Quote of the night

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

3-12-2013

"How should ****** be defined? Is it a part of the American cultural inheritance that warrants preservation? Why does ****** generate such powerful reactions? Is it a more hurtful racial epithet than insults such as kike, wop, wetback, mick, chink, and gook? Am I wrongfully offending the sensibilities of readers right now by spelling out ****** instead of using a euphemism such as N-word? Should blacks be able to use ****** in ways forbidden to others? Should the law view ****** as a provocation that reduces the culpability of a person who responds to it violently? Under what circumstances, if any, should a person be ousted from his or her job for saying "******"? What methods are useful for depriving ****** of destructiveness? In the pages that follow, I will pursue these and related questions. I will put a tracer on ******, report on its use, and assess the controversies to which it gives rise. I have invested energy in this endeavor because ****** is a key word in the lexicon of race relations and thus an important term in American politics.

To be ignorant of its meanings and effects is to make oneself vulnerable to all manner of perils, including the loss of a job, a reputation, a friend, even one's life.

Let's turn first to etymology. ****** is derived from the Latin word for the color black, niger. According to the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, it did not originate as a slur but took on a derogatory connotation over time. ****** and other words related to it have been spelled in a variety of ways, including nikkah, nigguh, niggur, and nikkar. When John Rolfe recorded in his journal the first shipment of Africans to Virginia in 1619, he listed them as "negars." A 1689 inventory of an estate in Brooklyn, New York, made mention of an enslaved "niggor" boy. The seminal lexicographer Noah Webster referred to Negroes as "negers." (Currently some people insist upon distinguishing ******--which they see as exclusively an insult--from nikka, which they view as a term capable of signaling friendly salutation.) In the 1700s niger appeared in what the dictionary describes as "dignified argumentation" such as Samuel Sewall's denunciation of slavery, The Selling of Joseph. No one knows precisely when or how niger turned derisively into ****** and attained a pejorative meaning. We do know, however, that by the end of the first third of the nineteenth century, ****** had already become a familiar and influential insult.

In A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States: and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them (1837), Hosea Easton wrote that ****** "is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [blacks] as an inferior race. . . . The term in itself would be perfectly harmless were it used only to distinguish one class of society from another; but it is not used with that intent. . . . t flows from the fountain of purpose to injure." Easton averred that often the earliest instruction white adults gave to white children prominently featured the word ******. Adults reprimanded them for being "worse than ******s," for being "ignorant as ******s," for having "no more credit than ******s"; they disciplined them by telling them that unless they behaved they would be carried off by "the old ******" or made to sit with "******s" or consigned to the "****** seat," which was, of course, a place of shame.

Over the years, ****** has become the best known of the American language's many racial insults, evolving into the paradigmatic slur. It is the epithet that generates epithets. That is why Arabs are called "sand ******s", Irish "the ******s of Europe," and Palestinians "the ******s of the Middle East"; why black bowling balls have been called "****** eggs", games of craps "****** golf," watermelons "****** hams," rolls of one-dollar bills "****** rolls," bad luck "****** luck," gossip "****** news" and heavy boots "****** stompers."

Observers have made strong claims on behalf of the special status of ****** as a racial insult. The journalist Farari Chideya describes it as "the all American- trump card, the nuclear bomb of racial epithets." The writer Andrew Hacker has asserted that among slurs of any sort, ****** "stands alone [in] its power to tear at one's insides. Judge Stephen Reinhardt deems ****** "the most noxious racial epithet in the contemporary American lexicon. And prosecutor Christopher Darden famously branded ****** the "filthiest, dirtiest, nastiest world in the English Language."

For some observers, the only legitimate use of ****** is as a rhetorical boomerang against racists. There are others, however, who approvingly note a wide range of additional usages. According to Professor Clarence Major, when ****** is "used by black people among themselves, [it] is a racial term with undertones of warmth and good will - reflecting .... a tragicomic sensibility that is aware of black history. The writer Claude Brown once admiringly described ****** as "perhaps the most soulful word in the world," and journalist Jarvis DeBerry calls it "beautiful in its multiplicity of functions." "I am not aware," DeBerry Writes, "Of any other word capable of expressing so many contradictory emotions." Traditionally an insult, ****** can be a compliment, as in "He played like a ******." Historically a signal of hostility, it can also be a salutation announcing affection, as in "This is my main ******." A term of belittlement, ****** can also be a term of respect, as in "James Brown is a straight-up ******." A word that can bring forth bitter tears in certain circumstances, ****** can prompt joyful laughter in others.

A candid portrayal of the N-word's use among African Americans can be found in Helen Jackson Lee's autobiography, ****** in the window. It was Lee's cousin who first introduced her to ****** possibilities. As Lee remembered it, "Cousin Bea had a hundred different ways of saying ******; listening to her, I learned a variety of meanings the world could assume. How it could be opened up like an umbrella to cover a dozen different moods, or stretched like a rubber band to wrap up our family with other colored families... ****** was a piece-of-clay word that you could shape..... to express your feelings.

