It's a different feeling than hating your life. When you hate your life you acknowledge that things can be better. When you hate being alive you acknowledge that nothing can make existence any better.
So, why won't you just die? Well, troll, I don't want to go to hell. While I don't fear death I'm not trying to get the express bus to the dark side of downtown. And I guess this feeling will pass eventually. Maybe. Who knows?
Freepost. Remember that shyt? No one says it anymore. Daps and reps.
Good afternoon.
Sounds like despair to me.
My associates always gripe about my religious stance, but I am religious (not the best as I still falter every so now and then) more-so because it actually fulfills my life and gives me something to pull on. "Pull on" in the sense that life is a dreary landscape, that feels like an endless, dark, decrepit, poisonous pit filled with reptiles. My belief and stance on religion allows me to grab onto this rope and climb it. On one end as I learn more and reflect, I understand my own faith better, but on the other end, I also begin to understand myself a lot better as well.
Knowing myself in the sense that as I try to understand "God" in various other religions, and my own religion, I attempt to relate myself to God. It acts as a beacon.
You won't get better simply by being religious though. I learned that early on, as I was in a similar thought-pattern which is why I first turned to learning more about myself through various means, and eventually, religion. I studied most of the Bible, and moved on to other religions/spiritual systems such as the Shilluk, and some Mesopotamian-based belief systems. I found a common thread through all of them which was it wasn't that they simply believed because they were ignorant of their environment (a common, Westernized, misinterpretation) rather they developed religions to build up communities and rituals, and to build institutions so that they could relate themselves to what they considered divine.
I think, like my ancestors, relating myself to the divine will come from what I am able to build out of my own wants and will. It is the driving force in my life right now. So, I'd say my despair lessened as a result.
If you want to learn more about despair you could read Soren Kierkegaard's, "Sickness Unto Death". In fact, that is the first book I started my religious journey with.
