If you're a parent and can offer nothing to your child in their adult life, you've ultimately failed

[97Pac]

My grandparents think I'm suppose to take care of them even though they had good professional jobs but managed to accumalate nothing during their 50+ years of working. My grandmother has asked me muilple times "how much you make" trying to see how much she can extort out of me. I've never asked them for a penny. I can't figure out why they think they are entitled to my money. I can't build wealth for future generations if I give all my money to them.

Mind you I didn't grow up with these people and they lived over 1000 miles from me growing up.

 

[The Realist Perspective]

So wait...you are failure as a parent if you aren't rich? I just wanna make sure I am not misunderstanding. Folks that come from rich families have an edge. It's what it is. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of people don't got it like that. We really gonna hold everybody to a standard that few can live up to? I truly doubt that most parents are just choosing to not have wealth/resources to pass along. You can make a good living, provide a comfortable life for your children, and still not have substantial money or land or other resources to provide after the fact. All that said, how many kids truly go off on their own and are 100% independent at 18? Muthafukkas be 30 with 3 kids living with mom. Most folks come back at least once after moving out.

Never did I say rich. But pass something on to your adult child. That will be the more difficult period of their life than anything.

 

[The Realist Perspective]

that's how you feel¿

what if your og's felt like aborting you¿

or selling you to child traffickers¿

*

I don't know how this lined up with what I'm talking about amigo

 

[010101]

I don't know how this lined up with what I'm talking about amigo

don't worry about it then*

 

[Monsanto]

Imagine me telling my parents you failed because you didn't give me generational wealth












....

I said this to my parents.



It was nuanced and deserving due to my circumstances though. In fact, I've said it to my whole family in a different way.

 

[Ciggavelli]

I 100% agree. I’ve been trying to get in with big and elite tech companies. Almost everybody there has degrees from the top Ivy League schools (Yale, Harvard, Stanford, etc). I have degrees from state schools. I feel if I had a degree from Harvard or Yale, it would be easier for me to get some top-level jobs. I say all this because Yale and Harvard are basically schools for the elite and wealthy. I didn’t come from a lot of money in my family and realistically couldn’t afford to go to an Ivy League school. I couldn’t “join the club” and get all of those connections. If my family had a lot of money, Harvard, Yale, etc could have been a possibility. So, if I ever have kids I want to be able to afford an Ivy League school for them, should they want it.

 

[Ozymandeas]

I’m putting aside money for my kids. There are plans out there that are mad cheap on a monthly basis but will make sure they have a good sum to start off life with.

 

[klutch2381]

Y’all can’t have it both ways, man. Y’all can’t be on here everyday harping about the evils of white supremacy and how draconian and oppressive it is, and then say doing the absolute bare minimum as a parent (e.g., raising your kids to 18, feeding them, keeping a roof over their head, etc.) is adequate preparation to handle the aforementioned white supremacist world. If you’re not even TRYING to arm your kids with as many weapons/tools as possible, I don’t know what to tell you. They’re at a huge disadvantage, because every other race or ethnicity — with the means to do so — will be weaponizing their kids on every level.

Hell, we just had a celebrity scandal (i.e. people that are already rich) bribing and paying for their kids to go to elite colleges. Why? Their kids weren’t going to be paupers or some shyt if they went to state schools. It wasn’t about that, though. It was about giving their kids an advantage.

 

[Prodyson]

Well, absolutely. That's exactly what I'm saying. And that is the best way to parent. End up leaving as much of a legacy as possible. Would you argue otherwise?

Ideally. But they’re not bad parents for NOT hooking you up. If your parents put you in a position where success was attainable, then they’ve done their job. Anything else is a bonus and shouldn’t be expected. You don’t know what decisions had to be made for you to be where you are today. They could have given up opportunity after opportunity to simply enjoy their lives, to make sure you even had a chance to “get it out the mud”... and that could’ve been the best they could do.

