Solutions on dealing with heartbreak?

With all details available, is this relationship worth salvaging?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No

    Votes: 79 91.9%
  • Possibly (but give reasons)

    Votes: 7 8.1%

  • Total voters
    86

Sauce and Footwork

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When I came over and saw him February 19, like I said I don't know him. Only saw him for the first time earlier that day when my daughter and I stopped by work to see her. And he and her didn't interact, she was in a vestibule area with us and I saw him talking with another guy like 15 feet away, I was only there about 4 minutes. They didn't even walk past each other so I had no reason to suspect anything...

When I pulled up later that evening to drop my girl off, and he answered the door, I instantly recognized because the only time I'd ever seen him was earlier that afternoon...

She didn't tell me his name, I had to find out from my homeboy all the details about fam. When my boy told me the name, it instantly jogged my memory like "this the dude you told me about 3 or 4 times prior who you said you didn't like". I've confronted her about this and asked her how this went from not liking him to where it is now, and her response:

"Same way you went from living here to living there"...

Then she said "I was wrong for not telling you about him, I'm sorry". While still maintaining, he isn't her man, they aren't intimate, they aren't in a relationship...

Yeah my pride and ego are bruised just as well as my feeling ls being hurt. She lined me...
She was always lying to you breh. A woman with a child isn’t just going to out the blue let a man start living with her, even if they somewhat cool. So they were definitely intimate and flirting even at the times she was telling you she ain’t like him. She was straight lying. At the minimum they started flirting then and started fukking when you went out of town , but probably before. I know it’s hard to let her go. But she is a straight liar.. Let that man deal with that
 

Arris

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No it doesn't, I'm not dumb. Heartbroken, but not dumb. He's an attractive guy, and he's older, she likes both in general (she's 28, I'm 33, he appears to have at least 10 years on me, judging off the age lines in his face and the gut. But facially/physically he's not unattractive and very much seems like someone she'd be attracted to)...

I was with her over 2 years. She isn't moving no man in who she isn't attracted to and git something going with, even if it's paced and taking its time. Maybe some women could have a truly platonic friendship and move their homeboy in...

I know her, she isn't that kind of woman, she's the other. And the fact she's so elusive and secretive with the answers underscores this fact. I'm aware I'm probably never getting the answers to those questions and that lack of control is part of what's eating me up. I know it, just to this point I haven't learned how to get past it yet...



Thank you, bruh...
Time heals all wounds... try not to backslide if she reaches out to try to "fix things" later on.:therethere::handshake:
 

Who Not How

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Rejection is God's Protection brotha. I know you wanted a courtesy call but I guess she didn't think you deserved one.

:francis: She got another man opening her door knowing you coming by after asking you for money recently? If that was me, I would have lost all love for that woman instantly. Having me looking like Boo Boo the Fool.

I've been on the other side, introducing myself to the baby daddy but as a man, I understand how seeing a random dude with your ex and your children can be awkward and heart attack inducing.

You can love your kids without loving her. The respect is gone and it's never coming back. Actually, if you tried to win her back - she'd respect you even less and have you working 4 jobs like a Jamaican to prove your value to her like you ain't been handling business for years. Yeah everything you've done for her in the past doesn't count in her mind. It's what you can do for her right now.

It's easier to start over with a new woman on a clean slate versus trying to salvage a rocky relationship. You can be a perfect man for years and she will still bring up the past out the blue.

Hit the gym, clean up the diet if it ain't right and prepare for the spring and summer. You don't know it yet but this was a blessing. The right woman is out there waiting for a man like you to find her. But you won't find her if you stuck on your ex. You'll be alright, just gotta let time do it's thing.
 

murksiderock

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B


You already know the answers breh.

You are just in denial.

She said all that to get money out of you.

There is a whole goddamn man staying at her place, they are fukking. If a woman invited you to stay at her place you know you would be doing exactly that.

If she was checked in the relationship and actually respected you don’t you think she would have run it through you first about letting a breh who needs a place stay at her place beforehand? :francis:

Come on breh :francis:


You need to mentally DEAD this relationship, book an out of town weekend somewhere fun and hop on some dating apps while you’re there. You’ll meet new chick.

