Question: When married cats say DON'T get married...

[SuburbanPimp]

I believe that the people who say that truly feel that way...

But when you talk to them and get deeper into you realize there were several RED FLAGS before they got married but they just chose to ignore those.

I'm married and encourage everybody to aspire to marry as well.

Of course I didn't get marrired until I was 28 so I had gotten most of my player/pimp/hellahoes phase out of my system and found some one who was on the same wavelength as me..

Didn't hurt that she was was 5 younger as well

 

[Mowgli]

it's a word of caution...whether you marry the "right one" or not, it's still a chore to be married somrtimes

Even if you marry the woman of ur dreams, every day wont be a dream

Any man that thinks like this exposes himself as a bytch because women are supposed to be the ones that think fairy tales are real.

 

[theGoldmangod]

I encourage everybody to get married to the right one. I was never as happy as I've been since I met my wife. Everything ain't perfect and I bet we'll have some crazy rough patches but I always expected that.

I never understood motherfukas who know life is hard and you gotta struggle to make it in everything from your career to your education but seem shocked and unprepared when they find out they'll have struggles in their relationships

 

[MeachTheMonster]

I actually stopped fighting with her because I wasn't going to get anywhere going that route. Once the order of protection was lifted (6 months later), we spoke and settled our difference like adults and made plans for how we were going to co-parent.

I had to be the bigger person and extend my hand in peace. A woman is more built for these emotional wars than we are. I had to forgive, take the"L" on my marriage and focus on what was important which was the welfare of my son.

I'm definitely in a better place now, and I always talk to her to see if we can resolve things instead of running to the court. With all of this being said, I don't hate the institution of marriage. I just recognize that I made some bad decisions that I have to live with.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing if both people love each other enough to never consider divorce as an option. I'm definitely no where near ready to attempt it again though.

When I said fighting, I didn't mean fighting with her but fighting to be a part of your kids life. But I feel you bruh

 

[Guess Who]

I actually stopped fighting with her because I wasn't going to get anywhere going that route. Once the order of protection was lifted (6 months later), we spoke and settled our difference like adults and made plans for how we were going to co-parent.

I had to be the bigger person and extend my hand in peace. A woman is more built for these emotional wars than we are. I had to forgive, take the"L" on my marriage and focus on what was important which was the welfare of my son.

I'm definitely in a better place now, and I always talk to her to see if we can resolve things instead of running to the court. With all of this being said, I don't hate the institution of marriage. I just recognize that I made some bad decisions that I have to live with.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing if both people love each other enough to never consider divorce as an option. I'm definitely no where near ready to attempt it again though.

Yo...curious...what lessons have you learned from your marriage and are you willing to share with us? I went from anti-marriage to pro-marriage, and when I eventually get to marriage, I want to be as informed about it as possible.

So, help a brotha out!

 

[50CentStan]

This bytch tells me not to get married, and she's been married for like 11 years and hates her life. I hate that self pittying bytch, I'm going to suggest her to kill herself

 

[Rocket Scientist]

That 1 argument you have with your wife when she says "I should have married someone else"..... now alot of cats will say this is normal and arguments etc.... but when she says some disrespectful stuff lke that

 

[CrimsonTider]

That 1 argument you have with your wife when she says "I should have married someone else"..... now alot of cats will say this is normal and arguments etc.... but when she says some disrespectful stuff lke that

straw man

 

[Sharp]

Yo...curious...what lessons have you learned from your marriage and are you willing to share with us? I went from anti-marriage to pro-marriage, and when I eventually get to marriage, I want to be as informed about it as possible.

So, help a brotha out!

I learned that a happy marriage isn't automatic simply because you put a ring on her finger. You have to work at it.

When things were good, my marriage was amazing. This is the reason that I'm not against marriage. Knowing that somebody is willing to spend the rest of their life with you is an amazing feeling. It's when things get bad and you realize that you and your spouse don't unconditionally love each other, you start asking the questions you should have asked before you got married.

My advice would be before getting married understand how vicious your potential wife could be if things went bad. I underestimated my wife and she fukked me in way I thought were unimaginable.

