Do yall agree with this quote
“If you live in another state than your children then you failed as a father “
- Thread starter BrothaZay
- Start date
Devilinurear
Veteran
I turn negatives into positives. I see it as you succeed at abandoning your family
Formerly Black Trash
Philosopher, Connoisseur, Future Legend
Yea
I would say yes
But you truly need to know that individual situation
But you truly need to know that individual situation
AnonymityX1000
Veteran
Marriage/fatherhood is not an easy task and can go in a million difference directions. No, it's not a failure. The only failure is not being in their lives period.
African Peasant
Veteran
Nice trolling!
But, yes it's a failure. It does not mean you a POS, but it's still a failure. Your place is being where your kids at. Thta's what you should aim for. Anything else is a failure. But failures happen in life.
nikka shut yo silly ass up it’s always gotta be oneContext. No one would be upset about some who moved from the Heights to Fort Lee, NJ
“wtf they stay in Memphis but im in west Memphis Arkansas! That make me a failure??”
OperationNumbNutts
Superstar
No. It's really case by case. I have seen women just pick-up and go to another state.
nikka shut yo silly ass up it’s always gotta be one
“wtf they stay in Memphis but im in west Memphis Arkansas! That make me a failure??”
Different state means different things in different areas breh 
This is not black and white.
It’s one thing if you move away from your kids but if your kids mom moves away and is unstable in her location you can’t keep up and moving and following her around. Especially if you actually have a career and aren’t an hourly worker.
One chick i used to hit she was originally in Colorado, moved to Pennsylvania, then Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, and now she in Texas. All of that in a 10 year span. Nobody should be expected to follow that bytch around.
It’s one thing if you move away from your kids but if your kids mom moves away and is unstable in her location you can’t keep up and moving and following her around. Especially if you actually have a career and aren’t an hourly worker.
One chick i used to hit she was originally in Colorado, moved to Pennsylvania, then Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, and now she in Texas. All of that in a 10 year span. Nobody should be expected to follow that bytch around.
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people make this statement but the courts siding with the mother over you no matter how much financially stable you are... and if you go to court these judges be biased and be allowing females to take the kids outta state on some bullshyt. its not up to the man.... 
murksiderock
Superstar
Long post incoming, questions like this need context. Because you could or couldn't be a deadbeat or failure if you move away, same way you could/couldn't be a debate if you stayed in town...
There are laws in North Carolina that I could prevent my kids' mothers from leaving the state. I wouldnt do that to them...
Last December my youngest daughter's mom told me she eventually plans to move back to Brooklyn. She was born there but has been in NC since she was around 10, she's 30 now and our daughter will be 3 soon...
In January my two oldest's mom, said she has considerations for moving back to Virginia Beach or to Orlando. She's 28, our daughters are 7 and soon-to-be 6...
I have zero desire to move to NY or Orlando. Could see myself in VB again but it's a long shot, I don't have it in the plans. So I'm not following them around...
I have a pretty solid option to move to Nashville, still within my company, if I choose to. And my company has flexibility to where I can still work here but be in Sacramento AND Raleigh which is an active plan...
And those women aren't following me to Sacramento or Nashville...
I view it like this. I was on my way back to Sac permanently in 2016 when I found out my first child was on the way. Literally, as in, I found out she was pregnant in June, in July I was going to California permanently...
I've stayed out here because this is where my kids are. And I do like Carolina and VA, but I would have been gone otherwise...
I think it's invaluable being in the same location as your kids. They need that. At the same time, if you can provide for them better, with a better opportunity elsewhere, you shouldn't limit yourself, but it's a risk/reward thing and it's incumbent on you as a father to take the necessary steps to ensure you can be in their lives still...
I got a homeboy who moved to Maine four years ago. His oldest son moved up to Maine with him last year. His oldest daughter is in NC. His other daughter and other son are in The Bronx. He's financially stable, he's not as involved as I'd be with his OT kids but he's not "absent". And he did just take his oldest son in...
I have a homeboy who lives in Jacksonville, has 4 kids with 4 women, only one is in Florida. The other 3 are in Charlotte, Durham, and up in Atlantic City. This homeboy is really financially successful, and I think he could be more physically involved because he is papered up, but he's not "absent"...
I have a homeboy who lives in Atlanta, has his youngest daughter there. But his oldest daughter is up in Virginia and his middle daughter is in San Jose, and I would describe him as an active father...
I have a homeboy who lives in Atlanta, with his son and his oldest daughter just came to live with him in Georgia. But his younger daughter is in Vegas. He does well financially and is also in his kids lives...
Not a guy I know, but I have a homegirl, whose oldest daughter's father, is in Texas, and she's in NC, and he has two other kids here in NC. He's papered up bit she says he isn't the most involved, he also has like 3 kids in Texas. Another homegirl, her son's father is here in NC with her son, but his daughter is in Maryland, and he isn't that well financially but he spends time with his son here and goes to Maryland to see his daughter a few times per year. My youngest daughter's mom, her two oldest son's father is in Charlottesville Va, she lives with their sons in Fayetteville NC. He has two daughters in VA, two other sons in NC. He's a guy who doesn't have a lot of money but he's semi-involved in his kids' lives, should be more involved but I wouldn't call him "absent"...
There are other examples I can't call off the top of my head, but I think the overall theme around me, is the men who live in other states typically followed where they could increase their bag. Also none of them are pure deadbeats. I have some issue with how they support their kids both physically and financially, like my homie in Florida, if I had his money I'd be coming to NC and NJ to see my kids more, or I'd bring them to me more...
