Essential Quick Lil Gems on Dealing with Women

[RickyGQ]

Ok brehs.... So me and my girl still aren't clicking. Her whole vibe is different. I'm trying to love her and fall back from my bs but I think she's just still stuck on the old sh!t I did. I can just sense that she isn't feeling me anymore or maybe I'm just paranoid cuz I know I been a horrible boyfriend in the past.

Last night no sex again and I told her I didn't care if we didn't and that I was done with pressing her for sex. Her reply "well if we both don't care that's not a good thing" . I told her i can't keep trying to defend old stuff I did. Her reply was "it's not about that its about fixing things". That's bs to me because even if I live 100% right she wil still bring up old shyt. It's just how it is.

Can't front ... Don't know what to do. I love her and I can actually see myself being with her but its kinda like she has me by the balls. I feel like I need to do something to get my manhood back lol. Either that or just cut her off but to keep it all the way real...I'm horrible at attemping to cut her off. I always end up texting her and being right back.

The perfect scenario would be for me to just cut off all communication phone and text and just kinda vanish. Out of nowhere. No reply no nothing. She'll either come crawling or be done and move on to some next guy (if she hasn't already)

Smh I feel like a sucka.

I need y'all to be brutally honest and also suggest what I should do...

(I honestly think she is screwing someone else but I can't prove it. She use to always want to f*ck now she's either tired or she says all she can think about is the foul stuff I did and it kinda turns her off. I don't think it's that deep i think some guy is bangin her out or at least giving her attention)

Take that L dog... and next time be prepared for the L from the jump so it won't be so hard this time...

EDIT: Also breh, sometimes you gotta lie in the bed you made... you fukked up but you can't let her hold that over you... like everyone said, apologize but make it clear that you can't live an apology... that's what taking the L is about, things will be by your terms, she can't (and doesn't want to) control this relationship, and by having you on your heels trying to make up for something that you will never really be able to will have her above you... shyt will NEVER work that way... "Relationships are a one way street, if you ever find yourself in the car behind your girl, you gotta take the first exit and get the fukk out of there."

 

[Turbulent]

See that's the thing. The "I got him by the balls factor" is all that scares me. I ain't worried about her thinking I can't do better. She knows for a fact I got a stable of chicks to choose from.

If only I could figure out how to show her I'm a changed man and all the stuff I did was a different me....a while letting her know I still own my nuts....

I don't think me promising I changed is "tender". It's honestly how I feel...

if a chick sees you submit to her terms and sees you constantly try to prove to her something, she'll also know that the stable of other chicks you have is irrelevant because she knows she has your mind. If you stay on her terms, all these other girls won't even make her insecure.

If only I could figure out how to show her I'm a changed man and all the stuff I did was a different me....

Do you really think there is a way for that????? Do you really think she's doing all this for you to show her you changed? and that there is some sort of action or sentence that you'll say and everything will be ok one day? My friend, this is all about her owning your guilt and controlling you with it. as long as you gve her that power it will never end. Your guilt gives her power over you. Why would she willingly give up that power? It's not even malicious on her part. It's not even planned. It's instinctual. it's part of her dna. This is what happens when most women get leverage in a relationship. they get abusive with it cause they can't handle power. There's no magic words or actions to solve this because the more you do or say in that direction, the more power she'll feel like she has over you and it's a vicious cycle. She'll always push it and always find a way to hold it over your head as long as you allow it. stop thinking this will some day stop because you do XY and Z for her.

 

[Malta]

Damn this thread is really picking up

It's always amazing reading stories and ish sounds exactly like mine to a tee

It says a lot about women to be honest.

I think I must live in a bubble, cause I am surrounded by good females. To put it in perspective, my brother-in-law lost his job on Wall-street and was out of work for 3 years, my sister never nagged him, still cooked for him, still listened to him and let him be the man. She never once held it above his head, she loves him and supported him, keep in mind she's actually attractive too

I can only imagine how that situation would have played out if my sister wasn't raised properly. Oh wait, I don't need to imagine, my ex and I went our separate ways cause I went through a rough patch

 

[NerdNash]

It's your choice at the end of the day. Just realize your going into a situation where she will always have moral superiority over you. Deep down, you don't want that situation. Deep down even SHE will be miserable into that situation. because it makes her de de facto leader of the relationship. She will resent that. and she'll resent you because it will be your fault she's the leader. no woman wants to lead in a relationship.

She doesn't want to be with a dude who thinks he can't do better. she wants to be with a dude better than her who still chose her out of many other options. and if your words, actions or demeanor betray that, shell sense that and will look for a better man while she's with you.

there are no guarantees but if you still want to save the relationship, realize your best bet is to reclaim your manhood back and to be willing to take the L on this one (and not just bluff, to actually be ready for that). These are your best odds because it will make you more attractive to her. By accepting her terms you might actually buy a few months or whatever but you're putting it on the credit card and reducing your odds of saving the relationship. you suffer from a case of the oneitis friend. you thinking you can't do better will be the cause of your doom (and i sincerely hope for your sake i'm wrong on this)

but again, it's your choice, good luck to you and whatever happens, learn from it.

