Where is the blaming? Whose fault it is is irrelevant to the community structure. Anyone would have resentment if they were contributing equally in most places, but not allowed to be apart of the ruling class. The problem is that you all want the benefits of a patriarchy without being able to maintain one.
No, the problem is black feminists, like you, want the benefits of patriarchy and are upset that black men cannot provide them to you in equal proportion to that of white male patriarchal society. I've always said that black feminists don't have a problem with patriarchy, especially when practiced by white men. They have a problem with black men, generally, being unable to provide them with the perceived benefits that patriarchy provides to white women.
Black men have ALWAYS been the target of white supremacy with black women and children as the collateral damage. If you destroy black men, you destroy black women and children for free. Unfortunately, black women, like yourself, would rather fight with black men over the control of a sinking ship instead of build up black men, as our helpmates, so that we can fix the ship and better both of our lives.
Society has no problem splitting the difference by pitting black women against black men. Not because black women are the target. But because if you can get the men and women of a targeted people to clash amongst themselves, then they will have less energy and clarity on who poses the real threat to their entire people.
Peace