Put Yourselves First Guys - Don’t Get Used.

CarmelBarbie

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Charlotte
when it comes to marriage, women, for the most part, carry zero risk. No matter how much u try to play up the few that do end up screwed, they are NOT the norm. So, stop playing stupid.

now, talking about "valuing" something. see, be very careful with the words you use hun because words have meanings.

For example,
  • I dont "value" skydiving as a leisure activity. Matter of fact, i dont just NOT value it, i despise it.
    • Therefore, under no circumstances will you ever hear me partaking in any sky diving activity
    • I despise skydiving because the risks are too great. And i consider such thrill seeking activities to be irresponsible.
  • I dont value the chance to pet a sleeping tiger.
    • so, you will never find a picture of me smiling all goofy, petting a tiger. Nope
    • I dont like the idea of playing with dangerous animals because there's a chance, however remote, of that activity causing disastrous pain.

What am i getting at? There is a reason for everything we do in life. You dont value marriage because??? Be honest with yourself. You know the real reason why. And sure, you'll being bold on this forum and telling us. But did you sit the men you're dating down and said:
  • "Listen, i like sex. i enjoy being with u. but if im being perfectly honest, i gotta tell you i DO NOT ever want YOU to be the only person i have sex with for the rest of my life. So naturally, as you can expect, I'm against us ever getting married - marriage implies compulsory fidelity."
Did you ever say that to the man who fathered your child, and the dude you're expecting to father the next?

Until you do, and you do so plainly, with no ambiguity, you're lying to these men. And the fact that you dont even see nothing wrong with deliberately having kids by different men, tells me you're lost.

In regards to the first paragraph, if this is really true then why are most divorces initiated by women?

I’ve already explained why I don’t value marriage—in this thread and in a few others lol. You may need to Re-read to see my answers. I also said that I regularly argue with my bf and play devils advocate when it comes to this topic. He knows how I feel about marriage. I’m very upfront and blunt about how I feel regarding most subjects/topics. I’m a grown woman there’s no need to lie or trick men that I’m dating, that’s actually why I have no problem telling a man that I want another baby. There’s no need to trap.
As for your last sentence, I’m not lost. Not at all. I know exactly what I want in life, the type of life I want and I go for the things I want.
 

CarmelBarbie

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Charlotte
wait what?

cheating
divorce
being out of shape
withholding sex
are good reasons to judge a woman's marriageability....

Can you link to the GMB crowd talking about stretch marks?
From what i've seen, coli nikkas love them

Can you give insight into the reasons your sisters end marriages so much?
How do these marriage failures affect the women?
What are the benefits of being married and living seperate?


I want to see your side

:jbhmm:
I can. I have a meeting in two minutes lol but I will try to come back later on and provide some more context and reasons as to why women are divorcing men as often as they do and why many women don’t feel like they benefit as much men think they do when they get married.
 

Crude

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I won’t knock @CarmelBarbie for being up front about her attitude towards marriage.

She seems sexually experienced and a person like that (male or female) will never be fully content with just one partner if having the option of many partners has always been the norm.

If a person is use to the option of having t-bone steaks, lobster tails, and lamb chops every night then it will be hard for them to go back to eating bologna, Vienna sausages, and spam and simply being content. In this case, the steak and lobster represents single life and moving how she wants versus married life and being restricted to one man being the bologna and canned meat.

I’m sure there are plenty of men that she can supplement to fulfill each need she has. She can have a couple men to fukk, one to meet her emotional needs, and one that doesn’t mind splurging gifts,etc. Women tend to use different men for different things. I’m not saying she does that, but I’m sure it feels good to have the option to do that if she wanted to.

I’m also guessing she watched her mom be the submissive wife while her father was a stern yet protective father and she quickly realized she didn’t want that traditional mundane existence for herself.

Sometimes your home can condition you to what you want, and other times it can inadvertently condition you to what you do not want too.
 

feelosofer

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Let's be reality @CarmelBarbie is saying what a lot of Black women won't say out loud, in 2021, with ability to have careers on their own and live independently, women can achieve careers, motherhood and live without the need for a husband. It doesn't matter if they grew up in 2 parents households or in single parent households. If woman WANT to get married they can but it's not going back to the old days where marriage was required as such we now live in a world where there is no more community just a bunch of mercenaries trying to achieve their own interests. Marriage was never about love but a means of survival.
 

