wild cherry blossom
lalalalala
Maybe you should write it as though mark was talking about himself and his world from his point of view instead of like a stranger looking form the outside in.
Started writing a Hip Hop themed fictional book. new chapters 3-29-20!
- Thread starter bigrodthe1
- Start date
One thing I noticed is it seems like you're going back and forth between writing for an urban hip-hop audience and a safe (white) mainstream audience. Decide who your desired audience is and write for them. Grammar and punctuation aren't nearly as important as believable and vivid storytelling. You're informal at times using hood slang and then extremely formal other times using proper grammar, I'd suggest being formal during the narrative sequences and informal in the characters' dialogue. This way the narrative is intelligent and well written, while the dialogue is believable and introduces readers to a world they might otherwise have never encountered.
that's exactly what I'm shooting for...I have actually now started reading a couple of formal writing sites. I pretty much freestyled all of this. I want my audience to experience MY growth as well through the course of the story. I got a couple tricks up my sleeves
i read the entire thing - about 4000 words (by my reading rate)
honestly i think it's fine
it will be important to keep the story moving
surprises, twists, turns
but you said you have some stuff in mind
my advice is to proofread it once, then publish it on amazon
put it in their subscription program
it is like netflix- if someone downloads it, then reads the first xx pages
you get a slice of the monthly revenue pie
serialize your book in segments of 10k words (or 8k to 12k roughly)
then just do Pipe Dreams Part 1, Pipe Dreams Part 2, Pipe Dreams Part 3
this forces you to shape the story as you work
like the marketing copy right now could be
(obviously i am making up some corny details just for example)
in your mind pretend it is a weekly tv show or a mini-series
stuff has to keep happening during each episode
it doesn't need to be nonstop action
always good to slow down and do some character development
but keep it moving etc
once you finish the story, you string all the parts together and bundle them
sell the finished book at a price between $2.99 - $5.99 (evaluate the going rate for similar books)
then on to the next one
the key is start publishing right away
don't even wait to finish the entire book
create a publishing schedule based on your workrate
like if you will write 1 hr/day and can write 1000 words/hr
=10 days, double that --> three weeks
aim to publish a new 10k word installment every 3 weeks
or if your life is kind of busy and unpredictable??
play it safe - say one installment every 5 weeks
a consistent release schedule tends to build momentum with your readers
all you need is a good cover-
photoshop it or hire some ukrainian on fiverr to do it for you
kindle has some guides for formatting your text
i would suggest standardizing the dialogue with traditional quotation marks
lots of italics can look funky on the screen
but otherwise just play around with it
not to contradict other advice..
but i would waste ZERO time with generic writers' groups or writers' websites
i would only network with other people who are already/actively publishing on amazon (kindle)
doing critiques/swaps with other kindle writers can be useful
if you click with someone, you can cross-promote as well etc
i can explain more if you want
regardless, good luck with your efforts
honestly i think it's fine
it will be important to keep the story moving
surprises, twists, turns
but you said you have some stuff in mind
my advice is to proofread it once, then publish it on amazon
put it in their subscription program
it is like netflix- if someone downloads it, then reads the first xx pages
you get a slice of the monthly revenue pie
serialize your book in segments of 10k words (or 8k to 12k roughly)
then just do Pipe Dreams Part 1, Pipe Dreams Part 2, Pipe Dreams Part 3
this forces you to shape the story as you work
like the marketing copy right now could be
(obviously i am making up some corny details just for example)
in your mind pretend it is a weekly tv show or a mini-series
stuff has to keep happening during each episode
it doesn't need to be nonstop action
always good to slow down and do some character development
but keep it moving etc
once you finish the story, you string all the parts together and bundle them
sell the finished book at a price between $2.99 - $5.99 (evaluate the going rate for similar books)
then on to the next one
the key is start publishing right away
don't even wait to finish the entire book
create a publishing schedule based on your workrate
like if you will write 1 hr/day and can write 1000 words/hr
=10 days, double that --> three weeks
aim to publish a new 10k word installment every 3 weeks
or if your life is kind of busy and unpredictable??
