Next month, I'll be four years sober. shyt got really bad for me. Every time I stopped drinking I had to go to the hospital. I was having panic attacks which felt like a full body cramp that would seize me up. I was walking like ten miles a day. I could literally see death around the corner. I use to have dreams that dead people I didn't know staring at me in my bed.
I went to rehab. It's saved my life. I went to a kinda grimey state funded rehab with a bunch of winos and dopefiends fresh off the street from the hood, but it's what I needed at the time. Then I went to a halfway house for six months. Literally three people from my halfway house died back to back in like two months after I left. The homies from the halfway house who stayed sober inspired me and are my new day ones homies. I feel like I've know them my whole life. I still go to AA and NA meetings every week. NA is blacker and more hood than AA where I live.
But AA has more thick freak pawgs and more parties and events.
Sober life has not been easy. But it's better than going through life drunk. I've had hella different jobs. Had many opportunities I never would have had drinking. But that's not what really matters. Just the little things like waking up every morning and not being hungover. I haven't thrown up in four years, I used to hurl literally everyday. I don't have negative energy coming at me like that anymore. Before I used to beef with hella nikkas over bullshyt and came close to losing my life more than a few times.
99 ways to die is the alcoholic lifestyle.
I work at a rehab center today. Easiest job I ever had. Most jobs I ever had required busting your ass with no dignity for little pay. But now I get paid to inspire folks to stay sober.
I know it's hard to get sober, but it's easier to stay sober than it is to get sober. I went to AA meetings for four years before I got sober.
You need to address the root causes of why you drink so much. Me and OP come from Frisco. Where we from, the liquor store is one of the first things you identify as a child. Drinking like a bum seems normal coming from that environment. I remember being so young that I thought the liquor sto down the blck on Randolph on Victoria St was the licorice store.
Going to rehab, when you're ready might help you address those issues. But if you not done drinking, you not done drinking. Simple as that. When you hit bottom you'll know.
