sure bro. Whats up

Me - Look. I am sitting on like 11 bikes right now. They are up at the vo-tech school stashed in the woods. We are talking mountain bikes, bmx bikes, girl bikes, etc. . . What I am thinking is. . If I can get you to start getting them. . . Riding them back. Stashing them in your garage. From their. . Start breaking them down... . Kids always have popped tires or raggedy chains. They always need new seats or new brakes. We can start eating off this! Open our own Bike Repair and Service shop right in the neighborhood! Only thing is. . I cant help. I am on restriction. I can supply bikes. Endless supply. But you have to assemble a trustworthy crew to transport them back. . .And then chop em up. Can you do this?


Andy - I got you bro. We can do this!




Then my mom chased Andy off the porch.

So now we was set. . . Andy got his younger brother and his cousin who was with them for the summer to be the CREW. What they did was decide to moves the bikes thru the neighborhood when it was dark. So they put on backpacks. Ride their skateboards to the school. Get there at dusk. Put the skateboards in their backpacks. Hop on the bikes. By the time they were hitting our streets it was dark. They just booked it straight to Andy's house and put them in the garage. This way they were able to move three bikes a night. I was still stashing one bike a day during the week. But at least now the stash was getting moved!

Me and Andy did not discuss payment or anything. I knew this was a startup. Probably be a little bit before we started seeing greenbacks. But I had nothing but time. Im confined to the porch.

 

[General Mills]

Everything was progressing nicely! I was widening my radius for stolen bikes. No need to pilfer from my immediate neighborhood. I would widen the search. . . . The crazy thing is that I was finding bikes EASILY! I am romping around early in the fukking morning. . I am seeing bikes left out everywhere.

It was nothing to snatch a bike and be gone. This went on for a good three weeks. Talkin bout eating well!! I had some real nice bikes man. . And Andy and the cac crew were getting more and more back to his garage. They were just starting to part out the bikes. Andy already sold some kid some mag wheels for like 15 bucks. It has started.

I am slowing down on stealing now. . . . During the 4th week I had a couple of scares. One time I saw a nice juicy BMX bike in the front yard. . .I peeped it. . And was on my way in no time. . I am cruising when a black pick up pulls up next to me. . . Then cuts me off!! A angry cac jumps out like thats my sons bike!! I dipped and ran into the woods. . Another time I had just hopped on a girls mountain bike when I see a Yorkie come jumping out the doggy door yapping at me. I am But then right on his heels was a damn Pit. I dont even know how he fit out the doggy door. He squeezed his ass right on out and gave chase. You talk about somebody booking!!! That damn pit was hot on my heels!! And I could hear the Yorkie yapping trying to keep up.

I am in a zone brehs.



Dog is on my ass!!! I go to pull into a parking lot. . Figure I could just pedal hard in there and tire him out. . I did not see a rope across the parking lot until It was too late. . .I attempted a ill fated bunny hop.



I am on the ground. . Mouth bloody. . Pit looking at me like

 

[General Mills]

I was steady backing up on my rump. The Pit was staring a hole through me brehs. And growling deep in his throat. I am in for a bad one. . . Then I see a lady come running up! She is yelling out ANGEL!! ANGEL!!!!! The Pit transforms like a cotdam Dinobot. Transformed from a mean as fukk Pit to a ghatdam p*ssy cat. He stops growling. Runs over to the lady and is all around her then licking her face. I was still kinda shook. She looked at me.

Cac Lady: I am so sorry honey. He gets so rambunctious! He really only looks mean. He is so sweet.

Me - ( slowly realizing she does not know that the bike that is next to me came from her yard.) Oh no problem maam. Its all good.

Meanwhile while the Pit had morphed into a cuddly Monchichi The Yorkie was still acting crunk. Barking at me ferociously!

I am trying mind tricks on this lil rat cause I do not want the lady to fully wake up and realize I have her daughters mountain bike next to me.
She turns around to leave with the Pit right next to her. The Yorkie meanwhile had doubled back while I was getting off the ground. . .Started barking. I looked at him. . . .Noticed she was not looking. . . The goal was to punt the fukk out of Baxter for the fukk of it.
I wound up and when he darted in at me snapping his lil punk ass teeth. . . I tried to Janikowski that lil bytch. . I underestimated his agility. He calmly leaped to the side and I slipped on gravel. . . As I am hitting the ground he darts forward and takes a lil chunk out of my elbow.

 

[Shogun]

 

[General Mills]

Lil bytch drew blood. He starts running away. I whisper . . . fukkass lil dog. He turns around and mean muggs me



I can't even lie. . His ferocity now had me a lil shook.. . Then he saunters off.
So despite a few hiccups everything was going according to plan. I was still finding bikes with ease every morning. It was a BMX Buffet. In the Burbs kids just left them out. Me and my crew were eating good because of this. Every day my crew was making sales now. Innertubes, rims, horns, lights, pedals, seats, etc. . .We had it all. Little did I know that the I would end up eating till I got a tummy ache. . literally.

Flash forward a week and a half. I have now stopped stealing bikes. We had a nice stash of bikes that my crew was breaking down. Andy the leader of my crew left me his bike in our shed. So I would ride that in the morning. And him and his crew would just pick it up when they rode to the school every day.

Now all I had to do was sit back and collect profits. But . . .but brehs. . I was hooked on stealing. I thought about boostings bikes every day! That was the beginning of my downfall.

 

[MikelArteta]

he's back

 

[General Mills]

hes back

edit: you told us this story already

Just a lil recap. . I would not expect my brehs to remember where I left off over a year ago.

Sorry I let yall down tho.

Here we go. New piff.



I went overboard brehs. I had no reason to steal anymore bikes. . But now I was caught up in the rush! I was a junkie for the excitement of boosting. .

There are levels to this shyt.


It was always in the early morning. .so I would be outside by myself. . hearing nothing but birds chirping, feeling the fresh dew on the grass. . . I peep a potential victim

Then comes the nervous fluttering feeling in my stomach as I scan the neighborhood looking for anyone watching. Once the coast is clear I then size up my prey properly. Look for broken chains, flat tires, bent rims, anything that could prevent a hasty escape. . once she passes that eye test . I admire her. . I long for her. I picture myself riding to summer school. . the wind whipping thru my high top fade.


Then I make my move. . telling myself that I am invisible. .

That moment when I snatch her!! OMG THE RUSH BREHS. . That frantic moment when I snatch the bike up and my feet hit the pedals. And I fly down the road!!

This is the feeling I lived for. . I kept chasing that bike stealing high. . And that brehs. . is what got me hurt in the end. . I stole the WRONG kids bike, and me being on restriction did not save my ass either.

 

[Heretic]

praise g-hova. What did I do to deserve this blessing?

 

[IronFist]

sits