If ****** represented only an insulting slur and was associated only with racial animus, this book would not exist, for the term would be insufficiently interesting to warrant extended study. ****** is fascinating precisely because it has been put to a variety of uses and can radiate a wide array of meanings."

******: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word

~*Randall Kennedy




"Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested" ~*African Proverb

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

3-13-2013

My word is my bond...

http://www.the-coli.com/locker-room...manology-books-think-like-man-type-stuff.html

"Why is there such a disconnect between the sexes when it comes to arguing? I believe it’s because men and women approach arguments from different perspectives and armed with different agendas. Many times women will argue just because they want to be heard. They’re arguing not to prove a specific point but to express how they’re feeling in general. Sure, they’ll start off talking about something in particular, but ultimately their agenda is about finally airing out some of the frustrations or insecurities they might be feeling in the relationship. Men, on the other hand, don’t care about getting something off their chest or addressing a festering issue as much as they care about actually winning the argument at hand. To use an analogy, women argue like poets— they want to express their emotions. Men argue like lawyers— they want to prove the facts.

For example, let’s say a woman always gets the hamburger with onions when she orders from the takeout place near her home. One night her husband comes back with a salad and salmon steak instead of a burger and says, “I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I got the fish because I figured it’d be good for your diet.” Of course she’s going to get pissed and want to talk about it. In her husband’s mind, she doesn’t have a legitimate argument. He told her he was going to be stopping by the restaurant after work, and since she didn’t specifically say what she wanted, he got the fish. In his eyes, those are the facts, and that’s what the argument should center around.

For the woman, the argument isn’t about semantics or the facts of who ordered what. It’s about how her husband has a tendency to not really pay attention to the things that she likes. Plus, she’s tired of him always breathing down her neck about what she eats. She is grown and doesn’t need him trying to make decisions for her, especially when he should be more worried about keeping his own gut tight.

Here’s the thing: after a few minutes of arguing about the food, the wife will actually start to feel better. Why? Because she might not have gotten her burger, but she finally got a chance to vent the frustration that had been building up in her. She got to tell her husband that she’s tired of his paternalistic and controlling attitude. He might not even concede the point, but after their argument, she’s actually going to feel better about their relationship. Because she knows that at least she addressed a nagging issue for her.

The husband, however, leaves that argument feeling even worse. In the small picture, he can’t figure out why his wife is so upset about the burger when she never gave him explicit instructions. In the big picture, he’s frustrated because no matter how many valid points he raises and how much evidence he presents, he can’t seem to win any argument with his wife. He always leaves those conversations feeling like he lost. And that’s a very dangerous feeling for a man to have.

Let me keep it really funky here: deep down, the man does know what he and his wife are really arguing about. He might like to tell himself that his wife “don’t make no sense when she’s mad,” but he knows she’s upset about his attitude in general, not specifically that he brought home the fish.

The problem is that he won’t want to address the larger issue unless his wife explicitly forces him to do so. He’d like to put off that talk for as long as possible. If I address this part of our relationship that’s fundamentally flawed, it will mean a lot of tears and soul searching, is what he’ll be thinking. If I can keep the conversation limited to burgers and fish, it will be a lot less painful.

Adding to the disconnect is the fact that the woman might not spell out what’s really bothering her. This is because a woman wants her man to recognize the larger issues on his own. That’s what proves he’s paying attention and is sensitive to her emotions.

I can understand why women feel this way. If a man tells a woman “sorry for being too controlling” after she had to explain how controlling he was being, then the woman is still going to wonder whether or not he truly gets it. A woman will always feel much better about an apology when it’s unsolicited. So if that man calls his wife up out of the blue during the middle of the day and says, “Hey, baby, just wanted to say sorry about the other night with the burger. I got no business being on your case like that . . .” the call will put that issue to rest. Unfortunately, a lot of you ladies will be waiting a very, very long time for a call like that, which is why you always end up in arguments.

In my house, we address the big issues right away. If I get on my wife for breaking her diet and she lets me know she’s not in the mood to be lectured, then I back off right away. I won’t try to debate what I said; no, I’m jumping back in my car and going out to get her that burger with onions. Maybe I’ll even pick her up some cheesecake for dessert, because my wife’s happiness is always more important to me than proving any point."


Manology: Secrets of Your Man's Mind Revealed

~*Tyrese Gibson & Rev Run

"Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.... A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." ~*Rachel Naomi Remen

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

3-14-2013

"Every task you are given, no matter how menial, offers opportunities to observe this world at work. No detail about the people within it is too trivial. Everything you see or hear is a sign for you to decode. Over time, you will begin to see and understand more of the reality that eluded you at first. For instance, a person whom you initially thought had great power ended up being someone with more bark than bite. Slowly, you begin to see behind the appearances. As you amass more information about the rules and power dynamics of your new environment, you can begin to analyze why they exist, and how they relate to larger trends in the field. You move from observation to analysis, honing your reasoning skills, but only after months of careful attention.

