relationships are a pain man....like am i wrong here?!!

[Duke Wy Lin]

Nah go to the therapist for one session and see what he/she says. And be honest about how you feel/see things. This might be salvageable depending on if your girl is open-minded. But it seems from the looks of it that she's only focused on your faults. People like that typically do not have any sense of introspection and accountability so wouldn't get my hopes up. But I guess one or two sessions wouldn't hurt and then you can proceed from there.

 

[Family Man]

Just had a 90 minute plus convo. She wants us to get therapy. Apparently she feels like I dont love her because I don't do the little things like get her flowers(I do for valentines day) random surprises, plan fun dates to keep her happy. I am not romantic enough but everything else i am good at, being there for her, listening to her blah blah but I am not emotional enough. She even said I am one the few guys she know she can trust 100 percent(I have passed up easy ass multiples times)

Pretty sure this is going to crash and burn at this point. I am going to therapy route and attempt to do better and "tap in to my emotional side" but at this point looking bad.

As a single male, I did not have to worry about this n being put on a emotional roller coaster. Like I dont know....I legit think if this fails, that my next move is a 30 plus, being single for a minute, has a dog , woman who just appreciates a man being there for her.

Also think its because my source of happiness doesn't really depend on someone while hers does.

I will see how this goes.

Don't do it bro. It's a trap. Sometimes you need to stand on your square. This isn't an issue that therapy is going to resolve. Couple's therapy is about 85% bullshyt anyway. She's already framing the issue as a deficiency in you. She just suggested therapy as a way of having a third party validate her position about you. Real talk, you're a fukking idiot and beyond redemption if you fall for that couple's therapy trap. If you two can't hash it out on your own like adults then it's time for y'all to split.

Also, the therapist has a financial stake in stringing your dumb ass a long and milking you for as long as possible. Don't do it bro.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

There is compromise but if you have to categorize going places and doing things with someone you decided to be in a relationship with as “wouldn’t mind” then I struggle to understand why you are with them. Sounds like you tolerate them which is odd.

Semantics. Compromise/tolerate. Speaking for myself, I'm not going to dump a good woman off the bat because she has interests that I don't particularly care for, as long as she appreciates me, reciprocates and doesn't demand anything that's too excessive.

In the case of OP it's not even about compromise at this point. It seems like his woman doesn't appreciate any of his efforts and constantly critiques him no matter what he does. Clearly that's not a healthy dynamic.

 

[BaldingSoHard]

How do you court a homebody?

By leaving the house, honestly.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

OP made the same mistake a lot off brehs are doing. Getting into relationships with people they don’t really like or align with. A lot of reserve engineering relationships. Why y’all do this is beyond me.

That's a very weird perspective.

You're never going to find someone who's interests you align with perfectly. If you do, then congratulations breh: you're dating yourself lol.

That's where compromise comes in. If everything else is great except for a few sticking points, both parties try to compromise. In the case of OP, he's clearly tried to compromise and stretch himself, but his effort is unappreciated. This causes resentment.

 

[BaldingSoHard]

Just had a 90 minute plus convo. She wants us to get therapy. Apparently she feels like I dont love her because I don't do the little things like get her flowers(I do for valentines day) random surprises, plan fun dates to keep her happy. I am not romantic enough but everything else i am good at, being there for her, listening to her blah blah but I am not emotional enough. She even said I am one the few guys she know she can trust 100 percent(I have passed up easy ass multiples times)

Pretty sure this is going to crash and burn at this point. I am going to therapy route and attempt to do better and "tap in to my emotional side" but at this point looking bad.

As a single male, I did not have to worry about this n being put on a emotional roller coaster. Like I dont know....I legit think if this fails, that my next move is a 30 plus, being single for a minute, has a dog , woman who just appreciates a man being there for her.

Also think its because my source of happiness doesn't really depend on someone while hers does.

I will see how this goes.

Sounds like you've got a handle on things.

Also sounds like yeah, this one has run its course. Not because either of you is a bad person or "she's trash" like the rest of the thread is saying, but shyt man sometimes people just aren't compatible and that's ok.

 

[Serious]

I dont think anybody under 60 can be a homebody. If OP had the resources to go on unlimited dates and trips. He would.

Dude has the money. He’s a part of 6figs, 6 certs and he lives in the south.

Some people are just laid back and lowkey, despite the finances.

From I what I can piece together they’re incompatible, because she seems extroverted and he’s introverted.

Also I get how going on a formal date once month, seems offsetting, especially since they don’t have kids.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

I’m more tripping off the fact it’s seen as a separate effort. I understand being a homebody but never doing/planning anything for yourself, is wild to me. So then you live with someone and expect them to dud around the house with you?

Even just running errands together, like I could text my homegirl to grab coffee,
and head to the Amish market with me. I was going to do it anyway, but asking is how we bond in relationships. Simply doings things with others.

It seems like people don’t know how or want to integrate people into their life. I would be looking at my friends crazy if we hadn’t gotten together in close to a month, that means life is way too hectic, time to break that up.