CarmelBarbie

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Charlotte
I won’t knock @CarmelBarbie for being up front about her attitude towards marriage.

She seems sexually experienced and a person like that (male or female) will never be fully content with just one partner if having the option of many partners has always been the norm.

If a person is use to the option of having t-bone steaks, lobster tails, and lamb chops every night then it will be hard for them to go back to eating bologna, Vienna sausages, and spam and simply being content. In this case, the steak and lobster represents single life and moving how she wants versus married life and being restricted to one man being the bologna and canned meat.

I’m sure there are plenty of men that she can supplement to fulfill each need she has. She can have a couple men to fukk, one to meet her emotional needs, and one that doesn’t mind splurging gifts,etc. Women tend to use different men for different things. I’m not saying she does that, but I’m sure it feels good to have the option to do that if she wanted to.

I’m also guessing she watched her mom be the submissive wife while her father was a stern yet protective father and she quickly realized she didn’t want that traditional mundane existence for herself.

Sometimes your home can condition you to what you want, and other times it can inadvertently condition you to what you do not want too.
My body count is actually very low. I’ve only ever had sex with men I’ve been in relationships with. I don’t have casual sex or ons, and if you check my post history on here I’ve always been adamant about that. I don’t agree with hook up culture and I think it actually hurts women more in the long run to have sex with a ton of men. I believe in soul ties.

I’m also not using a number of men right now to supplement my needs. I’m in a relationship with just one man.

I notice that people keep mistakenly assuming that a woman who does not value marriage, doesn’t because she wants to be a hoe or use multiple men, or that she has had bad experiences with men—just a whole bunch of things that are not correct in my situation. I’ve said why I don’t value marriage—I’ve said my reasons and im guessing most of you didn’t read, can’t comprehend or don’t believe me. Regardless, me not valuing marriage is not about sex or wanting to be entertained by a lot of different men.
 

CarmelBarbie

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Charlotte
the GMB crowd points to situations like the one in OP as a reason for GMB
They point to inequality in the dating/marriage scene to back up their cause...

women promoting single parenthood are GMB too ... they just dont use the acronym
:francis:



Well we do know who tends to opt out of marriages they are already in....
Do some of their reasons line up with this "new" philosophy about family structure?
:yeshrug:

You are a part of that demographic....
Give me insight...
:jbhmm:



Calling out nonADOS blacks talking about certain issues means I wanna be white?
:patrice:

Or do you think im against immigrants because im "patriotic"?
Let me know which way are you misconstruing my post so I can respond correctly...
I’ll be short and sweet, the reasons they divorce or no longer as interested in marrying like their grandmothers:

*the woman almost always had to assume the majority of child rearing, cooking and cleaning in addition to working a full time job just like the man
* the man didn’t pull their weight, either financially, helping around the house, helping with the children, providing emotional support, etc
*the women often felt like a live in maid and nanny, and again this is in addition to working just like the man. They felt like single moms who were in whole marriages.
*the men could be selfish—lots of expectations and guilt tripping applied to her when she couldn’t meet them but when he couldn’t his meet his obligations as a husband and father, there were always excuses
*bad hygiene and grooming—got too comfortable and stopped taking care of himself while continuing to expect her to cater to him and meet his needs-this is in addition to not meeting her emotional needs
* she often had to make more sacrifices in terms of her career, the children and even the dreams and goals she had to support his, and ends up losing herself in the process and feeling worn out, tired and unsupported
*infidelity
*money issues(in many cases these men didnt make six figures and of the ones who did they were in tons of debt trying to keep up with the Jones)
*sex issues—either the sex was terrible or mediocre because he no longer puts in the effort yet he wants it all the time, or the men don’t want to have sex at all anymore
*he gets to do his hobbies, go after his dreams, kick it with his friends with the regular and expects her to always watch the kids while he does—she doesn’t feel like she has an identity outside of being his wife and mother. And she wants more
*abuse—emotional, physical, verbal, etc. enough said here.

These are in a nutshell the reasons I’ve been given, what I’ve observed of most of my unhappily married female friends, and even my own reasons (in addition to not wanting to live with a man, regularly clean up after one, or have to consult him when I want to spend my money the way I want to) of why I don’t want marriage or think marriage is beneficial on average for the average woman.
 