Understand: there are several critical reasons why you must follow this step. First, knowing your environment inside and out will help you in navigating it and avoiding costly mistakes. You are like a hunter: your knowledge of every detail of the forest and of the ecosystem as a whole will give you many more options for survival and success. Second, the ability to observe any unfamiliar environment will become a critical lifelong skill. You will develop the habit of stilling your ego and looking outward instead of inward. You will see in any encounter what most people miss because they are thinking of themselves. You will cultivate a keen eye for human psychology, and strengthen your ability to focus. Finally, you will become accustomed to observing first, basing your ideas and theories on what you have seen with your eyes, and then analyzing what you find.

First, it is essential that you begin with one skill that you can master, and that serves as a foundation for acquiring others. You must avoid at all cost the idea that you can manage learning several skills at a time. You need to develop your powers of concentration, and understand that trying to multitask will be the death of the process.

Second, the initial stages of learning a skill invariably involve tedium. Yet rather than avoiding this inevitable tedium, you must accept and embrace it. The pain and boredom we experience in the initial stage of learning a skill toughens our minds, much like physical exercise. Too many people believe that everything must be pleasurable in life, which makes them constantly search for distractions and short-circuits the learning process. The pain is a kind of challenge your mind presents—will you learn how to focus and move past the boredom, or like a child will you succumb to the need for immediate pleasure and distraction? Much as with physical exercise, you can even get a kind of perverse pleasure out of this pain, knowing the benefits it will bring you. In any event, you must meet any boredom head-on and not try to avoid or repress it. Throughout your life you will encounter tedious situations, and you must cultivate the ability to handle them with discipline.

In practicing a skill in the initial stages, something happens neurologically to the brain that is important for you to understand. When you start something new, a large number of neurons in the frontal cortex (the higher, more conscious command area of the brain) are recruited and become active, helping you in the learning process. The brain has to deal with a large amount of new information, and this would be stressful and overwhelming if only a limited part of the brain were used to handle it. The frontal cortex even expands in size in this initial phase, as we focus hard on the task. But once something is repeated often enough, it becomes hardwired and automatic, and the neural pathways for this skill are delegated to other parts of the brain, farther down the cortex. Those neurons in the frontal cortex that we needed in the initial stages are now freed up to help in learning something else, and the area goes back to its normal size.

In the end, an entire network of neurons is developed to remember this single task, which accounts for the fact that we can still ride a bicycle years after we first learned how to do so. If we were to take a look at the frontal cortex of those who have mastered something through repetition, it would be remarkably still and inactive as they performed the skill. All of their brain activity is occurring in areas that are lower down and require much less conscious control.

This process of hardwiring cannot occur if you are constantly distracted, moving from one task to another. In such a case, the neural pathways dedicated to this skill never get established; what you learn is too tenuous to remain rooted in the brain. It is better to dedicate two or three hours of intense focus to a skill than to spend eight hours of diffused concentration on it. You want to be as immediately present to what you are doing as possible.


Once an action becomes automatic, you now have the mental space to observe yourself as you practice. You must use this distance to take note of your weaknesses or flaws that need correction—to analyze yourself. It helps also to gain as much feedback as possible from others, to have standards against which you can measure your progress so that you are aware of how far you have to go. People who do not practice and learn new skills never gain a proper sense of proportion or self-criticism. They think they can achieve anything without effort and have little contact with reality. Trying something over and over again grounds you in reality, making you deeply aware of your inadequacies and of what you can accomplish with more work and effort.

If you take this far enough, you will naturally enter the cycle of accelerated returns: As you learn and gain skills you can begin to vary what you do, finding nuances that you can develop in the work, so that it becomes more interesting. As elements become more automatic your mind is not exhausted by the effort and you can practice harder, which in turn brings greater skill and more pleasure. You can look for challenges, new areas to conquer, keeping your interest at a high level. As the cycle accelerates, you can reach a point where your mind is totally absorbed in the practice, entering a kind of flow in which everything else is blocked out. You become one with the tool or instrument or thing you are studying. Your skill is not something that can be put into words; it is embedded in your body and nervous system—it becomes tacit knowledge. Learning any kind of skill deeply prepares you for mastery. The sensation of flow and of being a part of the instrument is a precursor to the great pleasures that mastery can bring.

In essence, when you practice and develop any skill you transform yourself in the process. You reveal to yourself new capabilities that were previously latent, that are exposed as you progress. You develop emotionally. Your sense of pleasure becomes redefined. What offers immediate pleasure comes to seem like a distraction, an empty entertainment to help pass the time. Real pleasure comes from overcoming challenges, feeling confidence in your abilities, gaining fluency in skills, and experiencing the power this brings. You develop patience. Boredom no longer signals the need for distraction, but rather the need for new challenges to conquer.

