Put Yourselves First Guys - Don’t Get Used.

[CarmelBarbie]

she mentioned in the thread all the womwn around her are divorced lmfao so they probably prey on suckers.

dudes giving props about her being direcr are idiots because her baby daddy is not hear to confirm anything and people lie like hell on the internet

huh? I didn’t say all the women around me are divorced. I said I know divorced women within my family, friends and coworkers and all of them have said some of the same things regarding never wanting to live with a man again or remarry. But as far as my friend group, no not all my friends are divorced. a few of my friends are married (I’m not going to say happily lol), a couple are divorced, some are single, some are in relationships. Some want to get married. Some don’t.

Time is a funny thing, maybe you've already realized, you could only be who you are because of the roles your parents played. I often realize the same with my own parents and the demise of their relationship. In that sense I'm thankful it turned out the way it did because I would be different than who I am and I wouldn't appreciate that.

Very interesting how you described their relationship from your eyes. How you describe relationships is really interesting to me, I wonder if anyone else sees it.

I believe that daughters despite the relationship they have with their mother, are thankful that their mom played whichever role they did. The current generation doesn't feel the need to repeat what the prior one engaged in, in that sense. Where that will lead us in an ever-changing paradigm intrigues me.

Thank you Breh, you get it. It’s interesting because neither of my sisters are married either. They don’t have kids. One of them took herself out of the dating market in her mid twenties—she made too much money compared to men in her age range. A lot of her friends who also are high earning are married though. I think my sister just didn’t want that life. Same with my youngest sister. They both are successful and make a lot of money, single, no kids. They don’t bother dating. I do wonder if it’s because we all saw the dynamics of my parents very traditional marriage and just didn’t want it. My sisters are like me though, they do not want to live with a man or have one in their house for an extended period of time. But unlike me they also feel the same way about kids-they don’t want them.
We all are happy with our lives though.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

We are not born wanting to get married. That is not natural, that is purely a product of societal conditioning.

Everything she said bout marriage (except the part bout being open to it) is me to a tee. I don’t even wanna live together, I’d prefer us to have a duplex and even that might be too close

@CarmelBarbie seem good money in my book

SOHH...30+ woman, in shape, educated, career, homeowner, no excess debt, has her own money, doesnt want to spend your money, AND NOT desperate for marriage...but that's a problem now?Are y'all upset because she already has a child and you can't call her a cat lady and say the CNA will beat her? Brehs in here talking about condoms and vasectomy like she trapped dude. She asked and he agreed to have a child

Neva change Coli, neva change

Y’all both get it.

 

[Monsanto]

huh? I didn’t say all the women around me are divorced. I said I know divorced women within my family, friends and coworkers and all of them have said some of the same things regarding never wanting to live with a man again or remarry. But as far as my friend group, no not all my friends are divorced. a few of my friends are married (I’m not going to say happily lol), a couple are divorced, some are single, some are in relationships. Some want to get married. Some don’t.

Thank you Breh, you get it. It’s interesting because neither of my sisters are married either. They don’t have kids. One of them took herself out of the dating market in her mid twenties—she made too much money compared to men in her age range. A lot of her friends who also are high earning are married though. I think my sister just didn’t want that life. Same with my youngest sister. They both are successful and make a lot of money, single, no kids. They don’t bother dating. I do wonder if it’s because we all saw the dynamics of my parents very traditional marriage and just didn’t want it. My sisters are like me though, they do not want to live with a man or have one in their house for an extended period of time. But unlike me they also feel the same way about kids-they don’t want them.
We all are happy with our lives though.

Now this is an interesting family dynamic



I would ask for more details but I think I can connect some dots here and there. If we're still on here in 10-15 years, I would like to ask you about an update on your sisters.

Until then, your family seems to be doing well

 

[semicko82]

Congrats on your plat OP

 

[KillerB88]

What's really sad is how people are starting to look at their children like pets.

YOU wanted a kid without a father at home.

Did the baby okay this arrangement? Wouldn't they rather have their father around? They didn't choose to be here. But they are forced to live with the consequences of a selfish parent.