Marry a woman that you're willing to work thru it with when she's at her worst. The same way you'd never abandon your moms if she was fukked up, is the same way you have to view your wife. Even if there are moments where you question if she loves you, you still have to love her and show her that you love her. There will be points in the relationship where you will have to carry her over those tough times and vice versa. Unconditional love. I don't know how much I need to stress this.

I failed in all of these areas.

And if you do decide to get divorced think about the fact that it is more than likely she will have custody of the kids. Never marry with allowing yourself the option to divorce. If you say to yourself, well if it doesn't work out I'm getting divorced, then you're not ready to marry this person.

When you've found the one you're ready to marriage, you won't even think about divorce because you want it to work.

 

[Rocket Scientist]

straw man

yep

 

[Guess Who]

I learned that a happy marriage isn't automatic simply because you put a ring on her finger. You have to work at it.

When things were good, my marriage was amazing. This is the reason that I'm not against marriage. Knowing that somebody is willing to spend the rest of their life with you is an amazing feeling. It's when things get bad and you realize that you and your spouse don't unconditionally love each other, you start asking the questions you should have asked before you got married.

My advice would be before getting married understand how vicious your potential wife could be if things went bad. I underestimated my wife and she fukked me in way I thought were unimaginable.

Marry a woman that you're willing to work thru it with when she's at her worst. The same way you'd never abandon your moms if she was fukked up, is the same way you have to view your wife. Even if there are moments where you question if she loves you, you still have to love her and show her that you love her. There will be points in the relationship where you will have to carry her over those tough times and vice versa. Unconditional love. I don't know how much I need to stress this.

I failed in all of these areas.

And if you do decide to get divorced think about the fact that it is more than likely she will have custody of the kids. Never marry with allowing yourself the option to divorce. If you say to yourself, well if it doesn't work out I'm getting divorced, then you're not ready to marry this person.

When you've found the one you're ready to marriage, you won't even think about divorce because you want it to work.

Thanks for the advice and the insight man--a lot of wisdom has been dropped by you in this thread.

So, not to get too personal, but let me get on my Oprah shyt...what happened in your relationship and how did things go bad? Did you go through any rough patches that you overcame before things eventually went so bad that the marriage ended? How long did those rough patches last and how long was your relationship and marriage? Did you love her unconditionally? What really happened?

*holds mic to Sharp*

Sorry, I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but inquiring minds want to know.

 

[Sharp]

Thanks for the advice and the insight man--a lot of wisdom has been dropped by you in this thread.

So, not to get too personal, but let me get on my Oprah shyt...what happened in your relationship and how did things go bad? Did you go through any rough patches that you overcame before things eventually went so bad that the marriage ended? How long did those rough patches last and how long was your relationship and marriage? Did you love her unconditionally? What really happened?

*holds mic to Sharp*

Sorry, I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but inquiring minds want to know.

My marriage was fine until my son was born. That's when my wife realized that her life was about to change and she wasn't ready for it. That's my take on it, I'm sure she feels otherwise.

Our relationship was always about fun.

I made a couple of mistakes myself. I let her get comfortable with not doing shyt. I was trying to be a good husband by doing everything, not realizing that I was making her feel more entitled. I was exhibiting simp like behaviors

If you ask her, she would probably say that I stopped being spontaneous and fun, but as adults and parents, we have responsibilities and have to clamp down. We stopped seeing eye to eye. The respect was gone. She became very disrespectful and would say really hurtful things. I would feed into it and retaliate. The fights got worse. We went to counseling. We've attempted to make it work. But it got to the point that we were both only there for the sake of our kid.

We started sleeping in separate rooms, she started doing what she pleased. When I came home from work (she wasn't working), she would jump in my car, leave me with my son and wouldn't return home until 1am. It wasn't until we got into a really big argument and she called the police that I knew that she was plotting against me. She was making a papertrail. I still got caught up in it, but lucky for me I never got arrested because I never put hands on her.

Once the trust is gone, the relationship is flatlined. When we stopped trusting each other, it was like beating a dead horse. The funny thing is that I still love my wife. I just acknowledge that we aren't right for each other. I learned to forgive which allows me to be at peace. I was only married for 2 years.