Where did you get this from? Nobody said that you shouldn't do things with your woman. OP has done plenty.

 

[Estarossa]

I been in a similar situation… leave. She’ll never be satisfied and you’ll constantly be stressed.

 

[greatone]

They live together though, so I would assume his needs are being fulfilled more regularly, than her need for regular dates. She shouldn’t stop desiring that just because he doesn’t want to oblige. As stated before doesn’t appear they aren’t compatible.

After reading some of your other post, are you suggesting that he should focus on more dates throughout the year and cut back on some of these big trips and big holidays/events. The reason I bring this up because judging by his 1st post he probably is spending a lot of bread on vacations, birthdays/holidays. If I am reading it right he took her on 1 big trip earlier in the year, 2 overseas trip in the middle of the year lasting almost a week, and he spend a lot on her birthday and valentine day. Most likely he going to spend a lot during Christmas. If you add all of this up it sound very expensive. I can understand if he feel some type of way when she say he is not courting her enough. I would be mad too if I spent all this bread throughout the year and only hearing about not courting her enough. Unless he make a lot of money then he is going to have to cut back on something in order to take her out/court her like she want him too.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

It’s an interesting perspective. I’m 100% a homebody so going out to do things isn’t really something I’m going to outside sports events. My girl is definitely a date night and travel person. End of the day I enjoy being with her so we find the balance of doing things together.

Seems unreasonable to think that you would be enter into a relationship with someone that favors those things (within reason) and expect them to sit at home with you. Especially if y’all live together.

The entire premise of bringing someone into your life but wanting the same outcome as being single is

Breh, I'm not seeing what point you and @Rawtid are trying to argue here. Who has said that you should expect your partner to just lounge around in the crib all the time?

 

[Shadow]

Seems like this ship has sailed.

I won't tell you what to do, but I'll say this: sometimes you can love a person but eventually realize they will never be satisfied. Your relationship shouldn't stress you out like this. If you feel like it's not working, it's not working.

I'll willing to say you've been doing too much for a person who simply doesn't care. Why? It's not enough for her OR it is enough, but you're not the person she really wants. In actuality, she may be trying to turn you into someone else.

But you know who you are, and you know when something's not working.

 

[Jay Kast]

1. She wants to go to a therapist to have support in telling you that you're the problem. Guaranteed if the therapist says she's being excessive NOTHING will change and she might even bush that therapist.

2. You, judging by your post, already go above and beyond what 95% of other men do for their woman.

3. She's entitled and never satisfied.

4. As a man you should be giving her the layout of how things go WITH her wants in mind. Example..

Her - I want to go out every week on a date, take a vacation every other month and do it big on holidays!

You - We'll do an outing/date every OTHER week. In the alternate week, we'll set up something intimate at home with just us. I'll save a certain percentage of my income for travel and holidays, we can aim for three vacations a year but within budget. It's your (the girl) job to organize and plan for most of them. (the times that you do it can be considered spontaneous or out of the ordinary to fulfill that need to feel courted or whatever)

A leader takes all necessary info and makes a plan to reach the goal.

5. This type of shyt is why people are broke regardless of what income they bring in. Shouldn't be spending more than 5k-8k on a 100k salary for relationship shyt dawg, we have a whole future to worry about! What about the 401ks, the Roth IRAs and index funds?

6. Women tend to think extragantly and in a very short sighted manner. You are the manager, manage expectations.

7. This one is already lost, chalk it up and move on. Depending on how you exit, she might realize how dumb she is and start acting right. Next time, manage the expectations out the gate! Don't court a bytch all lavishly on some love bomb shyt.

Hope it all works out (not with that broad, but in life period)

 

[Serious]

Seems like this ship has sailed.

I won't tell you what to do, but I'll say this: sometimes you can love a person but eventually realize they will never be satisfied. Your relationship shouldn't stress you out like this. If you feel like it's not working, it's not working.

I'll willing to say you've been doing too much for a person who simply doesn't care. Why? It's not enough for her OR it is enough, but you're not the person she really wants. In actuality, she may be trying to turn you into someone else.

But you know who you are, and you know when something's not working.

exactly this is it.

If your partner is not bringing you peace, and in the same sentence, says you’re not doing enough, when you feel that are, then leave.


Be alone for a bit figure your wants, needs, and dealbreakers in a relationship. Then look for someone that meets that criteria.

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

You just gotta find someone that is somewhat like you or too busy, or if not then you put effort into what they want

i am hella homebody too (mostly because of work) but my last bf was in the streets type, social at every opportunity possible. i would literally stop working at midnight sometimes and drag myself outside to kick it with him. not because i wanted to, but just to put forth the effort. of course, he would be covering the expenses though so i had no excuse. if she is helping pay then i would say just go along with it a little more. but if she is expecting you to pay all the time then she a weirdo

at first he loved that i could just chill. but it was only when we were on a slow fade that he made an issue like "you need to get outside more".... take that for what you will