play it safe - say one installment every 5 weeks
a consistent release schedule tends to build momentum with your readers
all you need is a good cover-
photoshop it or hire some ukrainian on fiverr to do it for you
kindle has some guides for formatting your text
i would suggest standardizing the dialogue with traditional quotation marks
lots of italics can look funky on the screen
but otherwise just play around with it
not to contradict other advice..
but i would waste ZERO time with generic writers' groups or writers' websites
i would only network with other people who are already/actively publishing on amazon (kindle)
doing critiques/swaps with other kindle writers can be useful
if you click with someone, you can cross-promote as well etc
i can explain more if you want
regardless, good luck with your efforts
It is a mystery
Tory Lanez Stan
A lot of people mentioning intellectual property but so long as coli servers stay up / this thread is archived you will always have a case in protecting your property as you have visible proof +intent 
Ok...here's 2 more chapters. I checked out some outlets and I'm considering the adding to Amazon Outlet. I have decided that I'm going to end this book at 10 chapters. These will probably be the last I load up here for the coli fam. I appreciate anyone whom took the time to read and/or offer feedback! Once again this is totally unedited and freelanced.
Chapter 3
Loretta sat quietly fingering the hot crackpipe within her palm as it cooled down to a point she could load it again. Through her buzz she quickly ran back her days events and she contemplated.
I can’t believe them nikkas had the nerve to cut me off and put me out just as I had Steve ass ready to give up everything he had in his pockets! All the damn money I bring to they ass and now they want to act brand new. Mark ass think he the shyt! Hell if it wasn’t for me then they raggedy ass spot wouldn’t be doing shyt! Nobody bring them custos like I do! Motherfukkers want to put me out like I’m a weak bytch! All them blowjobs I gave them nikkas! I got something for they ass!
She then looked over at Mattie high ass trying to handcuff the little ass work she had left like she wasn’t the one who turned her on to D for the deal! She then spoke.
bytch you not gonna share shyt?
Mattie then replied.
I got you bytch! You just took a hit. Slow your ass down.
bytch don’t tell me what to do. That lil ass 25 you had wouldn’t have got you shyt if it wasn’t for me! And that was my normal trick. Load this bytch!
Mattie, a middle age white woman from royal oak whom had been turned out in the hood for 2 years, knew that she wasn’t going to win an argument with the younger black woman if she tried a thousand times quickly pulled out the small sack containing the strong drug and handed Loretta a small chunk. Loretta then spoke.
bytch that’s it! You know damn well I don’t be doing you like that but everytime you bytches hit a lick y’all want to get brand new!
Mattie then proceeded to break off another smaller chunk and gave it to the Loretta whom with her smooth complexion and thick frame everyone knew that before she became a full fledged dope addict was able to give any woman in the city a run for her money with any dude in the city.
Loretta took a look at her and feeling momentarily satisfied proceeded to load up the utensil, grab her lighter and put flame to the potent rock. After taking a long pull and fighting the strong urge to cough she exhaled a long, full cloud of smoke. After a couple of minutes she spoke.
I’m sick of nikkas out here playing with me like I’m a weak bytch!
Mattie replied.
bytch what are you talking about?
That black ass nikka Mark them acting like they the shyt now. nikka would still be standing on the damn corner of Grixdale if I didn’t turn them on to that spot!
bytch you know how them dope boys are! You only as good to them as your last dollar was!
fukk them nikkas! Hell we the ones out here laying on our backs and sucking dikks! They just sitting back waiting for us to come to them! They lucky they even still in business…I should tell D them when they make they drop offs!
At them words Mattie sobered up a little and contemplated the words that the small but deadly woman had spoken. She then spoke.
Girl you might want to slow down with that type of talk. If Mac or Cal heard you saying some shyt like that then you might turn up in one of these vacant ass cribs.
bytch fukk them nikkas. They not cut like that for real. They just used to nikkas backing down from they ass cause they got some punk ass dope! They better find them some kids to play with before…..
Before what bytch! Calm your high ass down. That’s why I don’t be even smoking with you. Always mad and shyt.
bytch fukk you. I get dope all motherfukking day. I’m sick of these nikkas acting like somebody owe them something. We’ll see.