There were a lot of good moments though. My ex-wife was never cheap with me and bought me lavish gifts. We vacationed all the time. And we did have fun.

I would have stayed with my ex-wife and tried to work it out, but you can't keep anybody that doesn't want to be there. The irony is that I'm the one who left, but I didn't have a choice once she got the police involved.

You never truly know a woman until you have a kid with her.

 

[bangedher_wholesquad]

i think they say that cuz the ain't f*cked around as much as they wanna. i'm 27 now, had more than my fair share of p*ssy and when everything is ready, i'm gonna get married. no one finna tell be otherwise.

 

[twan83]

I can say i know from experience and I actually mean that shyt when i say it.

People just wanna get married and think that shyt is on some MOVIE TIP

FAR FROM IT. Reality is marriage is hard work and when it becomes that people wanna run for the hills cuz they can't hack it.

BUT i also believe marriage can be a beautiful thing and very rewarding too

Overall it comes down to this. You got to know who you are first and foremost cuz if you dont how can a female be with you if you dont know who you are.

Second if you love having sex with different people dont get fukking married hell dont even have a gf its not right to the female you with and karma will catch up with you. just date women and let them know out of respect you aint exclusive you just having fun so they can't say shyt cuz when they do u can easily say I TOLD YOUR ASS WE AIN'T EXCLUSIVE GO SOMEWHERE WITH THAT BULLshyt


Third once you done having fun and want something serious be faithful and get to know them to your own standards.

Fourth if you feel that are worth marrying and this IS MOST IMPORTANT DONT GO BY THE PROS GO BY THEIR CONS. because 1 con can be a deal breaker. find out their cons and if its something you can and willingly to deal with and if so GO FOR IT fukk WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SAY ITS YOUR LIFE.

Finally IF EVERYBODY IS TELLING YOU NOT TO MARRY THAT PERSON U SERIOUSLY NEED TO LISTEN WHAT THEY SAY CUZ IT COULD BE SOMETHING THAT YOUR NOT SEEING THAT THEY ARE


The thing is you don't have to be marry to be happy with someone ITS IS YOUR CHOICE TO DO SO

Marriage is always a choice its a BEAUTIFUL THING IF YOUR WILLING TO WORK AT IT

Marriage can be down right bad for the reason y i stated ABOVE

 

[CrimsonTider]

My marriage was fine until my son was born. That's when my wife realized that her life was about to change and she wasn't ready for it. That's my take on it, I'm sure she feels otherwise.

Our relationship was always about fun.

I made a couple of mistakes myself. I let her get comfortable with not doing shyt. I was trying to be a good husband by doing everything, not realizing that I was making her feel more entitled. I was exhibiting simp like behaviors

If you ask her, she would probably say that I stopped being spontaneous and fun, but as adults and parents, we have responsibilities and have to clamp down. We stopped seeing eye to eye. The respect was gone. She became very disrespectful and would say really hurtful things. I would feed into it and retaliate. The fights got worse. We went to counseling. We've attempted to make it work. But it got to the point that we were both only there for the sake of our kid.

We started sleeping in separate rooms, she started doing what she pleased. When I came home from work (she wasn't working), she would jump in my car, leave me with my son and wouldn't return home until 1am. It wasn't until we got into a really big argument and she called the police that I knew that she was plotting against me. She was making a papertrail. I still got caught up in it, but lucky for me I never got arrested because I never put hands on her.

Once the trust is gone, the relationship is flatlined. When we stopped trusting each other, it was like beating a dead horse. The funny thing is that I still love my wife. I just acknowledge that we aren't right for each other. I learned to forgive which allows me to be at peace. I was only married for 2 years.

There were a lot of good moments though. My ex-wife was never cheap with me and bought me lavish gifts. We vacationed all the time. And we did have fun.

I would have stayed with my ex-wife and tried to work it out, but you can't keep anybody that doesn't want to be there. The irony is that I'm the one who left, but I didn't have a choice once she got the police involved.

You never truly know a woman until you have a kid with her.

We have to do a thread on advice/stories on how to deal with kids entering a relationship.

It seems to cause ALL the problems.