Quick Little Gems on Dealing with Men Thread

[Tyuhnjko]

If he still sucks his thumb... RUN! No lie, I dated a dude for a year and a half before I caught his dumb ass sucking his thumb.

I was and dude was like "Oh, I do that when I finally get comfortable around someone. My sister does it too(she's 37)."

I got curious 'cause I thought dude was just messing with me... nope, all the exs I could find knew about this ish... Then they (the exs) tell me to do a background check on dude, 'cause he's a registered sex offender(these weren't the only Fs he had either)! I would have never known this. Dude is good looking, has a large amount of friends, successful, and works with politicians. Guess my judge of character is off.

After that I had a hard time trusting anyone.

You never really know who people are...

So my advice, run a background check on dude before you date him. It might save your life.

 

[Rawtid]

Never expect ANYTHING ever. Not a phone call, not a text, a birthday gift, a birthday wish, NOTHING because expectations lead to disappointment. This one is difficult because if these are the things you desire, then find a man where that type of consideration is apart of who he is. Don't force that on him though because he may feel as if he can never make you happy because that's not apart of who he is.

 

[malbaker86]

-Be very careful if he has a female best friend. That could be problems in the long term and don't try to dismiss it in the beginning because you want to impress him.

-if he's not on your insurance and/or does not have a car of his own don't let him drive your car.

-Do not share living spaces if you aren't married.

I agree w/the first & disagree w/the last. My wife & i lived together for 2 years before we got married & it worked out fine. It enabled us to see each other in our everyday mood & lifestyle. So it was a positive for us

Ladies, im NOT trolling either but i have a question, how do yall deal w/a guy who's nice but just don't seem to be going anywhere in life?

 

[malbaker86]

-Google is your friend use it. It's not spying or stalking it's being proactive

This is UNDERRATED. My wife said she use to do that w/guys she use to talk to including me. Helps weed em out

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

This is UNDERRATED. My wife said she use to do that w/guys she use to talk to including me. Helps weed em out

what will she google
your govt name

 

[malbaker86]

what will she google
your govt name

I dont think she meant Googel itself, just use it to perform a background check to see if you got tickets, etc against you.

 

[RandomRN86]

Never be too available, or accept last minute dates - they take it for granted/desperation

 

[Rawtid]

I agree w/the first & disagree w/the last. My wife & i lived together for 2 years before we got married & it worked out fine. It enabled us to see each other in our everyday mood & lifestyle. So it was a positive for us

Ladies, im NOT trolling either but i have a question, how do yall deal w/a guy who's nice but just don't seem to be going anywhere in life?

I'm glad that it worked out for you two but it's not something that I would do ever.

Are you saying that dude is a jobless bum or something? Or he has a job but just isn't interested in being like a supervisor or manager at the company?

 

[malbaker86]

I'm glad that it worked out for you two but it's not something that I would do ever.

Are you saying that dude is a jobless bum or something? Or he has a job but just isn't interested in being like a supervisor or manager at the company?

The latter. The guy is a good guy, but just seems content with the position that he's in (not a manager or supervisor) and not really trying to reach his full potential.

 

[Rawtid]

The latter. The guy is a good guy, but just seems content with the position that he's in (not a manager or supervisor) and not really trying to reach his full potential.

That wouldn't bother me because being a supervisor or manager does not mean anything to me. As long as he is good with his money then I wouldn't care. I have no desire to be a supervisor at a company but I have projects on the side that I put my energy into.

 

[Anothergirl]

1) stay away from men who didn't grow up with two active LOVING parents in their lives....men from single parent homes = no go.

2) if you ever hear him say shyt like "well i respect my mom and the women in my family " RUN! don't walk RUN! he's basically lowkey saying "fukk the rest of you...you're not even worth my basic human respect initially until you jump thru hoops to prove yourself". do not think you can change or conform this type of guy that doesn't initially give everyone the same fair shot regardless of gender. it's best to just run like Usain Bolt from guys that even hint at that mentality.

3) only mess with highly ambitious and "driven" men. ask what profession his parent are in first date!!! if his parents are engineers..lawyers ...doctors etc ....chances are they've passed down an elite work ethic ...the importance of academia and instilled a hardcore will to succeed in him.