Although it might seem that the time necessary to master the requisite skills and attain a level of expertise would depend on the field and your own talent level, those who have researched the subject repeatedly come up with the number of 10,000 hours. This seems to be the amount of quality practice time that is needed for someone to reach a high level of skill and it applies to composers, chess players, writers, and athletes, among others. This number has an almost magical or mystical resonance to it. It means that so much practice time—no matter the person or the field—leads to a qualitative change in the human brain. The mind has learned to organize and structure large amounts of information. With all of this tacit knowledge, it can now become creative and playful with it. Although the number of hours might seem high, it generally adds up to seven to ten years of sustained, solid practice—roughly the period of a traditional apprenticeship. In other words, concentrated practice over time cannot fail but produce results.

Mastery

~*Robert Greene

"Anything that is alive is in a continual state of change and movement. The moment that you rest, thinking that you have attained the level you desire, a part of your mind enters a phase of decay."

 

[concise]

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

--

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

3-28-2013

"Every human being has three ego states: a parent, an adult, and a child. In any given day you will probably spend some time in each ego state, and each will affect how you behave. Your communication style will vary markedly depending on whether you are functioning from the parent, adult, or child position.

The Parent

You internal parent is a huge collection of rules, moral dictums, and how-to-do-it instructions that your parents provided you. These rules and instructions are recorded on a tape inside you, probably during your first five years, and they continue to play throughout your entire life. The parent tapes include everything you ever heard your parents say, every pronouncement, every favorite adage. "Don't be lazy..... Don't brag....Never let anyone make a fool of you.....A marriage lasts forever....Always finish everything on your plate....Never trust wealthy people.....All politicians are criminals.....Avoid risks.....Strangers are dangerous....Don't walk under ladders." These rules were all important as a child because you had no way of predicting danger and no knowledge of the ways of the world. As a child you didn't know what "hot" meant or what a burn did to the skin, so there were strong rules to govern your behavior with the stove.

Parental rules also provided "how-to" information. They gave you instructions on how to shake hands, how to eat at the table, how to fill a glass, how to make conversation, and how to navigate your neighborhood. The rules helped you cope with your first social encounters and gave you confidence as you stepped tentatively into the world.

In many ways, the parent tapes are good and helpful. They provided a structure for your life. Some parent tapes have a supportive, caring quality. Like a good teacher, they remind you of the right way to do something, but without coercion or attack. If your parents were strict and rigid, however, then the parent inside you may be equally strict and unforgiving. Your internal parent may have a punitive, rejecting voice that leaves you feeling hemmed in and controlled by absolute rules.

You can usually tell when you are talking from your parent position because you use words like always, never, stop and don't. Your communications are full of commands and value judgments. The punitive parent, in particular, will use judgmental words like disgusting, stupid, ridiculous, and idiotic. The supportive parent may describe things as perfect, wonderful, or excellent. Functioning from your parent, you tend to discuss problems in terms of what "ought to" and "should be" done. Out and should statements are a real tip-off that you're in your parent state.

The Child

Just as your parents are still inside you, so also is the child that you were. Your child consists of all your urges to know, to feel, to touch, and experience a new world. Your child is hungry for discovery and sensation. But your child is also a production of all the disapproval, punishment, and negative feelings brought on by confrontations with parental mandates. A child concludes very early, " I'm not okay." It decides this because inexplicable frightening episodes of disapproval continually mar its existence.

Your child is the part of you were your emotions reside: your attractions, your love, your delight, and also your fear, your anger and your feelings of not being okay left over from the turmoils of growing up. Your child is full of healthy appetites and at the same time raw and wounded from the inevitable parental rejections.

When you are communicating from a child position there is usually a great deal of energy: tears, pouting, temper tantrums, and whining. Your child is also the source of exuberance, giggling, and sexual excitement. Your child uses phrases like " i hate, I wish, why do I have to." It can't stand being told it isn't okay, and retreats into hurt and anger when it senses rejection.

The Adult

There is a part of you that has to juggle the intense feelings and needs of the child and the rules and mandates of the parent. This is your adult. Your adult is like a computer, a data processing center that sorts through and keeps you aware of what's going on inside and outside of you. The adult has to make decisions. To do so, it examines the conditions of the outside world and makes predictions about likely outcomes. ON the inside, the adult listens to the advice of the parent and hears out the needs and reactions of the child.

Sometimes the adult is overwhelmed or "contaminated" by the child or parent. You can tell when your adult has succumbed to your child because you tend to act on intense feelings and impulses without examining them. Your feelings overwhelm you. You may express them by whining, complaining, having crying jags or tantrums. Spending sprees and ill-advised sexual adventures are also indications that your impulsive child has gotten the upper hand. When your adult is contaminated by your parent, the result is usually a large supply of unquestioned prejudices. You have strict, unexamined beliefs. You are straitjacked in rules that you have no permission to evaluate. Often you communicate with an attacking blaming style.

The healthy adult knows the needs of the child and is aware of the rules of the parent. But it can function independently. It communicates and makes decisions without blocking out or giving up control to either of them.