If this happens I'll just take the L

 

[winb83]

there are no guarantees but if you still want to save the relationship, realize your best bet is to reclaim your manhood back and to be willing to take the L on this one (and not just bluff, to actually be ready for that). These are your best odds because it will make you more attractive to her. By accepting her terms you might actually buy a few months or whatever but you're putting it on the credit card and reducing your odds of saving the relationship. you suffer from a case of the oneitis friend. you thinking you can't do better will be the cause of your doom (and i sincerely hope for your sake i'm wrong on this)

but again, it's your choice, good luck to you and whatever happens, learn from it.

you can't get your balls back once you hand them off to a woman. she'll always know that if push comes to shove you'll fold and she can control you. and she'll lose her respect for you. once respect is gone that's a wrap.

sometimes people don't wanna let go but if they're honest with themselves they're not holding on to something that actually exist they're holding on to the idea that something can exist.

i get what you're telling him but your advice and his own attitude directly conflict with each other. its two opposing viewpoints. you're saying he has to be willing to let it go to make it work but the only reason he's still around is because he's unwilling to let it go. how does a person that's too invested in something to walk away from it show that they're willing to walk away and still manage to keep it?

 

[NerdNash]

if a chick sees you submit to her terms and sees you constantly try to prove to her something, she'll also know that the stable of other chicks you have is irrelevant because she knows she has your mind. If you stay on her terms, all these other girls won't even make her insecure.



Do you really think there is a way for that????? Do you really think she's doing all this for you to show her you changed? and that there is some sort of action or sentence that you'll say and everything will be ok one day? My friend, this is all about her owning your guilt and controlling you with it. as long as you gve her that power it will never end. Your guilt gives her power over you. Why would she willingly give up that power? It's not even malicious on her part. It's not even planned. It's instinctual. it's part of her dna. This is what happens when most women get leverage in a relationship. they get abusive with it cause they can't handle power. There's no magic words or actions to solve this because the more you do or say in that direction, the more power she'll feel like she has over you and it's a vicious cycle. She'll always push it and always find a way to hold it over your head as long as you allow it. stop thinking this will some day stop because you do XY and Z for her.

Makes perfect sense. I feel you.

 

[Ohene]

And man run your just grasping for straws and making excuses now "she's good with my daughter" . There is a probably a woman out there who would be great with your daughter, stop settling especially for poisonous women

but Reincar I think the issue is only because Nash was the poisonous one. She wasnt.

Anyways I needa let out a rant relative to another thing I've learned given the Nigerian girl. After we got off the phone I was telling her that in a world with 7 Billion people she will be hard pressed to find a man that is perfect for her and in sync with all her principles, values etc. My sentiment is that these things take work, patience and compromise from both parties . She was working but i guess she just ran out of gas.

Anyways...her reply to this was, "but why settle." Why settle for some body who isnt 100% perfect for you or at least damn near close. It's crazy the idea these women have about the game and how it works. Here you have a woman that basically hasnt had to work for anything in life and consequently I guess her dad's spoilage has transpired to ordinary life situations to the point where she doesnt wanna work to even build a relationship. These women will be the first to tell you, "I dont approach guys" yet still believe that they will run in to Mr. Perfect who has to do all the below:

A) Notice her,
B) Find her attractive enough
C) Catch a good vibe
D) The hardest part which is muster up the courage to talk to her even if A/B are good
E) Not say anything stupid to eff it up because he is nervous

Just to get the number and take it from there. And then with him being so great he must brush off the temptation all other women just for the sake of this lone female indefinitely. He must ignore the risk when she can easily just say, "You know what, I aint feeling this nikka anymore" and leave without a consequence.

I guess they think God will put off fixing world peace and finding a cure for diseases just to give em a man. The almight father will shine a light through the sky and everything . If only it were that simple; we'd all win.

 

[Malta]

you can't get your balls back once you hand them off to a woman.she'll always know that if push comes to shove you'll fold and she can control you. and she'll lose her respect for you. once respect is gone that's a wrap.

sometimes people don't wanna let go but if they're honest with themselves they're not holding on to something that actually exist they're holding on to the idea that something can exist.

i get what you're telling him but your advice and his own attitude directly conflict with each other. its two opposing viewpoints. you're saying he has to be willing to let it go to make it work but the only reason he's still around is because he's unwilling to let it go. how does a person that's too invested in something to walk away from it show that they're willing to walk away and still manage to keep it?