At that remark both ladies went about loading their respective utensils and fell back into their collective high and contemplated the surrounding world around them.
Chapter 3
Loretta sat quietly fingering the hot crackpipe within her palm as it cooled down to a point she could load it again. Through her buzz she quickly ran back her days events and she contemplated.
I can’t believe them nikkas had the nerve to cut me off and put me out just as I had Steve ass ready to give up everything he had in his pockets! All the damn money I bring to they ass and now they want to act brand new. Mark ass think he the shyt! Hell if it wasn’t for me then they raggedy ass spot wouldn’t be doing shyt! Nobody bring them custos like I do! Motherfukkers want to put me out like I’m a weak bytch! All them blowjobs I gave them nikkas! I got something for they ass!
She then looked over at Mattie high ass trying to handcuff the little ass work she had left like she wasn’t the one who turned her on to D for the deal! She then spoke.
bytch you not gonna share shyt?
Mattie then replied.
I got you bytch! You just took a hit. Slow your ass down.
bytch don’t tell me what to do. That lil ass 25 you had wouldn’t have got you shyt if it wasn’t for me! And that was my normal trick. Load this bytch!
Mattie, a middle age white woman from royal oak whom had been turned out in the hood for 2 years, knew that she wasn’t going to win an argument with the younger black woman if she tried a thousand times quickly pulled out the small sack containing the strong drug and handed Loretta a small chunk. Loretta then spoke.
bytch that’s it! You know damn well I don’t be doing you like that but everytime you bytches hit a lick y’all want to get brand new!
Mattie then proceeded to break off another smaller chunk and gave it to the Loretta whom with her smooth complexion and thick frame everyone knew that before she became a full fledged dope addict was able to give any woman in the city a run for her money with any dude in the city.
Loretta took a look at her and feeling momentarily satisfied proceeded to load up the utensil, grab her lighter and put flame to the potent rock. After taking a long pull and fighting the strong urge to cough she exhaled a long, full cloud of smoke. After a couple of minutes she spoke.
I’m sick of nikkas out here playing with me like I’m a weak bytch!
Mattie replied.
bytch what are you talking about?
That black ass nikka Mark them acting like they the shyt now. nikka would still be standing on the damn corner of Grixdale if I didn’t turn them on to that spot!
bytch you know how them dope boys are! You only as good to them as your last dollar was!
fukk them nikkas! Hell we the ones out here laying on our backs and sucking dikks! They just sitting back waiting for us to come to them! They lucky they even still in business…I should tell D them when they make they drop offs!
At them words Mattie sobered up a little and contemplated the words that the small but deadly woman had spoken. She then spoke.
Girl you might want to slow down with that type of talk. If Mac or Cal heard you saying some shyt like that then you might turn up in one of these vacant ass cribs.
bytch fukk them nikkas. They not cut like that for real. They just used to nikkas backing down from they ass cause they got some punk ass dope! They better find them some kids to play with before…..
Before what bytch! Calm your high ass down. That’s why I don’t be even smoking with you. Always mad and shyt.
bytch fukk you. I get dope all motherfukking day. I’m sick of these nikkas acting like somebody owe them something. We’ll see.
At that remark both ladies went about loading their respective utensils and fell back into their collective high and contemplated the surrounding world around them.
Chapter 4
Lil Tim turned up the volume on the makeshift surround sound stereo in the dilapidated home that functioned as his place of work. He then proceeded to roll the rest of the loud marijuana that him and onion had been smoking out of for the better part of the day. As he lit it up and the drug started to take it’s affect he then spoke to the other worker.
Man nikka we need to get our own shyt and get out here.
Onion replied.
nikka shut up. Every time you get a couple of dollars you want to drink Moet and trick with these hoes. You not trying to make no moves.
nikka you got me fukked up! I know all these motherfukking fiends out here. I’m just buying time to get my own shyt popping. That nikka Mac think he the shyt cause he got the plug. My day coming nikka. That’s why I short his ass every time I get. nikka I’m not about to keep sitting in this bytch getting crumbs while them nikkas get rich! I bet if my sister knew that nikka be on that slick shyt then it would be over for his ass!
nikka shut the fukk up! Yo family don’t even know yo ass haven’t been to school all damn semester! Fool you can’t tell nobody shyt.