Communications that come from your adult position are direct and straight. Your adult describes, it asks questions, it assesses probabilities; it evaluates the known and the unknown, the true and the false. It has opinions rather than judgments or beliefs. It is aware, but the awareness has no emotional charge."

Messages: The Communication Skills Book

~* Matthew McKay, Martha Davis & Patrick Fanning

"Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do." ~*Bruce Crampton

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

4-3-2013

"The optimist is right. The pessimist is right. The one differs from the other as the light from the dark. Yet both are right. Each is right from their own particular point of view, and this point of view is the determining factor in the life of each. It determines as to whether it is a life of power or of impotence, of peace or of pain, of success or of failure.

The optimist has the power of seeing things in their entirety and in their right relations. The pessimist looks from a limited and a one-sided point of view. The one has their understanding illuminated by wisdom, the understanding of the other is darkened by ignorance. Each is building their world from within, and the result of the building are determined by the point of view of each the optimist, by their superior wisdom and insight, is making their own heaven, and in the degree that they make their own heaven are helping to make one for all the world beside. The pessimist, by virtue of their limitations, are making their own hell, and in the degree that they make their own hell are they helping to make one for all mankind.

You and I have the predominating characteristics of an optimist or the predominating characteristics of a pessimist. We then are making, hour by hour, our own heaven or our own hell; and in the degree that we are making the one or the other for ourselves are we helping make it for all the world beside.

The word heaven means harmony. The word hell is from the Old English hell, meaning to build a wall around, to separate; to be helled was to be shut off from. Now if there is such a thing as harmony there must be that something one can be in right relations with; for to be in right relations with anything is to be in harmony with it. Again, if there is such a thing as being helled, shut off, separated from, there must be that something from which one is helled, shut off, or separated.

The one who is of the negative, fearing kind not only has their energies and physical agents weakened, or even paralyzed through the influence of this kind of thought that is born within them, but also in this way connect themselves with this order of thought in the world about them. And in the degree that they do this do they become a victim to the weak, fearing, negative minds all around them. Instead of growing in power, they increase in weakness. They are in the same order of thought with those of whom it is true—and even that which they have shall be taken away from them. This again is simply the working of a natural law, just as is its opposite. Fearing lest I lose even what I have I hide it away in a napkin. Very well. I must then pay for the price of my 'fearing lest I lose.'

Thoughts of strength both build strength from within and attract it from without. Thoughts of weakness actualize weakness from within and attract it from without. Courage begets strength, fear begets weakness. And so courage begets success, fear begets failure. It is the man of faith, and hence of courage who is the master of circumstances, and who makes his or her power felt in the world. It is the man who lacks faith and who as a consequence is weakened and crippled by fears and forebodings, who is the creature of all passing occurrences.

Within each one lies the cause of whatever comes to them. Each has it in their own hands to determine what comes. Everything in the visible, material world has its origin in the unseen, the spiritual, the thought world. This is the world of cause, the former is the world of effect. The nature of the effect is always in accordance with the nature of the cause. What one lives in their invisible, thought world, is continually actualizing in their visible, material world. If he would have any conditions different in the latter they must make the necessary change in the former. A clear realization of this great fact would bring success to thousands of men who all about us are now in the depths of despair. It would bring health, abounding health and strength to thousands now diseased and suffering. It would bring peace and joy to thousands now unhappy and ill at ease.

Peace lies not in the external world. It lies within one's own soul. We may travel over many different avenues in pursuit of it, we may seek it through the channels of the bodily appetites and passions, we may seek it through all the channels of the external, we may chase for it hither and thither, but it will always be just beyond our grasp, because we are searching for it where it is not. In the degree, however, that we order the bodily appetites and passions in accordance with the promptings of the soul within will the higher forms of happiness and peace enter our lives; but in the degree that we fail in doing this will disease, suffering, and discontent enter in.

As all truth exists now, and awaits simply our perception of it, so all things necessary for present needs exist now and await simply the power in us to appropriate them."

In Tune With the Infinite

~*Ralph Waldo Trine

"How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences." ~* Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

4-4-2013

"To be a hero means being the author of your own myth.

The first insight is the way of the hero because when you follow it's four practices, you turn your wounds into a source of power. While you have certainly been emotionally hurt in some way (as we all have), when you walk the way of the hero, the traumas you have experienced can actually help you find your strength and compassion.

You can accomplish this by shedding the stories of your past, just as a snake sheds her skin. In the process, you will cease being a victim of what happened to you and instead become empowered to write your own valiant tale of strength, healing, and beauty. You no longer have to be the misunderstood artist, the tough rebel with the heart of gold, the innocent who's been betrayed, or the child of the abusive parent.


The first insight shows you that these are merely characters you've created to explain what happened to you. Your personal stories are just yarns you've spun; they are not you. Suffering occurs when you believe them to be true - whether you created these stories yourself or someone else did it for you, you confuse them for reality. The characters in your narrative then become like hungry ghosts who show up at the dinner table and feed off your scraps.