4) Stay away from the "dreamers" always talking about what they're "gonna do". these types may initially deceive you into believing they are "Driven and Ambitious" with all their talk and delusions of grandeur....but ACTIONS speak louder than words. if he's claims he's an "artist" ask for PROOF. say "i'd like to see some of some of your work" and ask questions like "have you been featured in any galleries ...editorials" etc. if he's not actively and fervently trying to achieve the goals he's talking about.....nip it in the bud ASAP! deadbeat alert.

5) stay away from men who don't like animals. if he's like when he hears about animal abuse or sees a stray puppy on the road and doesn't even bat an eyelash...it's a NO GO! (just trust me on this one....it sounds petty but it's actually an IMPORTANT character\ethics and empathy level assessment test ;))

6) Never be with a guy who loves you or admires you less than you love and admire him. it should be equal admiration from him...or he should be feeling you MORE (or at least more than you let on initially). unfortunately in most relationships one person is always the 'chaser' and one person is being "chased". that's just the way it is...it's the nature of relationships. the way i see most dating going nowadays...the odds error highly in mens favor as far as who has more to lose esp. in the beginning stages. it's just better that he's the one chasing you and not the other way around. (just trust me on this one as well) which leads me to my next point....

7) if you DO manage to find a great guy. one that's driven...respectful...from a good family....openminded and appreciative of you. BE ATTENTIVE! go out of your way to show him that he means the world to you by putting him first when at all possible. consider his needs when doing everyday things. for instance - shopping? call him and ask him he needs you to pick up anything for him. buy HIM gifts when ever possible...shows that your not just sitting around waiting for handouts and that are actually willing to reciprocate, match and EXCEED anything he does for you (yes even financially). try to get into the things he likes .....even if you don't necessarily like said thing or suck at it. just by trying to put him first and making the effort shows where your heart is concerning him. Cook for him. you know what they say about a mans\heart stomach correlation? it's true.
stay in shape by keeping a gym membership ...dress nicely ..wear nice perfumes and keep yourself up for him. let him know you take pride in keeping yourself looking good FOR HIM and that it's not for anyone else. BE LOYAL to him and take on the aire of other dudes not existing to you. that means cutting excessive male "friends" from your social circle...purging numbers out of your phone and falling back on all that excessive social networking.
the key is doing so much for him that he'd genuinely feel like he were LOSING the best thing he's ever had if he were to fukk things up with you. (this advice is only for super LOYAL dudes tho. so becareful and choose wisely.)

8) and finally the best piece of advice i've ever gotten about men (from a MALE friend of mine ironically):
if you ever meet a guy and something about his eyes scares you or just gives you weird feeling in your gut...even if you're not exactly sure why ....RUN. don't walk. run. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS when it comes to men. our instincts is the biggest protection we have as women and the eyes say so much more than you can imagine. it may just save you from heartbreak or even more importantly save your LIFE.

 

[Mr Uncle Leroy]

seems they concerned about -

commitment
financial stability
picking the right one
being the main one
sexual security
respect
etc

 

[yeahisaidit]

Never change yourself for a man. Ever.

If he wants to know where you're going, what time you're coming back, what activities you have planned once you're there, who's going with you, etc. And it's early in the relationship, RUN. This type of man is controlling as hell. If you offer him that information, that's fine. But if he demands it, naw son.

If he truly cares for you, he'll show it.

If he throws a bytch fit about opening the car door for you on a date, paying for your meal on a date that HE ASKED FOR, or any chilvarious action, don't waste your time.

Have a life outside of him. No man wants a clingy chick who does nothing outside of work than what revolves around him.

 

[iamduval]

lol@ anothergirl's post


im not even gon touch that

 

[PartyHeart]

One of the best things my bestie ever told me that sticks with me today is to never put all your energy or focus on one man until y'all have had the conversation about being completely committed/exclusive. That should be at earliest 6 months into it.

A lot of women make the mistake to throw all their attention into one dude from jump, and then wind up making excuses for him or ignoring red flags because they already feel like they've invested so much.