Yeah cuz you right but my time is coming. Them nikkas think I’m slow. nikka I’m watching and soaking up game. That nikka D told me when I’m ready to do my own thing that he got me. Don’t get me wrong though. I got love for Mac and Cal but them nikkas selfish. Acting like they wasn’t ever some damn spot workers. See nikkas get a lil bread and forget where they come from. I’m not like them nikkas. Hell I even try to help them street bytches out when they ain’t got shyt.
nikka you let them bytches suck yo dikk. You ain’t helping shyt but yo damn self!
nikka I be hooking them hoes up! They lucky I even let them do that shyt! This dikk ain’t free!
At that remark both workers bust out laughing.
Lil Tim then proceeded to pull out his work sack and count out the remaining stones in his possession. He quickly realized that he was nearing the end of his package. He then counted out the money in his pocket and was content that everything was at a total that would satisfy the older hustlers that controlled the dope spot. He then spoke to his fellow worker Onion.
shyt dog I got about 180 left. I guess I should call them nikkas to re-up.
Yeah dog. You know it’s the first. Them cluckers just getting started.
You right but fukk that. I don’t even feel like seeing them nikkas yet. I will hit them up later. Hell I might even tell some of these motherfukkers to come back. We chilling right now. I think I’m about to hit Loretta up and tell her to bring that thick white bytch over here. nikka we been grinding hard as a motherfukker. It’s our time for a minute.
Ok if you say so nikka. I ain’t got shyt to say. That’s yo ass if they find out.
Man fukk them nikkas! They wasn’t in the gym when I was shooting jumpers!
At that remark both workers gave a loud laugh.
Lil Tim proceeded to pick up his cell phone and dialed Loretta’s number to setup the trick. Once he was content that everything was setup he proceeded to roll another blunt and switched the cd to Gucci Mane’s traphouse. As the loud music poured from the speakers both workers lost track of time and chilled out enjoying their time.
Both young workers eventually lost track of time until they heard a loud knock at the back door of the small spot.
Lil Tim proceeded to turn the music down and went to the back to see whom it was. He recognized the thick white smoker Kim with the golden mouth. He then spoke to his friend.
nikka it’s that bytch Kim! Loretta must have hooked a nikka up! Let’s get it!
Tim proceeded to unlock the bolted door and let the woman in.
Lil Tim turned up the volume on the makeshift surround sound stereo in the dilapidated home that functioned as his place of work. He then proceeded to roll the rest of the loud marijuana that him and onion had been smoking out of for the better part of the day. As he lit it up and the drug started to take it’s affect he then spoke to the other worker.
Man nikka we need to get our own shyt and get out here.
Onion replied.
nikka shut up. Every time you get a couple of dollars you want to drink Moet and trick with these hoes. You not trying to make no moves.
nikka you got me fukked up! I know all these motherfukking fiends out here. I’m just buying time to get my own shyt popping. That nikka Mac think he the shyt cause he got the plug. My day coming nikka. That’s why I short his ass every time I get. nikka I’m not about to keep sitting in this bytch getting crumbs while them nikkas get rich! I bet if my sister knew that nikka be on that slick shyt then it would be over for his ass!
nikka shut the fukk up! Yo family don’t even know yo ass haven’t been to school all damn semester! Fool you can’t tell nobody shyt.
Yeah cuz you right but my time is coming. Them nikkas think I’m slow. nikka I’m watching and soaking up game. That nikka D told me when I’m ready to do my own thing that he got me. Don’t get me wrong though. I got love for Mac and Cal but them nikkas selfish. Acting like they wasn’t ever some damn spot workers. See nikkas get a lil bread and forget where they come from. I’m not like them nikkas. Hell I even try to help them street bytches out when they ain’t got shyt.
nikka you let them bytches suck yo dikk. You ain’t helping shyt but yo damn self!
nikka I be hooking them hoes up! They lucky I even let them do that shyt! This dikk ain’t free!
