Has anyone really stopped talking to one of their parents for a long amount of time?

[MF_BREW]

Yep Talked to my pop yesterday from sports to life (I was feeling down).

 

[soundwave6521]

I cant imagine not talkin to moms, although I cant anyway (RIP). I stopped talkin to pops after she passed. Just kept workin and goin to school, buryin all my grief and what not into that. He'd call, I wouldnt answer, it got so bad I stopped talkin to my brothers and sister. I finally caught up with him and them like 3 or 4 years ago. Pops said to me "I know what your doing, and it aint right. If you dont want to talk to me fine, but when I call you its not to say hi, hows the weather. So go ahead and do what you want to do." I said OK. I havent talked to him since. He's still gave the occasional call, I just dont pick up. I know one day im gonna miss that one call. Either from my siblings or him stating someones dead. I'll deal with that shyt when it comes.

Theres no beef, honestly im an a$$hole for treating him like that. I try to justify it by sayin he has 2 other sons, but that dont make it right. Id be hurt if I had a seed to just wrote me off. I lived with him and my moms since birth until I graduated and moved out. We werent on some family matters shyt but we were never at each others throats. I dont know...I guess the games fukked up.

You can't be f***ing serious?

This is your damn father were talking about, the one who made you, raised you, clothed you, fed you etc and you can't even pick up a damn phone?

I couldn't imagine how heartbreaking it would be for me if my son practically ignored me after he moved out. This s*** should be a crime 4 real

 

[soundwave6521]

And what's up with people saying "oh i called my ma she didn't pick up...so i don't call no more"..... as if you and your parents are on the same standing. parents EXPECT their kids to take the initiative to make contact.....it is inappropriate to expect your parents to chase you around to talk.....you're a grown up now, show your parents some appreciation. they not your homies, they your damn parents.

 

[Petty Crocker]

My dad and I had a huge argument over a year ago..and we stopped all communication..it hurt like hell to not talk to him because we were very close..I would fix dinner for him, we would talk everyday...I was dead set on not calling him anymore...period...but friends were telling me how lucky I was to have a dad that was so involved in my life and to reconsider my actions...So on Fathers Day of this year I sucked it up and called him..turned out to be one of my better decisions..we started easing our way back into talking atleast once a week now.

 

[Sansprix]

I couldn't imagine not speaking to my parents. shyt, I don't even go one day without checking in with them.

I don't know your guys' reasons, they might be justified, but really.....think to yourself how would you feel if they died today? If you'd feel okay with not speaking to them before they died, then stay doing you. If not, you need to be the bigger person and put the bullshyt aside. You only have one set of parents and life is way too short for real.

 

[concise]

Here come the shortsighted comments that put family on a pedestal.

 

[Rufus Dufus]

NY Times had an interesting blog posting about this.
When the Ties That Bind Unravel - NYTimes.com

Therapists for years have listened to patients blame parents for their problems. Now there is growing interest in the other side of the story: What about the suffering of parents who are estranged from their adult children?

While there are no official tallies of parents whose adult children have cut them off, there is no shortage of headlines. The Olympic gold medal skier Lindsey Vonn reportedly hasn’t spoken to her father in at least four years. The actor Jon Voight and his daughter, Angelina Jolie, were photographed together in February for the first time since they were estranged in 2002.

A number of Web sites and online chat rooms are devoted to the issue, with heartbreaking tales of children who refuse their parents’ phone calls and e-mail and won’t let them see grandchildren. Some parents seek grief counseling, while others fall into depression and even contemplate suicide.

Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco psychologist who is an expert on parental estrangement, says it appears to be growing more and more common, even in families who haven’t experienced obvious cruelty or traumas like abuse and addiction. Instead, parents often report that a once-close relationship has deteriorated after a conflict over money, a boyfriend or built-up resentments about a parent’s divorce or remarriage.

“We live in a culture that assumes if there is an estrangement, the parents must have done something really terrible,” said Dr. Coleman, whose book “When Parents Hurt” (William Morrow, 2007) focuses on estrangement. “But this is not a story of adult children cutting off parents who made egregious mistakes. It’s about parents who were good parents, who made mistakes that were certainly within normal limits.”

Dr. Coleman himself experienced several years of estrangement with his adult daughter, with whom he has reconciled. Mending the relationship took time and a persistent effort by Dr. Coleman to stay in contact. It also meant listening to his daughter’s complaints and accepting responsibility for his mistakes. “I tried to really get what her feelings were and tried to make amends and repair,” he said. “Over the course of several years, it came back slowly.”

Not every parent is so successful. Debby Kintner of Somerville, Tenn., sought grief counseling after her adult daughter, and only child, ended their relationship. “It hit me like a freight train,” she said. “I sit down and comb through my memories and try to figure out which day was it that it went wrong. I don’t know.”

