Some more about my mistakes....
Prior to my marriage, I was a good dude, but no nonsense. I had no intentions of getting married. I met women, developed relationships with them, and then rapidly ended the relationships on the first sign of conflict. This of course, lead me to have nothing for short term relationships or flings.
MISTAKE
#1- Thinking that something was wrong with me because I couldn't keep a girlfriend.
Little did I know, I was doing the right thing. I was going off of instinct and leaving these women alone once I felt they would destroy the harmony in my life. Also, I had my own place, job, etc. so I didn't need a woman for anything other than companionship and sex.
MISTAKE
#2- Thinking that there's a certain age where you should get married.
I got married in my early 30s. Not because I met a woman that I fell in love with and had to marry her, but because I got to an age where I started to think... "Hey, I need to settle down."
MISTAKE
#3- Lowering or altering your standards or expectations.
I realized that I would never get married or even have a committed long term relationship if I didn't accept these women with all of their flaws. I started to accept things from women that I knew I wouldn't like in the long run, simply because I was determined to have a long term relationship. So I lowered my expectations.
I met my wife. My wife was a very pretty woman. When I met her she had a bachelors degree from a well known university and a job. And we always had a good time together, and she was thoroughly interested in me. She hung to every word I said. I settled for those requirements, and said I should be able to deal with anything else that comes my way.
Mind you that I've had chicks in the past that had better resumes, but I wasn't looking for marriage and I had low tolerance.
MISTAKE
#4- Turning a cheek to things that annoy you or cause discomfort.
So the fairytale ends and real life begins to play. My wife moved in with me 6 months later.
MISTAKE
#5- Never let a chick move in with you. It means she doesn't have anything. If a woman is situated and likes her living arrangement, she has no desire to move in with you. In fact, when it's time for you to live together, she will encourage you to get a new place together.
Even though I noticed little habits that she did that annoyed me, I still loved her dearly and overlooked it because I figured they were minor problems that I could deal with.
MISTAKE
#7- Confront issues when they are small because they're much more difficult to deal with when they're big problems.
My wife was very outspoken and aggressive, towards everybody.
MISTAKE
#8- Not paying attention to how she interacts with family and friends.
This will tell you how she really is. I saw who she really was, but because she treated me like a king, I brushed it off. I soon became a victim of her wrath.
MISTAKE
#9- Marrying because of love.
I truly did love my wife, and I was willing to make the marriage work, but I married her based on how I felt about her. I didn't fully think about the situation: financially, socially, etc. I just know that we loved each other, had so much fun together, and somehow everything would work itself out. Boy was I wrong.
MISTAKE
#10- Not standing firm on core principles and values
I found myself compromising more than I should of. Even on simple things such as paintings, television size, etc. Do not be the "You can do whatever you want baby" type of boyfriend of husband. You will regret it, especially when you really want to put your foot down and she straight looks at you like "ni**a please". I was very lax and it caused our fights to be more dramatic because to her she felt like I stepped out of character.
MISTAKE
#11- Staying for the kids
You will always be their parent. You can't be a good parent if you are involved in an unhealthy relationship. I stuck around long enough for my son to be aware of who I was.
MISTAKE
#12- Providing security instead of incentive.
I can't even count how many times my wife would tell me "I'm entitled to this" or "Whether I live here or not, you're still going to have to pay the bills, so what exactly are you doing for me." And me, being foolish trying to save my marriage, would do random kind acts for her (restaurants, gifts, etc.) when she didn't deserve it. I encouraged bad behavior by rewarding her disrespect.
ONE MISTAKE I DIDN'T MAKE: I never made her believe that I needed her.
I always maintained my independence whether it was work, school, friends. I always made it known that being with me was a privilege. I've always had numerous female friends for support and it made her insecure. When it was time to leave, it was easy because I didn't invest fully into her or the marriage. I always understood that I didn't have to deal with her treatment. I felt relieved when I left. And she was left in shock to pick up the puzzles. Women don't ever expect us to leave.
as i get older career women are starting to disgust me. no offense if that's your thing but understand that you may not be able to have that ideal family as well. also understand that you any man worth his salt is going to be the leader in the house which requires you to follow him.