⠝⠕⠏⠑

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I prefer the long answer. I'm genuinely interested in your perspective
Cool beans.
From the woman’s perspective, marriage historically was ALWAYS about work and stress. Did you know women back in the day used to run away and try to join the convents to avoid being married?:mjlol: Today, there’s an actual psychological condition in Asia culture called wife stress or anxiety where women are so scared and anxious at the prospects of becoming housewives that they need anti-depressants.
So when men say women only benefit…:mjlol:that’s a VERY recent development and only for a small amount of women. Men are judging marriage based on white female marriage.

Here’s the real deal. Men don’t know what they are like to deal with. Ya’ll don’t date men. You don’t deal with them on that level and men hate introspection. So they just blame shyt on women. But traditionally the woman has always had to do the overwhelming majority of the heavy lifting in marriage. Unless you are a rich white female.
Most of the complaints men have about marriage are from the image of marriage that only applies to rich women.

That whole idea of a lazy, trifling woman that contributes NOTHING to humanity. Lays like a starfish on her back, has some kids, but sends them to daycare or has maids caring for them and fukks the pool boy, then divorces her rich husband and takes 1/2 or more in alimony or child support is a LIE for MOST WOMEN It’s a lie! And men need to stop using that lie to make it seem like marriage is a cakewalk for women, or dismiss their contributions to society or the issues women go through in marriage. Black women don’t even get that much child support OR alimony and have always had high workforce participation, so I don’t even know where some of these complaints come from when it comes to us.

PSA: MAJORITY OF WOMEN IN THE WORLD HAVE ALWAYS WORKED JUST AS MUCH AS MEN, ESPECIALLY IN NON-WHITE CULTURES.

So the first issue with marriage that needs to be eliminated is that the man is more important or contributes more and should be revered regardless of whether he is actually respectful or contributing as much as his partner. It’s always been unrealistic and a lie and insulting to the shyt ton of ways women have always contributed to this world.

ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN.
Black women literally were worked in the fields as slaves just as hard as men with no regard for their “inferior female nature”, built this country, toiled from dusk until dawn RIGHT beside blk men. We literally helped build this country.

AND after all of that, we did this and then went home and cooked and cleaned and took care of the babies…while being pregnant as young as 13-45 from rape.
AND RAISING OTHER PEOPLES KIDS!

No one ever spared blk women any excuse of “feminine weakness”. They dug holes for us to beat us when we were pregnant. Sooo who is weak? Who is inferior? So the idea that we are supposed to be okay with being dismissed as a lesser is even worse b/c our loads have never been lesser. Erase that shyt from the script.

Even after slavery, black women as homemakers were still working both outside of the home AND holding down domestic chores. But can’t be afforded the same respect by her husband as his equal? Even when she is contributing financially AND domestically. And did this shyt WHILE PREGNANT for decades. But many did it and put up with it.

But what many older generations of blk women taught their daughters, was to RUN LIKE HELL from the institution of marriage or be very cautious.

Why? For the following reasons:
1.) “Always have your own money. Once a man think he got you on the ropes, he’ll dog you OUT!” So black women were encouraged to always put a little away and get an education and pursue opportunities outside of “bussin out babies” for a man because women passed down traits of men being sexually loose, unreliable, full of ego, arrogant and will switch it up on you once you are vulnerable with babies. And many men ARE like this, unfortunately. Especially when they think they got you trapped either with babies or monetarily. I’ve LIVED this shyt for myself.

2.) Respect-No woman wants to be cheated on and dogged out. But if you are in a traditional marriage and you haven’t cultivated a career and have few resources of your own to survive on outside of your husband, its harder to leave and you may feel like you have to just take the disrespect if it occurs. Some men were reasonable, progressive and egalitarian-especially blk men. But shyt tons of men are arrogant, child-like, incapable of cooking/cleaning for themselves and just disrespectful.
:yeshrug:
But if you notice, divorce rates increased parallel with women entering the workforce and gaining education. Why? Because being economically self-reliant means you ain’t really gotta put up with that shyt for provision and protection. If he cheats, you ain’t gotta stay and risk your health worrying about it. If he doesn’t respect you or is negligent, you don’t have to be chronically unhappy and just take it. That 70% divorce rate initiated by women is really a sign of women feeling comfortable enough to go through life on their own terms and they deem this as more valuable than being with someone that doesn’t value or respect them just to say they have a man.

To be honest, men had a good set up, but instead of piping down on all that “Ra ra Dey inferior! I’m the prize, go make me a sandwich, why you goin to get yo education, who gon take care of the babies” archaic thinking and working with their women…they decided to cheat, be disrespectful, and now women just don’t even want to be bothered anymore.

