I told my childs mother that we not having no baby shower, why she mad as sh*t now?

[Turbulent]

If I'm making a bad or selfish decision, should my woman not step up and stop me, just because I'm the man and she's the woman? If not, then what's the point of her being here?

I'm the iron, she's the carbon.

she should step up and voice her opinion/concern. if you see reason in what she said then you should put your ego aside and change your mind (but it's still your decision to change your mind). If you still disagree with her then you should stand your ground. If she feels like your decision is leading both of you somewhere where she doesn't want to go, her best option is to leave. Yes she could also step up and strongarm you into making the right decision. but even if she succeed, it's still the beginning of the end of your relationship because at the end of the day, your girl strong armed you into doing something against your will. She's already starting to lose respect for you at this point (even if it was the right decision).


remember the thread about the dude who watched porn and his girl threatened him she'd leave if he didn't stop? it's the same concept in my opinion. at this point, it's not about the porn/babyshower anymore...

 

[Ashley Banks]

she should always be free to leave. but if she stays, she should follow his lead. she can voice opinions and disagreements and they should be taken in consideration when they are made in good faith. but the final say should always be the man's. If she doesn't like where he is leading her, she can always choose to leave him. this is my opinion on how relationships should work. All that "would you be okay with it if the woman did it?" doesn't even matter as far as i'm concerned. Men and women are different and have different roles.

It's a baby shower!!!, babies are really expensive and he's turning down people taking some of the financial burden off of him and the mother because "he don't want no gifts "

I swear you coli dudes are ridiculous.

 

[BlvdBrawler]

she should step up and voice her opinion/concern. if you see reason in what she said then you should put your ego aside and change your mind (but it's still your decision to change your mind). If you still disagree with her then you should stand your ground. If she feels like your decision is leading both of you somewhere where she doesn't want to go, her best option is to leave. Yes she could also step up and strongarm you into making the right decision. but even if she succeed, it's still the beginning of the end of your relationship because at the end of the day, your girl strong armed you into doing something against your will. She's already starting to lose respect for you at this point (even if it was the right decision).


remember the thread about the dude who watched porn and his girl threatened him she'd leave if he didn't stop? it's the same concept in my opinion. at this point, it's not about the porn/babyshower anymore...

I can't disagree with any of this.

 

[Turbulent]

Well my daddy always told me that the leader of the household is your HUSBAND. A babydaddy doesn't get to control another adult. You are not a leader if you haven't even filled out the actual application for the top position. You don't get the rights and benefits if you can't accept the responsibility.

I think I will take my daddy's advice (he married my mother) before I take yours and allow a boyfriend or babydaddy to dictate my every action. You have a warped sense of how boyfriend/girlfriend relationships work.

in all of my posts where i quote you, i always say it should be her decision if she stays or leave. She is always free. i don't believe in slavery. I'm all about choice and freedom. Where do i talk about control?

and also, you,re acting as if she doesn't get any benefits from being his girl. like he doesn't provide for her or protect her. By your logic, since they are not married, he shouldn't protect or provide for her either since they are not husband and wife. he should only provide for the child and that's it right?

 

[BlvdBrawler]

It's a baby shower!!!, babies are really expensive and he's turning down people taking some of the financial burden off of him and the mother because "he don't want no gifts "

I swear you coli dudes are ridiculous.

I don't think he was talking about this example anymore.

I think we all universally agree that OP is being (or was being before this thread) foolish.

I could be wrong tho.

 

[SouthernBelle]

in all of my posts where i quote you, i always say it should be her decision if she stays or leave. She is always free. i don't believe in slavery. I'm all about choice and freedom. Where do i talk about control?

and also, you,re acting as if she doesn't get any benefits from being his girl. like he doesn't provide for her or protect her. By your logic, since they are not married, he shouldn't protect or provide for her either since they are not husband and wife. he should only provide for the child and that's it right?

As a boyfriend NO he doesn't NOT have to provide for and protect HER. As the father of her child, his only responsibility is to care for and protect his child (she might benefit from some of it, but that is what happens when you have a baby out of wedlock).

Again, my daddy told me that I am HIS responsibility until I am married. It is my dad's responsibility to protect and care for me until I am married. Then it will be my husband's responsibility to provide for and protect me.

It's really that simple. Boyfriend/girlfriend is not husband/wife. That is why so many relationships fail...people are too busy trying to act married when they aren't. If you do it right, there will be a whole lifetime to be husband and wife.

Also, you and I have very different ideologies about how relationships work. Barefoot, pregnant, and quiet while your mate makes unwise decisions regarding your relationship is not how long lasting relationships work. The fact that you believe a disagreement over a baby shower is worth tossing a relationship out also further highlights the differences inour beliefs about the way relationships should work. We can agree to disagree.

The way you think relationships work is going to lead to resent from one or both parties. No thank you.

 

[Turbulent]

I don't think he was talking about this example anymore.

I think we all universally agree that OP is being (or was being before this thread) foolish.

I could be wrong tho.

yeah. i said in one of my posts that ultimately i don't necessarily agree with the OP's stance. to me it's just a traditional party plus it's fun for the women or whatever. Doesn't mean you're "taking charity" from people. Just a stupid custom IMO but no serious harm to it.

but if the OP feels the way he feels and it's something he really believes in, then fukk yeah he should stand his ground as long as his girl doesn't find a way to make him see things differently. I'm talking about principle here. Your girl openly going against your wishes and challenging your authority...you're done pretty soon (no matter how petty the issue is.)

 

[BlvdBrawler]

but if the OP feels the way he feels and it's something he really believes in, then fukk yeah he should stand his ground as long as his girl doesn't find a way to make him see things differently. I'm talking about principle here. Your girl openly going against your wishes and challenging your authority...you're done pretty soon (no matter how petty the issue is.)