You may strive to understand and negotiate with these ghosts because you believe that they're genuine. But their complaints, demands, and thirst for attention are endless: The shadow of your father hovers over you, seeking forgiveness and retribution; the image of your children tells you that you should have raised them differently; and the specter of your youth haunts you, berating you for having squandered it. You are bombarded by the shrill voices of all those you've wronged or been wronged by... and they never shut up.

In fact, if we weed these hungry ghosts, they will suck the life force right out of us. (After all, how many people in their 50s do you know who are still struggling with the memory of a neurotic mother or distant father?) We can pat ourselves on the back for surviving a difficult childhood or we can rationalize our behavior patterns by pointing to the racism or gender discrimination we suffered, the way our parents neglected us, or to any number of logical reasons for why we act the way we do. As long as we cling to the belief that these stories are real, we stay stuck, continually feeding the hungry ghosts in a dreary process that mimics, yet forestalls, true healing.

Too often we work overtime to meet the requirements of our story. How many family rituals continue because everyone is convinced that they have to perform them in order to express their love and loyalty to their parents, children, and siblings? How many people spend their lives in meetings that have little practical purpose except to perpetuate the idea that productive individuals attend lots of important meetings? How many students force themselves to choose practical courses of study rather than following their heart's interest? When you banish the ghosts from your table and let go of your stories about what is "proper," "appropriate" and "best," you free yourself to explore the mystery of who you and other people in your life truly are."

The Four Insights: Wisdom, Power, and Grace of the Earthkeepers

~*Alberto Villoldo Ph.D.

"To being transforming your wounds of sources of power and compassion, you need to recognize the stories that you tell yourself about who you are. You might be completely unaware of how deeply you believe in these tales. You may get defensive and insist you have a right to hold on to your truth - that you've been victimized, misunderstood, abused, abandoned, betrayed, and so on. But if you're able to let go of your narrative and your limited definitions of yourself, you can change the trajectory of your life, reinvent yourself, and fashion a much more empowering journey for you, your family, and the human race as a whole."

 

[rocksteady]

hopefully my posting of this nursery rhyme here doesn't seem obnoxious (it's not meant to be).

row, row, row your boat,
gently down the stream.
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.



an alternate version from lewis carroll's, "through the looking glass" :

a boat beneath a sunny sky,
lingering onward dreamily
in an evening of july
children three that nestle near,
eager eye and willing ear,
pleased a simple tale to hear
long has paled that sunny sky:
echoes fade and memories die:
autumn frosts have slain july.
still she haunts me, phantomwise,
alice moving under skies
never seen by waking eyes.
children yet, the tale to hear,
eager eye and willing ear,
lovingly shall nestle near.
in a wonderland they lie,
dreaming as the days go by,
dreaming as the summers die:
ever drifting down the stream
lingering in the golden gleam
life, what is it but a dream?

 

[Strapped]

are we practicing what we preach

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

5-8-2013

"An epiphany is really a mini-breakthrough. One piece of conditioning is shattered. Instead of being the victim of a rigid belief, you feel released. What causes such a mini-breakthrough? You have to shift your attention to the soul, because that is the aspect of yourself that is not conditioned. The soul represents higher awareness in that sense - it is free from all conditioning. Or, to put it most simply, the soul never says no. Anything is possible. Whatever can be imagined comes true. If you can keep your attention on your soul, you will experience an epiphany every day. Instead of no, you will experience unlimited yes.

To get beyond the power of no is crucially important. No is very convincing. People reject all kinds of experiences because they believe its right to reject. They oppose because they can't bring themselves not to. The spell of no holds them so strongly that little else matters.


Negative Belief #1: People don't change

This familiar assertion seems reasonable in moments of discouragement and frustration, but if you look more closely, it has the effect of shutting down change in yourself. In essence, if other people can't or won't change, we're fated to live in the status quo. When you assume nobody is going to change, you have closed the box and locked them in. At the same time, you get locked in, too. It's easy to miss that implication, because in our heart of hearts, we secretly believe that we can change; it's only other people who can't. In reality, they feel the same about you, and so a system of mutual discouragement is set up. In short order, anyone who stands up and says "we need to change" is bucking the status quo. And anyone who breaks away and actually does change is viewed with suspicion, or outright hostility.

From your soul's perspective, however, none of this is real. It's obvious that people constantly change. We hunger for news; we inflame daily life into crises, large and small. Our moods shift, as does every cell in our bodies. To say that people don't change is arbitrary, a point of view that seems safe. It's a form of resignation, of giving in to the inevitable. You must stop reinforcing the power of no if you want to reach your soul.

- See yourself as changing all the time.
- Encourage change in others.
- When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop.
- When someone offers a counter-opinion, don't resist.
- Argue from the opposite side every once in a while.
- Don't stamp out the fragile beginnings of change, either in yourself or in others.
- Stop being absolute. Let your attitude be more flexible and provisional.
- Don't take pride in being right.
- When you have an impulse to grow and evolve, follow it without regard for the opinions of others.