And then she wants another one. Lord knows how many random men are going to be fukking this child's mother after bedtime to accomplish this.

If u don't put your child's life first above everything, who the fukk will? And when this child gets older, the cycle continues

 

[KillerB88]

Not true either. Dad made over 500k a year, lived in a suburb full of McMansions and mansions in Chicago. Mom was a traditional stay at home mother. My two sisters went to Ivy League schools (one went to Harvard). Dad called the shots too.

Nice try though.

I'm sorry. But you must know this sounds. It's almost like you're borderline trolling. Your dad provided a stable, wealthy lifestyle for his family. Wife didn't have to work. Children went to the best schools. Etc. Etc. Only for his wife to divorce him because "Mama gotta have a life too.", and for his daughter to openly admit she wants to be a 2x baby mama? Why is our community obsessed with hustling backwards? I don't know you to judge you on a personal level-- but on paper this all sounds like a bunch of female-centric chaos. And none of it is healthy for raising kids; especially a young black male who has no say in any of it.

 

[Vodun]

i speak from experience. I've had women live with me and have over a Decade of LTR experience. I said before, meeting chicks on apps or the club and having ONS IS NOT the same as managing a relationship, so I can tell the dudes who have zero experience and think smashing a woman is the same as holding frame/standing on your square in a committed relationship.

This this and this man holding frame while in a relationship is hard as fukk because if it's not naturally you it's going be hard to hold that persona. For me as a example I'm normally happy cheerful and can be clown at times. Now I can be like that around my family but around my wife I have to l tone that shyt down a lot because of het female nature her emotions will see me as weak thus the shyt test come in. It's fukking retarded but thats the way it is.

The scary part about this is she isn't even aware of it

 

[KillerB88]

Some career women are childless, some aren't. That shyt KS says ain't true all the time. If she's fine, best believe she has a kid or 2. And at the point, she looking to fukk and have fun before finally getting married. Don't women get crazy horny again in their 40s?

I might have to do what @Malcolmxxx_23 said and find me a 4 star hotel with an upscale bar

When has he ever said they couldn't find someone to splash inside their guts? He said they have issues establishing marriage. There's nothing special about a woman getting pregnant.

 

[Savvir]

Y’all both get it.

fatherless children for the win i guess

 

[JQ Legend]

Y’all in this thread fukkin wildin

I understand the whole battle of the sexes thing

I was one of the main ones engaging in that shyt, damn near at war with @Booksnrain

But y’all wild hypocritical here. Y’all tombout how women try to trap men with marriage and child support. @CarmelBarbie has done neither but she’s a bird for that?

Then y’all making wild assumptions bout her son and how he gone turn out?

Telling her she wrong for not forcing a one sided relationship her heart wasn’t in? As much as it may hurt to lose her, I wouldn’t want a woman I’m in Love with to feel obligated to be with me.

I’d be but the sooner she let me go the better off I’d be in the long run.

And y’all trying to disguise y’all hatred for the fact you can’t shame her for being a single mother as concern for her child

 

[Savvir]

Telling her she wrong for not forcing a one sided relationship her heart wasn’t in?

She did force a one sided relationship...

Her dude wanted to be married and have a family ....

She had his kid them dropped him... forcing him to live a life as a baby daddy... that's one sided as fukk. He didn't agree to that.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

I'm sorry. But you must know this sounds. It's almost like you're borderline trolling. Your dad provided a stable, wealthy lifestyle for his family. Wife didn't have to work. Children went to the best schools. Etc. Etc. Only for his wife to divorce him because "Mama gotta have a life too.", and for his daughter to openly admit she wants to be a 2x baby mama? Why is our community obsessed with hustling backwards? I don't know you to judge you on a personal level-- but on paper this all sounds like a bunch of female-centric chaos. And none of it is healthy for raising kids; especially a young black male who has no say in any of it.

I know how it sounds but it is the honest truth. I wanted a baby, so I had one.

I’m not sure where you got the bolded but that was not the reason my mom divorced my dad.

If my dad were still alive, I would get married before having a second baby, because I wouldn’t want to make him sad and disappoint him again.

