I am suffering. This movie is awful and promises to get no better. None of the characters are interesting. All of the visuals look like a high-budget Scorpions video. The script is like if you assigned a dozen seventh graders 10 pages each. And the fight scenes are boring as s—t. The more of “Rebel Moon” I watch, the more running time I appear to have left. You should get your name on a wall for finishing this movie, like when you polish off the 96-ounce London broil at Jim Bob’s Steak Barn. I really want to stop watching “Rebel Moon” and play some PlayStation. The effects alone would be 10 times better, and I can just finish the movie tomorrow morning. But I’ve come too far now. At this point, “Rebel Moon” is less a movie to me than it is a challenge, and I refuse to back down. I will defeat this movie, even if I die in slow motion while trying.
But first, I pause the movie to eat a sandwich. It’s not a good sandwich, but at least it looks and tastes like a sandwich. At least it makes sense.
But I liked it. It gets a 7/10.
How you give Rebel Moon a 7 when the characters from the anime make all the characters in this movie look even more bland?
version of Seven Samurai.
www.sfgate.com