Negative Belief #2: Habits keeps us trapped

Everyone knows what it means to be caught up in habitual behavior. Life's everyday struggle is dominated by our inability to think and behave in a new way. Habits keep married couples locked in the same argument for years. It makes us plop down on the couch rather than work for change. It reinforces bad diets and lack of exercise. In general, habit makes inertia easier than change. Here the force of no is fairly obvious - or is it? If you look at it without negative judgments, a habit is nothing more than a useful shortcut, an automatic pathway imprinted in the brain. A skilled pianist has imprinted the habit of moving his fingers a certain way; he wouldn't want to reinvent his technique every time he sat down at the keyboard. A short-order cook who can turn out six omelets at a time relies on the fact that his brain is imprinted with a set of automatic motions precisely timed.

From your soul's perspective, a habit is just a choice that is ingrained for practical purposes. There's no issue of good and bad, right or wrong. You always have the choice to erase the imprint and create a new one. A pianist who takes up the violin isn't hampered by the imprinted ways his fingers used to move. A short-order cook who goes home to make one omelet instead of six isn't compelled to work at lightning speed. What keeps us trapped is the spell of no. In the grip of that spell, we find reasons to keep being stuck in habitual thinking and behaviors when they no longer serve us. We voluntarily renounce the power to change, while at the same time blaming our bad habits, as if they had an independent will ( currently it's fashionable to blame the brain, as if its imprints are permanent and all-powerful). To break out of any habit, you need to reclaim your power to choose.

- Don't fight against a bad habit. Look at it objectively, as if another person had the habit.
- Ask yourself why you have chosen your habit.
- Examine what benefit you are getting, usually at a hidden level.
- Be honest about your choice. Instead of saying, "This is just how I am," admit that you have chosen inertia over change because change frightens or threatens you.
- If you feel victimized by a bad habit, ask yourself why you need to be a victim. Is it an way to keep from taking responsibility?
- Find reasons to adopt a good habit in place of the bad one; make your reason convincing, and keep repeating it to yourself whenever the old habit arises.

Your aim is to break the spell that says you have no choices. You always have choices.


Negative Belief #3: Obsessive thoughts are in control.

Most people don't think they're obsessive. They identify obsessions with mental disorders, when in fact an obsessive-impulsive disorder is just an extreme variation on a universal condition. Obsessions are yet another way that the power of no removes your ability to choose. At any given moment you might obsess about keeping safe, avoiding germs, getting angry in traffic, spending money, disciplining your children, defeating terrorism - the possibilities are endless and ever-changing. You can't assume that a thought becomes an obsession only if it's immoral, wrong, or irrational. One can obsess about things that society approves of and rewards. We all know people who obsess about winning, or getting back at those who wronged them, or money, or ambition. By definition, an obsessive thought is one that's stronger than you are. That's where the power of no does its damage.

From the soul's perspective, thinking is an expression of freedom. The mind isn't compelled to prefer one thought over another. Much less is the mind a machine programmed to repeat the same message over and over. What keeps us trapped in repetition is the belief that "I must think this way." Other alternatives are closed off by fear, prejudice, self-interest, and guilt. To break out of obsessive thinking, you must examine this deeper level where "I must" holds sway.

- Don't struggle against thoughts that keep repeating themselves.
- When people tell you that you keep doing the same thing, believe them.
- Don't accept that always winning, always being out for number one, or always doing anything is productive.
- Don't pride yourself on consistency for consistency's sake.
- If you feel trapped by an obsession, ask yourself what you're afraid of. Repetition is a mask for anxiety.
- Stop rationalizing. Put your attention on how your thoughts feel, not on what they say.
- Be honest about the frustration you feel with having the same idea over and over.
- Don't defend your prejudices.
- Take active steps to reduce stress, which is a major cause of obsessions. Under stress, the mind keeps repeating the same thing because it isn't relaxed or open enough to find an alternative.
- Through meditation, seek the level of your mind that isn't obsessed, that has no fixed ideas.


Negative Belief #6: "Bad" thoughts are forbidden and dangerous

People expend a lot of subtle energy in pushing down thoughts they don't want to face. Denial and repression seem appealing as short-term solutions. What you don't think about may go away. But there's a sticky quality to bad thoughts - which are any thoughts that make you feel guilty, ashamed, humiliated, or distressed. And denial only makes the pain worse over time. Delay also makes it harder to release old, stuck energies when you finally decide that they must be confronted.

If you choose to push bad thoughts out of sight, that's your decision. The danger comes when you begin to believe that certain thoughts are forbidden as if by a law of outside force. When that happens, the power of no has convinced you that your own mind is your enemy. Many people, including trained psychotherapists, are threatened by the "shadow", a name given to the forbidden zone of the mind where dangerous urges lurk. Under the spell of no you fear your shadow and believe that you should never go near it.