But my dad passed back in December, so I’m living life on my own terms. I don’t want to live with a man(which would naturally have to happen if I were to get married lol). I do want another child.

And it’s not just me raising my son, my son’s dad coparents w/ me. My son is also just a really good kid, he never gets in trouble. I know without a doubt he’s going to be fine.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Y’all in this thread fukkin wildin

I understand the whole battle of the sexes thing

I was one of the main ones engaging in that shyt, damn near at war with @Booksnrain

But y’all wild hypocritical here. Y’all tombout how women try to trap men with marriage and child support. @CarmelBarbie has done neither but she’s a bird for that?

Then y’all making wild assumptions bout her son and how he gone turn out?

Telling her she wrong for not forcing a one sided relationship her heart wasn’t in? As much as it may hurt to lose her, I wouldn’t want a woman I’m in Love with to feel obligated to be with me.

I’d be but the sooner she let me go the better off I’d be in the long run.

And y’all trying to disguise y’all hatred for the fact you can’t shame her for being a single mother as concern for her child

Thread took a weird turn tbh. I’m seeing talk of male birth control(even though I did not trap my son’s father lol) and also seeing talk of me being a hoe—when I’m in a committed relationship with 1 man rn and don’t have casual sex.



It’s cool for Brehs to be gmb but for brehettes it’s an issue especially if she doesn’t want marriage but does want a child. What’s crazy is that some Brehs are using me and my situation to draw conclusions about other women… there are still bw that would love to get married and want a traditional two parent household with a white picket fence. I’m just not one of them. And it’s not because of wanting attention, being a hoe, a broken background. It’s definitely selfish but I’ve admitted that I am, and the op is encouraging Brehs to put themselves and their interests first too—just like me. Too funny.

anyway I’m guessing they want me to feel shame, but I can’t force that shyt. It’s just not there. Nfg.

 

[stepbackj34spud]

Why is there a thread on some corny ass coli bird? Yall dont get tired of this?

coli chick likes being a hoe who cares?

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

I still don’t value marriage breh. But you may have point about upbringing and the models of marriage we see. My parents were married. My dad a provider who made a lot of money. My mom was a stay at home mom. We lived in a huge house in a lily white suburb in Chicago. They were happy but I realized early on that I didn’t necessarily want that dynamic. I didn’t want to be sahm, in fact I did it with my son for a year and couldn’t wait to get back to work. I think maybe in my case I wanted the opposite of what my parents modeled. Maybe if both my parents worked and I saw my mom chasing her dreams just like my dad did, instead of putting it on the back burner to support his career and the home, I would have had a different attitude. Funny thing is after 25 years of marriage my mom did divorce him, and she always said she wish she never would have been a sahm—what she called a glorified babysitter. She died a year later. But it solidified what I already thought—where I grew up I saw so many woman put their lives on hold to support their husbands and take care of children. For me, I wanted to do it all. Follow my dreams and have children. So that’s what I did.

I dunno how I missed this thread! And of course it’s not surprising to hear all the hypocritical male bs, but who cares about that.

Anyhoo, what you said resonates HEAVILY. Especially the parts in bold. And it’s a common refrain I’ve heard from so many women in traditional set ups growing up and I think a lotta women are starting to bypass even trying to discuss it anymore. They literally just done and withdrawing/rejecting traditional set ups. After a while, all the back and forth is unnecessary.

If someone can’t understand why women who aren’t oriented towards traditionalism shouldn’t get forced or shamed into it, or understand how aspects of it make those setups undesirable even for women would normally wouldn’t mind, then there’s no common ground to be found and no need to keep talking about it.

I’ve had similarly related issues, so I completely understand where you coming from. You are one of the most intelligent and level-headed people I’ve met on this forum, and your son is blessed to have you. I’m glad he has his father’s influence in his life as well. I’m also glad both of you are co-parenting well.

Single parenthood may not be ideal, but it’s totally workable and healthier than trying to raise a child in a family dynamic where either party is miserable. That’s something many women are trying to avoid these days and I don’t blame them.