Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

[murksiderock]

Sounds like a horrible relationship from jump and why didn’t you marry her if she had your kids?

Maybe you didn’t really like her as much as you liked having her around and available.

Y’all are too old with too many responsibilities to be playing games like this. Think about your kids and all the people who will now be in and out of their lives because their parents are immature and childish.

She only has my youngest daughter, my two oldest are with someone else...

She's the only woman I ever seriously considered marrying, had a 6-month flirtation with proposing to her back in 2021. Ultimately decided against it fir reasons I've mentioned above and a few others. But she's the first woman I ever seriously pondered marriage about...

 

[MikelArteta]

1. The money I sent her while I was gone was for new tires and her light bill. The occasion I told her no, was when she told me she blew past her Christmas budget and needed more money...

This part can open up other aspects if our history and I feel I was justified in telling her no, because there's ALWAYS something with her. If it isn't her tires, it's the lights, if it isn't the lights, it's her rent, if it isn't rent, it's extra money for our child, if it isn't that it's always something...

She's irresponsible with her money and her digging into mine would hold me back off yhe shyt I gotta do if I didn't know how to budget my shyt...

In hindsight I was overly harsh and critical when I told her no, I cursed her out, told her that her irresponsibility with money isn't my problem and she needed to grow up and figure out how to handle her shyt...

Ultimately that was lighter fluid and I see that, the nature of my response. But I don't think I was wrong for telling her no. There's a pattern here and there's ALWAYS a tantrum when I tell her no, and I've told her yes ⅔ of the time...

2. I didn't realize until the moment I saw homeboy that yes, I was wrong for not telling her I left...

3. It is a combination of because she moved on and other shyt, yes. I feel like a nut. However she just told my mom on Thursday that "we'll make it thru this", and she's told me she just needs space to work thru it but "we aren't over". And last Sunday before we got off the phone she said "I love you"...

So I do want her back, and I am envious of how quickly she moved on. And the entire thing in general is wrapped in mystery...

4. I do truly love her. I got a point where I tired of the digging in my pockets and blaming me for your poor financial management. But I didn't look at our relationship in totality...

Part of me is like nah, my instincts knew what I was doing and I'm right. The other part of me is like, nah you were way too quick with judgement...

But this is why I feel somewhat the relationship is salvageable, she's saying it's salvageable. Unsure, but leaving that door open...

You can't change the past, it doesn't matter what you said or if you did something differently the end result would still be the same. It's like going on a road trip regardless if you take the highway or backstreets you're going to end up at the same place.

No offense breh but people will always tell you that to cheer you up, don't worry your story isn't over bla bla. When a woman is gone she's gone breh and even the slight chance she'd ever come back it would only be for a little while before she's in another mans arms again and you'll feel like more of an idiot.


Why be envious of how quick she moved on? I keep telling folks a woman detaches while she is with you, when she's smiling, sucking your dikk shes gossiping to her friends, her sister, her mom about you and when that emotional ties are gone she moves on. So you sit there like damn we have kids i love her, she has nothing with this new man she will get her senses and come on home it ain't going to happen breh.


Ever heard the saying look at actions not words? She says she loves you but she's canoodling and cavorting with another man. Come on man

 

[murksiderock]

Question is why did you move an hour away, if you knew it would hurt her.

Seems like you showed indifferent signs of being done without her.

And what else am I missing here, if that's your lady why weren't yall living together.

I moved out last April because we were going thru it. She thought I moved back in with my brother, which I initially did. And didn't suspect much because she knows my two oldest kids are an hour away...

I've already said I moved closer to be with my kids...

 

[BiggWebb79]

Start journaling, therapy, gym, take a vacation or a weekend get away, try new things like trying different cuisine you wouldn't normally try. If your on fb check out the events calendar, or maybe go on meetup.com and try something new.

 

[Scaaar]

It just takes time. It's the equivalent of grieving after a loss, except you are grieving a relationship. It will fix itself after 2-3 weeks.





But If you wanna take an active role in helping yourself feel better seek Exercise. Not lifting but aerobic cardio should help. Think of something like long distance running or jump roping.


Also as odd as it sounds, try to run yourself a cold bath(not a shower) . Doing this at both at the beggining and of the day and the end of the day should help. It's about behaviorally conditioning your mind . Think about the other person right before jumping in, and then jump.

That's definitely what I did. I just started going to the gym and running to help burn through some of the free time I had. I also listened to an audiobook while I ran. But like other brehs said the best thing to do is grieve it since it is a loss. Don't bottle it up and let that hurt and pain run its course. Analyze the areas that you misstepped on and do the necessary work to improve those for yourself. It will get better breh. You got this

 

[MikelArteta]

I remember in my early twenties dating this girl for 3 years. One day she dumped me my first heartbreak and a week later she was dating another guy. I couldn't fathom it. I was in the deepest pits for a long while, people were telling me it was just a rebound, she just needs time and space.

She ended up marrying that dude

That's why

Even 16 years later I never put anything past a woman. History doesn't matter, kids don't matter, love none of that matters.

 

[Complexion]

Men are optimists pretending to be realists. Women are realists who allow you to think they're optimists when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Its amazing how Hollywood concepts have warped the simple truth of the energetics because ladies are surgical with this bish, Jake.

Dual Reality Principle in full effect.

​

Learn about the structure of the Game or keep repeating the same stage.

 

[MajesticLion]

As long as you continue to make soap opera moves, you're going to have soap opera problems.

 

[The Message]

follow my guide

1. Say Nothing or be very concise.
A) If you are dumped through text message say nothing – silence is a form of tacit communication

B) If it’s over the phone just say okay and I gotta go

C)if its face to face stay calm, don’t disagree and slowly make your exit.