From the soul's perspective the mind has no boundaries. If you feel that it is forbidden to look at your rage, fear, jealously, desperation, and feelings of vengeance, you are resorting to a false sense of self. Specifically, you are dividing yourself into good and bad impulses. The paradox is that your good side can never ultimately win, because the bad side will constantly fight to be released. An inner struggle ensues. You wind up living in a state of underground warfare. Instead of trying to be good all the time, try to win your freedom. When the mind is free, thoughts come and go spontaneously. Whether good or bad, you don't hold on to them. As long as the mind is allowed to flow, no thought is dangerous, and therefore nothing is forbidden.

- See the difference between having a "bad" thought and acting on it.
- Don't identify with your thoughts. They aren't you; they are passing events in the mind.
- Resist the urge to demonize. Judgment makes illicit impulses stick around.
- Learn the value of acceptance.
- Don't condemn others for their thoughts.
- Don't set up a false ideal of yourself. See clearly that every kind of thought, mood, and sensation exists in your makeup.
- Celebrate the diversity of your mind. A mind that is free to think any way it wants should be appreciated, not suppressed.
- Don't fixate on being right all the time. Being right is just a disguise for making other people wrong. In the shadows, you secretly fear that something is wrong with you, which is why you fight so hard to appear infallible - you think it makes you good.
- When you are tempted to control your mind, stand back and realize that the task is impossible to begin with. Even the most disciplined mind has a way of break out of its chains.


Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul: How to Create a New You

~*Deepak Chopra

"On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing only one of two things: either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.

Evolution is win-win… life is self-correcting."

 

[ChiefQueen]

wtffff? who's going to read all this.

 

[MAKAVELI25]

wtffff? who's going to read all this.

Exactly, thread title says "Quotes" and nikkaz is posting mini novels and shyt

 

[MBwithadream]

Temptress women call me thristy, but all I really wanted to do was feed their malnourished hearts.

Dap me, Copy me, Use my game, but remember where it came, Young Spok the name, Coli Fame-us.

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

5-9-2013

"Lesson 71: The Creation of Opportunity

How do you create opportunities to win?

A. By planning a series of logical steps.
B. By creating weaknesses in your enemy's position.
C. By knowing your position's strengths.
D. You don't create opportunities: you see them.

We say:

You see the opportunity for victory; you don't create it. (The Art Of War 4:1.9-10)

Correct Answer: D

Vision means seeing an opportunity, that is, being able to perceive an opening. The key element we are exploring is tian - the climate, the weather, or trends. Weather includes the seasons and timing. We don't control the weather. We can only see and foresee the changing of seasons, the tendencies of change, and the trends over time. These trends tell us what to look for at any given time. We are not creating the opportunity that we need. We are on watch for it.

The limitations on what we can do are an important element in Sun Tzu's strategic system. We are in a dance. We control our movements but not those of others or the general trends of the time. We must take our cues from what is happening in the larger environment. We must keep time with change, the music of life. We must study the signs of activity. We must sense the direction of momentum. The situation around us is fluid. We respond to what our situation dictates. We must watch carefully and forget about trying to control the dance. We must perceive the tempo of change and see into our future.

Every great idea in business and society has come from this insight into the direction of change. Business innovators don't create the need for their product nor the science that makes invention possible. They see the need for change and the possibility of new solutions. New businesses don't arise from working harder or even better. They are created by vision. Founders of successful organizations are simply the first to see an opportunity and take advantage of it while others are still making plans.


Lesson 75: Taking Advantage of Opportunity

What two things do you need to do to improve your position?

A. You must preserve your men and wait.
B. You must wait and see the opportunity.
C. You must see the opportunity and move your men.
D. You must move your men and willingly sacrifice them.

Some may see how to win.
However, they cannot position their forces where they must.
This demonstrates limited ability. (The Art Of War 4:3.1-3)

Correct Answer: C

We have already explained how important vision, or the ability to recognize an opportunity, is to our ability to move forward. Seeing an opportunity isn't enough. We must also be able to move to take advantage of that opportunity. Action is always required for success.

Sun Tzu defines our competitive ability by the various skills we must master. The ability to see an opportunity, vision, is one of these key skills. Knowledge and vision are two key skills for any leader. The ability to move to the right position at the right time is another skill. Movement and the positioning are the two key skills for any organization. To win a new position, we need to develop both areas of skill.

We have all known people who can see opportunity. They tell us about it. Their predictions prove quite accurate. Still, they never seem to be able to take advantage of the opportunities they see. They can spot a hot stock, but they never have the money to invest in it. They hear about a good job, but they never get to the interview. They are sure they are right, but they never have enough energy to make a commitment to the necessary action. In other words, they are stuck. They cannot move. In Sun Tzu's terms, they are really defending what they should attack.

Success requires action and movement. To be successful in reaching our goals, we must always be prepared to act. We must be eager to act. We must have the courage to act. If we too cautions to move to a new position, we will never find long-term success."

The Art of War Plus The Warrior Class: 306 Lessons in Strategy

~*Gary Gagliardi

"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat." ~*Sun Tzu

 

[concise]

space reserved