Is there a comprehensive list of arguments for not having a child?

[Professor Emeritus]

My wife and I have an 18 month old daughter and I 6 week old son. I firmly believe most people shouldn’t have kids the way western society is set up. In other cultures the whole community raises your child. In America, you’re out here solo.

I've seen a lot of people moving in that direction:

The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake

The family structure we’ve held up as the cultural ideal for the past half century has been a catastrophe for many. It’s time to figure out better ways to live together.

www.theatlantic.com

Cons

• It’s expensive AF
• You won’t sleep for the first 3 months
• Your time and mental capacity is no longer yours
• You have to cut most hobbies
• Young kids are a nightmare to travel with
• Whatever issues you and your significant other have will be magnified 10x

Pros

• The highs are some of the highest highs you’ll ever experience. Watching your child learn new skills is really a blessing
• To add to the first point, seeing a toddler full sprint toward you because they haven’t seen you for a while is 🥹
• They bring your family together. You’ll see a side of your parents you’ve never seen before
• Of course, you have someone to take care of you when you’re old

I'd agree with most of those except the expense (there are plenty of ways to do it without the expenses if you don't fall to peer pressure) and the travel (maybe it's because we've been traveling since she was super little, but our daughter travels really well).

Little kids almost never wear their stuff out cause they grow out of it so fast. If you share clothes, books, and toys with other families then you practically never have to buy anything, especially cause friends/relatives will occasionally gift your kid stuff too. We did natural birth, breastfeeding instead of formula, and cloth diapers instead of disposable. I'm trying to think of any major expense we've had and not really coming up with one.

The time is a BIG thing though. Kids take up a ton of your time, there is no doubt about that at all. And you have less freedom with your time than you used to. How well you can work shyt out with your spouse and other family members plays a big role in how much time you will still have to yourself.

 

[ba'al]

Old and frail with no one to look after them or stuck in some hell hole retirement home

 

[perfectblack999]

I've seen a lot of people moving in that direction:

The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake

The family structure we’ve held up as the cultural ideal for the past half century has been a catastrophe for many. It’s time to figure out better ways to live together.

www.theatlantic.com

I'd agree with most of those except the expense (there are plenty of ways to do it without the expenses if you don't fall to peer pressure) and the travel (maybe it's because we've been traveling since she was super little, but our daughter travels really well).

Little kids almost never wear their stuff out cause they grow out of it so fast. If you share clothes, books, and toys with other families then you practically never have to buy anything, especially cause friends/relatives will occasionally gift your kid stuff too. We did natural birth, breastfeeding instead of formula, and cloth diapers instead of disposable. I'm trying to think of any major expense we've had and not really coming up with one.

The time is a BIG thing though. Kids take up a ton of your time, there is no doubt about that at all. And you have less freedom with your time than you used to. How well you can work shyt out with your spouse and other family members plays a big role in how much time you will still have to yourself.

True about travel. Our daughter wasn’t bad till she could walk. Now she wants to turn up on airplanes . We haven’t tried a tablet yet though so that may help.

 

[The ADD]

HCB

 

[Professor Emeritus]

True about travel. Our daughter wasn’t bad till she could walk. Now she wants to turn up on airplanes . We haven’t tried a tablet yet though so that may help.

I'm doing everything possible to keep her away from screens. She still can't really read yet (she just turned 4) but she loves books, if you rotate between books, a few simple toys to play with, and naps, she does well. She's really observant so she'll even just look out the window or watch people for an extended period of time. We've basically had one bad plane flight when she was a small infant where she didn't stop crying and besides that all our travel experiences have been just fine.

 

[nairdas]

If people thought like that, we wouldn't exist as a species. People in the developing world would die out.

As fukked up as it may sound, forming a capable family can be an effective way out of poverty. Children don't stay young forever and resources can be pooled.

The problem is that society encourages families to go their seperate ways the moment they turn 18, which is a bit ironic when you look at what rich families do.

Oh I'm well aware what my thinking would bring but I don't care. This middle class shyt IS NOT IT.

 

[Finesse]

Only having kids when I get rich. No way in the world am I gonna raise kids struggling. shyt even being rich alone doesnt assure my kids happiness.

But I would to bring em into this reality at the best possible starting point. The struggle shyt is not it. I dont even want my kids to have to worry about getting a degree in hopes of working a 9-5.

I want to have enough money where they can live life on the highest possible frequency. If I cant provide that I aint bringing em in here. I want em to live like how the elite live. Then use the resources I have accumulated to take it even a step further. Thats how we as a community should be moving collectively.

 

[Umoja]

I've seen a couple other people on here say shyt like this and it makes me wonder why kinda circles y'all run in.

I hear positive stuff about having kids at least 90% of the time with the people I'm around. So I'm genuinely curious as to who all these people are who regret kids, and what they'd rather be doing with their lives.

This is a question that needs to get asked more often.

My gut feeling is that it is a mixture of confirmation bias and the failure to realise that someone venting about sleepless nights is not their way of saying they 'lowkey regret having children'.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

Y’all sure?

Still pulling out.

 

[King Poetic]

For me

I really never dealt with a woman in my 20s and early 30s who I thought that would be someone I could have a kid with and be with forever..

The woman I have a kid with had to be a woman I would end up dying with, unfortunately that never happened early on

And now that I’m older , I’m not at this point wanting to have a kid

To each their own, and do what’s best for you

 

[karim]

If you want to put kids into a collapsing eco system where white people are rediscovering fascism, go ahead
Just know that this is the world they're going to live in:

 

[The ADD]

Y’all sure?

Very sure. A few moments compared to the cost. Naw

 

[Weaver31]

Ask old heads with no children whether they should of had a child


Old and frail with no one to look after them or stuck in some hell hole retirement home


Some of y'all think you'll be in great shape and perfect health even at 70+

Ur right but some people have kids and they don't look after them like they should. I also think it's best to have more than one because when people get older and have families and jobs...it's hard to get time to caregive like u want to.

 

[the bossman]

Go ask any daycare in America to give you a printout of their prices and tack it up on a wall in your house. Any time you don't wanna strap up go read that printout. And daycare is only the beginning.

America really got the game fukked up. It's places in Canada where daycare is $180/month

 

[Jazzy B.]

I've volunteered at an old folk shelter and it's people in there with biological children who don't visit or talk to their own parents. And that's a selfish reason to have kids because you want someone to look after you when you're old, frail and about to kick the bucket. So you want your child to see you sickly and slowly rotting away? How is that not nefarious?

And to be honest jazzy B it's not guaranteed you will even grow old. YOU could die today for all you know or a year. No ones knows how much times they have left on earth. Or vice versa your child could pass before you do.

And I bet most people at the old folk shelter were... cacs



We know cacs and their family dynamic





Now not taking cacs into account why wouldn't a child want to look after their parents in elderly age if they have a good relationship with them?, only a selfish child would have a problem with that and see it as a burden


Your parents in this dynamic are the ones who raised and provided for you when they were under no obligation to do so. Plenty of deadbeats regard being forced or told to provide for their children as "selfish", are they correct?



You're correct nobody knows when they're gonna die. But in general the average lifepsan has increased and people are living for longer.