The General Mills Chronicles.

[King Theo]

Pretty Boy claps me on the back. Says.

Homie - Dont worry bruh. I got a foolproof plan to get us some ass this weekend.

Me - For real? Whats the plan?

Homie - Dont worry. You will see.


Well I kept bugging him but he was tight lipped. That night. . We are going to hit this club. I may be dating myself here. . But back in the day there was a club called Club Atlanta in Tampa. We pull up. . And on the sign it says. .

TONIGHT! ALL MALE REVUE!!

continue

 

[Silver Surfer]

I remember his Aunt looking at me mad confused. . Chilli asked me . " What did you say? " Now she is addressing me directly. . . And that made it worse. I opened my mouth like a fish and croaked again.

Left Eye then hit me with that ether. " Sounds like you have a turkey wing stuck in your neck are you aight?? "

Everyone busts out laughing I chuckle but I feel my face getting hot as fukk. The chicks get up as say they are leaving. Tboz gives pretty boy her number. . . And they dip. I am standing there Cant believe I blew it!!

Pretty Boy claps me on the back. Says.

Homie - Dont worry bruh. I got a foolproof plan to get us some ass this weekend.

Me - For real? Whats the plan?

Homie - Dont worry. You will see.


Well I kept bugging him but he was tight lipped. That night. . We are going to hit this club. I may be dating myself here. . But back in the day there was a club called Club Atlanta in Tampa. We pull up. . And on the sign it says. .

TONIGHT! ALL MALE REVUE!!

.what a cliffhanger!!!

 

[General Mills]

Im still holding out hope when we get there that maybe its only in one part of the club. Nope. We walk in brehs and there on stage is some of the most cock diesel black dudes gyrating on stage with what appears to be socks on their dongs dancing around.

The place was FULL of women. . But we might as well as been invisble. Even Pretty Boy. . He was not getting a second glance. I look at homie.

Me - I do not see the plan breh. . I am lost.

Homie - You have no faith.

Me - For real breh. I am getting pissed.

Homie - Look. Sure its a Male Revue. .But what men dont realize is that after 12 the show is over and the place stays open as a regular club. About half of the women leave after the show. . But the other half stay. .

And the beauty is. . . That no regular dudes know this. It will be just me and you and a half a club of horny drunk women. We will be swimming in puss.

Me - You are beautiful and a genius.



Sure enough . . At midnight. The show wraps up. And woman are literally fighting to talk to us!

 

[KEEPITTRILLA]

waiting to see where this goes wrong again

 

[904]

I understand the plan homie, I just don't think I would have been able to execute

Soon as I seen Male Revue I woulda looked at homie like

 

[STEVE]

"a plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies"

 

[Silver Surfer]

I have heard about drunk horny women at a male revue...but never heard about baggin them afterwards

 

[General Mills]

Let me tell you brehs. . It was Like homie said. Right after the show about half of the women dipped. The other half who stayed were the ones trying to sober up. Or the ones who were just not ready to go home just yet. . .


When I reflect back on this night. .I overplayed our hands. We HAD IT BREHS! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! It was like hitting the Powerball for 100 mill and as you are walking into the Lottery Headquarters your tix slips out of your hand and goes into a open sewer.


We were in a p*ssy buffet. Chicks were open and willing to get hollered at and in most cases they were hollering first. We would settle on some chicks then see something better. . Then we would go there. . And so on and so on. As the night went on pretty boy said we need to make our selections and take this party out of the club with our females. I was with it until I saw these two twins. I said we have to try it with these two.

What I also failed to realize. . . being in a p*ssy haze and all. . Is that I was murking myself. Each minute more and more chicks were leaving. So by the time I FINALLY made my last decision the club was about empty. About 50 or so chicks left. I am still thinking we are all good, great ratio for us. .



WELL


We are rapping to the two dime twins. . Making plans for them to follow us out of the club. . When the music stops and this starts playing.




Everybody freezes. . . And onto the dance floor running at full gallops comes all the dancers from back stage. About 20 nikkas.


ALL THE FEMALES INCLUDING OUR TWIN DIMES FLOCK TO THESE DUDES. Homie looks at me and goes I tried to tell you it was time to dip.



Me -

 

[Regular_P]

I try to wait every few days to check this so I can get 3-4 complete stories at a time.