Why? Keep your emotions in check, the less you say the less of anything you say or do that you will regret later will happen.
Keeping your dignity is one of the biggest and best things you can do. Crying, screaming, begging, getting angry, asking why etc. will get you nowhere except looking pathetic.

2. Don’t contact them ever again
Everyone knows of the no contact rule and trust me it works, by totally cutting all forms of communication, No fishing on facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, tiktok for information. No calling or texting and slowly but surely they will get smaller and smaller in your mind.

3. Never be friends with the ex
Exes only want to be friends to relieve their guilt, keep you as a backup in case the new person doesn’t work out and/or string you along to mess with your emotions. If your workplace demoted you from a paid employee to a volunteer would you still show up to work? just dead it and cut the cord go your separate ways.

4. Go hardcore and disappear
Exes no longer should have any sort of privy to your life, block them so even if they search they will not be able to contact you, change your phone number or email address if you have to. This is the quickest and best way, to kill the sickening disease known as hope that may linger in your belly.

5. Remove any pictures and any gifts
Yep remove all pictures of you two you may have hanging around, nothing is worse than seeing a picture of you and your ex smiling by your bedside etc., lingering on Facebook in your photo album with a bunch of likes and comments. Any gifts given its up to you, if it’s a constant reminder then in the trash can it goes. Remember all of this is to heal cut the cord now.

6. Let your emotions out.
Sometimes people keep their emotions buried deep inside, but trust me nothing is better than just venting whether it’s writing on a piece of paper how you feel, talking to someone who has your back, even going to therapy. Let all that hate, angry, sadness, pain out. Make sure never to your ex though, NEVER LET YOUR EX KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS.

7. Travel / Go Out
Staying hosed up at home crying in your pillow gets you nowhere, your ex is more than likely at a club, bar, hanging out not thinking of you at all so why are you wasting valuable time in your life, get out there and enjoy your new found freedom.

A few days away can do wonders, or if you can even a week. Realize that there is a big world out there with billions of individuals plus the freedom and release you feel from just relaxing and enjoying life is great.

8. Realize your ex isn’t all that
It’s amazing how your ex could be straight horrible, a cheater, abuser, liar, alcoholic, did all these horrible things to you and throughout the relationship you were stressed out and wished many times you could just go your separate ways. But once you are broken up your mind plays tricks on you and suddenly they are a perfect 10/10 with no faults. Realize your ex is not that special more than likely they were just a starter relationship in your life, but the mind is a powerful tool that is playing tricks on you.

9. Hit up relationship forums and read stories!!
Yup, you think you got it bad because your ex dumped you, or you found out your ex cheated, or you dumped them and your struggling why did I do that? Just hit up any relationship forum and read stories of 20 year marriages broken up, or 7 year relationships ended. Realize hey there are others going through this, my situation is not that special, I will get over this. And at least I wasn’t married with 2 kids and now paying alimony and child support.

10. Learn from your Mistakes
Learning from your mistakes is key, maybe you didn’t follow your gut. I remember in past relationships in my life, I had this feeling of I should get the heck out of here and ran into red flags early on, but they were hot. I did not want to hurt their feelings so I said screw it, and the emotional bond got more stronger and then ended up getting burnt in the end.This taught me for the future when I see red flags, or get a feeling to EJECT and get out of there. Remember in all your past relationships the common denominator is YOU!!!

Summing it up…….
It’s up to you, how long you want to live and battle with the pain. The more time you waste dwelling on past people in your life the longer it will take to find that next special person. Remember there is someone on their hands and knees praying for someone like you right now!

this man gets it

 

[CreepyMcCreeperson]

Time, and you have to keep yourself busy. Start a new hobby. The more free time you have, the more you will think about her. But remember it won’t be like this forever, and you’ll eventually meet someone else. But don’t jump into something serious right away. You might miss red flags with the new girl, because you’re trying to get over the old girl. Don’t look at her social media.

 

[Scaaar]

Dude that's her new man... bottom line... the only thing you should focus is on your kids and deal with custody issues... mentally you need to let her go... it sucks...

Yeah... That's her new man she just won't say it cause it will make it truly official. Just get the kid situation I'm order and move forward breh

 

[bigde09]

What’s fukkin you up more than anything is your ego. The thought of another man being with our women is enough for a sane man to go berserk. If things were the same and she didn’t have a new man you would be alright Push your ego to the side and move on.

 

[Scaaar]

In all honesty, the only thing I’ve found that works is to get another person to occupy your time/mind

I used to follow that advice. That's honestly the worst thing you can do. I did that before and all I did was carry that unhealed pain into the next relationship. It fizzled even quicker cause if she did anything that triggered me or reminded me of what my ex did I was annoyed and that was unfair to her. I probably lost out on some good women moving like that. It's why we have so many hurt and damaged people out here dating now. People don't take that time to get themselves back together after a relationship anymore.

 

[bigde09]

I remember in my early twenties dating this girl for 3 years. One day she dumped me my first heartbreak and a week later she was dating another guy. I couldn't fathom it. I was in the deepest pits for a long while, people were telling me it was just a rebound, she just needs time and space.

She ended up marrying that dude

That's why

Even 16 years later I never put anything past a woman. History doesn't matter, kids don't matter, love none of that matters.

Man I remember checking her social media like it was my morning news paper. I remember begging her to come back. She wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. Once they leave that’s it.

 

[Scaaar]

I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...

I'll be straight up with you breh. Don't trust her words look at her actions and how she's moving. She's telling the story that way because it puts her in a positive light in regards to others that she just moved another dude in there with the kids like that. Also I hate to say it breh but she's saying those words like that to string you along in case things don't work out in her current situation. That's not a position you want to be in. Never be a break in case of emergency relationship guy. That's a demeaning position.