My homeboy who gave me the details about Mystery Man, gave me an answer in response to your question, which is, I hurt her first. I ran off on her without telling her and im supposed to be her man, so in return, she doesn't feel like she needs to check with me about shyt.

My homie is 47 and currently going thru a divorce after 23 years of marriage, and he's like "you know I don't trust these bytches, you'll give these chicks red carpet treatment and sacrifice for em and they'll still shyt on you". Said as a man he doesn't agree with her but he gets it because he gets that women operate on a different emotional frequency and when we fukk up, they have to even the score and will often go harder to hit us back harder...

Again neither he nor I are dummies, he said that as best as he can tell, and he spent two days digging, he doesn't "think" they are romantic and if he did he'd tell me. But he knows I think they are, abd he himself says he wouldn't trust the chick's word in this situation...

He just thinks she knows bringing another man around is a deep cut and she's trying to get me back as hard as I got her...

He doesn't agree with her but also says I should have told my woman I was leaving. He does agree with me on not letting her continually rape my pockets, though...
 

ShackZilla89

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I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...
His wife probably put him out because he was probably cheating with your ex. I would drop that woman and move on, but kids are involved, but even then...I would do me.
 

Macallik86

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No offense but you're getting a lot of advice from bitter dudes and you bear most, if not all of the responsibility. No one knows when they started linking up, but yall definitely aint been in a relationship the last two months so she is free to do whatever the fukk she wants and they might have started kicking it in 2023. Some quick notes
  1. Is she asking for money to go to the club or is she asking money to take care of your kids and hold it down while you are out of town for two months after blowing past the budget during the Christmas holiday
  2. You moved an HOUR away and didn't tell your baby momma who is taking care of YOUR fukkING KIDS
  3. You said you wanted to break up and so that's what's happening. But because she moved on, now suddenly you want her back
You only want her again because you think she's seeing someone else. Otherwise, if you want her because you truly love her, why'd you give her an ultimatum and said the relationship was ending for no reason? How are you gonna lead if you don't mean what you say?

If I was dating a chick that moved like you're moving, I would throw her in the bushes
 

murksiderock

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Rejection is God's Protection brotha. I know you wanted a courtesy call but I guess she didn't think you deserved one.

:francis: She got another man opening her door knowing you coming by after asking you for money recently? If that was me, I would have lost all love for that woman instantly. Having me looking like Boo Boo the Fool.

I've been on the other side, introducing myself to the baby daddy but as a man, I understand how seeing a random dude with your ex and your children can be awkward and heart attack inducing.

You can love your kids without loving her. The respect is gone and it's never coming back. Actually, if you tried to win her back - she'd respect you even less and have you working 4 jobs like a Jamaican to prove your value to her like you ain't been handling business for years. Yeah everything you've done for her in the past doesn't count in her mind. It's what you can do for her right now.

It's easier to start over with a new woman on a clean slate versus trying to salvage a rocky relationship. You can be a perfect man for years and she will still bring up the past out the blue.

Hit the gym, clean up the diet if it ain't right and prepare for the spring and summer. You don't know it yet but this was a blessing. The right woman is out there waiting for a man like you to find her. But you won't find her if you stuck on your ex. You'll be alright, just gotta let time do it's thing.

You're right dog abd I know it. Everything else in life is great. But this is a heavy ass emotional weight right now...

She didn't know I was coming by. We had arrangements for me to keep my daughter until later but what happened is she told me she was working that evening. Then her follow up text was, thank you for the flowers---->I'd sent some flowers to her house with a small note on how, I know we in a rough spot, but we can get thru it, and I love you.

Remember this is BEFORE I knew about the guy...

So when she told me she was working but had the flowers, how would she know if she was at work? Only people I knew with keys to her home are her mom and gay brother, but this seemed suspicious. So I told her to meet me to get some ointment for our daughter, and she left the house. I drove by, saw a car there but hers was gone, and went to the door. He opened it...

His and mine exchange was 20-30 seconds tops. He said to me "this might not be what you think it is", among other things, but it wasn't a disrespectful conversation...

She spent an hour driving around avoiding me immediately after that, bit that's how I found out...