But none of them are "deadbeats", and being in a different state from your kids only makes you a deadbeat if you wanna be one. We all know there's plenty of nikkas who live two miles from their kids that are straight up deadbeats...
When I choose to go outta state, it will change how often I see my kids but not my engagement in their lives. As it is, in most of our cases living in town with them, we're still subject to seeing our kids when we can, most of us aren't in situations where we get our kids all the time...
My two oldest daughters live with their mom literally 25 minutes across Raleigh from me, they here with me sleeping right now (we were up late last night
). I think I get them alot, I get them on probably ⅔ of days I'm off, and sometimes I see them on days I do work for a few hours. And even with that said, I don't see them most days I work, still don't see them at times I'm off. It's not like because I live here I have them every day...
So this is one of those things, I would leave to increase my bag which helps me better provide for them. Especially if I go to Nashville for awhile, which I have no ties to. Sacramento is more setting up a seasonal base for where my kids can come hang with me in the summers...
There are laws in North Carolina that I could prevent my kids' mothers from leaving the state. I wouldnt do that to them...
Last December my youngest daughter's mom told me she eventually plans to move back to Brooklyn. She was born there but has been in NC since she was around 10, she's 30 now and our daughter will be 3 soon...
In January my two oldest's mom, said she has considerations for moving back to Virginia Beach or to Orlando. She's 28, our daughters are 7 and soon-to-be 6...
I have zero desire to move to NY or Orlando. Could see myself in VB again but it's a long shot, I don't have it in the plans. So I'm not following them around...
I have a pretty solid option to move to Nashville, still within my company, if I choose to. And my company has flexibility to where I can still work here but be in Sacramento AND Raleigh which is an active plan...
And those women aren't following me to Sacramento or Nashville...
I view it like this. I was on my way back to Sac permanently in 2016 when I found out my first child was on the way. Literally, as in, I found out she was pregnant in June, in July I was going to California permanently...
I've stayed out here because this is where my kids are. And I do like Carolina and VA, but I would have been gone otherwise...
I think it's invaluable being in the same location as your kids. They need that. At the same time, if you can provide for them better, with a better opportunity elsewhere, you shouldn't limit yourself, but it's a risk/reward thing and it's incumbent on you as a father to take the necessary steps to ensure you can be in their lives still...
I got a homeboy who moved to Maine four years ago. His oldest son moved up to Maine with him last year. His oldest daughter is in NC. His other daughter and other son are in The Bronx. He's financially stable, he's not as involved as I'd be with his OT kids but he's not "absent". And he did just take his oldest son in...
I have a homeboy who lives in Jacksonville, has 4 kids with 4 women, only one is in Florida. The other 3 are in Charlotte, Durham, and up in Atlantic City. This homeboy is really financially successful, and I think he could be more physically involved because he is papered up, but he's not "absent"...
I have a homeboy who lives in Atlanta, has his youngest daughter there. But his oldest daughter is up in Virginia and his middle daughter is in San Jose, and I would describe him as an active father...
I have a homeboy who lives in Atlanta, with his son and his oldest daughter just came to live with him in Georgia. But his younger daughter is in Vegas. He does well financially and is also in his kids lives...
Not a guy I know, but I have a homegirl, whose oldest daughter's father, is in Texas, and she's in NC, and he has two other kids here in NC. He's papered up bit she says he isn't the most involved, he also has like 3 kids in Texas. Another homegirl, her son's father is here in NC with her son, but his daughter is in Maryland, and he isn't that well financially but he spends time with his son here and goes to Maryland to see his daughter a few times per year. My youngest daughter's mom, her two oldest son's father is in Charlottesville Va, she lives with their sons in Fayetteville NC. He has two daughters in VA, two other sons in NC. He's a guy who doesn't have a lot of money but he's semi-involved in his kids' lives, should be more involved but I wouldn't call him "absent"...
There are other examples I can't call off the top of my head, but I think the overall theme around me, is the men who live in other states typically followed where they could increase their bag. Also none of them are pure deadbeats. I have some issue with how they support their kids both physically and financially, like my homie in Florida, if I had his money I'd be coming to NC and NJ to see my kids more, or I'd bring them to me more...
But none of them are "deadbeats", and being in a different state from your kids only makes you a deadbeat if you wanna be one. We all know there's plenty of nikkas who live two miles from their kids that are straight up deadbeats...
When I choose to go outta state, it will change how often I see my kids but not my engagement in their lives. As it is, in most of our cases living in town with them, we're still subject to seeing our kids when we can, most of us aren't in situations where we get our kids all the time...
My two oldest daughters live with their mom literally 25 minutes across Raleigh from me, they here with me sleeping right now (we were up late last night
). I think I get them alot, I get them on probably ⅔ of days I'm off, and sometimes I see them on days I do work for a few hours. And even with that said, I don't see them most days I work, still don't see them at times I'm off. It's not like because I live here I have them every day...So this is one of those things, I would leave to increase my bag which helps me better provide for them. Especially if I go to Nashville for awhile, which I have no ties to. Sacramento is more setting up a seasonal base for where my kids can come hang with me in the summers...
Justin Nitsuj
Superstar
Like people said in this thread, it all depends. But it does help being in the same state with his children so they won’t grow up feeling like he wasn’t there for them.
But a real father is going to take care of his kids whether he’s in another state regardless tho.
But a real father is going to take care of his kids whether he’s in another state regardless tho.