Ms. Kintner talks of life as a single parent, raising an honor student who insisted her mother accompany her on a class trip to London, a college student who made frequent calls and visits home. Things changed after her daughter began an on-again, off-again relationship with a boyfriend and moved back home after becoming pregnant. Arguments about her daughter’s decision to move in with the man and Ms. Kintner’s refusal to give her daughter a car eventually led to estrangement. She now has no contact with her daughter or three grandchildren.

“I knew parents and children had fights, but there was enough love to come back together,” Ms. Kintner said. “This is your mother who gave you a nice life and loved you.’ “

Judith, a mother in Augusta, Ga., who asked that her last name not be used, tells of a loving, creative daughter who experienced a turbulent adolescence. At college graduation, the parents were shocked when their daughter unleashed an angry tirade about her childhood. Later, the daughter asked for financial help paying for an Ivy League graduate school. The parents agreed, but a visit to see her on the East Coast was marred by another round of harsh words and accusations. They withdrew their financial support and returned home.

“I’ve done a lot of crying,” said Judith, who has sought therapy to cope. “I’m very depressed. All the holidays are sad, and we don’t have any closure on this. She was so wanted. She was so loved. She still is loved. We want her in our life.”

Dr. Coleman says he believes parental estrangement is a “silent epidemic,” because many parents are ashamed to admit they’ve lost contact with their children.

Often, he said, parents in these situations give up too soon. He advises them to continue weekly letters, e-mail messages or phone calls even when they are rejected, and to be generous in taking responsibility for their mistakes — even if they did not seem like mistakes at the time.

After all, he went on, parents and children have very different perspectives. “It’s possible for a parent to feel like they were doing something out of love,” he said, “but it didn’t feel like love to that child.”

Friends, other family members and therapists can often help a parent cope with the loss of an estranged child. So can patience: reconciliation usually takes many conversations, not just one.

“When I was going through this, it was a gray cloud, a nightmare,” Dr. Coleman said. “Don’t just assume if your child is rejecting you that that’s the end of the conversation. Parents have to be on a campaign to let the child know that they’re in it for the long haul.”

 

[filial_piety]

damn these responses are pretty crazy, but I can't judge because I don't know what some of you went through.

My parents have been married like 40 years and I talk to moms every other day and dad a few times a week and I see them like once a month (they live in Philly I live in NY). I have Uncles, Aunts etc who I was very close with growing up, but once the grandparents died we have barely talked at all...like maybe once or twice in like 12 years after a family falling out. So I know how it is.

 

[Loose]

never i love my parents

 

[Mr210]

I talk to my day like 1 a year and there have been times in my life where I go 3-5 years w/o seeing him

 

[DaRealness]

I'm not in a position to judge because I don't know anyone's circumstances here, but I'm just finding it really staggering that people are saying they haven't spoken to their own mother for over 10 years like it's nothing. I agree with the other poster about y'all acting like you're talking about friends or some chick you just met the other day. My mother passed 12 years ago and you know what, I'd do anything to have her back even if it's just to slap me or cuss me out in her Jamaican patois.

As for my father, we've been close for the first time in a while and yeah he gets on my nerves most times and we had a disagreement just earlier today over the way he handles things and even though we made our peace, I still feel a little bad. But he's still my father and I know he means well even if I don't like how he goes about things sometimes.

Unless your parents sexually abused you or you had a mother like DMX or they did something extra heinous, get over your damn self, pick up the phone talk to them, invite them out to dinner or something. When they eventually die there's no coming back and you're gonna feel like shyt forever. Life's too short to hold on to animosity.

 

[TRBM]

Some of yall don't realize how good you have it

 

[fendi_mane]

You people are disgusting. I talk to my moms atleast once a day and i'm at her crib every Sunday eating. I chill with my pops atleast once every couple of weeks. Me and my parents are very close and my mom is my everything. These are the people that gave your weird muhfukkas life, the least you could do is check on them and tell them you love them as much as possible.

 

[aXiom]

You people are disgusting. I talk to my moms atleast once a day and i'm at her crib every Sunday eating. I chill with my pops atleast once every couple of weeks. Me and my parents are very close and my mom is my everything. These are the people that gave your weird muhfukkas life, the least you could do is check on them and tell them you love them as much as possible.

As much as i understand where some of you are coming from, everyone's situation ain't as clear cut as that. I love my family to death and I couldn't fathom the thought of not speaking to my moms for x years. My dad is a totally different story as we're both apathetic towards each other. Y'all gotta understand that everyone's situation ain't the same. Some people got hurt by their parents, some it would probably take a death for them to realize their loss, and then there's some who even death won't phase them. Everyone's pain threshold or ability to handle it ain't the same. That's just how it is.

 

[fendi_mane]

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