Ultimately I know you're right and I need to close the chapter. Talking here is actually helping. It's just really hard how fast this happened and still just 2 weeks since everything came to light...
 

Swirv

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I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...
Just leave her alone, unless it’s about the kids. You know the truth, concentrate on bettering yourself for your kids. Don’t take her back!
 

LadyJ2

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Sounds like a horrible relationship from jump and why didn’t you marry her if she had your kids?

Maybe you didn’t really like her as much as you liked having her around and available.

Y’all are too old with too many responsibilities to be playing games like this. Think about your kids and all the people who will now be in and out of their lives because their parents are immature and childish.
 

MikelArteta

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follow my guide :birdman:

1. Say Nothing or be very concise.
A) If you are dumped through text message say nothing – silence is a form of tacit communication

B) If it’s over the phone just say okay and I gotta go

C)if its face to face stay calm, don’t disagree and slowly make your exit.

Why? Keep your emotions in check, the less you say the less of anything you say or do that you will regret later will happen.
Keeping your dignity is one of the biggest and best things you can do. Crying, screaming, begging, getting angry, asking why etc. will get you nowhere except looking pathetic.

2. Don’t contact them ever again
Everyone knows of the no contact rule and trust me it works, by totally cutting all forms of communication, No fishing on facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, tiktok for information. No calling or texting and slowly but surely they will get smaller and smaller in your mind.

3. Never be friends with the ex
Exes only want to be friends to relieve their guilt, keep you as a backup in case the new person doesn’t work out and/or string you along to mess with your emotions. If your workplace demoted you from a paid employee to a volunteer would you still show up to work? just dead it and cut the cord go your separate ways.

4. Go hardcore and disappear
Exes no longer should have any sort of privy to your life, block them so even if they search they will not be able to contact you, change your phone number or email address if you have to. This is the quickest and best way, to kill the sickening disease known as hope that may linger in your belly.

5. Remove any pictures and any gifts
Yep remove all pictures of you two you may have hanging around, nothing is worse than seeing a picture of you and your ex smiling by your bedside etc., lingering on Facebook in your photo album with a bunch of likes and comments. Any gifts given its up to you, if it’s a constant reminder then in the trash can it goes. Remember all of this is to heal cut the cord now.

6. Let your emotions out.
Sometimes people keep their emotions buried deep inside, but trust me nothing is better than just venting whether it’s writing on a piece of paper how you feel, talking to someone who has your back, even going to therapy. Let all that hate, angry, sadness, pain out. Make sure never to your ex though, NEVER LET YOUR EX KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS.

7. Travel / Go Out

Staying hosed up at home crying in your pillow gets you nowhere, your ex is more than likely at a club, bar, hanging out not thinking of you at all so why are you wasting valuable time in your life, get out there and enjoy your new found freedom.

A few days away can do wonders, or if you can even a week. Realize that there is a big world out there with billions of individuals plus the freedom and release you feel from just relaxing and enjoying life is great.

8. Realize your ex isn’t all that
It’s amazing how your ex could be straight horrible, a cheater, abuser, liar, alcoholic, did all these horrible things to you and throughout the relationship you were stressed out and wished many times you could just go your separate ways. But once you are broken up your mind plays tricks on you and suddenly they are a perfect 10/10 with no faults. Realize your ex is not that special more than likely they were just a starter relationship in your life, but the mind is a powerful tool that is playing tricks on you.

9. Hit up relationship forums and read stories!!
Yup, you think you got it bad because your ex dumped you, or you found out your ex cheated, or you dumped them and your struggling why did I do that? Just hit up any relationship forum and read stories of 20 year marriages broken up, or 7 year relationships ended. Realize hey there are others going through this, my situation is not that special, I will get over this. And at least I wasn’t married with 2 kids and now paying alimony and child support.

10. Learn from your Mistakes
Learning from your mistakes is key, maybe you didn’t follow your gut. I remember in past relationships in my life, I had this feeling of I should get the heck out of here and ran into red flags early on, but they were hot. I did not want to hurt their feelings so I said screw it, and the emotional bond got more stronger and then ended up getting burnt in the end.This taught me for the future when I see red flags, or get a feeling to EJECT and get out of there. Remember in all your past relationships the common denominator is YOU!!!

