I've come to the conclusion that I would rather prefer to exclusively date than to be in a committed relationship. This works for me because I've experienced marriage, have kids, and have no desire to do either one again.
Just from my personal experiences, the seriousness of a committed relationship sometimes takes the fun out of what could have been a wonderful experience. Once you start worrying about finances, responsibilities and building a life together, things get real. When you're dating... you just get together and have a good time. Take care of your own personal stuff, and no awkward conversations about the future other than "What island do you want to go to this summer?" But being faithful to that one person that you're dating. But not investing too much in their personal lives (job, finances, responsibilities, etc.) It's probably not realistic, but the dream has to start somewhere
Dating exclusively is that fun exciting stage where you spend your time with only that one person, and you fall in love. It's right before you commit and embark on a life of misery, regret and feeling bamboozled. lol. I'm exaggerating, but it's not as pleasant as the dating phase. Imagine if we could just keep rewinding that phase over and over. Where you keep hanging out, going out on dates, keep things exciting and interesting, not suffocating each other, and not allowing the seriousness of each others lives to effect the quality of fun you have when you're together. Also living together and spending too much time together also seems to have negative effects on relationships for me. I'm not afraid of commitment, as I can easily be monogamous, just don't want the stress that comes with being responsible for the well-being of another result and having to adjust my life to accommodate somebody's else goals if it is totally different/opposite from mine. I know it seems selfish, but I know myself. It won't end well. I might feel differently in a few years, but for right now I'm gonna play it safe.
It's only selfish if it goes against the other person's wishes. If I tell that person up front, that this is your intentions, then they have the ability to either accept or decline. I am totally against leading anybody on. If I know a serious relationship is not what I want, then I will make it be known before they consent to the rules of engagement. Most people would not be okay with this. I wouldn't expect them to, and that's cool because you want to have this relationship with somebody else who also wants to have this type of relationship also.
The reality is that this type of relationship won't last as long because somebody will always eventually want more. Believe me, I have weighed the pros and cons. But it's better than the vagueness of having a "Friends With Benefits" situation. She's not my friend. We're dating. She's my lover. You could look at it as I'm shortchanging her in the sense that I treat her like a girlfriend (which we do with all women we're trying to court), but there's no clear path that leads to commitment. However, she's never being disrespected or treated as less than a woman or the woman in my life when we get together. With this being said, if it's not what she wants, she has the freedom to walk away with no hard feelings.
These type of relationships don't last long. In reality they even turn into full fledged committed relationships or the parties move on. I think one of the items that upsets people about this arrangement is that it asks for exclusivity. An arrangement such as "Friends With Benefits" does not require exclusivity, and even though the conditions of that relationship are more vague and unclear, it allows the other person to decide to end the situation with no guilt or responsibility to the other person. I have thought about pursuing this route, but I don't have to desire to have this arrangement with multiple women at one time.
Exclusive dating is not a term for passing time, waiting for the right one to come along. Exclusive dating is similar to being in a relationship without all of the seriousness of day to day life. It's the fun part of the relationship... the dating aspect, which we tend to neglect when we commit to relationships. Choosing not to be in a committed relationship does not mean that she is not worthy or that I am waiting for somebody better. It simply means that I am ready, nor do I have a desire to deal with the seriousness and problems that come along with the person that I am dating personal life. Just an honest assessment.
My definition may be unique to anything you have probably ever heard. Think of exclusively dating as a relationship without the end result of marriage or living together. Think of it as the initial stages of a relationships where you go out all of time, stay over on the weekend, but you both have your own place to go to. You're committed to each other romantically, but you have no desire to share living quarters or to solidify your bond via marriage. If you mess with somebody else, it is considered cheating. Now that I think about it, it's what most guys have these girls running around thinking they're in committed relationships, when this is really what it is. I'm just defining it with clarity. If you don't live with the person you are dating and have no intentions of doing so (shacking up), and marriage is not in your future, then you probably have the relationship that I am defining. From my personal experiences, this is where many of the problems in relationship start to develop. This arrangement is much deeper than a friend with benefit. I am loyal to this woman, and she is even introduced as my girlfriend. She's just aware that we're never getting married or living together. We can however stay together forever and have a long term relationship of this nature.
True power lies in understanding and appreciating yourself first. When you have knowledge of self the world is yours.