 

[Primetime21]

The opportunities you have to make money today far exceed the opportunities your grandparents and parents had. A better use of your energy would be to focus on what you’re going to do to put yourself and your kids, grandkids in a position to perhaps have more than what you had. You definitely sound like an ingrate, I can only imagine the shame your folks would feel if they came across your post.

 

[TallMan_J]

As far as OP goes.

You’re right. But give your parents some grace. You don’t know what tough choices had to be made to survive. But the ultimate goal is to leave some sort of assets or safety net to your children. Or at least put them in situations where they can be successful.

Each generation should build and improve, but there needs to be a foundation.

My wife and I struggled with student loans. So we made a commitment to pay for our kids college without having them take out the debt.

We wasted money as renters in our 20s. But will allow our kids to stay home until the first time they move out they’re in position to own.

Feeding and clothing your kid for 18 years fulfills a legal obligation. But there are other cultural things that we need to start doing as Black parents.

Kicking your kids out at 18, so you can go on Tom Joyner cruises is that selfish Boomer/Gen X bullshyt.

Excellent post.

 

[FTBS]

Never did I say rich. But pass something on to your adult child. That will be the more difficult period of their life than anything.

Wealth, inheritance that can propel you to another tax bracket, and land are things that are pretty much exclusive to rich people. Now of course one could get into semantics about what is "rich" and what is not. But the bottom line is that the majority of people aren't gonna have that.

 

[Peruvian Connect]

My grandparents think I'm suppose to take care of them even though they had good professional jobs but managed to accumalate nothing during their 50+ years of working. My grandmother has asked me muilple times "how much you make" trying to see how much she can extort out of me. I've never asked them for a penny. I can't figure out why they think they are entitled to my money. I can't build wealth for future generations if I give all my money to them.

Mind you I didn't grow up with these people and they lived over 1000 miles from me growing up.

this is hilarious. You think not helping them is gonna help build wealth for the future generations that might not even exist? What happens when you get down and the kids say fukk pops. We ain't letting all his money go to healthcare. Fukk this shiitty ass house pops left us.

You ain't no better than ya peoples.

 

[Wildin]

You can either stand on your own 2 feet or you can't. That's on you.

It don't matter if your mom and dad give you a house if you're a failure and lose the house any worse than you get your own house all by yourself and end up losing it because you're a failure.

Blaming someone else for something you never had is interesting because then it's not your fault. But then again if you give all the praise and such to your parents for putting you on and hooking you up or helping you out, then what did you really do? Are you accountable for anything?

 

[FTBS]

Y’all can’t have it both ways, man. Y’all can’t be on here everyday harping about the evils of white supremacy and how draconian and oppressive it is, and then say doing the absolute bare minimum as a parent (e.g., raising your kids to 18, feeding them, keeping a roof over their head, etc.) is adequate preparation to handle the aforementioned white supremacist world. If you’re not even TRYING to arm your kids with as many weapons/tools as possible, I don’t know what to tell you. They’re at a huge disadvantage, because every other race or ethnicity — with the means to do so — will be weaponizing their kids on every level.

Hell, we just had a celebrity scandal (i.e. people that are already rich) bribing and paying for their kids to go to elite colleges. Why? Their kids weren’t going to be paupers or some shyt if they went to state schools. It wasn’t about that, though. It was about giving their kids an advantage.

I don't think anyone is saying parents shouldn't do what they can to prepare their children and give them whatever advantages they can. I think reasonable people are saying that most folks ain't gonna have nest eggs or property or other substantial resources to give their adult children. People aren't just being stingy or selfish, they don't have it. The reality is that overwhelming majority of folks stay in the bracket they were born in. If your parents ain't have it to give you, more than likely you won't have it to give to yours. If your parents were poor, how are they failures for not being one of the select few that breaks that cycle? This is the way the system is designed. And to you point, white supremacy has played a significant role in this. Parents should definitely equip their children with every tool possible. And there are plenty of tools that are not financial or even tangible, however this thread is revolving around the financial stuff.