Bolded is the utter truth, and the main reason I don't get back with exs. I loved a chick and wanted her back once but I couldn't stop thinking I'd be handing the "power" to her if we got her back together. That shyt just didn't register for me, the idea of getting back together with her only for her to possibly down talk me, and know that I would be willing to swallow my pride to just to be in her glorious presence.

 

[RickyGQ]

if a chick sees you submit to her terms and sees you constantly try to prove to her something, she'll also know that the stable of other chicks you have is irrelevant because she knows she has your mind. If you stay on her terms, all these other girls won't even make her insecure.



Do you really think there is a way for that????? Do you really think she's doing all this for you to show her you changed? and that there is some sort of action or sentence that you'll say and everything will be ok one day? My friend, this is all about her owning your guilt and controlling you with it. as long as you gve her that power it will never end. Your guilt gives her power over you. Why would she willingly give up that power? It's not even malicious on her part. It's not even planned. It's instinctual. it's part of her dna. This is what happens when most women get leverage in a relationship. they get abusive with it cause they can't handle power. There's no magic words or actions to solve this because the more you do or say in that direction, the more power she'll feel like she has over you and it's a vicious cycle. She'll always push it and always find a way to hold it over your head as long as you allow it. stop thinking this will some day stop because you do XY and Z for her.

I think that's what alot of us struggle with when we're in a relationship brehs... its been said in this thread a million times, WHO a woman is, is unique to her, but WHAT a woman is, is universal... we deal with chicks and we think they're different, we fall in love and can't possibly believe she'd be this vindictive or manipulative etc, but it's not conscious for her, this is what she is and what she will always do... it doesn't even manifest in her mind as "I'M GOING TO HOLD THIS OVER HIM"... but thats what she'll do...

 

[Ohene]

It says a lot about women to be honest.

I think I must live in a bubble, cause I am surrounded by good females. To put it in perspective, my brother-in-law lost his job on Wall-street and was out of work for 3 years, my sister never nagged him, still cooked for him, still listened to him and let him be the man. She never once held it above his head, she loves him and supported him, keep in mind she's actually attractive too

I can only imagine how that situation would have played out if my sister wasn't raised properly. Oh wait, I don't need to imagine, my ex and I went our separate ways cause I went through a rough patch

My sister is the perfect woman to me. She was a big part of raising me so maybe i'm biased but if her marriage fails thats all I need to know . About 34 years old. A procurement lawyer (which I dont need but hey...) cooks her ass off with foods from any country really. Holds my bro in law down who works for KPMG as a consultant. Two kids. Highschool sweethearts.

 

[RickyGQ]

It says a lot about women to be honest.

I think I must live in a bubble, cause I am surrounded by good females. To put it in perspective, my brother-in-law lost his job on Wall-street and was out of work for 3 years, my sister never nagged him, still cooked for him, still listened to him and let him be the man. She never once held it above his head, she loves him and supported him, keep in mind she's actually attractive too

I can only imagine how that situation would have played out if my sister wasn't raised properly. Oh wait, I don't need to imagine, my ex and I went our separate ways cause I went through a rough patch

it has nothing to do with her man... and everything to do with your brother in law... A woman is a reflection of the man she is with...

 

[Turbulent]

If this happens I'll just take the L

You know what man? i can only respect that. Your mind is made up and you gotta live it how you choose. God bless you and i wish you success sincerely.

 

[RickyGQ]

You know what man? i can only respect that. Your mind is made up and you gotta live it how you choose. God bless you and i wish you success sincerely.

yea, life is the best lesson, sometimes a nikka gotta learn for himself... 2 years ago this whole thread would have been a foreign language to me...

 

[Malta]

it has nothing to do with her man... and everything to do with your brother in law... A woman is a reflection of the man she is with...

Nah, in this instance it's because she comes from a household where her parents were married 4 years before ever having any children and are still married 30+ years later. It's not brotherly love either, my sister was a late bloomer and had to develop an actual personality, she and I are best friends so she knows how to deal with men and my father is old school in the sense that while he never hit her, she didn't always get her way.

It's not always the woman being a reflection

 

[MikelArteta]

It says a lot about women to be honest.

I think I must live in a bubble, cause I am surrounded by good females. To put it in perspective, my brother-in-law lost his job on Wall-street and was out of work for 3 years, my sister never nagged him, still cooked for him, still listened to him and let him be the man. She never once held it above his head, she loves him and supported him, keep in mind she's actually attractive too

I can only imagine how that situation would have played out if my sister wasn't raised properly. Oh wait, I don't need to imagine, my ex and I went our separate ways cause I went through a rough patch

Women hate rough patches, he'll Michelle Obama was ready to leave barrack after he lost state council

Another reason to never do anything for a women continuously because the moment you can't offer it cut