 

[General Mills]

It would be one thing if these nikkas came out with some regular clothes on. Nah. They are still dressed in their skripper outfits. nikkas had on leopard print thongs n shyt. One nikka looked like a black He-Man. Had a sword strapped to his back n everything. If he would have came out with BattleCat prouncing around I would not have been surprised.

The remaining women instantly hit the dance floor and are I go to tap the twin I was spitting at to let her know its time to go. She hits me with the and continues to

Pretty Boy told me I am a idiot. I got to greedy! I could not argue. . . He was right. We tried to holler at a few stragglers but it was for naught. In desperation I tried to cuff a 4 but she gave me the

So we leave. . It was getting late and prospects were mad thin. . BUT. Right across the street was a strip club. I figured we mights as well look at some ass. We walk in. OF COURSE. A stripper sees Pretty Boy and she just HAS to have him. Throwing him free dances n shyt.

I am relaxing when this cute Rican starts chatting me up. . And soon it appears that it is more than usual strip club convo. She was talking about getting something to eat with me after the club closed. My homie already had the other chick wrapped up tight. They both conversed and it was a done deal. We would wait for them to get done and we would go to breakfast and then take it from there. . . . . .

 

[King Theo]

smh at me visualizing all of your stories and idk what any of this looks like

got me feeling like your Ray from like talking about Rays boom boom room

 

[General Mills]

I wish my plan would have worked like I envisioned. On a side note. Her boss came to her complaining cause I was hugged up with her and she was not doing dances .. . So this part is funny.

She gets this guy. Sits him next to me. And starts giving him a lap dance while me and her were talking about college credits. She is grinding on ol boy and he had on some bball pull away pants. We are holding a full convo and I glance at ol boy and his eyes are rolling in the back of his head.

Then I guess he busts. . He starts convulsing n shyt! Homegirl jumped up fast as fukk and starts cussing him out in spanish.

Then the club was closing. So me and Pretty Boy are waiting outside in the car. . . Our girls come out. . They get in when all of a sudden a car whips into the parking lot! I should have just pulled off. My girl goes. Oh noo! What is my mom doing here??

At that point her mom did not see her get in my car. So I am getting ready to pull off when her mom peeks in the car as she is walking to the front door. THEN STANDS IN FRONT WITH HER HANDS ON HER HIPS! you get out of there this instant!!


She is in the back Said her mom does not know she strips. Well somebody told her . . thats why she came up there. So she dips. . .



I am PISSED!! My homie crawls in the back seat and is hugged up on his stripper girl. I once again had nothing. On the way out of that raggedy ass parking lot I hit a pothole. I guess the perfect combo of that pothole and my big chip in my glass from the hillbilly cac in the 5.0 caused that big chip to spread into a crack across my whole damn windshield.

 

[King Theo]

I am PISSED!! My homie crawls in the back seat and is hugged up on his stripper girl. I once again had nothing. On the way out of that raggedy ass parking lot I hit a pothole. I guess the perfect combo of that pothole and my big chip in my glass from the hillbilly cac in the 5.0 caused that big chip to spread into a crack across my whole damn windshield.

hahahhahahaah!!! damn breh thats some movie shyt glad we arent friends IRL we would be taking L's out the Wazoo

 

[General Mills]

This day was the worst brehs. I was like whatever. Now I have to take my homie to his girls place to smash. And I get nothing out of it. fukk.

So we get to her spot. We did not even stop to eat. Those two are ready to smash. She lives in the worst ghetto I had ever seen to that point. shyt was terrible. Looked like Hampsterdam.

It was 3:30 in the morning and nikkas was walking around like it was noon. Kids n shyt too. nikkas openly serving in broad daylight.

I am like greaaaattttttt. We pull up and nikkas are ice grillin us. I tell my homie. . .Look breh. Lets go get a hotel or something if you dont want to take this bird back to your aunts. This shyt here aint safe. He aint got no cash and my extra cash was used for repairs. So I am staying in the living room. But I dont trust them wild nikkas outside. So I am posted up by the window. .

I finally fall asleep when the sun comes up. Thought that would be safe enough. Naw. Homie wakes me up around 9 and asks me where I parked at. . . . .

I look outside but I already know what it is. Whip is gone. Call the cops and file a report. Ol girl gets her cousins car and says breakfast is on her. As we are driving there we see my car in a vacant lot! We pull over and other than a broken window and column my car is straight. I am still able to start it and everything. So I pull out and what happens as SOON as the tires hit the road.

 

[KEEPITTRILLA]

damnit the windshield