Summing it up…….
It’s up to you, how long you want to live and battle with the pain. The more time you waste dwelling on past people in your life the longer it will take to find that next special person. Remember there is someone on their hands and knees praying for someone like you right now!
 

murksiderock

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No offense but you're getting a lot of advice from bitter dudes and you bear most, if not all of the responsibility. No one knows when they started linking up, but yall definitely aint been in a relationship the last two months so she is free to do whatever the fukk she wants and they might have started kicking it in 2023. Some quick notes
  1. Is she asking for money to go to the club or is she asking money to take care of your kids and hold it down while you are out of town for two months after blowing past the budget during the Christmas holiday
  2. You moved an HOUR away and didn't tell your baby momma who is taking care of YOUR fukkING KIDS
  3. You said you wanted to break up and so that's what's happening. But because she moved on, now suddenly you want her back
You only want her again because you think she's seeing someone else. Otherwise, if you want her because you truly love her, why'd you give her an ultimatum and said the relationship was ending for no reason? How are you gonna lead if you don't mean what you say?

If I was dating a chick that moved like you're moving, I would throw her in the bushes

1. The money I sent her while I was gone was for new tires and her light bill. The occasion I told her no, was when she told me she blew past her Christmas budget and needed more money...

This part can open up other aspects if our history and I feel I was justified in telling her no, because there's ALWAYS something with her. If it isn't her tires, it's the lights, if it isn't the lights, it's her rent, if it isn't rent, it's extra money for our child, if it isn't that it's always something...

She's irresponsible with her money and her digging into mine would hold me back off yhe shyt I gotta do if I didn't know how to budget my shyt...

In hindsight I was overly harsh and critical when I told her no, I cursed her out, told her that her irresponsibility with money isn't my problem and she needed to grow up and figure out how to handle her shyt...

Ultimately that was lighter fluid and I see that, the nature of my response. But I don't think I was wrong for telling her no. There's a pattern here and there's ALWAYS a tantrum when I tell her no, and I've told her yes ⅔ of the time...

2. I didn't realize until the moment I saw homeboy that yes, I was wrong for not telling her I left...

3. It is a combination of because she moved on and other shyt, yes. I feel like a nut. However she just told my mom on Thursday that "we'll make it thru this", and she's told me she just needs space to work thru it but "we aren't over". And last Sunday before we got off the phone she said "I love you"...

So I do want her back, and I am envious of how quickly she moved on. And the entire thing in general is wrapped in mystery...

4. I do truly love her. I got a point where I tired of the digging in my pockets and blaming me for your poor financial management. But I didn't look at our relationship in totality...

Part of me is like nah, my instincts knew what I was doing and I'm right. The other part of me is like, nah you were way too quick with judgement...

But this is why I feel somewhat the relationship is salvageable, she's saying it's salvageable. Unsure, but leaving that door open...
 

MikelArteta

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I agree with you guys in my sober mind. It's just a tough process right now given how new everything is...

Why tell me she loves me last Sunday if she's moved on? Why tell me "he's not my man" if he is? I feel like I could process this shyt so much easier if she was straightforward...

My homeboy who did some digging told me he doesn't think it's like that, old boy wife put him out and my ex took him in. Said it's allegedly temporary, and he of course agreed with me that we never fully know what is going on with other people. Bit if he could confirm something was happening, he would...

I do think that her and him are intimate, it's a relationship or fling or whatever. I just don't get why lie about it once it's all out here on the table. And the speed with which she moved on kinda affirms to me that this shyt was already in the works, she just used that other shyt to justify it. I do feel that...

As of right now I still love her so it's hard to digest this shyt...

"Women want you to be confused because in confusion you give them the benefit of the doubt" - MikelArteta

Right now you're clinging to the cliff of hope, we've all been there, maybe it's just a rebound. He won't do all the things I do, our story is like a movie blah blah none of that means nothing she's gone.

A woman can tell you she loves you accepts your engagement ring planning for the wedding adn the next day or week change her mind and never speak to you again.

Unfortunately it's life just gotta take it on the chin and move forward.
 
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