My girlfriend (35F) and I (37M) had been together since 2016. At first it was great! I know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and marry her someday. So we started building a life. A few years ago we bought a house together. Since then we’ve been making plans for our future.
About 6 or 7 months ago, I noticed things changing. She felt colder. She started going out with her friends more. We stopped being intimate. Things eventually got bad enough that I asked if there was someone else. I asked several times. Every time she denied it. I started feeling like I was being lied to. A lot of things didn’t make sense to me.
One evening she asked me for a ride to go hang out with her friends. I took her to some apartments. I asked her who lived here and she told me that her friend has a friend visiting from another state and this apartment was her mother’s. I found it weird, however, that while she waited for someone to come let her in the gate, she sort of shooed me away. Like she didn’t want me to see who was coming to get her. Mind you, anytime I dropped her off anywhere before, I would wait until she would get inside safely.
I knew something was up since then. So after literally 2 months of thinking about it, I purchased a gps tracker. ( I am not proud of this. I debated it for along time cause I didn’t feel right about it) I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to be sure that my suspicions were true. If I was wrong then I would accept the repercussions. But in my gut and in my heart I knew something was up.
Well, I was right. She had been seeing someone else. She would lie to me and would tell me that she was at work, or that she was driving somewhere when in fact I was able to see her exact location every time. And it was at that same apartment building that I dropped her off at. So not only would she lie to me about who she was going to see. She even had the nerve to ask me to drive her to this other guy’s apartment. Essentially, I drove her so she could go cheat on me, unbeknownst to me.
I finally confronted her on the phone when she tried to lie again about where she was at. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
We met up. She was crying. I asked her to please be honest with me and she finally admitted to me that she had been seeing someone else. She couldn’t stop crying and apologizing. It seemed like she meant it.
Full disclosure: she suffers from anxiety and depression. I’ve seen first hand how much that can affect a person. Although I will never understand it completely, being with her has shown me to not judge what I don’t understand. She told me that making this mistake was different for her than a “normal”person.
I get what she means when she says that… but I honestly don’t know that I can forgive her, even with that in mind. I spent the last 5 or 6 months in misery and doubt and by the end of it I was drowning in pain and anguish. I asked her several times if she was cheating on me. All of those were opportunities to come clean but she continued to lie to me. I know she suffers with a mental condition but I don’t believe that I would have the trust required of me for a healthy relationship. I feel that I would always have some doubt.
We still live together but I don’t want this situation anymore. I couldn’t kick her out cause she wouldn’t know where to go. She wants to stay in the house and brought up the idea of staying here. I am considering leaving her the house (signing it over to her and just have her continue the payments). Despite what she did, she was really good to me in the beginning. At one point she was the best person in my life, so I am taking all that into account when I say I may leave her the house. I’m thinking of starting up new somewhere else. Time will tell I guess, what my next step will be. Any advice?
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, maybe this monster was a little too hard for you but fukk around and get ur exp back up and you’ll know how to better maneuver next time you decide to go for one of these long distance vibes
