My novel. Updates on 1st and 3rd pages

[Neuromancer]

Same here, Cloud Atlas and Dark Tower(Stephen kings universe) Immediately came to mind.

Though Cloud atlas had to do with history repeating in loops and how the events of those past loops/events impact on the future. Nothing really parallel in it.
On the other hand Stphen kings works are literally parallel worlds(pet cemetery,shinning, it,etc) where the creatures & energies migrate between realities via the nexus / doors depicted in the "Dark tower" books. Come to think of it the entire corpus of books Stephen king has put out has the over all structure it sounds like the OP is looking to write.
(even though the events, protagonists, etc will obviously be different)

You got it. I'm looking for DT/Lovecraft feel.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

I like it. The prose is indeed reminiscent of Gaiman and Jeminsin storytelling methods. Adding a date to this excerpt to make it seem like it was taken from an older yet recently discovered tome can lend more validity to the voice of the writing.

 

[Neuromancer]

I like it. The prose is indeed reminiscent of Gaiman and Jeminsin storytelling methods. Adding a date to this excerpt to make it seem like it was taken from an older yet recently discovered tome can lend more validity to the voice of the writing.

Thank you for the input. I like Jeminsin's work. She knows how to write an epic.

 

[Ghost Utmost]

I don't think it did. The person speaking is a multi-versal God. If you've ever read Neil Gaiman's Sandman (specfically Overture) I'm using the idea of ubquity on a quantum level. The person speaking is the observer and the observed on multiple planes of existence. I'm attempting to build a multiverse with this as it's preface. I can see why it would confuse you as that is off the page.


I was the Grendel.

Perhaps you will get every single person who reads this to write out their thoughts about is and then you can argue with each point.

That's one way to go.

You won't grow, but at least you can pretend that you already know it all.

I wasn't grabbed by the blurb you wrote, therefore I am uninterested in the rest.

That's the whole trick. The first sentence is supposed to make me want more.

So however you interpret this: it didn't work on me. That should make you think about what you can write that will grab everyone who starts it.

Or you can argue with everyone who gives you criticism.

 

[FlyGuy]

it reads as if you, a person who has read the novel, is describing it

I just can't vibe with it on the literary tip. there's no finesse to your prose.

 

[Neuromancer]

Perhaps you will get every single person who reads this to write out their thoughts about is and then you can argue with each point.

That's one way to go.

You won't grow, but at least you can pretend that you already know it all.

I wasn't grabbed by the blurb you wrote, therefore I am uninterested in the rest.

That's the whole trick. The first sentence is supposed to make me want more.

So however you interpret this: it didn't work on me. That should make you think about what you can write that will grab everyone who starts it.

Or you can argue with everyone who gives you criticism.

It's funny that no one else seemed to think that I was arguing. I try to take everything into consideration, even snark and sarcasm.

 

[Neuromancer]

it reads as if you, a person who has read the novel, is describing it

I just can't vibe with it on the literary tip. there's no finesse to your prose.

Elaborate please.

 

[tonyclifton]

Premise seems ok

The intro is all over the place. You explain everything twice and it sounds like your explaining the book rather than starting a story. Wasn't feeling Interested at all to be honest


Daps and reps for posting your work. Take whatever criticism you feel is needed and keep chopping away

 

[Neuromancer]

Premise seems ok

The intro is all over the place. You explain everything twice and it sounds like your explaining the book rather than starting a story. Wasn't feeling Interested at all to be honest


Daps and reps for posting your work. Take whatever criticism you feel is needed and keep chopping away

Thanks. I will probably cut the intro based on what I'm being told here. I'm getting that it's superfolus.

 

[13473]

Elaborate please.

it is better to show the reader than to tell him.

there is no need to tell the reader "this will be a long chapter." they can flip through the pages and see that.

 

[The Prince of All Saiyans]

quit hatin

 

[AlainLocke]

Any creative work should start with action

 

[FlyGuy]

Elaborate please.

it is better to show the reader than to tell him.

there is no need to tell the reader "this will be a long chapter." they can flip through the pages and see that.

Elaborate please.

basically this. it's just exposition. it doesn't feel like art.

 

[Neuromancer]

basically this. it's just exposition. it doesn't feel like art.

I understand. Thank you for the input.

 

[FlyGuy]

I understand. Thank you for the input.

anytime and I can't wait to read more if you ever decide to put it up for us