Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[DapMeUp!]

I need to catch back up on this thread brehs just getting active back in the game.

Jumped back on Hinge and actually gave tinder a try after years off that app and it actually came through.
Went on a date last Saturday with a mixed Ugandan chick with the craziest body Crazy golf, couple drinks, kissing and mutual groping etc.
Just setup another date with her this Sunday.

Taking her bowling then back to the hotel Self imposed drought ending in the best way deffo back outside for the summer

 

[DapMeUp!]

I'd imagine a majority of women my age have enough experience with men to sense that I have no experience with women.

Even the woman I was talking to at some point text me "I asked for your number and I tell you I like black guys, duh I'm interested in you lol"

I don't know what I'm supposed to do on a date, how to act. Do I go for a kiss? Do I wait untill l the date is over?

Too many uncertainties.

I'm a logical, methodical person and too much of dating is spontaneous and unplanned.

This literally all comes with experience breh and your never too old to learn.

I NEVER went on dates until my mid 20s.
At first I found them awkward cause I literally had no experience.

My earlier years I would either just invite a woman round or visa versa cause at that age they weren't to fussed about actually being taken out.

But now I have been on so many throughout the years nowadays that it is second nature.
Even the date I went on recently I felt a bit apprehensive cause I haven't been on a date since last October, but once I was there it was just natural.

 

[The ADD]

Life is situational……….

It’s not about being a “dating person”. I think in your head that there is this pool of people that excel at “dating” and that’s not really the case. Men or women.

I'm not a situational person. Which makes me think I'm not a dating person.

I'm an overthinker. That's what happened with the date I was supposed to go on. I over thought and cancelled.

I don't even want to think about this girl anymore but because it brought up all of my insecurities I can't stop. It just brought back all these feelings of being a loser again.

 

[Balla]

I dealt with a lot of the same feelings @Mandarin Duck I understand it can look hopeless.

But you gotta dust yourself off and get going. I realised that in my early 30s I could either remain in self pity or make a go of it.

I made a go of it. Now dating for the most part is easy as it's not my main focus but I know how to mostly approach it.

What did you change?

 

[360dagod]

someone list some good, non basic, non cookie cutter conversations to have at a dinner on a first date. tired of the same old conversations.

Dinner dates might not be your thing..

Date might have to have more "action"

 

[The ADD]

Dinner dates might not be your thing..

Date might have to have more "action"

Yep. First date dinners with someone you don’t have a initial connection with is setting yourself up for an interview or trying to carry a conversation with someone that might not be great at talking.

 

[RaspberryFitted]

I’ve dealt with anxiety from the aftermath of hookups/spontaneous moments with dates. I’ve spoke about getting tested and informing your partners on here, but my last few interactions have been spur-of-the-moment.

Being young and dumb isn’t a excuse because I know better from stories irl and on here, as well as a baseline of sexual education

I understand there’s risks with anything you do in life, and sex is no different. It just takes the fun out of the act for me.

Even if you take every precaution, you can still catch something, so ion know man.

 

[WIA20XX]

someone list some good, non basic, non cookie cutter conversations to have at a dinner on a first date. tired of the same old conversations.

You think you're asking for an easy thing, but you're not.

1) Are these chicks digging you from jump? Like the energy is good when you meet up, but 20 minutes into it, you don't have anything to say?

Or
2) Are they stonewalling from the very beginning?

You can do something about the former, you can't talk your way into something with the latter.

If a chick is closed off and disagreeable from the beginning, END THE DATE.

 

[Mandarin Duck]

Life is situational……….

It’s not about being a “dating person”. I think in your head that there is this pool of people that excel at “dating” and that’s not really the case. Men or women.

Very true. I think about my friends from HS and how easy it was from them to get women.
In my head I'm like "They figured it out, what's wrong with you?"

 

[re'up]

Conversational skills are something to be learned and practiced over years, it's partially reading the person, and their reaction, partially emotional intelligence, being genuine is what will make it easy. You can read the books, watch the youtube videos, whatever, but if you are genuinely interested in a person, in people, in LIFE, that will come off. Where conversations feel forced and mechanical, (not sexy) is when people are on auto pilot, they touch the same tired places

-what do you do?
-how are you?
-where do you live?
-Past relationships

Convo doesn't have room to breathe, and it feels like heavy lifting to go anywhere.