And now with this manosphere shyt, that’s just validating how those women feel. So we have places with millions more men than women because men didn’t value girls (Asia).

Places where more women are now electing to be single moms more and more, or skipping motherhood altogether(Europe, Asia)

Places where feminism is hitting so hard that women are forming vigilante all women communes and groups to avoid dealing with rape and assault (S. America, India, Africa).

And now instead of our men taking accountability and a good long look at themselves and how they fukked this shyt up worldwide…They out here getting mad at women for being tired of their bullshyt.:deadmanny: They trying to do nothing BUT blame women. They cursing Booksnrain out when she pokes them online and shows them charts and studies validating the shyt I been saying on this site since 2015. Biting chicks eyes out. Raping women in open daylight. Trying to groom girls as young as possible to “cooperate”. Fukking sex dolls. Killing themselves.


But they still bytching about “Female AcCoUnTaBiLiTy”. :mjlol:Women not listening to a group of dudes who fukked up the world, tell them about personal accountability. Megan the Stallion fans ain’t listening to men bytch about her when they celebrated an entire era of soul-rotting, musical violence towards women. They don’t care that men feel attacked when men literally created entire religions predicated on women being evil and tainted. They not listening to a bunch of dudes whine about child support when they don’t have to fukk chicks raw that they don’t want kids with in the first place.

Some chicks are still affected by some of the shaming tactics and are still adjusting to empowerment and the inherent responsibilities. But as more and more women shake off the lies we’ve always been told about who we are and what we are capable of, they care less about the shyt men feel entitled to from us.

Women aren’t perfect, but a lot of this is on men to fix. And it could be easy.
The only thing they need to do is learn how to keep their dikks in their pants, wash some dishes, stop lying, denying, gaslighting women and acting defensive when we tell ya’ll shyt, and understand that household work and leadership in a marriage is a JOINT endeavor. And for the men who do understand this and act on it, they deserve the WORLD.

But too many don’t. Too many still think even when women are economically contributing just as much as they do or more, that they are entitled to a full-time cook/laundress/childcare worker/maid/pornstar that’s supposed to look the other way if he has side chicks and protect his ego even if he not contributing as much as she does financially, doesn’t pick up the slack at home, isn’t loving/romantic/affectionate, and can’t even fukk her right…

maxresdefault.jpg

Why? And I’m not talking about those happy wife/happy life marriages that are great. I’m also not talking about trifling bytches fukking up either.
I’m asking, why would a GOOD woman grin and bear it if/when her needs aren’t met in the traditional institution of marriage in modern society?

The answer is…she wouldn’t. And more and more women aren’t, which is why we’re continuing to see shyt like this daily in the news.

In fact, marriage rates in China have decreased drastically in recent years. Between 2013 and 2019, the number of people in China marrying for their first time dropped by 41 percent. This is, among other things, due to women becoming increasingly educated and economically independent, which appears to have affected their attitudes towards marriage. Similarly, the trend of rising divorce rates has partly been attributed to women’s greater autonomy, for instance in terms of becoming financially independent to a greater extent. In fact, according to the state-backed All-China Women’s Federation, more than 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

Women are not rejecting marriage so much as they are rejecting old-fashioned marriage norms, whereby the man provides economically and the woman is expected to be submissive. If women don't think men are interested in meeting these expectations, then women are going to be less interested in marriage.
New study: Women don't want to get married just because men make more money


While men are listening to manosphere mess to get comfortable excuses that blame women for it, women worldwide are literally leaving the chat. I have my issues with the role women play in this mess, but if you wanna know why women are delaying, avoiding male interaction, motherhood, marriage, then look at how the men are behaving. Putting up with the shyt, hubris, arrogance a lotta dudes are on, hits different when you don’t absolutely have to for your survival.:yeshrug: I used to think that we could work it out. But I think humans will lose generations b4 it’s corrected if at all.

As I said before I also have a female version of how they are fukking up too if you are interested.
 
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London baby.
My parents hail from 120 year productive marriages between them and mutually opposed marriage before they had kids.

My dad used to say, “marriage consists of 3 rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer-RING.” :mjlol:

I had a lot of freedom as a kid but my grandmother gave me and my sisters wife training between the ages of 5-12.

She knew damn well my mother wasn’t going to pass down anything she was shown :coffee:
 
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