At that remark both workers bust out laughing.
Lil Tim then proceeded to pull out his work sack and count out the remaining stones in his possession. He quickly realized that he was nearing the end of his package. He then counted out the money in his pocket and was content that everything was at a total that would satisfy the older hustlers that controlled the dope spot. He then spoke to his fellow worker Onion.
shyt dog I got about 180 left. I guess I should call them nikkas to re-up.
Yeah dog. You know it’s the first. Them cluckers just getting started.
You right but fukk that. I don’t even feel like seeing them nikkas yet. I will hit them up later. Hell I might even tell some of these motherfukkers to come back. We chilling right now. I think I’m about to hit Loretta up and tell her to bring that thick white bytch over here. nikka we been grinding hard as a motherfukker. It’s our time for a minute.
Ok if you say so nikka. I ain’t got shyt to say. That’s yo ass if they find out.
Man fukk them nikkas! They wasn’t in the gym when I was shooting jumpers!
At that remark both workers gave a loud laugh.
Lil Tim proceeded to pick up his cell phone and dialed Loretta’s number to setup the trick. Once he was content that everything was setup he proceeded to roll another blunt and switched the cd to Gucci Mane’s traphouse. As the loud music poured from the speakers both workers lost track of time and chilled out enjoying their time.
Both young workers eventually lost track of time until they heard a loud knock at the back door of the small spot.
Lil Tim proceeded to turn the music down and went to the back to see whom it was. He recognized the thick white smoker Kim with the golden mouth. He then spoke to his friend.
nikka it’s that bytch Kim! Loretta must have hooked a nikka up! Let’s get it!
Tim proceeded to unlock the bolted door and let the woman in.
HopeKillCure
Banned
BARZZ!
I like the shorties you're giving us, when you release them don't forget to give us updates with links. 
Last edited:
The outside observer is a real nikka not a bytch boy that writes novelsI can't hate on you chasing a dream..in fact I
But TBH
There are many disagreements in the book and it doesn't read like a "professional" novel. It reads like you are really untrained but have always been encouraged to write and no one ever told you "this is trash" so you never had to adapt. No offense at all, but there are tons of run on and comma errors but you said it hasn't been edited yet.
ex: "Kush weed, swisher sweets cigarillos, a digital scale, small baggies, disposable gloves, a razor blade and a pint of Remy VSOP." This isn't a sentence...it's a list.
There are times when you don't know how to separate the author from the character. You use words like "commonplace" and "makeshift" and then use "bytch" and "put a foot to her ass" Which is it? Is the "voice" giving us a real snapshot of the hood by using these colloquialisms or is the author an outside observer. I don't know nyggas that honestly use "commonplace" and I don't know cats who use "makeshift" that sell coke.
My first honest suggestion is to find a critic to read a ten page manuscript and rip it to shreds with their criticism. That way you can get out of your comfort zone. It seems like you've been writing this way for a while and to venture out with the idea to "write a book" that reads this way I feel like someone needs to knock you off your pedestal to make you BETTER.
I also think that you should switch from third person observer to first person. That way you can get away from agreement issues like "commonplace" in the same sentence as "his bytch Cathy". If you write "I reach under my sink for my yayo like I always do and start choppin it. I hate this part. Usually my bytch Cathy does it but I had to kick that bytch to the curb when I caught her stashing for her own habits" the tone will allow for a much more immersive experience.
Me either but i was laughing when i hit post replyMowg I'm not sure if I'm suppose toor
at this comment...lol
Im a writer, and i liked what i read.
uppin' this for the morning crowd. 
beenz
Rap Guerilla
I don't read many books, and I found it pretty entertaining and not redundant. still waiting for some action, but it's pretty good so far.
This makes no sense at all.
So the outside observer is a real nikka who uses phrases like "makeshift" and "commonplace"
? Who is he telling this corny ass story to? If the observer is a "real nikka" I guess that's why this is written at a tenth grade level.