Asking questions
(lets you guide the conversation, but give people room to answer, and steer the convo themselves)
-don't ask basic questions, and don't ask weird "try hard" questions
-ask genuine questions

Notice their reaction

Talk about what you love, and are interested in, with sincerity, and let them do the same

 

[re'up]

For a semi serious example, just because I love the movie, watch the scene in Heat, he leads the conversation, but lets her answer, picking up info from each response, and then building on it, (yes he asks basic questions, but this is in 1995, and also they are total strangers) (he also reveals near nothing about himself, but that's another topic)



when talking to my boys about this, it's always shocking how LITTLE they know about some of the women

 

[DaRealness]

Had a dope time over the weekend with this chick who put me on to this female Japanese R&B singer by the name of Nao Yoshioka, so we went to the concert at the Jazz Cafe. Cute lil broad with a dope shape and she's real talented - I'm referring to the singer but the same applies to the broad I was with too lol Went back to my place and handled some fuk'n business til Sunday morning . Taking care of your health/body really pays off in the moment of truth

 

[skyrunner1]

Conversational skills are something to be learned and practiced over years, it's partially reading the person, and their reaction, partially emotional intelligence, being genuine is what will make it easy. You can read the books, watch the youtube videos, whatever, but if you are genuinely interested in a person, in people, in LIFE, that will come off. Where conversations feel forced and mechanical, (not sexy) is when people are on auto pilot, they touch the same tired places

-what do you do?
-how are you?
-where do you live?
-Past relationships

Convo doesn't have room to breathe, and it feels like heavy lifting to go anywhere.

Asking questions
(lets you guide the conversation, but give people room to answer, and steer the convo themselves)
-don't ask basic questions, and don't ask weird "try hard" questions
-ask genuine questions

Notice their reaction

Talk about what you love, and are interested in, with sincerity, and let them do the same

when talking to my boys about this, it's always shocking how LITTLE they know about some of the women

This is where it hurts to throw the baby out with the bath water.. Yea the PUA guys were nerds and cringy AF, but they had the conversation stuff, best practices on what to do on first dates to get the results you want, etc. probably broken down to a science maybe 20 years ago, definitely 15+ years ago.. With the whole "dead internet theory" and things being wiped off, the actual good stuff will disappear and the cycle will begin again I guess.

 

[Van Cleef]

Conversational skills are something to be learned and practiced over years, it's partially reading the person, and their reaction, partially emotional intelligence, being genuine is what will make it easy. You can read the books, watch the youtube videos, whatever, but if you are genuinely interested in a person, in people, in LIFE, that will come off. Where conversations feel forced and mechanical, (not sexy) is when people are on auto pilot, they touch the same tired places

-what do you do?
-how are you?
-where do you live?
-Past relationships

Convo doesn't have room to breathe, and it feels like heavy lifting to go anywhere.

Asking questions
(lets you guide the conversation, but give people room to answer, and steer the convo themselves)
-don't ask basic questions, and don't ask weird "try hard" questions
-ask genuine questions

Notice their reaction

Talk about what you love, and are interested in, with sincerity, and let them do the same

Your Conversational skills are irrelevant... this nikka summed it up best

Women don't really value conversation like ppl say they do.

I don't know who needs to hear this lol, but women "value" your conversation in the moment simply bc you are filling their time and keeping them from boredom, which they hate.

But women are naturally more chatty than men, so talking to her everyday or sacrificing your important personal time, or sleep time, etc to talk to her, doesn't mean as much to her as it does to you. You might think it does until you find out later it didn't. And when you find out the hard way, you gonna be like, "I spent all this time talking to her everyday , face timing, calling etc.". Damn, I could've been doing something productive.

Don't let a woman waste your time...unless that's just something you're wanting to do.

 

[re'up]

Your Conversational skills are irrelevant... this nikka summed it up best

See where this may be comforting to people, and yes you can contextualize any scenario, do you need A1 convo skills if a stranger is touching you under your shirt at 2:22 AM walking out of the club? Probably not. Not trying to argue you down, just throwing in one last perspective.

But, if you meet someone who is really attractive, and interested, when you aren't drunk, or in a noisy place, and it's just you, plenty of people just choke, and start stammering and stuttering, and then like I was saying about my boys, learn NOTHING about the person, that can connect you.

and everything I said is just for life in general, business, friendships, family. Went to a family event for my Dad over the weekend, and some of those people just can NOT carry a conversation, which leaves you to carry it, which can be a burden, especially in a dating scenario. I walk away from those people feeling exhausted, disconnected, which is the opposite of how you want a convo to go.