I hear you man but don't you think there's a point where a man (even as head of his household or whatever) should say, "Man I'm fukking up, lemme step back from this." because the woman voiced her opinion?

I mean you're saying that just because he has a dikk that he's incapable of making a bad decision. This is clearly a bad decision.

We're talking about people bringing diapers to his house so his unborn kid can shyt freely, and dude is making it personal. Head of household or not, that's idiotic.

Edit: Actually I think we already covered this. You said ya a girl should step up and speak, and he has the decision to agree or not, but I guess I'm saying OP will end up regretting his decision if he makes this baby shower about him.

Carry on.

 

[Turbulent]

As a boyfriend NO he doesn't NOT have to provide for and protect HER. As the father of her child, his only responsibility is to care for and protect his child (she might benefit from some of it, but that is what happens when you have a baby out of wedlock).

Again, my daddy told me that I am HIS responsibility until I am married. It is my dad's responsibility to protect and care for me until I am married. Then it will be my husband's responsibility to provide for and protect me.

It's really that simple. Boyfriend/girlfriend is not husband/wife. That is why so many relationships fail...people are too busy trying to act married when they aren't. If you do it right, there will be a whole lifetime to be husband and wife.

Also, you and I have very different ideologies about how relationships work. Barefoot, pregnant, and quiet while your mate makes unwise decisions regarding your relationship is not how long lasting relationships work. The fact that you believe a disagreement over a baby shower is worth tossing a relationship out also further highlights the differences inour beliefs about the way relationships should work. We can agree to disagree.

The way you think relationships work is going to lead to resent from one or both parties. No thank you.

again, for the Nth time, i never said she should be quiet. do you read posts or do you just skim through them? did you not see the several times where i said she should voice her opinions and disagreements? did you not see the SEVERAL times where i say she should always be free to leave?

The fact that you believe a disagreement over a baby shower is worth tossing a relationship out also further highlights our beliefs about the way relationships should work. We can agree to disagree.

this is not a fact because i never said such a thing. you keep distorting my words and opinions just to make your own point. Where exactly did i say it's worth tossing a relationship? I'll tell you exactly what i said. I told dude to tell the girl what he wants and then it's her decision if she wants to stay with him or leave. again, where exactly do i say it's worth tossing a relationship over? Please don't make up more stuff i didn't say.

 

[LurkMoar]

leave that dumb hoe she just gonna be giving you problems

Just like your dad did you?

 

[ugksam]

Just like your dad did you?

nope im a white guy

 

[LurkMoar]

nope im a white guy

 

[SouthernBelle]

again, for the Nth time, i never said she should be quiet. do you read posts or do you just skim through them? did you not see the several times where i said she should voice her opinions and disagreements? did you not see the SEVERAL times where i say she should always be free to leave?

this is not a fact because i never said such a thing. you keep distorting my words and opinions just to make your own point. Where exactly did i say it's worth tossing a relationship? I'll tell you exactly what i said. I told dude to tell the girl what he wants and then it's her decision if she wants to stay with him or leave. again, where exactly do i say it's worth tossing a relationship over? Please don't make up more stuff i didn't say.

Your posts imply that her opinion ultimately doesn't matter unless she can convince him. If she doesn't convince him then she just wasted a bunch of words and time which is ultimately silencing her and turning her into his doormat.

She doesn't like it so her options are to stay in a relationship silenced and unhappy or leave. I got your point clearly. If her opinion doesn't matter then she has no voice. She is silenced in the relationship. Do YOU get that?

she has 3 options. either follow his lead and respect his will, leave him or go plot and scheme behind his back. I only respect the first two options. Some people in this thread seem to encourage the last option...

Also, you keep reiterating she can leave and that it was one of the only options you respected/agreed with. That implies that you think that is a good option for a disagreement over a baby shower. You respect someone leaving over a baby shower argument.

 

[Brandon M.]

listen i aint on none of that king and queen shyt.........we in fukking 2013, them traditional gender roles are played . she have her say, i have mines. we both make decisions together. sometime i do what she wants, and sometimes she do what i wants. we COMPROMISE. aint gonna be no singular head of household, we together will be head of household. shes my equal and i dont treat her any less. this situation was one where she disagreed and then she finally agreed when she saw where i was coming from. its times i almost made stupid decisions and her advice prevented me from making the decision .

 

[Turbulent]

I hear you man but don't you think there's a point where a man (even as head of his household or whatever) should say, "Man I'm fukking up, lemme step back from this." because the woman voiced her opinion?

I mean you're saying that just because he has a dikk that he's incapable of making a bad decision. This is clearly a bad decision.

We're talking about people bringing diapers to his house so his unborn kid can shyt freely, and dude is making it personal. Head of household or not, that's idiotic.

Edit: Actually I think we already covered this. You said ya a girl should step up and speak, and he has the decision to agree or not, but I guess I'm saying OP will end up regretting his decision if he makes this baby shower about him.

Carry on.

yes, ultimately we agree. I'm not saying guys can't make bad decisions. You should always listen to what your partner has to say. Listen to her concerns, maybe there's something she sees that you don't. maybe she has certain aptitudes that you don't. But it should always be your decision in the end and your responsibility as well. I borderline agree with y'all that his reasoning is not wise in this case (and yes he may regret it later). But he has to realize it and change his mind for himself. not be strong-armed into it. not be disrespected. cause i think he'd regret that even more.

Not listening to her voice is disrespectful to her and you should respect her. But submitting to her will because of subtle or overt threats of her leaving is EVEN MORE disrespectful to yourself.